Celebrity Deathmatch Anime Style! : Afterlife Edition episode one



Vegeta and Goku are sitting in a small announcer's booth above a gigantic arena. Both have little halos over their heads. Goku picks up his microphone and speaks.

"Hello ladies and gentleman and welcome to the new season of Celebrity deathmatch!"

Vegeta speaks into his microphone.

"For those who weren't here for the season finale last time, the author appeared and you know, ended the world"

Goku looks like a happy idiot.

"But we wouldn't let a little thing like being dead stop us from continuing our brilliant show"

Vegeta pulls out the fight card.

"Tonight's first bout is between Piccolo and Zechs Marquis"

"Apparently Milyardo is mad that Piccolo killed all his enemies, even though they were brought back from the dead and killed again"

"The second bout is between Major Misato Katsuragi and Sailor Moon"

"Misato wanted to be Sailor Moon when she was a little girl, and now she'll get the chance to beat her head in!"

"The main event is between Dilandu and every male villain from Sailor Moon for the title of most effeminate villain ever!"

Goku motions to the ring.

"And now welcome our referee and final arbiter in all matters of life......Known as "The ultimate force", Kami, or numerous other names, it's the ruler of everything, God!"

Standing in the ring is a dark dinner suit and walking stick, with a bowler hat floating above where a head should be. Vegeta talks again.

"Unfortunately, we cannot actually see him, because we would be blinded. Now lets get to our first bout!"

Piccolo and Zechs stand opposite each other in the ring. The referee rings a bell that can't be seen and says in a commanding voice...

"Lets get it on!"

Zechs looks confused for a second.

"Wait a minute, im not allowed to use my Gundam?"

The Referees' hat moves from side to side.

"So what am I supposed to do now??!?!?!?!"

As Zechs is talking, Piccolo charges up a Machankopouopo and fires it a Zechs. It blows off the top of his head. Zechs moves his hands a bit.

"What happened to my helmet? And where's that breeze coming from........EEEEEEHAHA"

Zechs collapses on the ground and his brain falls out. He dies.

Piccolo does his half grin\sneer thing and laughs. Looking upwards he sees something massive on the lighting rig above. Gundam Zero is standing with all the Gundam pilots crammed into the cockpit. Heero shouts out to Piccolo.

"Now Piccolo, your gonna get a taste of your own meddling! Quatre, Fire the buster cannon!"

Quatre moves the Gundam around and aims the Cannon at Piccolo. Piccolo speaks.

"Oh...Crap"

As Quatre's finger tightens on the firing stud, Duo speaks.

"Um...Quatre.....Isn't the rifle backwards?"

The Cannon fires, blowing the disintegrated atoms that used to be the Gundam pilots through the arena roof, along with the upper half of the unit Zero. The halved robot falls into the ring, the Buster rifle still in the now motionless hand. Piccolo grabs the Gundam by its foot and throws it up into the air. Picking up the rifle, he fires it at the flying gundam, blowing it into a million pieces. The Referee moves Piccolos hand above his head with unknown forces and speaks.

"Piccolo is the winner!"

Vegeta speaks into his microphone.

"What a fight, and the Gundam pilots killed for the third time. Do you think they'll stay dead this time Goku?"

Goku shakes his head.

"Not likely, it's just too much fun to kill them. And now we return to the ring for our second fight!"

In the ring we see Sailor moon strike a bunch of poses and point in Misatos direction.

"And furthermore, in the name of the moon, im going to..."

Usagi doesn't finish the sentence as Misato pulls out her gun. She speaks.

"Shut up already!"

BAM

Sailormoon falls dead on the floor with a single bullet hole in her head. The audience is speechless. Misatos hand magically rises above her head and the referee shouts out loud.

"Misato is the winner"

Goku and Vegeta are having a hurried argument, and don't notice that the camera is back on them. Goku speaks.

"The Villains from the end of the Doom Phantom onward still haven't finished doing their hair and manicure, they refuse to fight until they're ready."

Vegeta says various Sayain profanities then speaks again.

"So what the hell are we supposed to show for the next hour while they get ready?"

Goku thinks some then looks under Vegetas desk. There are a number of videos with very hackneyed Evangelion cover art. Gokus eyes light up.

"Bingo!"

Vegeta gets mad and starts trying to take the tapes back.

"No, that's my personal collector's edition boxed set of "Too hot for Evangelion" and "Best of NERVs changing room security videos", you can't have it!"

Goku wrests the videos away from Vegeta and speaks.

"And now, in celebration of the fact that no Evangelion character has yet lost a match, we will be showing you some great Evangelion related videos"

The video screen flickered to life. Various Evangelion characters in the crowd try to sneak away. Shinji looks at the screen with wide eyes.

"So that's why they take so long in the changing room!"

And the Lemon writers had field day. Misato had fled within five minutes, her screen time easily exceeding anyone else. Eventually the Main event was ready, and the videos came to an end. Vegeta and Goku slowly left their stupor like state, aided by much prodding. Goku speaks.

"And now the main event, as if anyone cares. Someone else can say bye at the end of the show cause Im watching this on my monitor here."

As Goku and Vegeta start watching the Videos on their monitors again, the camera pans down to the ring. Standing on one side of the arena is Dilandu in his giant Guymelef. On the opposite side are 21 of the most irritating and effeminate Sailor moon villains ever. The Referee shouts above the rioting crowd.

"Lets get it on"

Immediately, Dilandu fires out 20 liquid metal blades, impaling all but one of the Sailor moon villains. The blades quickly rip them into bit sized bits. The lone surviving Villain is the guy with Blue balloon clothes whom they turned into a girl for the American version. Dilandu moves to stomp on him with his foot, but he never drops the foot. The rioting crowd breaks through the barriers and starts swarming over the Guymelef like Piranhas. Screams go up from the crowd.

"Kill Dilandu, he stopped the Eva Videos!"

The Guymelef fights back, but is utterly helpless. The Rabid crowd tears the guymelef apart and Dilandu also. Various angry hooligans throw various limbs formerly belonging to Dilandu into the air and cheer. The irritating balloon guy looks at the referee.

"I won, what do I get?"

The Referee motions to his assistant Mills lane. He speaks.

"Mills, show him what hes won!"

Mills pulls out a magnum.

"The prize for the most effeminate villain ever is death!"

The irritating balloon guy is riddled with bullets and falls on the ground dead. Vegeta looks up for a second from the Video screen for a second.

"Well that's the end, Im not sure if we're going to have a show next week. It all depends or something. For Goku, Im Vegeta saying......To hell with it"

He starts watching the video again. The afterlife is in turmoil as riot spreads far and wide. Gendou sat quietly behind his desk at the admissions office of hell, watching the whole scene on TV. After sitting quietly for the whole show, he speaks to himself more then to the drooling fiends huddled around the TV set with him.

"I always told Akagi that the tank full of Reis would be put to good use by someone"



Hey this is Goku, and you don't want to miss the next episode. It will involve various bloody fights where people you don't like getting beaten and killed! DON'T MISS IT!