Disclaimer: What do you think? Well if you think I own anything..then your wrong. Everyone belongs to Joss and Co, oh and the song "Adia" belongs to Sarah Mclachan. I just used it.
Authors Note: As usual, this takes place after the last episode, "Selfless". I was pretty depressed after that episode, and pretty pissed at the "nice" Buffy really being a hullucination. grr. Anywho, this whole chapter is pretty much pure fluffness. I needed to write something to make me feel better. Enjoy!! And PLEEEAAASSE review.
Buffy had millions of thoughts running through her head as she entered her home. She was relieved that Anya was alright, that she didn't have to complete her duty as a Slayer, and kill her. She really hoped Xander could now work things out with her, so they both didn't have to be so miserable all the time.
Buffy yawned loudly and made her way into the kitchen, flicking on a few lights on the way. She figured Dawn and Willow must have been asleep, since it was already almost midnight. After she checked to make sure all of the frat boys were alive, she called and told Willow that everything was okay. Then she just wandered around town, dusting a few vamps. It gave her plenty of time to think, which wasn't always a good thing. Buffy hated what she almost had to do with Anya. She was tired of always having to go through the pain of seeing her friends turn 'evil' and her having to almost kill them. The upside was that Anya was going to be okay now. Atleast after she deals with the guilt of all she's done, and getting Halfrek killed.
Yawning again, Buffy grabbed an apple and sat down while taking a bite. Spike has been going through her mind quite a bit lately as well. In a way she missed the old, sort of playful and cocky Spike. She just hated seeing him go through all that pain, though she knew he probably would get through it okay in the end. Angel did, didn't he?
She was also confused to how she felt about the newly souled vampire. She knew she didn't have much of a reason to hate him anymore. She used to be able to claim to hate him because he was evil and killed who knows how many people, but that excuse didn't work anymore. Spike hasn't killed anyone in probably over 3 years now, Willow and Anya had killed more people than him recently and she forgave them both.
Buffy snapped herself out of her thoughts and got up to throw the apple core into the garbage. She knew thats she should be getting to bed, but she didn't feel tired. There were just to many things going through her mind. She would just have to find something she could occupy herself with. As she was trying to decide what she could do at this hour she didn't realize that Spike had come up from the basement.
"Buffy?" He asked softly.
Buffy jumped at the sound of his voice, not expecting anyone to be up now.
"Hi Spike." Buffy turned around to face him.
"Heard Red talking on the phone...Anya okay?" Spike sounded concerened.
Buffy suddenly felt a pang of jealously, her mind going back to the Spike and Anya incident of earlier that year. She shook her head, what reason did she have to be jealous, anyways?
"Yeah, Anya's okay...atleast she will be."
Spike nodded. "Sorry, I'm probably bothering you, I'll go back down-"
"Your not bothering me." Buffy said, cutting him off. "I was just trying to think of something to do, I'm not really tired."
"Oh." He looked like he was going to say something else, but just left it at that.
Buffy stood and just looked at Spike for a few moments. He looked so vunerable, like an abused puppy. Nothing like he used to look. Spike used to just ooze confidence, like he was all that, but not anymore. She wondered if she could do anything to get a bit of the old Spike back, to make him not hurt as much. Maybe to make him laugh or atleast smile. She hasn't even seen his sly smirk lately. If only she could make him feel better...atleast just for a few moments.
"Come on," Buffy got an idea. Probably not the best idea, but maybe it would help.
Spike look confused, but obediently followed Buffy through the kitchen and up the stairs. He flinched as they walked past the bathroom, and Buffy knew he still wan't ready to go in there yet. She hasn't even tried to get him to go in. Whenever there was need to clean Spike up her and Dawn would do it in the kitchen. They've been using the kitchen sink to wash his hair, and he never once protested, seemingly relieved to not have to go into that room.
Once they got there, Buffy opened the door to her room and turned on the light.
"What are we doing here?" Spike asked, finally speaking.
"Well, I was thinking we could listen to some music. You like music, don't you?" Buffy asked gently. She knew it was probably a stupid idea, but music made her feel better at times. Buffy then found herself wondering why she was being so nice at the moment, and she guessed it was because of all that happened recently. She couldn't help Cassie, and she couldn't really help Anya, but maybe she could help Spike.
"I guess..." Spike trailed off, standing in the middle of Buffy's room stiffly, wanting to make sure that he didn't touch anything.
Buffy walked over to her CD's and wondered just what she would put on. Hmm...Sarah Mclachlan?
"You can sit down, you know." Buffy said, motioning towards her bed and placing the CD in her CD player.
Spike hesitantly complied and sat down, just as stiffly as he was standing, on her bed. Buffy pressed play and changed it to the right song.
Adia I do believe I failed you
Adia I know I let you down
don't you know I tried so hard
to love you in my way
it's easy let it go...
Buffy went and sat down beside Spike on the bed, she didn't really know why she chose this song, she just had always loved it. She looked over at Spike, and saw that he cocked his head slighty to the left, listening to the music.
Adia I'm empty since you left me
trying to find a way to carry on
I search myself and everyone
to see where we went wrong
As Spike listened to the song he slowly felt the tension flow away from his body. There was just something about this song, and the fact that Buffy was sitting next to him. She cautiously moved her hand towards him and ran it through his hair.
'Cause there's no one left to finger
there's no one here to blame
there's no one left to talk to honey
and there ain't no one to buy our innocence
'cause we are born innocent
believe me Adia, we are still innocent
it's easy, we all falter
does it matter?
Spike leaned in to her touch and all the voices suddenly disappeared. He didn't know how Buffy was able to do that, but whenever she came near him, or touched him all the voices were quiet. Buffy looked over again at Spike who was seemingly in a trance, sitting there contently listening to the song.
Adia I thought we could make it
but I know I can't change the way you feel
I leave you with your misery
a friend who won't betray
I pull you from your tower
I take away your pain
and show you all the beauty you possess
if you'd only let yourself believe that
we are born innocent
believe me Adia, we are still innocent
it's easy, we all falter, does it matter?
believe me Adia, we are still innocent
'cause we are born innocent
Adia we are still
it's easy, we all falter ... but does it matter?
As the song ended Spike looked over to Buffy.
"Are..are we really all innocent? Even bad, bad men like me?"
Buffy nodded, "in some way every one of us is still as innocent as we once were."
"No, no, no! I'm not! I'm bad and awful and I hurt the girl. I..I..hurt the girl."
"Spike, you haven't hurt me in quite some time. You've been very good." Buffy felt silly talking to Spike like he was a little child, but she wanted to get through to him. Make him understand. "Remember those lines from the song we just listened to?" She asked, before quoting the music "I take away your pain and show you all the beauty you possess, if only you let yourself believe that we are all innocent."
Spike nodded, he did remember. But how could he still be innocent after all he's done? Maybe..just maybe if he did believe...he should believe her, shouldn't he? The girl wouldn't lie to him..not now. Trying to help, she was. Slayer's trying to help..but why? Why help a bad man?
Buffy could tell he was having a conversation within himself. Maybe he was trying to decide if she was telling him the truth.
"Please, Spike. Trust me." Buffy pleaded.
"Okay, I'll trust the girl...but...can we listen to that song again?"
Buffy smiled, maybe she was getting through to him. "Of course, but only if you lay down. You look tired."
"Here?" Spike asked, staring at her in disbelief.
"Of course. You can't listen to the song if you go back downstairs." Buffy went over to her CD player and turned back on the song, this time making sure it would be on repeat.
Spike slowly, and very carefully lied down on Buffy's bed. His eyes fluttering shut as the music started again.
"Goodnight, Spike." Buffy said softly, looking down at him. She knew he would be asleep in a matter of minutes.
"G'night, pet." he mumbled sleepily and then added, "love you."
Buffy froze at hearing him say that. He still loved her. After everything. She took a deep breath and walked over the window making sure the curtains were properly shut, so Spike wouldn't catch on fire in the morning.
She then went to turn off the light, but froze to look at over at the sleeping vampire. He really did look innocent in his sleep. Buffy smiled and walked over to him, leaning over and planting a soft kiss on his cheek.
At this Spike began purring, something Buffy had never heard him do. She knew she had accomplished on making his pain go away atleast for now and she finally saw a faint smile on his lips...........
A/N: Yup, writing this did make me feel a bit better. Hope you liked it. I live for your guys' reviews, so please review! I'll love you all forever if you do...
Authors Note: As usual, this takes place after the last episode, "Selfless". I was pretty depressed after that episode, and pretty pissed at the "nice" Buffy really being a hullucination. grr. Anywho, this whole chapter is pretty much pure fluffness. I needed to write something to make me feel better. Enjoy!! And PLEEEAAASSE review.
Buffy had millions of thoughts running through her head as she entered her home. She was relieved that Anya was alright, that she didn't have to complete her duty as a Slayer, and kill her. She really hoped Xander could now work things out with her, so they both didn't have to be so miserable all the time.
Buffy yawned loudly and made her way into the kitchen, flicking on a few lights on the way. She figured Dawn and Willow must have been asleep, since it was already almost midnight. After she checked to make sure all of the frat boys were alive, she called and told Willow that everything was okay. Then she just wandered around town, dusting a few vamps. It gave her plenty of time to think, which wasn't always a good thing. Buffy hated what she almost had to do with Anya. She was tired of always having to go through the pain of seeing her friends turn 'evil' and her having to almost kill them. The upside was that Anya was going to be okay now. Atleast after she deals with the guilt of all she's done, and getting Halfrek killed.
Yawning again, Buffy grabbed an apple and sat down while taking a bite. Spike has been going through her mind quite a bit lately as well. In a way she missed the old, sort of playful and cocky Spike. She just hated seeing him go through all that pain, though she knew he probably would get through it okay in the end. Angel did, didn't he?
She was also confused to how she felt about the newly souled vampire. She knew she didn't have much of a reason to hate him anymore. She used to be able to claim to hate him because he was evil and killed who knows how many people, but that excuse didn't work anymore. Spike hasn't killed anyone in probably over 3 years now, Willow and Anya had killed more people than him recently and she forgave them both.
Buffy snapped herself out of her thoughts and got up to throw the apple core into the garbage. She knew thats she should be getting to bed, but she didn't feel tired. There were just to many things going through her mind. She would just have to find something she could occupy herself with. As she was trying to decide what she could do at this hour she didn't realize that Spike had come up from the basement.
"Buffy?" He asked softly.
Buffy jumped at the sound of his voice, not expecting anyone to be up now.
"Hi Spike." Buffy turned around to face him.
"Heard Red talking on the phone...Anya okay?" Spike sounded concerened.
Buffy suddenly felt a pang of jealously, her mind going back to the Spike and Anya incident of earlier that year. She shook her head, what reason did she have to be jealous, anyways?
"Yeah, Anya's okay...atleast she will be."
Spike nodded. "Sorry, I'm probably bothering you, I'll go back down-"
"Your not bothering me." Buffy said, cutting him off. "I was just trying to think of something to do, I'm not really tired."
"Oh." He looked like he was going to say something else, but just left it at that.
Buffy stood and just looked at Spike for a few moments. He looked so vunerable, like an abused puppy. Nothing like he used to look. Spike used to just ooze confidence, like he was all that, but not anymore. She wondered if she could do anything to get a bit of the old Spike back, to make him not hurt as much. Maybe to make him laugh or atleast smile. She hasn't even seen his sly smirk lately. If only she could make him feel better...atleast just for a few moments.
"Come on," Buffy got an idea. Probably not the best idea, but maybe it would help.
Spike look confused, but obediently followed Buffy through the kitchen and up the stairs. He flinched as they walked past the bathroom, and Buffy knew he still wan't ready to go in there yet. She hasn't even tried to get him to go in. Whenever there was need to clean Spike up her and Dawn would do it in the kitchen. They've been using the kitchen sink to wash his hair, and he never once protested, seemingly relieved to not have to go into that room.
Once they got there, Buffy opened the door to her room and turned on the light.
"What are we doing here?" Spike asked, finally speaking.
"Well, I was thinking we could listen to some music. You like music, don't you?" Buffy asked gently. She knew it was probably a stupid idea, but music made her feel better at times. Buffy then found herself wondering why she was being so nice at the moment, and she guessed it was because of all that happened recently. She couldn't help Cassie, and she couldn't really help Anya, but maybe she could help Spike.
"I guess..." Spike trailed off, standing in the middle of Buffy's room stiffly, wanting to make sure that he didn't touch anything.
Buffy walked over to her CD's and wondered just what she would put on. Hmm...Sarah Mclachlan?
"You can sit down, you know." Buffy said, motioning towards her bed and placing the CD in her CD player.
Spike hesitantly complied and sat down, just as stiffly as he was standing, on her bed. Buffy pressed play and changed it to the right song.
Adia I do believe I failed you
Adia I know I let you down
don't you know I tried so hard
to love you in my way
it's easy let it go...
Buffy went and sat down beside Spike on the bed, she didn't really know why she chose this song, she just had always loved it. She looked over at Spike, and saw that he cocked his head slighty to the left, listening to the music.
Adia I'm empty since you left me
trying to find a way to carry on
I search myself and everyone
to see where we went wrong
As Spike listened to the song he slowly felt the tension flow away from his body. There was just something about this song, and the fact that Buffy was sitting next to him. She cautiously moved her hand towards him and ran it through his hair.
'Cause there's no one left to finger
there's no one here to blame
there's no one left to talk to honey
and there ain't no one to buy our innocence
'cause we are born innocent
believe me Adia, we are still innocent
it's easy, we all falter
does it matter?
Spike leaned in to her touch and all the voices suddenly disappeared. He didn't know how Buffy was able to do that, but whenever she came near him, or touched him all the voices were quiet. Buffy looked over again at Spike who was seemingly in a trance, sitting there contently listening to the song.
Adia I thought we could make it
but I know I can't change the way you feel
I leave you with your misery
a friend who won't betray
I pull you from your tower
I take away your pain
and show you all the beauty you possess
if you'd only let yourself believe that
we are born innocent
believe me Adia, we are still innocent
it's easy, we all falter, does it matter?
believe me Adia, we are still innocent
'cause we are born innocent
Adia we are still
it's easy, we all falter ... but does it matter?
As the song ended Spike looked over to Buffy.
"Are..are we really all innocent? Even bad, bad men like me?"
Buffy nodded, "in some way every one of us is still as innocent as we once were."
"No, no, no! I'm not! I'm bad and awful and I hurt the girl. I..I..hurt the girl."
"Spike, you haven't hurt me in quite some time. You've been very good." Buffy felt silly talking to Spike like he was a little child, but she wanted to get through to him. Make him understand. "Remember those lines from the song we just listened to?" She asked, before quoting the music "I take away your pain and show you all the beauty you possess, if only you let yourself believe that we are all innocent."
Spike nodded, he did remember. But how could he still be innocent after all he's done? Maybe..just maybe if he did believe...he should believe her, shouldn't he? The girl wouldn't lie to him..not now. Trying to help, she was. Slayer's trying to help..but why? Why help a bad man?
Buffy could tell he was having a conversation within himself. Maybe he was trying to decide if she was telling him the truth.
"Please, Spike. Trust me." Buffy pleaded.
"Okay, I'll trust the girl...but...can we listen to that song again?"
Buffy smiled, maybe she was getting through to him. "Of course, but only if you lay down. You look tired."
"Here?" Spike asked, staring at her in disbelief.
"Of course. You can't listen to the song if you go back downstairs." Buffy went over to her CD player and turned back on the song, this time making sure it would be on repeat.
Spike slowly, and very carefully lied down on Buffy's bed. His eyes fluttering shut as the music started again.
"Goodnight, Spike." Buffy said softly, looking down at him. She knew he would be asleep in a matter of minutes.
"G'night, pet." he mumbled sleepily and then added, "love you."
Buffy froze at hearing him say that. He still loved her. After everything. She took a deep breath and walked over the window making sure the curtains were properly shut, so Spike wouldn't catch on fire in the morning.
She then went to turn off the light, but froze to look at over at the sleeping vampire. He really did look innocent in his sleep. Buffy smiled and walked over to him, leaning over and planting a soft kiss on his cheek.
At this Spike began purring, something Buffy had never heard him do. She knew she had accomplished on making his pain go away atleast for now and she finally saw a faint smile on his lips...........
A/N: Yup, writing this did make me feel a bit better. Hope you liked it. I live for your guys' reviews, so please review! I'll love you all forever if you do...