*Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic...

A Love Born of Hate (Part Five)

Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200

Sora glared down at me, and I suddenly felt much more frightened of her than I had ever been of either of my parents, or any of my teachers. She knew my secret. My world began to crumble and collapse around me, spinning off in all different directions...

Sora stooped down and delivered a sharp slap to my cheek. I could only stare, dumbfounded. This was very bad indeed. My face stung where she had smacked it, but somehow I doubted that it would be anything compared to the emotional pain to come.

"Sorry," she apologised. "You were hyperventilating."

"Hyper... huh?"

"You were hyperventilating. I administered shock treatment - a good hard slap. Sorry if I hurt you."

I felt very confused. I realised I was still holding Tai's hand so, now not entirely sure if that was what she wanted to talk to me about, I let it go.

"It's too late for that now, Matt. I heard every word." I cringed away from her. Sora sighed and shook her head. "You poor thing."

"Me poor th... *what*?" This was even more confusing. Sora sat down on the floor beside me.

"Matt, how long have you felt this way about Tai?"

I was too bewildered to even consider a lie, let alone make one up. "Uh, I'm not sure. A long time... weeks... more like months, I think..." I thought back to when it had started, when I had seen Tai standing atop that little hillock, and I'd thought how cute he looked. That had to be about... "Nearly five months now, if memory serves."

"Oh, Matt!" Sora went to put her arm round me, then thought better of it. "How did you cope?"

"I managed." I didn't really want to talk about this, it was the last thing I wanted... well, second last thing.

The very last thing I wanted was to get Sora annoyed with me. She seemed to be on my side for now, but I had learned from past experience how quickly that could change.

"Oh, Matt..." Sora seemed at a loss for words. "Does anybody else know?" I shook my head. "Why did you keep it to yourself all this time?"

I shrugged. "You know me."

"Sometimes I think I do. Other times I wish I did. But Matt, if you need to talk, you can talk to me any time, you know."

"Yeah, okay." Please! I was screaming. Please just go away!

"But you won't. I know you well enough to know that, at least. Nobody makes it through life all on their own, Matt, even the biggest bird in the top of the tallest tree had a little help from someone, somewhere along the line."

"Thanks for the words of wisdom, Sora, but I'm not looking to be a big bird, or to sit in a tall tree. I just wanna keep my head down and get on with my life."

"And what kind of an example is that for Takeru?"

I snapped my head up. "ExCUSE me? WHAT did you just say?"

"Keep your voice down, Matt. Every day, he grows more and more like you, and I know you don't really want that, do you? You've got to think of your little brother, y -"

"If you weren't a girl, I'd deck you right now! How DARE you?!" I was furious, I leapt up and clenched my fists. Sora also rose to her feet, looking less certain of herself now. "Takeru is MY brother, how DARE you tell me how to bring him up? You barely even KNOW him! And even more importantly, how fucking DARE you imply that I am not thinking of him every little thing I do? I KNOW how much I influence Takeru, God DAMN you Sora, you really like to play mother, don't you? You consider yourself partly responsible for everybody here, but you have NO idea what it's like to be fully responsible for even just one person twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, fifty-two weeks a year. Don't you dare even THINK of telling me that I am not doing my absolute best to make sure that he doesn't turn out a screw-up like me, cause it's all I ever think about! That, and -" I paused. She looked taken aback and concerned... Didn't she EVER get angry? I didn't want to be cared about by Miss Crest of Love, I wanted to fight. "Just keep away from me, Sora." I turned, jammed my hands back into my pockets and headed off toward the trees. I needed to be alone.

"You're not a screw-up, Matt."

"No, of course not," I scoffed. She didn't have a clue what she was talking about.

"You're *not* a screw-up. You're just gay, or maybe bi. So are millions of other people, but they don't cut themselves up over it. It's no big deal."

I turned, eyes blazing. "No big deal? NO BIG DEAL? You wanna step in my shoes for a while, Miss I-Understand-Exactly-How-You-Feel? Because you DON'T understand. You have no idea how it feels to love someone so much it kills you just to look at them, because you know they'll never feel the same way! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW THAT FEELS!" I was screaming now, the rest of the camp was waking up and staring at the commotion, but I didn't care. My secret was out anyway. "You don't understand everything, Sora, and you don't understand me, so leave me alone!"

Sora looked round at our audience, then dragged me off to one side. "But he does feel the same way. He said so. I heard him."

"Yeah, but..." I tried desperately to think of a but. There wasn't one.

"But nothing. He loves you. You could be really happy together."

Aha! A but! "But what about setting an example for Takeru?"

"He knows how the world works, that mostly guys love girls. If he turns out gay too, it'll only be coincidence. He's your brother, Matt. He'll love you no matter what."

"I guess..."

"I know."

"Is there anything you don't know?"

"Yup. I don't know why you're standing around her waiting when you could be talking to Tai."

"He's still asleep!"

"No he's not. Look." Tai was in a half-sitting position, supporting himself on his elbows. The rest of the digidestined were crowded all round him. He was okay. I looked at Sora. "Go on," she encouraged me. "What are you waiting for?"

I swallowed, and began to cross the clearing. "Be still my beating heart," I murmured under my breath. I reached the huddle. I smiled as best I could. I felt just about ready to pass out with fear. "Hi, Taichi. How ya doing?"

He looked at me. I sweatdropped. "Fine now, I think." He grinned. My stomach churned with nerves. "How 'bout you?"

"Oh, I'm okay." I decided to drop a hint. "Better than I've been in a while, actually."

"Really? How come?"

Just then, Takeru besieged me. "Matt! You're talking!"

"Hey, otouto-chan!" I picked up and swung him round, narrowly missing Koushiro with his feet. "Steady, there, little man. You're gonna hurt yourself."

"More likely is the situation whereby you both lead to the injury of another member of our group," Koushiro told us sternly. We cut it out.

Sora filled Tai in on the details of what had happened to him, but as usual he was being too impatient to listen. "Yeah yeah, okay. Shall we wait until dawn before we move out?"

"You aren't going anywhere today. You're going to stay right here and rest for the day," Sora ordered.

"Aww, Sora!" Tai protested. "I feel fine!"

"Sorry," she replied, walking away to sort out breakfast. "Doctor's orders."

"Man!" Tai made a face at Sora's retreating back, and we all laughed. Her voice floated back to us.

"I saw that, Taichi Yagami, I have eyes in the back of my head. Any more faces and you don't get any breakfast!" An awed hush fell over the group.

"Does she really have eyes in the back of her head?" whispered Takeru. I laughed.

"No, silly, it's just a saying."

"But how did she know?"

"I'm guessing it's that women's intuition thing," said Jyou.

"Pff," Tai scoffed. "Sora's no woman. She's just a girl, and I've got more eyes on my little finger than she'll ever have in the back of her head."

"Yeah, right," I joked. "You couldn't see your way out of a paper bag, Tai."

"Well at least I wouldn't be stupid enough to crawl into a paper bag in the first place, unlike *some* people I could mention!" Tai shot back. The others chuckled.

"The man is back!" Jyou exclaimed, whacking him on the back. Tai feigned a choking fit.

"Hah!" yelled Sora from over by the campfire. "Taichi's no man! He's just a boy, and I've got more hairs on the back of my hand than he'll ever have on his chest!"

We again fell into a fearful silence. "It's that intuition thing again," whispered Jyou.

"No such thing," Tai snorted. "It's just something that women make up so that you don't leave the toilet seat up after taking a piss."

We all looked at each other, and burst out laughing. Even Takeru and Mimi were tittering. "There is such a thing as women's intuition, though," Mimi squeaked excitedly. Then, blushing a little, she said, "I bet I could guess which of you guys leave the seat up and which ones don't."

"All right, go on then!" we all challenged her. She smiled, took a deep breath, and began.

"Taichi, you're always in a rush and you hardly ever remember to. Jyou *always* remembers, Takeru means to but often forgets. Koushiro -" Here she paused. From the looks on their faces, I could see that she had gotten everyone right so far. "You're such a conscientious little boy that you always remember to put the seat down afterwards... but you're so wrapped up in your own little world that you sometimes forget to put it up before you start!" We all roared with laughter, and Koushiro blushed.

"Maybe once or twice," he murmured. We promptly went into fits, and I mentally stood back from the scene in front of me for a moment. A few days ago I would have scorned myself for laughing along with them, for becoming just another one of the gang. But a lot had changed in the past few days, and another quality I prided myself on was my adaptability. That was my excuse, anyway. The truth was - I was having fun. For the first time in ages, I was really enjoying the company of others.

"Let's see, who haven't I done... oh, Matt, that's easy, of course. Mister Organised would always -" But she paused suddenly, and a knowing smile curled her lips. It was mirrored in my own face, I had wondered if she would realise. "That was a close one. I've got it now, though." Everyone else was looking confused. "You never bother to put the seat down in your own house, but you always do when visiting someone else's. Am I right?"

"Bingo!" I yelled, tickling Takeru's sides and making him squeal. "Give the girl a prize!"

The rest of the gang were dumbfounded. "But... how... Mimi, how did you know?" spluttered Taichi. Mimi grinned.

"Women's intuition."

"Oh, come on!"

"All right, all right. I used my brains."

"I'll believe the intuition thing," Jyou sniggered. Mimi slapped his arm. "Ow!"

"It's quite simple, really. Matt lives alone with his father, so there would be no need to put the seat down after... use. But when in somebody else's house, being the perfect polite gentleman, he always puts their seat down when he's finished his... business."

After a second of awed silence, the others burst into applause. "She's made a believer out of me," Tai murmured. "I guess she's not as ditzy as she looks." I shrugged, but I was secretly impressed.

"Grub's up!" called Sora. Everyone stampeded over, I paused to help Tai up and then we joined the ravenous herd. Everyone except Tai had more of that fruit, Sora handed him a bunch of little purple cherry-things. "There wasn't enough for all of us," Sora explained, "so I just got enough for Tai."

"Thanks, Sora," Tai grunted, stuffing them into his mouth like there was no tomorrow. (As far as Tai was concerned, there almost hadn't been.) Dark juice ran down his chin as he tried to gobble down as many as he could. We stared.

All us boys burst out laughing, Sora looked halfway between amused and disgusted. Mimi looked just about ready to throw up. "TAAIIII!" she screeched. "That's disGUSTing!"

Tai paused and looked up, frozen in a picture of pure innocence. A big fat drop of juice plopped from his chin to land on the now small pile of cherries before him. He attempted to speak with his mouth full. "Wha?"

* * * * *

It was getting dark, finally everyone was beginning to leave Tai alone. I had been in agony all day, I was still nervous about talking to him but now the suspense was killing me. I wanted to get it over with.

"Uh, how you feeling?" I asked nervously. He grinned.

"Okay. A little tired, I guess."

"Oh. You want me to leave you alone to get some rest?"

"Nah, stick around for a while yet."

"Okay." Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Sora was working to keep Takeru amused, so that he wouldn't come over and interrupt our little chat. Good old Sora - from what I could see, she hadn't told anybody either. "Look, Tai - I really need to talk to you about what, uh, happened this morning."

Tai raised his eyebrows. "Okay. Go for it."

"Well, uh, you know when you, uh, woke up?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, um you know what you said to me?"

"What, 'Fine now, I think, how about you?', you mean?"

"No, before that... when you woke up the first time..."

Tai frowned. "Matt, what are you talking about? That was the first time! All I remember is saying goodnight to you last night, and then getting the worst stomach pains of my life, and then waking up and Takeru and everyone else practically bouncing all over me.." He paused for a moment, regarding me with a great deal of suspicion and also some fear. "When do you mean?"

I stared at him in shock for a moment. He didn't remember. Maybe I had fallen asleep and dreamed it. But no, Sora had heard him too. He just didn't remember, cause he had barely even been awake. Probably he hadn't even meant it. He was confused, he must have thought I was someone else. "Oh... of course," I murmured.

"Matt... what are you talking about?" Tai asked hesitantly. He was beginning to look kinda pale.

"Oh, nothing. It, uh... was a dream," I finished lamely. Tai looked hard at me, then slowly nodded.

"Okay. I'm feeling kinda sleepy now, I might, um, catch some sleep. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay." I ambled off dazedly, and crashed into a sitting position on the other side of the clearing. Sora came over and sat down beside me, looking concerned.

"Didn't go too well?"

"Sora, please, I appreciate that you're trying to help but I really need to be on my own right now," I choked out. I wasn't crying, but I was battling with tears that just didn't wanna die.

"Matt, are you crying?"

"Sora, *please*!" A lone tear tracked its way down my cheek. I kept my head down.

"Okay, okay. But if you wanna talk..." She left the sentence hanging in the air and slowly walked away.

When I was sure she was at a safe distance, I turned and ran into the forest, tears streaming down my face. Once again, I collapsed behind a tree and sobbed. Man, I've cried before, I'll admit it, but for the first time in my life I wanted to wail like Takeru, to scream my sorrow to the open sky and ask it why, why was I doomed to a life of misery? Silent tears just didn't do this justice, but if I wanted to make a lot of noise then I needed to get a lot further away from camp. I dragged myself up and stumbled on.

After about twenty minutes of aimless wandering, I came to a river. It was pretty fast-flowing and I didn't think much of my chances at crossing it, so I began to follow it down. My tears dried up. Sorrow rapidly faded as a new kind of fire burned in my soul, not one of love but of hatred. I hated Taichi ten times as much as I had in the beginning, a hundred times, a thousand! Let him die for all I cared! I didn't want to ever see his face again. Any of their faces. I realised suddenly that I had an important decision to make, one that I had to think through carefully. If I left the DigiDestined, what effect would it have? They'd all get on faster without me there to argue, that was for sure, and Taichi would be much happier without me. Takeru... would be looked after by Sora. I felt a pang of sorrow as I thought of leaving my brother behind, but I swept it away. Sora would be a better role model than me anyhow. That left just one issue: Gabumon.

Life in the Digiworld would be difficult without Gabumon to look after me, that was for sure, but I was accustomed to a hard life. I would miss him, he was the best friend I had ever had, but I reminded myself that I didn't need anyone except myself. Over the past week I had been getting too friendly, too soft, and now I was paying the price. Friendship only ends in sorrow... and hatred. My decision was made. I would leave the DigiDestined.

I didn't know where I was going. I didn't really care. I would simply follow the river and see where it led me. *Without Gabumon to look after you,* a little voice whispered in my head, *the wild Digimon will have you for breakfast.* I ignored it. I didn't need *anybody*.

I stopped short. The ground fell away in front of me, forming a sheer rocky cliff face down which endless gallons of water tumble. I didn't much like the thought of tumbling with it, but it looked fairly easy to climb on this side. Lots of crags and flats big enough to sit on. Peering over, I judged the distance at about a hundred and fifty feet. Could be worse. But it would probably be best to wait untl it was light to try and climb down. Knowing Gabumon's nose, though, the DigiDestined could easily find me before dawn. The river would be slower after the fall, I'd be able to wade in and lose my scent. I had to climb down now.

I carefully lowered myself over the edge and began to feel for handholds and footholds. There was still just enough light to see by, but if I didn't hurry then I'd be stuck halfway down this cliff in the dark. I swiftly made my way down to the first little precipice, about fiteen feet down. So far so good.

About another ten feet down, and slightly to one side, there was another ledge I could climb down to. It would bring me right next to the roaring mass of water, but that didn't bother me. I achieved it safely, and peered around for my next goal.

The crag I was standing on suddenly shifted slightly. I froze. It shifted again. *I've got to get off this ledge!* I thought in a panic, just as the whole thing crumbled away from the cliff face and plummeted down toward the rocks and churning water. I followed right behind it all, the deafening roar of the water drowning out my screams.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

*plays Jaws theme* Oh no! Whatever will he do? I know and you don't! *pokes out tongue* I'll try for part six as quick as I can, okay? *runs away from mob of angry Yamato fans* Aaargh! Til next time! =/ -Kae Ti xx