I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER!
Moshi Moshi!!! It's back! *ahem* As you all should know by now, "I can't believe it's not butter!" can and will take over the world. (not to mention your fragile delicious brains…) Anymeow, ENJOY!
Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or any of their characters. I do not own "I can't believe it's not butter!" products, but I wish I did! If you want to learn more about this non-cholesterol product, check out their website at www.icantbelieveitsnotbutter.com (yes, this REALLY is a website) "I can't believe it's not butter!" is available at a grocery store near you!
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Chapter 9…
Tasuki: Now what?
Hotohori: *shrugs* Nakago's the boss!
Nakago: Like I said…we have to invade Nuriko's fridge!
Tasuki: How?
Nakago: *shrugs*
Tasuki: Well! Until your dumb ass finds a way to do that, I'm going home!
Chichiri: Nani no da?
Nakago: Whatever…
Tasuki: Jaa…*walking away*
Meanwhile…at the palace.
Nuriko: Bai bai!
Tamara: Where are you going…
Nuriko: To give Tasuki his cookies he asked for a few chapters ago…I'll be back soon.
Tamara: Ok…
Tasuki: *sees Nuriko leaving the palace* EXCELLENT! HEY HOMO-CHAN!!!! OVER HERE! *waves*
Nuriko: *evil grin* Excellent indeed!
Tasuki: *jogs over to Nuriko…trips and falls flat on his face on the way there… but makes it…* Hi! Have you changed your mind about the "I can't believe it's not butter!"?
Nuriko: NO! But…look what I brought you! *hands Tasuki the cookies*
Tasuki: SUKENA!
Nuriko: What?
Tasuki: SWEET! *starts gobbling them down*
Nuriko: Not so fast! They have to last atleast…*sees that Tasuki already finished them* OY!
Tasuki: I don't feel so good…*toppling a little*
Nuriko: GOOD! A pig that can eat three dozen cookies in seconds flat should ATLEAST have a stroke! But that's not the best part!
Tasuki: Eh?
Nuriko: FOOL! Those cookies were made with Lactantia®™ butter!
Tasuki: B…b…bbb…butter?
Nuriko: 100% pure BUTTER! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Tasuki: NNNNOOOOOOO! *runs around frantically* IT BURNS!!! IT BURNS! MY VIRGIN TONGUE!
Nuriko: *grumbles* Virgin my ass…
Tasuki: *suddenly collapses*
Nuriko: *stares with blank face as a little shadow demon thing escapes Tasuki's mouth*
Tasuki: *regains consciousness* What happened?
Nuriko: I'm not that sure myself…
Tasuki: This is either a serious hangover or you must have freed me from the clutches of the "I can't believe it's not butter!"
Nuriko:………I think it was the second one…………
Tasuki: Thank you, great Homo-chan!
Nuriko: *glares*
Tasuki: How did you free me?
Nuriko: I fed you butter…normal butter.
Tasuki: Excellent…I can already feel the cholesterol blocking my arteries!
Nuriko:…
Tasuki: TO THE BUS!…Or should I say chariot…
Nuriko: Why?
Tasuki: The "I can't believe it's not butter!" has taken over the fragile minds of our companions…we must save them!
Nuriko: right…*rolls eyes as she follows Tasuki to a broken down chariot – pulled by an 80-year-old Chinese dude*
Chapter 10…
Chiriko: *pouts* YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG! You must attach the green wire to the detonating one!
Nakago: *vein* I AM NOT CREATING A BOMB HERE!
Hotohori: Yeah, then what are we doing here?
Nakago: We are buying supplies.
Chichiri: Here no da?
Nakago: *pikus* Yes!
Hotohori: This place is kinda creepy…*shivers*
Nakago: DEAL WITH IT!
Chiriko: Where's the dairy section?
Nakago: *shrugs* This is my first time in a…a…super market!
Hotohori: This is why women should do the shopping…we're lost!
Nakago: SILENCE FOOL! *slaps Hotohori upside the head* We must go onward! Leave no man behind!
Chiriko: I am working with idiots! *turns right on the next aisle and…well I'll be damned! The dairy section!*
Chichiri: Ooooh! *gasp* They have chicken here no da!
Hotohori: LOOK! Toilet paper!!! EXTRA SOFT! *drools* Now my ass won't get a rash!
Nakago: I wonder if they sell swords here?
Chiriko: *comes back with his arms full of "I can't believe it's not butter!" products* LET'S GO!
Nakago: OK! *walks out of the store*
Chiriko: BAKA! We have to pay for those things!
Hotohori: *grabs the toilet paper and follows Nakago out* Tell them to put it on my tab!
Security Guard #685: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! You haven't paid for that, sir!
Hotohori: I SAID PUT IT ON MY…*looks up and sees the security guard is 7'5" and VERY muscular*…*gulp*
Nakago: HEY! HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO! I am the great and all-powerful Nakago seishi!
Security Guard #685: *laughs* And I am the great and all-powerful Queen of the Underworld! Now tell your friend to pay for his stuff or hand it over!
Nakago: *cowers* Did you here that! He's really the Queen of the Underworld!
Chichiri: Can I have your autograph no da?
Nakago: *whispers to Hotohori* I think you should pay for that…
Hotohori: I don't have any cash on me….
Nakago: Then what are we going to do?
Hotohori: I say we "kick and run"…
Nakago: Sounds good….on the count of tree…1…2…*starts running away leaving Hotohori and Chichiri with the security guard*
Chichiri: How did I know he was going to do that no da?
Chiriko: *comes out of the store with all the stuff in a grocery bag, all paid for* Now what have you idiots done? Where's Blondy?
Hotohori: *shrugs*
Security Guard #685: AHEM!
Hotohori: Yo! Chiriko…my right hand man…hehe…can I borrow some cash?
Chiriko: *laughs* You still owe me $50!
Hotohori: Then you leave me no choice…*suddenly kicks the security in the gut and begins running away*
Chichiri: WAIT FOR ME NO DA!!! *runs too*
Chiriko: Like I said…IDIOTS! *runs away too*
Security Guard #685: *rolling on the ground in pain…* You'll pay for that!!! Ow…It hurts to threaten!
Chapter 11…
Chiriko: *pant pant* YOU IDIOTS!
Nakago: Mr. Bunny made me do it!
Chichiri: *whispers in Nakago's ear* I think the small one is mad at us no da?
Chiriko: I AM NOT SMALL!
Hotohori: *painting his nails*
Chiriko: Now where on Earth is Tasuki?
Chichiri: *shrugs* Probably lighting things on fire no da!
Hotohori: Ok…now what…this idle conversation is ruining my hair.
Nakago: *to the small one* Did you grab ALL the "I can't believe it's not butter!" products?
Chiriko: Yes…
Nakago: ALL of them?
Chiriko: YES!
Nakago: You mean you got regular, light, fat free, unsalted, squeeze, spray can, AND sweet cream and calcium?
Chiriko: YES DAMMIT!
Nakago: *smirk* Excellent…
Hotohori: Now we have to find out where Nuriko keeps her fridge!
Chiriko: *pikus* In the kitchen, bakara! *getting a migraine*
Hotohori: What's a kitchen?
Nakago: *blink blink* Anyways…we must now invade the fridge!
Chichiri: Agreed no da! TO THE BUS! no da…
Hotohori: What's a bus?
Meanwhile…
Tasuki: Ok…I remember what they said…
Nuriko: Care to share?
Tasuki: Hotohori, Chichiri, Nakago, and the small one are planning to break into the palace and replace all the food in your fridge with "I can't believe it's not butter!" and foods made with it.
Nuriko: What a dumb plan! I simply won't eat it!
Tasuki: You don't understand…they are planning to do that with every fridge in a 10 mile radius!
Nuriko: THOSE MONSTERS!
Tasuki: The plan was you would eventually have to eat it otherwise you would have starved to death.
Nuriko: No…not my food!
Tasuki: We must find a way to counter this attack!
Nuriko: I have a plan!
Tasuki: What?
Nuriko: My friends at Lactantia®™ owe me a favour. I say we go over there and sabotage their franchise!
Tasuki: I don't get it?
Nuriko: We will ask them the take all their containers in which within they put their margarine and butter products, and disguise them as "I can't believe it's not butter!" containers. So when people eat it, they will think they are eating "I can't believe it's not butter!", but in reality they are eating the pure stuff!
Tasuki: That's the stupidest plan I ever heard! How on Earth are we going to get our enemies to fall for that and buy all those fake "I can't believe it's not butter!" stuff! They probably already have a lifetime supply of the real "I can't believe it's not butter!" in their basement or something!
Nuriko:…Dammit! You're right…on to plan B then!
Tasuki: What's plan B!
Nuriko: *evil smirk* You will have to wait for the next chapter to find out!
Tasuki: DAMN YOU!
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Mwahahahahaha! Don't you just hate these corny cliffhangers!
Tasuki: I DO!
Anymeow, you have to wait to find out what Nuriko has up her sleeve! PLEASE REVIEW! No flamers!
No reviews = No continuation of this fic! SO THERE! *smirk* I'm hungry…GTG! JAA!