I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER!
Moshi Moshi!!! It's back! And Nuriko has a plan (run for your lives) …*ahem* As you all should know by now, "I can't believe it's not butter!" is pure evil…which is why you MUST buy it…OR ELSE! *waves fist threateningly*. Anymeow, ENJOY!
Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or any of their characters. I do not own "I can't believe it's not butter!" products, but I wish I did! If you want to learn more about this non-cholesterol product, check out their website at www.icantbelieveitsnotbutter.com (yes, this REALLY is a website) "I can't believe it's not butter!" is available at a grocery store near you!
**NOTE: This is for the reviewer by the name of "Nuriko no Mikos"….I am well aware that Nuriko is a man…and I clearly stated in earlier chapters that I am calling him a "her" because that's how he likes it (hehe). And I checked up on the "light" thing. It is "Light" NOT "Lite" according to the website and container. Perhaps you should double-check that. But don't worry…everyone makes mistakes…most likely I am making a mistake right now and you might be right afterall…*shrugs*
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- Chapter 12…
Tasuki: Ok…We are at the next chapter! So you HAVE to tell me…what's plan B?
Nuriko: We will ask Lactancia™® the take all their containers in which within they put their margarine and butter products, and disguise them as "I can't believe it's not butter!" containers. So when people eat it, they will think they are eating "I can't believe it's not butter!", but in reality they are eating the pure stuff!
Tasuki: *glare* That was plan A dumb ass!
Nuriko: Oh yeah…hehe…*pikus* Then plan B is we will get monk-chan next.
Tasuki: What the hell is that suppose to mean?
Nuriko: We'll hit 'em where it hurts. The monk! *smirk*
Tasuki: What monk?
Nuriko: *hits Tasuki upside the head* CHICHIRI BAKARA!
Tasuki: He's a monk?
Nuriko: *sighs* Just follow me…
Meanwhile…
Nakago: A little more…
Hotohori: But it's starting to hurt…
Nakago: Take it like a man!
Hotohori: *whines* But you're adding too much pressure. It's really starting to hurt me. The opening isn't that big.
Chichiri: Hurry up no da! I want to go next!
Chiriko:…
Nakago: Just a little more!
Hotohori: Ow…please…no more.
Nakago: A little more…
Chiriko: It looks like he's going to break…
Nakago: YES! YES! A LITTLE MORE! THIS IS PERFECT!!
Hotohori: *whimpers*
Nakago: YES!!! YES!!! STOP!
Hotohori: *drops the giant fridge that was on his back a couple of inches away from the small window they barely slipped it through which led into the palace's kitchen (and for the rest of you who thought they were doing "something" else…you're all pervs)* FINALLY! *stretches his back* It was too heavy…I think I'm crippled. *glare* HOW DARE YOU MAKE AN EMPEROR DO SLAVE WORK!
Nakago: *shrugs*
Chichiri: MY TURN no da! *slips trough the window*
Nakago: Ok…now you have to switch our fridge with their fridge.
Chichiri: NO PROBLEM!
Chiriko: WAIT! YOU CAN'T! According to my calculations, the palace fridge is too big for you to hold. It would crush you like a bug!
Chichiri: Don't worry no da…I have a plan! Watch and learn no da! *pulls out his poncho and places it on top of the OTHER fridge. The poncho slowly begins to swallow the fridge like a black hole until the fridge is completely gone. Then Chichiri places the poncho back on his head and slips out of there like it was nothing*
Hotohori: I knew there was something funny about that hat…
Nakago: How did he do that?
Chiriko: He seems to have discovered a way to capture infinity into a compressed area of volume in which takes a lateral area of components. Simply amazing and mind boggling if you think about it…
Nakago: Which is why we won't.
Chichiri: Now what no da?
Nakago: We wait…
Meanwhile…somewhere else…
Miaka: *now under the spell of the "I can't believe it's not butter!"* HEY TAMAHOME! *glomp*
Tamahome: It's about time you put me in this fic, Tammy! *waves fist menacingly*
Tamara: *cowars* Sorry…
Miaka: Would you like some "I can't believe it's not butter!"?
Tamahome: What's that?
Miaka: *eyes go all red and demon-like and voice goes all evil* DON'T QUESTION MY AUTHORITY, BOY!
Tamahome:…Miaka? Are you okay? Is it that "time of month" AGAIN?
Miaka: DON'T FOOL WITH ME, CHILD! NOW EAT OR DIE A TERRIBLE TERRIBLE DEATH! *shoves some "I can't believe it's not butter!" into Tama's hands*
Tamahome:…I'm…not hungry…
Miaka: *twitch twitch*
Tamahome: *slowly walking away*…I'll see you later…
Back to Nuriko and Tasuki…
Tasuki: Whatcha doing?
Nuriko: Making a sweet potato pie! What does it look like I'm doing?
Tasuki: It looks like your making a sweet potato pie…
Nuriko: *rolls eyes* 'Cause I am!
Tasuki: Why?
Nuriko: Because if there is one thing Chichiri can't resist…it's sweet potato pie.
Tasuki: Let me guess…you're making it with REAL butter to free him from the clutches of the "I can't believe it's not butter!"?
Nuriko: Oh My Goddess! You got something right!
Tasuki: *glare* Well for your information, you're suppose to cream the potatoes, not mash them. And you need more sugar!
Nuriko: Where did you learn how to cook?
Tasuki: Hello! I was raised by women…the most evil *twitch*, demonic *twitch*, and insane women on the planet…*twitch twitch*
Nuriko:…
Tamahome: HEY! What are you two up to?
Tasuki: AHHHHH! *cowars*
Tamahome: What?
Tasuki: *points to what's in Tamahome's hands*
Tamahome: What? This? *points to the container of "I can't believe it's not butter!" in his hand*
Tasuki: *nods with fear*
Tamahome: Miaka gave it to me…she was acting kinda weird. She REALLY wanted me to eat it…
Nuriko and Tasuki at the same time: YOU DIDN'T, DID YOU?!
Tamahome: No…why?
Nuriko: *grabs the butter from Tamahome and puts some on a spoon. Tamahome watches as the spoon begins to disintegrate* It's pure evil.
Tamahome: Why would Miaka do that to me?
Nuriko: That thing you thought was Miaka wasn't her. The real Miaka is dead. The "I can't believe it's not butter!" killed her. *strange cheers can be heard in the background*
Tamahome: *looks like he's going to cry* She's dead?
Nuriko: No…not really…we must free her, though. And there is only one way how…*hands Tamahome a leftover cookie* Feed this to her and she will be free.
Tasuki: Hey…that's MINE!
Nuriko: *rolls eyes*
Tamahome: I don't understand.
Nuriko: Just trust me, my son. And whatever you do…don't eat the "I can't believe it's not butter!". YOU GOT THAT?
Tamahome: Yeah... *looks a little freaked out*
Chapter 13…
Miaka: *seems to be acting more like herself* I'm hungry! I want food. NOW!
Tamahome: *appears* Hey…I brought you a cookie!
Miaka: FOOD! *grabs the cookie and chomps it down* Mmmm…fattening…*eyes begin to bulge* What… is…happening…*starts insanely shaking* NO! IT WAS MADE WITH REAL BUTTER! NOOOOOO! *falls to the floor and a little shadow demon escapes her mouth like what happened with Tasuki*
Tamahome: ?
Meanwhile…
Nuriko: IT IS DONE!
Tasuki: Now we have to find the monk and get him to eat it.
Nuriko: That isn't going to be easy. He's not as stupid as you are…he would probably suspect something.
Tasuki: HEY!
Nuriko: But if one of his "I can't believe it's not butter!" friends offered it to him…he might take the bait. Does he know you are free from the "I can't believe it's not butter!"?
Tasuki: I doubt it…
Nuriko :Excellent…
Meanwhile…
Hotohori: Is it just me, or are we wasting our time here waiting for someone to use the fridge?
Tasuki: Hello!
Everyone: *jumps* AH!
Tasuki: Calm your hormones…it's just me.
Nakago: *glare* Where were you?
Tasuki: Cooking.
Chiriko: You cook?
Tasuki: Yeah…
Everyone but Tasuki: *rolling on the floor with laughter*
Tasuki: SHUT UP!
Chichiri: What a girly thing no da!
Tasuki: *grins* Fine…I guess you won't want any of this sweet potato pie I baked…
Chichiri: *stops moving* Did you say sweet potato pie no da?
Tasuki: Yep!
Chichiri: GIMME no da!
Nakago: WAIT! It might be a trap! He might have joined the gay one…
Tasuki: Fine…*walks away* I'll just stand here…alone…with this ENTIRE sweet potato pie…all to myself…all alone…Mmmmm…
Chichiri: *insert drool here*
Nakago: Don't trust him, Chichiri!
Chichiri: Must resist no da…
Hotohori: Be strong…
Chichiri: Must resist…AH, FUCK IT NO DA! *grabs the pie from Tasuki's hands and start pigging out*
Nakago: *pikus*
Chiriko: You would think a monk would have a stronger will…ironic, huh?
Chichiri: *stops moving* Wait a minute no da…I taste cholesterol…
Tasuki: *grin*
Chichiri: Shit no da…*falls to the ground and the shadow demon escapes his mouth*
Nakago: DAMMIT! IT WAS A TRAP!
Chiriko: A little late for that!
Chichiri: I am free no da!
Nakago: GET THEM!
Tasuki: OH SHIT! There's no way to escape!
Chichiri: I KNOW! *pulls off his poncho* Hop in no da!
Tasuki: You have to be kidding me!
Chichiri: NOW NO DA!!!
Tasuki: NO WAY!
Chichiri: GET YOUR FUCKING ASS IN THERE NO DA!!
Tasuki: *sticks his foot into the poncho and gets sucked in* AHH!
Chichiri: *hops in after him and the poncho disappears*
Hotohori: I'm really starting to hate that hat!
Nakago: FOOLS! They know our plan! They will surely tell Nuriko!
Chiriko: I'm guessing Tasuki already did…but the good news is that they don't know the next phase of "Operation get Homo-chan"
Hotohori: *grin* Excellent!…What is the next phase?
Back to Nuriko:
Nuriko: What the hell is taking them so long!
Tamahome: *appears carrying…or atleast trying to carry Miaka who is unconscious* Dammit Miaka! You really should stop eating so much!
Nuriko: Did she eat the cookie?
Tamahome: Yeah…but…
Nuriko: But what?
Tamahome: Since I helped you on your anti-"I can't believe it's not butter!" thing, I want a favour in return…*sticks out hand*
Nuriko: *gives Tama a "high five"* Thanks!
Tamahome: *piku* I don't think you understand me…*wink wink*
Nuriko: What?…You want me to kiss your hand?
Tamahome: NO! I WANT MONEY!
Nuriko: …*slaps Tama upside his head…really hard…with her super human strength*
Tamahome: *in pain* Fair enough…
Nuriko: *grin*
Tamahome: *feels something whack the back of his head* I said fair enough! *turns around and sees Chichiri's poncho at his feet* What the…*Tasuki and Chichiri pops out of the poncho* SHIT! What the hell was that!
Nuriko: Were you successful Tasuki?
Tasuki: Yep!
Chichiri: Fang-boy saved me no da! *smile*
Tasuki: *blink blink* What did he just call me?
Nuriko: Awesome!
Chichiri: Not quite no da. As we were leaving, I overheard Chiriko talking about a "second phase" of their plan no da. And knowing him…this can't be good.
Nuriko: Then we will just have to be more careful…
Chichiri: OH YEAH no da! *pulls the fridge full of non-"I can't believe it's not butter!" foods out of his poncho* I forgot that was in there no da!
Nuriko: *blink blink*
Chichiri: I'm sure you know that Nakago and the others switched your fridge with food made form "I can't believe it's not butter!". Well your REAL fridge over there no da! Now you don't have to worry since we still have some non-evil food no da!
Nuriko: Perfect.
Tamahome: Now what are you guys going to do.
Nuriko: Now that we got the monk, we need to get the brain on our side.
Tamahome: Brain?
Nuriko: That's right! Chiriko! Without him, Nakago will probably no longer have any bright ideas to stop us!
Chichiri: But Chiriko is too smart to fall for the "food" thing no da. So what do we do?
Nuriko: The kid may be too smart for us…but he's too small and weak to physically stop us…especially me! *grins*
Tasuki: I don't get it…
Nuriko: Just wait for the next chapter to find out! I have ANOTHER plan…
Tasuki: DAMN YOU! NOT AGAIN!
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Hope you enjoyed that! HAHA! ANOTHER SOMEWHAT CLIFFHANGER! *grins evily* I love my job!
Tasuki: I HATE YOU!
Tamara: I know ^_^
Please review! No reviews = no more chapters. (please no flames) REVIEW! Or I'll make you eat my mom's cooking!
Tasuki: AHHHHHHHH! YOU GUYS BETTER REVIEW! YOU DON'T KNOW HER MOM! SHE'S A WORST COOK THAN MISATO FROM NEON GENESIS EVANGELION!
Nuriko: Is that possible?
PenPen: *nods* QUACK!
JAA!