DISCLAIMER: You all know the drill - Paramount is God. All hail Paramount. They own everything in the Star Trek Universe - I'm just using my overactive imagination to take their characters where they refuse to go. All in the name of fun, not profit (I wish).
ORDER AND CHAOS
CHAPTER EIGHT: INNER VOICES, PART I
The Doctor crossed his arms and grimaced. "'Vulcan medicine' is an oxymoron," he groused.
Tuvok looked at him archly but didn't bother to reply.
"Commander," he continued, turning to Chakotay. "I know you're trying to help the Captain, but since we have no idea what her psychological state is, a mind meld could be very dangerous."
"We have been unable to reach the Captain," countered Tuvok. "A mind meld would be an efficient way to determine her state of mind, and I may be able to assist her."
"Is there any danger to the Captain?" asked Chakotay.
"Mind melds are unpredictable," said the EMH. "There's no telling what could go wrong."
"Doctor," he said with a frown.
He sighed. "I don't have any reason to believe that a mind meld would put the Captain in any physical danger. But I'm still opposed to the idea."
"Objection noted," said Chakotay. "Tuvok, how soon could you begin?"
"I will need at least two hours to meditate."
"Start immediately. Let me know when you're ready."
* * *
Captain Janeway sat passively on the couch in her quarters as Tuvok settled himself next to her. Chakotay was sitting in a chair opposite them, and the Doctor stood behind him with a medical tricorder and a medkit.
"I still think we should be doing this in Sickbay," grumbled the Doctor.
"The familiar surroundings may assist the meld," Tuvok told him. He reached over and placed his hands on the Captain's face. Her eyes closed reflexively. "My mind to your mind," he recited. "My thoughts to your thoughts."
He felt their surroundings strip away, and soon he was aware only of the Captain's presence. He opened his eyes and looked around.
There was nothing.
He was in almost complete darkness. He could see a solitary light in the distance, and he moved towards it. As he drew nearer, he could see Captain Janeway, illuminated by an unseen light source from above. He stepped into the light, facing her. She stared at him silently.
"Captain?" he prompted. She didn't respond.
He could sense that he was only scratching the surface of her mind, and he concentrated, trying to delve deeper. She didn't break eye contact, and he could hear faint indistinct whispers coming from the darkness around them. The more he concentrated the louder they became…but when he broke his concentration and looked around, the whispers disappeared.
He again tried to probe deeper into the meld, pushing farther into her subconscious. The chaotic whispers returned and grew louder and louder.
"Stop!" yelled the Captain suddenly, putting her hands over her ears and collapsing to the floor.
He knelt beside her. "Captain, what is happening?"
"Make it stop!" she yelled again, clutching her knees to her chest.
"I'm afraid I must continue. It is the only way to help you."
"Please don't," she begged.
He reached over and rested his hand on her shoulder. "I will be here to assist you, Captain."
He began concentrating again, and the torrent of voices returned, faster this time. They grew to a loud pitch. The Captain screamed and put her hands over her ears, but he could feel that he was making progress. He could sense her defenses weakening, her barriers giving way to the meld.
The change was dramatic and sudden. The darkness around them vanished and was replaced by a familiar green glow. There were Borg drones everywhere -- walking, giving orders to each other, stopping as if working at a console. Some just stood and stared at them.
Tuvok stood up. The mass of drones stretched as far as the eye could see. Hundreds, thousands, millions of them. Order and chaos, all mixed together. The multitude of voices remained, and he suddenly realized that they were terrifying the Captain.
Being able to sense an emotion from her was real progress, and he knelt beside her again. He had to yell to make himself heard over the voices. "They can no longer hurt you, Captain."
She was consumed by her own emotions and didn't seem to hear him. Fear, anger, disgust, panic…he could sense everything now, and the emotions were violent -- much more so than he would have expected from the Captain. He had always thought of her as someone who had excellent control over her emotions, for a human.
One of the drones grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him to his feet. "We are the Borg."
More drones approached them. "You will be assimilated," said another.
"Resistance is futile."
The drones were crushing them now, and when Tuvok glanced over his shoulder he saw that he had been separated from the Captain.
He tried to push past the drones and reach her. "Captain!"
She was hysterical as they dragged her away. "Let me go!" she screamed, fighting against their vice-like grip on her arms.
"Do not fear perfection," said a drone next to Tuvok.
We are the Borg, said all the voices simultaneously. Resistance is futile.
The millions of voices became independent again and the noise grew deafening. The drones pushed closer, separating him further from the Captain.
"Help me!" she screamed.
Although he tried, Tuvok could not fight against the drones and the thunderous noise was affecting his ability to maintain the meld. Reluctantly, he broke the meld and opened his eyes in the Captain's quarters, releasing his hands from her face.
The Doctor moved over to scan them, and Chakotay leaned forward anxiously.
"Her norepinephrine levels have nearly tripled," reported the Doctor. "And her serotonin levels have increased by 63 percent."
"Did you reach her?" asked Chakotay.
"I…am not certain," admitted Tuvok. He gave a brief description of what he had seen.
"You said there were voices," said Chakotay after a moment. "The Collective?"
"I believe the so. I recognize them from my own experience."
"But you're sure she's no longer under their control?"
"Yes." He thought for a moment. "However, I believe she is still controlled by the experience of her assimilation."
"Any suggestions on how we can help her?"
"I'm afraid not. I believe the Captain must deal with this on her own." He arched an eyebrow. "She must bring order…to chaos."
* * *
First Officer's personal log, Stardate 54117.8 -- Despite the familiar surroundings of her quarters, there hasn't been any discernible improvement in Kathryn's condition since the mind meld. One of the senior staff has been with her at all times. I spent last night in her quarters. She was asleep…not that it matters. Asleep, awake -- it doesn't seem to make any difference. I keep looking for another sign that she's in there, somewhere. I have to hope that it's only a matter of time…
Harry rose from the couch as Chakotay entered the Captain's quarters.
"Any change?" he asked quietly.
Harry motioned towards the Captain. She was standing near the window, staring out at the stars streaking by. "Some. I've been talking to her, and she actually seemed to be listening this time. Once I thought she was going to answer me, but then she just went back to staring out the window. She hasn't moved for hours."
Chakotay patted him on the shoulder. "Go get some rest, Harry."
When they were alone, he moved toward her, standing slightly behind her and to the side so he could observe her. "We stopped at an M-class planet this morning," he told her. "It was uninhabited, but we managed to get a few minerals and some vegetables. Neelix promised not to add any leola root to them this time, so they should actually be edible." As usual, there was no reaction. "I spoke with Axum today. He formally requested to stay on Voyager. I thought I would either assign him to Engineering, or maybe to work in Astrometrics with Seven. What do you think?"
He sighed. Even if she couldn't hear him, talking to her like this made him feel like she was really there…but she was still staring blankly at the stars out the window. "Anything interesting outside?" He barely paused to wait for the reply he knew wouldn't come. "I never could understand how you could stare out the window for hours. Just the same thing over and over…" He broke off when he saw the corner of her mouth start to turn up in a smile. That familiar smile.
She turned to look at him, still smiling, and he was too stunned at the sudden change to think of anything but how amazing it felt to see her smile again. After a few seconds, she seemed to lose her train of thought and she turned back to the window with a neutral expression.
Once he came out of his shocked state, he cursed under his breath at not having the presence of mind to push her farther when he had the chance. At least she was showing improvement…but at this rate, it would take months before she was back to normal…if ever.
He had never thought of Kathryn as a person who would withdraw after a traumatic experience. He had always known that she kept her emotions tightly checked and that she was a very private person…but she was such a fighter that he had never pictured her as someone who would shut down so completely. The Doctor did say there had been some neurological damage…maybe that really was the reason for her almost catatonic state.
"It's…quiet."
Her soft, subdued voice caught him off guard and he looked up, startled. "Kathryn?"
She turned to look at him, and he could see a spark of emotion in her eyes. "It's quiet," she repeated hesitantly. "There were…voices."
"Voices?"
"Voices…everywhere."
He let out a deep breath. "You were assimilated by the Borg," he explained gently. "You were on an away mission. Do you remember?"
"Some. I was on the cube…I felt the transporter beam…"
"The Borg blocked your transport and we couldn't get a lock on you. They jumped to transwarp before we were able to do anything."
He could see her returning to her old self piece by piece. "B'Elanna and Tuvok?"
"We got them back. They're fine. They're worried about you. We all are."
"There were voices," she repeated. "I…it was…"
"It's all right, Kathryn. You're safe here."
She nodded in satisfaction and returned to staring out the window.