*Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic...

A Love Born of Hate (Part Four)

Interfering Samaritans - and a Shock

Tai gave a spluttering choke, coughed weakly for a bit, then settled down into a pattern of regular breathing. Sora and Jyou exchanged relieved glances, Takeru sniffed and began to stop crying. Koushiro studiously continued his research on the net in case of any more fits, and Mimi fluttered round him and got in the way. And me? I just sat there, numb with shock. Taichi had died. MY Taichi had stopped breathing, and stopped pumping that life-giving blood around his body. And nobody knew why.

"All right, everybody," Sora announced shakily. "We need to keep watch over him, preferably in pairs in case one falls asleep. Mimi and I will watch for two hours, then Jyou and Koushiro, then Matt and Takeru. Okay?"

"I'm gonna stay awake anyway, keep researching," Koushiro told her quietly. "If Matt keeps watch with Jyou, then Takeru can get some rest. Each group can take a half-night shift."

Sora nodded. "Okay. Matt, Jyou, Takeru; you rest now. Mimi and I will wake you up in a few hours."

Sora and Mimi sat down on either side of Tai's sleeping form, Koushiro tapped quietly away. Jyou began to settle back down to sleep. I was aware of everything that was going on, but as though I could see it from millions of kilometers away. "Matt?" piped up Takeru. "Aren't you going to sleep now?"

I stayed still for a moment, vaguely aware that Takeru had spoken but not sure if I should answer. It was a weird feeling. I felt distant, not like it was a movie or something, but as though I was hiding in the deepest darkest corner of my mind, as far away from it all as I could get without turning and running. I was in shock, I guess. Maybe I figured that if I ignored it for long enough then it might all go away. Many times I had kept telling myself how screwed up I was, and now that I really *was* screwed up, I didn't realise it. I didn't even think of it. I didn't think of anything much. I just hid.

Then I turned to Takeru and smiled, it was a face that didn't seem to be my own. A face I could put on and take off and change whenever I felt like it, but the expressions I wore were just like an actor's costumes. They said nothing about the real me. I led down and closed my eyes. I would not sleep, I wasn't tired. I would simply lie, and pretend, and everyone would think I was okay. I didn't want them fussing. I may have been losing my mind, but I still had my pride. I was clinging to it with the tips of my fingernails, because my pride was the only thing which was stopping me breaking down altogether and becoming hysterical, screaming like a baby. If that happened, I would never be able to live it down.

"Goodnight, Onii-chan." I opened my eyes and smiled at Takeru in reply. I had no choice but to see, no choice but to hear, they were on automatic and it was okay if my mind hid in the corner of my brain, because they would work without me. But speech... for that, I would have to operate the controls manually, by hand, climb back into my brain and re-assume command. That wasn't something I was ready to do. That would give me responsibilities, responsibility for Takeru, responsibility for myself. I didn't want to have to take care of anything. I just wanted to hide.

"Aren't you going to say goodnight?" Takeru pouted slightly, upset that I wasn't comforting him after the ordeal he had been through. Well, what about the ordeal that *I* had been through? When does Ishida get to look after number one? To hell with Takeru. He was old enough to look after himself. I rolled over and put my back to him. Wait for it, I thought grimly. Count to three.

But he didn't start bawling... at least not loudly. After a few seconds, I could hear little, sniffling hiccups behind me. They gradually grew louder, and became smallish sobs. Sora looked up.

"Takeru, what's wrong?" she asked, concerned. Oh good, she was going to deal with him. That got him off my back, at any rate. Takeru burst into fresh sobs.

"Matt! I-I know you're a-w-w-wake. Wh-what have I d-d-done?" I didn't stir. Let someone else sort him out. "MA HATT!"

Sora hurried over, putting her arms round Takeru. "Ssshh, Takeru. Let Matt sleep, he's tired."

"He's NOT asleep! He's ign-noring me, and he wouldn't say goodnight! He only j-j-just closed his eyes a few se-heconds ago!"

Sora stood over me, I could sense her presence. "Matt? Are you awake? Open your eyes."

I stayed still. That little squirt couldn't prove a thing. "He IS!" Takeru wailed.

Sora evidently decided there was only one way to sort this out. She shook my shoulder gently. I didn't move. She tried again, harder. Oh hell, I thought, she's not gonna give up. I opened my eyes.

"Matt, Takeru is upset sbout something." I shrugged. What did she expect me to do? Sora blinked a couple of times, then looked suspicious. "Matt? Are you okay?"

I nodded, scowling at her. She sighed. "Matt, we're all upset about Tai. But I've never seen you act like this before, and Takeru is your little brother, your Otouto-chan. He's upset because he thinks you're ignoring him. Why don't you tell me what's wrong, hmm?"

I gave her the finger. She sat back, shocked. "I'm... just trying to help..." she murmured. I started to roll over again, but she lunged forward and pushed me back. I didn't have the energy to fight her. "All right, Matt, I'm not letting you go until you level with me. Tell me what's wrong."

I scowled at her some more. She couldn't make me talk. And Takeru was *still* crying, God, does he ever shut up? Snivelling little coward, he was just like all the rest of them. No self-control, no pride. Just cry, cry, whinge, whinge. He's pathetic.

"Matt! We can't help you until you tell us what's wrong!" By now a crowd was forming, Koushiro was still typing away but Mimi and Jyou were looking on with a kind of puzzled interest. "Come on, Matt," Sora pleaded. "Let us help you."

Maybe I don't need help! Maybe I'm just fine on my own! The words were on the tip of my tongue but I couldn't bring myself to say them. Once she got me speaking, Sora would try to reason with me, break down my barriers, persuade me to talk with her. Maybe she expected that then I would burst into tears all over her and tell the story of my life, starting with some crap like "Mom never loved me and Dad was too drunk to care." Then I would feel better for talking about it and everyone would live happily ever after. Well, sorry to disappoint you, Sora. It ain't happening.

"Matt, it's all right. We're all your friends here." Now she was speaking in the soft, cajoling tones normally reserved for injured animals and the mentally ill. "You know you can tell us anything, and it'll be okay."

I'm in love with your leader, who happens to be a guy. You reckon you'll be okay with that, Sora? No, I didn't think so either.

"We love you, Matt."

I literally sneered. I flared my nostrils and curled my lips in an unpleasant smile, raising my chin a couple of centimeters as I did so. Sora sighed.

"Matt, *please*. I -"

"Let me try, Sora." That was Takeru. He shuffled a bit closer to me and opened his mouth to say something, then shut it again. "I think it'd be best if I speak to him alone," he whispered. Sora nodded and herded the audience away.

"Hey, Onii-chan. What's wrong?" I ignored him. I didn't have the heart to scowl at him, not any more, but I wasn't going to smile at him either. "Okay. You think I'm too little to notice stuff, but you're wrong. I do. I know how stubborn you are, and if you don't want to talk then I can't make you. But I'm right here if you want me, okay?"

I didn't look at him, but after a moment I nodded slowly. He smiled at me in a watery way, and led back down. Gabumon pressed himself against my leg. "Same here," he growled. "I'm not going anywhere, Matt. I'm your digi-partner and your friend. Never forget that."

Why was everyone being so patient with me? If someone else was behaving like me, I'd have been yelling at them long before now. And Takeru... he had deliberatley gotten rid of Sora because he knew I wanted to be left alone. Good old Takeru. He was right, he *did* know more about me than I thought. I shifted closer to my brother and put an arm round him. He blearily opened his eyes and smiled groggily at me, he was nearly asleep already. I smiled myself, and stroked his hair. He fell asleep. Soon after, so did I.

I was awoken a bit later by Sora shaking my shoulder. I considered scowling at her, but that hadn't gotten me anywhere before and it wasn't likely to now. She'd just start fussing again. So I smiled instead, and she looked a little surprised and more than a little wary. "Are you up to your shift, Matt? I could cover it if you want..." But Sora was hanging, and just cause I was worried about Tai there was no reason to put the rest of my friends through the mill. I shook my head at her offer and got to my feet, ignoring the proffered helping hand. It caught my arm as I made to go and sit with Tai, pulling me back to face its owner.

"Matt, are you okay now?" I nodded tiredly, I didn't want to have to go through the Spanish Inquisition again. Not that I really know what that is, apart from it's something where you get asked lots of questions, I think. "Cause, well... you don't seem to be talking much, you know? If you want to get something off your chest... well, I'm here."

Just to keep her happy, I nodded again, and she left satisfied that she had done her work as the good samaritan of the gang. I rolled my eyes and sighed as I walked over to where Jyou was sat with Tai. Give me a break!

Jyou smiled at me as I sat down. If I see one more person smiling at me, I thought, I'm gonna rip their head off and piss down their neck. Still, I forced a return smile onto my face that I'm sure was more just a twitch of the lips than anything else. We sat in silence for a few moments while the rest of the digidestined settled themselves down to sleep. Koushiro was still up, of course, but his eyelids looked like they were carrying lead weights. If he didn't pack it in soon, he'd fall asleep over his laptop. Well, that wasn't exactly unheard of as far as Koushiro was concerned. I let my gaze drift down to Tai - my Tai, who looked so sweet when he was asleep. Somehow I had less appreciation for his beauty tonight, though. I just wanted him to wake up. Sat across from Jyou, on the other side of our friend, I was fairly certain he couldn't see when I slipped my hand into Tai's. I squeezed it gently, but if I was expecting a return squeeze then I was disappointed. Tai lay still as stone, apart form the tell-tale rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. I fixed my attention on that, up and down, up and down, down and up, side to side, round and round...

"Matt?" I snapped to attention, pulling myself sharply out of the doze I had been slowly drifting into. I guess I was more tired than I had thought. Jyou grinned at me. I gritted my teeth. "Maybe you should sleep. I can watch Tai on my own." I shook my head fiercely. I was damned if I was going to cop out on my shift at looking after Tai, I owed him more than that. I squeezed his hand again. Again, no response. I felt tears of frustration pricking behind my eyelids, but I willed them away. Not in front of Jyou. Not in front of anyone.

"Hey, look at Koushiro!" I looked over, and this time a genuine smile rose to my face, albeit a small one. Sleep had finally won, Koushiro was still hunched over his laptop, but now his forehead was resting on top of it and he was snoring gently. Jyou chuckled.

"I'll sort him out," he whispered. I watched as he tiptoed over to where Koushiro sat sleeping, and pulled his back until he was lying down. The boy didn't even stir. Jyou then turned his attention to shutting down the laptop. He hesitated for a moment, then...

"Hey, Matt!" He grabbed the laptop and legged it over to where I was sitting. I hurriedly disentangled Tai's hand from mine as Jyou dumped the little computer down beside me. "I think he's got something here!" He pointed to the screen, where there was a large picture of a teenage girl undergoing an epileptic fit. "Here," Jyou breathed, running his finger along the third line of text. "It says, 'Not all fits are caused by epilepsy or other brain diseases. Fits can be caused as the result of a loss of blood, extreme depression (nervous breakdown) or, in rare cases, an allergic reaction, usually to something the victim has eaten'... Matt, this is it! That's what's happened to Tai! He was just allergic! He had a reaction to that pineapple banana tangerine... thing. It has to be that!"

I nodded excitedly, gazing at the screen in wonder. Good for Koushiro! I could have kissed him. Well... not really, but I could have given him a good clap on the back, at least. Jyou was starting towards Sora to wake her, but I pulled him back. "I'm just gonna tell the others," he told me, but I shook my head. They were all tired, and knowing this information wouldn't help us to help Tai. It was best to let them sleep. Jyou obviously wasn't thinking along those lines, though. "What, Matt? What is it?"

I looked at him pleadingly. It's very difficult to reason with someone when you're not talking. Jyou began to look worried. "Matt, are you all right? You haven't spoken two words since our watch began. In fact, I don't think I've even heard you say one." He frowned at me, and I rolled my eyes back at him. "No, don't give me that 'stop being such a worrywart' look. Look, if you wanna talk, man to man... you can talk to me, okay?"

Man, it was pathetic! Takeru, Gabumon, Sora, Jyou... each of them thought that he or she was the special one I could confide in, a real friend that I would open up to and share everything with. Yamato Ishida doesn't need to talk to anyone, and he doesn't particularly want to either. I scowled at Jyou and sat back down. He pushed his glasses back up his nose in bafflement. "All right. If that's how you feel, fine. But I'm going to tell Sora what we've found." I gave up on trying to stop him, and let him go. I slipped my hand back into Tai's.

"Hey, Taichi," I whispered. I wasn't sure how to continue, it felt funny talking to someone who wasn't going to talk back. Then I remembered that I wasn't supposed to be talking anyway... and then shrugged my shoulders. Nobody could hear me. It didn't count. "You gonna be all right?" I paused, as though waiting for a reply, and then realised how ridiculous I must sound. I could hear everybody else moving around behind me, someone was coming this way. I tugged my hand back and looked round.

"Hi, Onii-chan!" Takeru chirruped. "He's gonna be okay now, isn't he?" I nodded, smiling, and a little frown of concern crossed my brother's face. "How about you?" he asked, more quietly this time. "Are you better now?" I studied his serious face for a couple of seconds, and realised how much he looked like me when he was worried. I hated to think he might turn out a screw-up as well, one per family was bad enough. I grabbed him in fierce hug, and he squealed and hugged me back. "So are you speaking now, then?" He looked at me hopefully, but I had to slowly shake my head. I wasn't ready for that yet. "That's okay. I'll do enough talking for both of us!... Matt, is it because you're so worried about Tai that you won't talk to me? Cause, you know, I don't *think* it was my fault..." I smiled at him again, and ruffled the hair poking out of his helmet. He grinned back. "You really like Tai, don't you? Why do you pretend you don't?"

I looked sharply at him. Did he suspect? No, he was to young and innocent to think of something like that. He was pretty damn perceptive, though. I shrugged in answer to his question, and he waggled his finger at me in what was supposed to be a stern way. "Now now, Mister Ishida," he growled in a fair impression of my Mister Ishida voice. "That's not good enough. You must tell Mister Yagami that you want to be his friend. Don't answer me back!" He paused to giggle, which somewhat ruined the effect. "You will tell him, or I will have to hit you over the head. With a big stick." I chuckled at him, and he gave a fierce yell. "Don't make me hurt you, Mister Ishida! I will if I have to!"

We were interrupted my the rest of the digidestined crowding round to see Tai. He lay still as ever. "The only thing we can do now," sighed Sora, "is to make sure he doesn't eat any more of that fruit. I think he's through the worst, he'll eventually wake up on his own." Everyone else nodded sagely. They chatted for a bit, but in ones and twos they eventually went back to sleep. Half an hour later, only Takeru and I were left sitting.

"Everyone else is asleep," Takeru whispered. Even Jyou was sprawled out on the grass, and he was supposed to be keeping watch with me. I nodded in reply to Takeru's observation, and pulled him up against me. For a little while, all was quiet. Then - "Matt?"

I looked down at the little face peering up at me questioningly. "You will start talking again soon, won't you?" I nodded, and drew him back against me. Five minutes later, he was fast asleep.

I led my brother down next to Patamon, who was sleeping with Gabumon. (Shut UP all ya hentai-lovers!) They'd gotten the hint that we wanted to be alone. I dragged myself wearily back over to where Tai was sleeping, and took his hand once more. "Come on, Taichi," I whispered. "You've had your fun. It's time to wake up." No reply. No movement. I sighed.

"All right, Tai. I guess I should take up Takeru's advice. I... I want to be your friend." I swallowed the lump in my throat. Understatement of the year! "I've wanted to for a long time. I know we fight a lot, and mostly I start the fight, but I don't know how else I'm supposed to get your attention. Until recently, you've never strung a sentence together to me except when we're arguing. I just want..." I gulped. I knew exactly what I wanted, but how could I tell Tai? Hell, Tai can't hear what you're saying! a voice shouted in my head. Go for it! But... this isn't a fairytale! I argued desperately. What, you think I'll tell him how I feel, he'll hear me, he'll wake up, we'll all live happy ever after? Life doesn't work that way! He isn't gonna hear me!

So what do you have to lose?

I took a deep breath. "I don't know how to tell you this, Tai, but... for a while now, I've wanted us to be friends. More recently, I've wanted... more than that. I don't expect you to feel the same way. To be honest, right now I'm not sure how you feel about me but - I love you, Tai." I held my breath. I waited for the explosion.

Nothing hapeened.

Nothing at all. Zero. Zip.

"Well, that's that, then." Still no response. I was right. This wasn't a fairytale. He didn't even hear me. I squeezed his hand in frustration. I was never gonna get this off my chest.

*squeeze*

I looked down at his hand. It was still. Had I imagined it? "Uh, Tai...?"

*squeeze*

I hadn't imagined that! "Tai? Come on, Tai, wake up. Do you hear me, Tai?"

*squeeze, squeeze*

"Tai! Come on, man, open your eyes!"

"Hungh..." They were fluttering. I watched excitedly as the lids cracked open, just barely enough for me to see his gorgeous dark eyes.

"Tai?"

*squeeze*

"Speak to me!"

"I love you too..."

I dropped his hand like it was on fire and sat back in shock, eyes stretched wide and jaw hanging down. "You - you WHAT?"

"I..." His eyes were straining to stay open, he was so exhausted, poor baby... I leaned forward again and began stroking his hair, as I so often do with Takeru. "Sssh. Sleep, Tai, it'll be okay." His eyes slid shut again. He gave my hand one final, weak squeeze, then lay still once more. I leaned away from him and sweatdropped like mad. He was delusional, he was dreaming, he was confused, this couldn't be, he didn't love me!

He does love me.

Tai loves me.

YAGAMI TAICHI LOVES ISHIDA YAMATO!!!

I wanted to sing, I wanted to dance. But I just sat, very quietly, and basked in the marvellous feel-good rush that was pouring over me in waves. Just... just WOW, you know? Maybe you don't. I tell you, everyone should get a chance to feel this good. If you're not in love, find yourself someone NOW. It might be hard work getting yourself noticed, but it will all be worth it in the end.

"It's okay, Tai," I whispered, resuming stroking his hair back. I love Tai's hair, it's so... wild. And messy. Free. I love his eyes. I love his cute little nose. I love every little bit of him. I told him so, too, sat there just the two of us in the dark. He couldn't hear me, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that I was finally getting the chance to tell him everything I never thought I'd be able to say. "I love you, man. I'll look after you, you'll be okay. I won't let anything happen to you, I swear. Nothing's gonna come between you and me, gorgeous."

"Matt?"

My head shot round like it had been fired from a cannon. Sora was stood behind me, looking down at us. She'd already seen that we were holding hands, so I decided that keeping it there would look less suspicious than guiltily snatching it away. My heart hammered in my chest, but I forced myself to look outwardly composed. "Hi, Sora. How long have you been there?"

"Oh, quite a while," she replied grimly. I gulped. "I think we need to have a little chat, Yamato. Don't you?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Uh oh! How evil of me... *demonic snigger* Just when you thought things were going well, my love for angst and heartbreak rears its three ugly heads and bites all romance into tiny little pieces, using Yamato's harmonica as a toothpick when it's finished. Muahahahaha! Til next time. =P -Kae Ti xx