I can't believe it's not butter!!!

Note to the reader: This is my first Fushigi Yuugi fic…and for those who don't know… "I can't believe it's not butter" is an actual margarine product sold in the U.S. advertised by a long-haired blond guy with an accent. (hence the Nakago will be playing this role).

Disclaimer: I do not own all rights to Fushigi Yuugi or any of it's characters and I don't own "I can't believe it's not butter" but I wish I did.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I, Tamara, got the idea for this fic when my best friend Jali, accompanied me to Stowe, Vermont. We were eating corn when we wanted some butter to aid in its flavouring. So my grandma placed "I can't believe it's not butter" on the table…since we were Canadian…such a product did not exist in our country yet due to American programming, we have seen the advertisements for the product. During the time, we were speaking about Fushigi Yuugi, the third best anime in the world, (first being Angel Sanctuary and second being Tenkuu no Escalfowne) when I mentioned that the guy from the "I can't believe it's not butter" commercial looked like Nakago and due to our crazy minds we came up with such a fic. In other words…give Jali some credit…she helped…

P.S. There are MANY MANY MANY short chapters to this fic.

P.P.S. There is some of Miaka bashing.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 1

It was any ordinary day in old China. Well…there isn't really any ordinary days in this particular old China now is there. *cough cough*. The sun was rising in the early morning over emperor Hotohori's palace. Nuriko…the most insane one of all, was the first up. She/he…I'll just call it a she… wanted some toast for breakfast. She placed two pieces of bread into the toaster…(did they even have toasters back then?) She reached into the fridge (they did even have fridges back then too?) to get some butter but she was unpleasantly surprised by what truly lied within the fridge…it was none other then Nakago.

Nuriko: Holy shit!!! What the fuck are you doing in my fridge!!!

Nakago: Good morning fair lady…uh…man…uh…whatever exactly you are..*cough cough* You weren't by chance reaching into your fridge for some butter now were you?

Nuriko: Get off my property!!!

Nakago: Why have butter when you can have some "I can't believe it's not butter". It tastes just like the real thing except it isn't made with animal fat and has a lot less cholesterol.

Nuriko: Get the hell out!!!

Nakago: *climbs out of his uncomfortable position in the fridge* Much better…come on now Nuriko…it costs only $1.49 for a 907g container.

Nuriko: I SAID OUT!!!!

And with Nuriko's super human strength, she lifted Nakago into the air and threw him out the window all the way back to wherever the hell he came from.

Chapter 2…

The next day…

Nuriko was taking her dog for a walk when she tripped over something in the middle of the road.

Nuriko: *lands flat on her face* What the fuck was that!!! *Gets up and sees Nakago lying on the sidewalk* What exactly are you doing??? Trying to get yourself killed!!!

Nakago: *leaps to his feet* Ah! Isn't it a beautiful day! It just gets you in the mood for some "I can't believe it's not butter!" ne?

Nuriko: What are you doing..stalking me???!!!???

Nakago: Why, actually I am…how did you know?

Nuriko: Dear God…HELP ME!!! Look Nakago, I'm busy… please get out of my way.

Nakago: Miaka can wait…that pup has a bladder made of steel. Come on…just try some!

Nuriko: NO!

Nakago: Please…Will you eat with a mouse…or even on a house.

Nuriko: Get out of my way if you know what is good for you!

Nakago: Will you eat it near a lake…or with some corn flakes???

Nuriko: Move it or lose it!

Nakago: How about with a pony…or maybe with Hotohori???

Nuriko: *starts fantasizing* Mmmmm…Hotohori…

Nakago: *raises an eyebrow* Right…and you thought I had problems.

Jali: No…Tamara has problems…You, Nakago, have issues.

Tamara: HEY! Allen has issues, not Nakago!

Jali: *rolls eyes* Whatever…

Tamara: OY!

Jali: Tammy, will you ever say anything other than "Oy!"

Tamara: Nope! *grins evilly*

Jali: Oy!

Tamara: *ahem* Back to ficcie…*cough cough*

Nuriko: *rolls eyes and throws Nakago into the lake and continues walking*

Chapter 3…

The next day…

Nuriko was taking a bath when…

Nakago: *pops out of the bath* Hey, Nuriko! Isn't this just one of those times when you wished you had some, "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Nuriko: AHHHHHH! HENTAI!!!! GET THE HELL OUT!!!! I'M NAKED!!!

Nakago: Oh please…we all have the same body parts…

Nuriko: *looks down and realizes Nakago is right* *pikus* That's not the point! How did you get in here anyway?

Nakago: What matters now is that, "I can't believe it's not butter!" has a NEW product… "I can't believe it's not peanutbutter!"

Nuriko: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!

Nakago: Not until you have some, "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Nuriko: OUT!

Nakago: Would you eat it on the floor… or siting on a door?

Nuriko: NO!

Nakago: How about on a mat… made from my sister's cat?

Nuriko: EW! GET OUT!

Nakago: Not even on a log…or with a slimy frog?

Nuriko: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!

Nakago: COME ON! It comes in spray can form?

Nuriko: IF YOU DON'T LEAVE WITHIN THE NEXT 5 SECONDS I WILL HONESTLY KILL YOU!

Nakago: OH! I know! How about you try, "I can't believe it's not butter…LIGHT!" It has 45% less fat than the original…I think you should try it…especially since you've packed on a few pounds…

Nuriko: WHAT!!!!!!!???!!!!!??? That does it! *picks up Nakago with her super strength…I mean his super strength…(whatever)…and throws him out the window back to old China*

The end…for now…MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

~*~*~*~*~*~

Hehe…I hoped you liked that…That was the first 3 chapters…there are MANY more to come soon. Please review! Jaa!