I can't believe it's not butter…chapter 3

Hey hey…It's back! Sorry I took so long to write the next chapters…been having some computer problems…*smacks computer with spatula* (do yourself a favour and don't ask) Anyways, on with the show!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi, ICBINB and anything else mentioned in this sick and twisted plot.

Note: Contains insults and a potty mouth of mine. I would like to say a big "thank you" to "Katrina Himeko" who gave me some what of an idea…*evil grin* (please don't get mad! I tried to get in contact with you but failed miserably!! SORRY!)

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Chapter 7…
It was another one of those days in old China…Yui was depressed, Miaka was drooling over the money obsessive psycho, Tasuki was trying to light the cat on fire, Chiriko was out-smarting Bill Gates, Chichiri was trying to go the day without saying, "no da" etc. etc. But wait! We forgot someone…NURIKO! Nuriko was working "her" ass off cleaning the house/palace. So naturally, she was going to take out the garbage that contained…wait…do you really want to know? Anyways…she walked out onto the front yard and dumped the bag into the trash-can. As she turned her back she heard a familiar "OW! MY HEAD!" as well as a, "What the hell is in here…mustard?". Nuriko turned back to the trash-can and…
Nuriko: Tamahome! That better not be you in there… again… going through my crap!!!

Voice from trash can: HEY! I'M NOT TAMAHOME!

Nuriko: *raises eyebrow* Then who the hell are you?

And of course, without hesitation, popped out…

Nakago: SURPRISE!

Nuriko: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Nakago: I bet you're in the mood for…

Nuriko: *slams trash lid on Nakago's head, shoving him back inside the can and runs away*

Nakago: OW! That really hurt! *puts a Band-Aid on* ALL BETTER! *pops back out of trash can* Hey…where did she go?

Nuriko: *bashes into Tasuki who is chasing the cat with his tessen* TASUKI! Thank God I found you! You have to help me!

Tasuki: I'M BUSY! *evil grin* Come out kitty kitty kitty!

Nuriko: *shakes Tasuki insanely* LISTEN TO ME, BAKARA! NAKAGO IS STALKING ME!

Tasuki: *shivers* NOW THAT'S WRONG! Why?

Nuriko: He wants me to eat his butter!

Tasuki: *shivers some more* NOW THAT SOUNDED F*CKING DIRTY!

Nuriko: *slaps Tasuki* HENTAI! I mean REAL butter…actually, it is fake butter…technically it's margarine…uh…ok, I'm making no sense.

Tasuki: You never make sense!

Nuriko: *glares*

Tasuki: Ok...ok…Does it have a name?

Nuriko: YES! The most vile and evil name of all!

Tasuki: IT'S CALLED MIAKA!?!

Nuriko: NO! It's called, "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Tasuki: Why?

Nuriko: I don't know…maybe because when you eat it, you can't believe it's not butter!

Tasuki: OH YEAH! I heard off that stuff. I had some…It's very good! Now in spray-can form!

Nuriko: *let's go of Tasuki…scared look on face* OH NO! He got to you too!

Tasuki: No one got to me…I saw the light, my child! "I can't believe it's not butter!" is cholesterol free! Now I will die old and eat young…

Nuriko: AHHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU PSYCHO! *runs away*

Tasuki: *yells after her* I'm not a psycho!! I'm healthy!!

Nakago: *running towards Tasuki* Where did she go?

Tasuki: *points* That way!

Nakago: Come on, my friend! We shall let her see the light! *runs after Nuriko with Tasuki to follow*

Somewhere else…

Nuriko: *bashes into Hotohori, who is combing his hair… as usual* YOU GOT TO HELP ME! THEY ARE TRYING NOT TO KILL ME!

Hotohori: Trying NOT to kill you? That made no sense!

Nuriko: Please! They want me to become one of them!

Hotohori: One of who? One of what? Who is chasing you?

Nuriko: Nakago and Tasuki! They…they…want me to eat their butter!

Hotohori: *raises eyebrows* I don't like the sound of that…

Nuriko: *slaps Hotohori* WHY DO ALL MEN HAVE TO THINK WITH THEIR DICK!

Hotohori: Not all men! Look at you for example…

Nuriko: SHUT UP! I'm gay! That's a whole different story! They want me to eat their butter…literally.

Hotohori: EW! I hate butter! Why have butter when you can have, "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Nuriko: THEY GOT TO YOU, TOO!?!

Hotohori: Yes, my transsexual friend. I now know the pleasures of eating healthy and delicious!

Nuriko: NOOOOOOOOO! *continues running*

Nakago and Tasuki: *appears once Nuriko is out of sight* WHERE DID IT GO?

Hotohori: This way! Follow me!

A few minutes later…

Nuriko: *runs into Miaka…literally*

Miaka: Hi, homo-chan! How may I help you?

Nuriko: AHHHHHHH! *keeps on running*

Miaka: Well that was rude! I'm hungry…(as always) *pulls out some toast smothered in "I can't believe it's not butter!" and walks away*

Nuriko: *sees Chiriko* OH THANK ALL FOUR GODS! FINALLY SOMEONE WITH BRAINS!

Chiriko: *talking into his cell-phone* I don't care if he owns Windows XP®…I want him out of business! How am I suppose to take over the world when I am below that geek! Assassinate him if you must! My new technology is a hundred times more innovative! END OF DISCUSSION! *hangs up phone* So, Nuriko. What do you need?

Nuriko: *shifty eyes* They are after me! Trying to take over my mind! Beware the butter! The "I can't believe it's not butter!"!!!!!!!

Chiriko: "I can't believe it's not butter!".. That stuff is awesome! Don't you think Nakago looks like Fabio? Their names even rhyme! *giggles* I enjoy the squeeze tube one! Now I can draw smily faces all over my food! Come join us in our merriment, Nuriko! It can probably heal your perversion!

Nuriko: AHHHHHHHH!! YOUR WORST THAN THE NYAN NYANS!! GET AWAY! *runs some more*

Chiriko: *sees Tasuki, Hotohori and Nakago coming* AFTER HER!

Nuriko: *sees Chichiri up ahead* AHA! The monk would never give into a cult! CHICHIRI! HHHHEEEELLLLPPPP!

Chichiri: What can I do for you no da? *smacks himself* D'OH! I said it again no da! D'OH!…no da…

Nuriko: Tasuki, Hotohori, Chiriko and Nakago want me to join their cult of mindless advertising psychos!

Chichiri: Cults are bad no da! Ah shit…no da!

Nuriko: They are trying to get me to have their…their…*gulps…sweating nervously*

Chichiri: What is it no da? DAMMIT! I CAN'T STOP SAYING "NO DA", no da!

Nuriko: I don't want to say those forbidden words.

Chichiri: Well if you aint going to tell me, stop bitching no da!

Nuriko: *sees Tasuki, Hotohori, Chiriko and Nakago coming* AHHH! *tries running away but…*

Chichiri: *grabs Nuriko* What's the rush no da?

Nuriko: They're coming…*whimpers*

Chichiri: So what no da! They just want to take over your mind and feed you "I can't believe it's not butter!" until you no longer wish to live no da!

Nuriko: *starts crying*

Tasuki: *they arrive* Let's tie her up and force the pancakes down her throat!

Hotohori: I like the tying up part…but I say we give her toast, not pancakes!

Chiriko: Either way, I say giving her the fat-free one is most logical…she needs to get rid of that blubber!

Nakago: OPEN WIDE!

Nuriko: NNNNNNOOOOOOOO! *opens eyes and finds herself in bed* OH MY GODS! It was all a dream? *looks on the floor and sees thousands of containers of "I can't believe it's not butter!" scattered all over the room* NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Tamara: To be continued…

Nuriko: TO BE CONTINUED MY ASS! THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR! I'M SICK OF RUNNING! I AM NOT A LITTLE GIRL! I AM A GROWN WOMAN! Well…man…WHO CARES! I AM NOT AFRAID OF NAKAGO AND I AM NOT AFRAID OF "I can't believe it's not butter!"!!!!!!! IT STOPS HERE! I swear in the name of all homo-chans…I WILL GET MY REVENGE!! *evil laugh* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Tamara: Uh oh…

Jali: Mr. Bunny made her do it!

Chapter 8…

Nuriko: *in the palace kitchen* I have a plan!

Tamara: What plan?

Nuriko: To show Nakago how it feels to be stalked…

Tamara: Ok…*looks nervous* Whatever you are planning…remember…this is rated PG13…

Nuriko: *rolls eyes* It's nothing illegal…don't worry!

Tamara: How can I not worry! This is YOU we are talking about!

Nuriko: *sighs* Whatever. *goes to the fridge* Do you want to see my secret weapon?

Tamara: It better not still be alive…

Nuriko: NO DAMMIT! Look! *shows Tamara something of pure evil…*

Tamara: DEAR GOD! That is just wrong! What do you plan to do with that?

Nuriko: *evil grin*

Tamara: Dear God! You monster! How could you!

Nuriko: I like to see what you would do if NAKAGO…repeat, NAKAGO was stalking you with advertisements…

Tamara: Good point…but what if something goes wrong?

Nuriko: Simple…I'll say Mr. Bunny made me do it!

Mr. Bunny: HEY! Leave me out of this!

Tamara: Well…good luck…*slowly steps away*

Meanwhile…in the palace garden…

Nakago: I need a plan! Her resistance is more powerful than I had imagined. There has to be a way to get her to eat the butter…

Tasuki: I still say we tie her to a chair and shove to pancakes down her throat!

Hotohori: You mean toast!

Tasuki: NO! PANCAKES!

Hotohori: TOAST!

Tasuki: PANCAKES!

Hotohori: TOAST!

Chichiri: SHUT THE FUCK UP no da! We need to THINK no da!

Hotohori: Hey…aren't you a monk?

Chichiri: So, no da?

Tasuki: Aren't monks NOT suppose to swear?

Chichiri: …*long pause* SHUT THE FUCK UP no da! YOU AREN'T ALLOWED CHANGING THE SUBJECT no da! Like I said…we need to THINK no da!

Everyone: *looks at Chiriko*

Chiriko: HEY! Stop picking on the chibi! Just because I'm a million times smarter than you all, doesn't mean I'm your freaking computer!

Nakago: *rolls eyes* We need to get her where it hurts! She will have to eat sometime…if she wants to live to see the next day, that is.

Tasuki: So what do you propose?

Nakago: A SABOTAGE!

Chichiri: A sabotage no da?

Nakago: Correct! We will steal all the food she has access to, and switch it for all our "I can't believe it's not butter!" products and other foods made with it. When she is hungry…she'll have no choice but to eat the "I can't believe it's not butter!".

Chiriko: Yeah…that COULD work. But I was thinking along the lines of changing her molecular DNA patterns during the REM portion of her slumber so the next time her neurons continue the dendrite growing process, they will connect in the manner of her being completely under my…*cough cough*…I mean OUR control!

Everyone: *gives Chiriko a funny look*

Tasuki: Uh…I like Nakago's idea better…

Chichiri: Same here no da.

Chiriko: *pouts* Fine! But when you realize that brain washing only truly occurs in the cerebral cortex…don't come crying to me!

Nakago: Right…let, "Operation 'I can't believe it's not butter!'" commence!

Tasuki: Give me a break! You're not seriously going to call it, "Operation 'I can't believe it's not butter!'"

Nakago: Why not!?!

Tasuki: That's the stupidest name I ever heard!

Nakago: Then what would YOU call it Mr. I know everything!

Tasuki: "Operation pyro!"

Everyone but Tasuki: *falls down anime style*

Chichiri: *pikus* Everything to you is, "Operation pyro!" no da!

Hotohori: Let's just call it, "Operation Brainwash Homo-chan!" ok?

Tasuki: *pouts*

Chiriko: *sigh* I'm working with idiots…

Chichiri: Shhhhhh…no da!

Back to Nuriko…

Nuriko: *baking something in the oven* Almost ready…*evil grin*

Tamara: It smells so good! *drools*

Nuriko: I know! No one can resist this weapon!

Tamara: I don't know…Nakago is a very capable freak of nature.

Nuriko: *glares* I said NO ONE can resist!

Tamara: *cowards* …yes Nuriko!

Nuriko: IT'S READY! *opens oven and pulls "it" out*

Tamara: I want some!

Nuriko: NO! This is my last hope! *picks up this "secret weapon" and is about to walk out the door* I'll be back…MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Tamara: NOW I can say it's to be continued! MWAHAHAHAAHA!

Nuriko: *slaps Tamara* Only I can laugh evilly, BAKARA!

Tamara: *cowards some more* Sorry Nuriko!

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I hope you liked that!!! PLEASE REVIEW! If you don't…I will never tell you what Nuriko is cooking!! Or worst…I'll make you eat it…MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (just kidding) Still review! Jaa!