Disclaimer: Still NOT mine!
A/N: Sorry this chapter was posted so late, I didn't have any...inspiration for awhile. This "part" only has one chapter to it...and thats this one. It takes place right after "Help" (the living room scene) but for the purpose of this story all the previous things I have written about also happened..so just pretend some of the things in the episode have been altered.
"She'll tell you, someday. She'll tell you." Spike kept mumbling that line over and over again, trying as hard as he possibly could to decifer its meaning. Lying down on the cot he sighed.Just staring blanky at the ceiling before he began talking again.
"What could it mean? What could it BLOODY well mean? Obviously the girl was talking about Buffy. There was no one else that would tell me anything. NO! I'm a bad, bad man! I don't deserve to be told anything! But...what if I did, what would she tell me? That she forgives me? No, I can't ever be forgiven. I did horrible things. Killed those....those...poor...I KNOW! Sshhh...I know, they were all innocent. Poor innocents....Why would anyone ever even bother to forgive a monster like me? She most certainly won't be telling me that.....she loves me, will she?"
Spike paused then and began laughing hysterically. "Ha! If only! Damn bloody....wonderful slayer....how could she love me?" He shook his head, "No...that just couldn't be...no no no no no no. They all tell me...tell me I don't deserve love. I deserve nothing but hatered. Buffy...she...she..hasn't been treating me like she hates me. Could she love me? Is that what she'll tell me one day? She'll tell you, someday. She'll tell you. Thats what the girl said..." He trailed off, tuning his ears to what sounded like crying coming from upstairs.
Spike stood up and slowly, quietly, as so no one would hear him, began to walk up the stairs. When he got to the top he opened the door and peeked out. From where he was positioned he couldn't see the living room, so he had to decide whether to really go through that door, or not. Maybe they all didn't want them there, and they would get upset. Spike then wondered who 'they' was, who was all here?
He finally made up his mind, he wanted to see why there was crying. What was there to be upset about, he saved the girl. The thought of the girl, Cassie he remembered Buffy calling her, made him think of what she said again. When was someday anyways? Could it be today? Tomorrow? Or would it take many years for it to finally be someday?
Spike shook his head as to try to clear it. He had to keep his thoughts properly together...atleast for now. Cautiously, he walked into the living room, expecting at any moment to be thrown out. The scene before him, if anything, confused him more. They were all there, all besides the demon girl. That wasn't what confused him though. Buffy, Dawn and Willow did all live here, and Xander came by often.
What confused him was why they were all sitting there, almost in a circle...all of them looking so depressed. Spike just stood there in the doorway, waiting for someone to acknowledge him.
Buffy and Dawn both looked up and saw Spike at the same time. They quickly glanced at each other and composed themselves, before speaking both at the same time:
"Hey, Spike..."
Spike nodded in greeting, still wondering what was going on.
"Well if it isn't the Bleached Wonder, now also known as Soulboy Jr." Xander said in his usual taunting way. Truthfully he didn't even know why he kept up with the taunting. It was boring lately, for the fact that Spike never fought back. Like right now he was just standing there, looking concerned. It still bothered Xander how he could just come back and everyone would treat him differently. Like he didn't do any of those evil things that he did.....
"What happened?" Spike asked softly.
"Nothing." Buffy smiled, "everythings just fine." They all decided earlier that they wouldn't tell Spike what happened. He would probably just find a way to blame himself, even though he did save her. It was her heart that killed her.
Spike didn't buy a word of what she said. Of course something happened, and it was obviously something they didn't want him to know. Why?
"Buffy, I know something happened. Why won't you tell me?" He asked her.
Spike looked around the room. Everyone seemed to be looking at anything but him, something had to have happened.
Buffy let out a deep sigh. She should have known she couldn't keep anything from Spike. Not that they all tried very hard, and Buffy guessed that was because they all knew Spike would find out. Some way or another. She glanced around the room, before turning her attention back on Spike.
"Well...you see, remember the girl, Cassie? She well..died."
"What?" Spike asked, feeling himself falling apart once again. "I saved the girl...the girl was okay..she was okay..."
It really pained Dawn to see Spike hurt like this, and she would have done anything to make up pain stop at that point. "It wasn't your fault. You did save her...she died a bit later of heart failure. It ran in the family....it wasn't you."
Spike didn't seem to hear her though. "I didn't save the girl..she died...died...died........"
Dawn looked helplessly at the rest of them.
"Hey, look...I should probably get going." Xander said, really not wanting to deal with the insane vampire right now.
Buffy nodded, understanding Xander's position. He may have been semi-tolerant towards Spike, but that was only because she wanted him to. She didn't really expect him to help. "Alright, I'll see you in the morning then. Dawn, you should probably get to your homework..."
"Okay, okay. Willow, wanna help me with English?" Dawn asked, deciding that Buffy should be alone with Spike.
Willow smiled, "sure Dawnie. I'm an english wiz...atleast I think I still am..." She trailed off, following Dawn upstairs to her room.
~~
"Spike, you know you didn't kill her..trust me." Buffy said when everyone left.
"Trust you? Well I should trust you, shouldn't I? You are the slayer..but the voices...the voices say I did kill her...murdered her...let her just DIE!"
Buffy shook her head, "but you didn't Spike...you didn't, please believe me."
Spike saw the desperate look in Buffy's eyes, and thought that if he did kill her why would Buffy say that he didn't.....
"But she still died...how can she just die...after..after I saved her?"
Buffy felt her eyes begin to water again. "I don't know...thats what I was wondering too. What do you do when you just can't save them. Like Cassie or...mom."
Spike saw the pain in Buffy's eyes when she mentioned her Joyce. He could tell it was still hard for her sometimes, being the slayer but not being able to save everyone.
"It's alright, luv." He said, bringing himself together for her. Must be strong for his slayer. He slowly, timidly approached her, not sure how she would react to his closeness.
Buffy then did something neither of them ever would have expected. She hugged him and cried..........
A/N: Alright the next part should be up soon...after tomorrows episode. Please review once again! I live for reviews and they inspire me to write!
A/N: Sorry this chapter was posted so late, I didn't have any...inspiration for awhile. This "part" only has one chapter to it...and thats this one. It takes place right after "Help" (the living room scene) but for the purpose of this story all the previous things I have written about also happened..so just pretend some of the things in the episode have been altered.
"She'll tell you, someday. She'll tell you." Spike kept mumbling that line over and over again, trying as hard as he possibly could to decifer its meaning. Lying down on the cot he sighed.Just staring blanky at the ceiling before he began talking again.
"What could it mean? What could it BLOODY well mean? Obviously the girl was talking about Buffy. There was no one else that would tell me anything. NO! I'm a bad, bad man! I don't deserve to be told anything! But...what if I did, what would she tell me? That she forgives me? No, I can't ever be forgiven. I did horrible things. Killed those....those...poor...I KNOW! Sshhh...I know, they were all innocent. Poor innocents....Why would anyone ever even bother to forgive a monster like me? She most certainly won't be telling me that.....she loves me, will she?"
Spike paused then and began laughing hysterically. "Ha! If only! Damn bloody....wonderful slayer....how could she love me?" He shook his head, "No...that just couldn't be...no no no no no no. They all tell me...tell me I don't deserve love. I deserve nothing but hatered. Buffy...she...she..hasn't been treating me like she hates me. Could she love me? Is that what she'll tell me one day? She'll tell you, someday. She'll tell you. Thats what the girl said..." He trailed off, tuning his ears to what sounded like crying coming from upstairs.
Spike stood up and slowly, quietly, as so no one would hear him, began to walk up the stairs. When he got to the top he opened the door and peeked out. From where he was positioned he couldn't see the living room, so he had to decide whether to really go through that door, or not. Maybe they all didn't want them there, and they would get upset. Spike then wondered who 'they' was, who was all here?
He finally made up his mind, he wanted to see why there was crying. What was there to be upset about, he saved the girl. The thought of the girl, Cassie he remembered Buffy calling her, made him think of what she said again. When was someday anyways? Could it be today? Tomorrow? Or would it take many years for it to finally be someday?
Spike shook his head as to try to clear it. He had to keep his thoughts properly together...atleast for now. Cautiously, he walked into the living room, expecting at any moment to be thrown out. The scene before him, if anything, confused him more. They were all there, all besides the demon girl. That wasn't what confused him though. Buffy, Dawn and Willow did all live here, and Xander came by often.
What confused him was why they were all sitting there, almost in a circle...all of them looking so depressed. Spike just stood there in the doorway, waiting for someone to acknowledge him.
Buffy and Dawn both looked up and saw Spike at the same time. They quickly glanced at each other and composed themselves, before speaking both at the same time:
"Hey, Spike..."
Spike nodded in greeting, still wondering what was going on.
"Well if it isn't the Bleached Wonder, now also known as Soulboy Jr." Xander said in his usual taunting way. Truthfully he didn't even know why he kept up with the taunting. It was boring lately, for the fact that Spike never fought back. Like right now he was just standing there, looking concerned. It still bothered Xander how he could just come back and everyone would treat him differently. Like he didn't do any of those evil things that he did.....
"What happened?" Spike asked softly.
"Nothing." Buffy smiled, "everythings just fine." They all decided earlier that they wouldn't tell Spike what happened. He would probably just find a way to blame himself, even though he did save her. It was her heart that killed her.
Spike didn't buy a word of what she said. Of course something happened, and it was obviously something they didn't want him to know. Why?
"Buffy, I know something happened. Why won't you tell me?" He asked her.
Spike looked around the room. Everyone seemed to be looking at anything but him, something had to have happened.
Buffy let out a deep sigh. She should have known she couldn't keep anything from Spike. Not that they all tried very hard, and Buffy guessed that was because they all knew Spike would find out. Some way or another. She glanced around the room, before turning her attention back on Spike.
"Well...you see, remember the girl, Cassie? She well..died."
"What?" Spike asked, feeling himself falling apart once again. "I saved the girl...the girl was okay..she was okay..."
It really pained Dawn to see Spike hurt like this, and she would have done anything to make up pain stop at that point. "It wasn't your fault. You did save her...she died a bit later of heart failure. It ran in the family....it wasn't you."
Spike didn't seem to hear her though. "I didn't save the girl..she died...died...died........"
Dawn looked helplessly at the rest of them.
"Hey, look...I should probably get going." Xander said, really not wanting to deal with the insane vampire right now.
Buffy nodded, understanding Xander's position. He may have been semi-tolerant towards Spike, but that was only because she wanted him to. She didn't really expect him to help. "Alright, I'll see you in the morning then. Dawn, you should probably get to your homework..."
"Okay, okay. Willow, wanna help me with English?" Dawn asked, deciding that Buffy should be alone with Spike.
Willow smiled, "sure Dawnie. I'm an english wiz...atleast I think I still am..." She trailed off, following Dawn upstairs to her room.
~~
"Spike, you know you didn't kill her..trust me." Buffy said when everyone left.
"Trust you? Well I should trust you, shouldn't I? You are the slayer..but the voices...the voices say I did kill her...murdered her...let her just DIE!"
Buffy shook her head, "but you didn't Spike...you didn't, please believe me."
Spike saw the desperate look in Buffy's eyes, and thought that if he did kill her why would Buffy say that he didn't.....
"But she still died...how can she just die...after..after I saved her?"
Buffy felt her eyes begin to water again. "I don't know...thats what I was wondering too. What do you do when you just can't save them. Like Cassie or...mom."
Spike saw the pain in Buffy's eyes when she mentioned her Joyce. He could tell it was still hard for her sometimes, being the slayer but not being able to save everyone.
"It's alright, luv." He said, bringing himself together for her. Must be strong for his slayer. He slowly, timidly approached her, not sure how she would react to his closeness.
Buffy then did something neither of them ever would have expected. She hugged him and cried..........
A/N: Alright the next part should be up soon...after tomorrows episode. Please review once again! I live for reviews and they inspire me to write!