It contains violence, yaoi, strong language and more. It's AU, beginning
during the fight with Radditzu. Gokou's POV.
Order of sin
by solange channonix
Chapter 2
I thought I loved him, really. I had watched him whole the rest of the day, following him wherever he had been going. He hadn't minded, and I had had nothing better to do than to watch him, admire his grace and beauty. Radditzu had taken Gohan away and had left with him in his pod. I didn't know where they had gone, I didn't truly wish to know, it probably was some awful place. I know, I should have been fighting, or at least try to argue with them about taking my son away from me, but I hadn't. They were stronger, all I could have gained in that combat was my death, and after it, they would have still done with Gohan as they wished. I was overpowered, by their strength, and by my sudden feelings for their prince, and I somehow knew that there was no point in fighting any of these. So I had just followed Vejita when he had gone to get a mineral they had originally came to obtain and had helped him carry it back to our little camp. There, we had eaten some roasted meat, meanwhile hunted and prepared by Nappa, and gone to sleep. That's how that weird day had ended, day I had first met Radditzu, fought with him, came to that planet, met Vejita and fell in love with him, because for me it had been like a one day, not a year, as it truly had been.
During the night I had been watching him sleep. He had been lying mere meters away from me so even the dim light of the stars had been enough to see him quite clearly. I could tell he had been just lying there with closed eyes for a long time. His breathing hadn't been steady enough for him to be asleep nor his Ki had indicated he had been. He had stayed like this for hours, but then finally he had fallen asleep, but his sleep had been unquiet, like if full of nightmares. He had thrashing on the ground, and whispering something I hadn't been capable of hearing, and whimpering like a hurt child. And once again, it had continued for hours, until I couldn't have stayed painful grimace nor the sounds he had been making anymore and had reached my hand to catch his in a firm grip, checking first if Nappa had been asleep. Vejita, even asleep, had been trying to take his hand away, mental torment still clearly visible on his beautiful face. But I hadn't let him go, I had pulled him close to me, and had held his slim body in my arms until his sleep had turned peaceful and quiet. I had told myself it had been nothing, that I would have done it for each of my friends if they suffered from nightmares next to me, but... Vejita was supposed to be my foe, not a friend. Kami, I didn't want to think about it. I'm not the best in thinking, I do what I feel is right, and to comfort him back then had seemed right. I had pulled away of him then and watched him sleep peacefully for some time, finally falling asleep myself. Weird dreams had hunted me at the sun dawn, in these dreams I had been hugging him and kissing him awake, and he hadn't been pulling away from me. And he had been sweet and beautiful. And then I had been doing to him what I had done few times before to Chi-Chi because she had asked for this, and then she had told me that because of that we had Gohan. Then, I had read a book and figure things out, so it wasn't like if I didn't know where the children come from. In these dreams, Vejita had been beautiful and sweet, and had let me do to him whatever I had wished to. He had screamed my name and all had been just too perfect... And only waking up I had realized it was a man I had dreaming of doing such things to. But I couldn't help.
I was lying awake once again, while he was still asleep, curled strangely close to my side, so close that one knee brushed against my thigh. That one touch sent shivers up my spine. I moved away from him, creating safe distance between us, put my hands under my head and was lying like that looking at the red sky and occasional clouds hovering over the mountains. I was sad, because I had lost my family, and I was thinking about where they had taken Gohan to. I was sad because of my friends and everything else I had lost, and suddenly I wanted to cry. I had never cried before, but somehow I had recognized the feeling of tears coming to fall from my eyes. I had never thought I would cry, ever, but I had never thought as well that something like that could have happened to me. That I could have ended up alone, without friends or family, on an alien planet, with lethal warriors, stronger than me, forced to do their binding in order to save Chikyuu and all I loved, that they would take my son away from me to transform him into someone like them, to beat the human weaknesses out of him, as Vejita had said yesterday, that I would fall in love with one of them... And I had thought I had loved Chi-Chi... Now I could see clearly that all I felt for her was friendship, nothing more, now, when I had something to compare it to. Now, when I felt all of a sudden attracted to a man I barely knew. I froze, feeling like Vejita's body snuggled close to mine once again, I wanted to pull away but I... I looked down at him, and it took my breath away. He was mesmerizing, red light of the sun once again making his tanned skin seem coppery, long hair, a bit messed up, tickled my forearm, little body curled against my side. Kami, how I wanted to take him in my arms and never let him go, have him as my own and never let anyone else even look at him. He was stronger than me, yes, we were foes, but still, I could dream seeing him in moments like that. I had to pull away, but his body, lying next to mine, so close, was giving me such wonderful sensations, I truly didn't want to. I reached for his hand and took it to my face, and kissed just the tips of his fingers, before pulling away quickly and turning my back to him. I was blushing, blushing like an idiot. I was an idiot... What had I done ? I had kissed a man, I had been thinking of him like of a woman, I was perverted, nuts, sick. I had to do something about it, stop it somehow. I couldn't think of him like that anymore, admiring and desiring him ! I needed to stop ! I needed to learn to hate him, not to love. I had never hated before... but I had to learn, the moment had come. I had never loved before, well, not that kind of love, and it had come fast and easy for me to fall in love, so it couldn't be that hard to learn to hate, just a matter of time, a bit of time... Definitely, I was going to get away of my foolish feelings, and replace them with more needed right now, which would let me fight and win with the Saiya-jins, rescue my son and come back to Chikyuu, and avenge all beings they had murdered while purging their home planets in order to sell them. That was what I needed to do, it was my mission.
But could I still do this after promising Vejita I would serve him with everything, including my life ? I didn't want to be a traitor... But I already was, yes ! I was ! I had treasured myself deciding to be a killer, and now it was too late to change anything. I had fallen in love, love I shouldn't accept... I should try hard to get rid of it in my heart, but I didn't truly want to. I was ridden apart, things had gone complicated, too complicated for me. Kami... That awful feeling of having so many different goals settled, different ways I should go, different loves, each demanding from me to act another way, was going to drive me crazy. I had lost my home planet along with my wife and all friends, my son was taken away from me, and I couldn't do anything about it, because I was too weak, and because I would have to harm the person I loved... I felt so weak, useless, defenseless, and stupid fate was making with me whatever she wished to, making me love the worst person I could possibly choose.
I shook my head and turned back to Vejita. I was slightly shocked realizing he wasn't asleep anymore, sitting there and putting his gloves on. He looked up at me, feeling observed. His eyes were... holding something, something that was like... Suddenly, my heart started pounding faster than I remembered it doing ever before, chill running down my spine. I smelled something... unusual, coming from him. Beautiful, strong scent I wanted to be able to inhale forever, scent of the... Kami, I had to be wrong. He couldn't... No, that wasn't possible ! He smirked a bit devilishly. It looked for me like if he knew all, somehow, that I wanted him, and exactly how much I did, and that I had fallen in love with him, and I could read from his look and scent that he enjoyed the control it was giving him over me. Somehow I even knew why... I was guessing at least. He was a prince, yes, but since his kingdom was destroyed he hadn't many subjects to rule over, maybe that's why he enjoyed controlling me. How could he know, how could I know, was beyond me, maybe I was just seeing things ? Seeing what I wanted to see ? That uncertainty that suddenly took hold on me had to be plainly visible on my face, for he moved closer to me and spoke, in lower and more seductive voice than that I heard him using before.
" If you think you can hide something like that from your prince, you're wrong, Kakkarotsu."
I just looked at him for some time, utterly shocked, did he mean what I thought he meant ? Did he really know, already ?
" Of course I can see it."
Like if he was reading in my mind. But I asked anyway.
" What do you mean, Ouji-sama ?"
He looked me straight in the eyes before doing something I never excepted to happen right then. He grabbed my crotch through my gi and squeezed my penis, constantly hardened since the first time I saw him yesterday.
" This."
I pulled away of him, my eyes widening. No ! This wasn't supposed to
be like that ! I had fallen in love with inappropriate person, he knew,
and he saw it like that, it was so disgusting I could feel my insides turning
upside down, my throat tightening painfully, I wanted to vomit, but I stopped
myself. His eyes were studying my face, looking at me the way making me
feel see-through for him, like if he was really capable to read my mind
and my desires, like the very first time he had looked at me, and I had
fallen for him. And that was only yesterday... And now it seemed for me
it had been enough time for him to get to know everything about me, while
I knew nothing about him, only that he was beautiful in his perfection,
seductive in his graceful motions, that I wanted to be able into his black,
bottomless eyes forever, and that I wanted him, as my own, and that he
was strong, the strongest being I had ever met, and that he was the Prince
of Saiya-jins, my prince, and that I had promised to serve him with everything
I had, including my life, and that he had told Radditzu to beat human emotions
out of my son, that he was ruthless, cruel and evil, that he was sweet
and seemed heavenly vulnerable in his sleep, that his little body was warm
and holding it in my arms felt so much more right than holding Chi-Chi,
that I loved him, more than I had anything and anyone before, and that
now, after I had lost everything, my love for him was everything I had.
But he wasn't responding to my feelings like I would have wanted him to.
If I dreamed of sweet kisses and hugs I had just realized that I would
never have them with him. And it was making me sad, or even more. My heart
hurt... Awful feeling... Awful...
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