[If At First You Don't Succeed]
"Here," she said, shoving a plate of eggs, sausage, and biscuits in his hand. She looked upon him coolly. "Do try to choke on it."
Right about know is where he should have been struck with a serious case of hoof in mouth disease. What was the muggle saying? If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
Forget that rubbish. She started it. He had just been sitting there minding his own business and NOT scowling. Actually he had been in pretty good spirits that morning and on the verge of enjoying a good day. He was going to be nice to her. Was.
"Knowing that you prepared it, I'm sure that won't be too difficult."
Hermione's jaw clenched and her eyes narrowed in on him.
"You are nothing but an arrogant prat. Good day."
"Same to you."
Same to you? Oh, now that is the most ingenious of comebacks. Who is the dunderhead now? Could you not just employ the subtle art of the smile and nod?
"You're going about this all wrong, Severus?"
Snape turned to the muggles studies professor. "What, pray, are you going on about now, Wexler?"
"Getting the girl."
"I'm not trying to get the girl."
"Well then, you are definitely succeeding at that. What is your next plan of action? Pull her hair and dip it in an ink pot?"
Snape glared at him. "No, I thought I would just snap her bra and be done with it," he answered dryly.
Wexler snorted and shook his head. "Why won't you just admit you like her?"
"I don't."
"Oh, right. That's because you luuurve her."
The day had started out so nice, birds chirping, sun shining and all that rot, but now he just wanted to go home – to his dungeons and try to forget about the last twenty-four hours. It was bad enough trying to deal with Hermione, now his new 'best friend' was being more of a nuisance than a house elf working for pay.
"I'm going to the lake. Maybe I'll drown and never have to see the lot of you again."
Hermione approached as Wexler was laughing and watching Snape stride away.
"Hallo, Jude. Here you go," she said, handing him a plate of food.
"Morning Hermione and thanks," he gestured with the plate. "Nice of you to make breakfast for everyone."
"Oh, you're welcome. Easy enough to make for ten as for one."
"Delicious," he smiled, biting into a forkful of warm, buttery scrambled eggs.
"Yes, well some wouldn't agree," she said and jerked her head towards Snape's abandoned plate of food.
"I'm afraid I am to blame for his lack of indulgence."
Hermione's eyebrow quirked and Jude couldn't help but grin.
"I was teasing him about his pixie. He's a bit touchy when it comes to her."
"Pixie?" she snorted in disbelief. "You're telling me Severus Snape has his very own pixie?"
Jude carefully formulated his response. "He doesn't have her yet, but I'd say he is in the process of obtaining her."
Hermione could only shake her head and wonder if he would have better luck with the wingless blue fairies than Lockhart did.
Jude became instantly distracted as she wrapped her mouth around a plump sausage, sinking her teeth into the browned meat. Salty juices glistened on her lips and unconsciously Jude licked his own lips.
If Severus wasn't going to make a move, he wasn't going to let a girl like Hermione slip by. All's fair in love and war, right? And this certainly would turn out to be both.
Hermione blushed noticing Jude's intense gaze. She was not used to such careful scrutiny. She had been so wrapped up in three years of studies and apprenticeships that she barely remembered anything after the leaving feast. She had never allowed herself to get close enough to anyone since she left Hogwarts. She could not afford the distraction, but now that she had reached her goal and been awarded with the prizes she had dreamed of, being a professor at Hogwarts, the badge did not seem so shiny. She felt like she had missed out now.
What if it was too late now? Nine months out of the year she would be wiled away in the stonewalls of the castle. Not very conducive for a romance. There had been a cornucopia of males to choose from at university, but now at Hogwarts there were only two that were even remotely eligible. One it seemed detested her above all and the other couldn't keep his eyes to himself. This isn't good, Hermione. You'll waste away in that castle an old maid. Bitter and alone.
"This is stupid", she chided at herself. It wasn't too late. She had plenty of time to find love. The permanence of Hogwarts just scared her a bit.
"What is?"
Her head snapped up and Jude was looking at her quizzically. "Nothing. Just thinking to myself…aloud." Brilliant, Hermione. Better make sure that higher education certificate wasn't signed with a Weasley's invisible quill, because they might consider revoking it.
"Oh, bugger off."
"Are you alright, Hermione?"
"Yes, yes, I'm fine." Just my thoughts and myself having a little argument. Nothing for you to be concerned with. Although you would probably be more interested in the color of my knickers. Honestly, It's just a sausage. "I'm going to go for a walk. I'll see you later." She didn't give him time to respond before she made her hasty exit and followed a trail to lake.
The walk to the lake was perfectly acceptable, except for the wayward pinecone he crushed in his wake. He had a lot of things on his mind as he approached the sandy beach of the lake. Why couldn't he just say, Good morning, Miss Granger? Are you having a pleasant day, Miss Granger? Can I help you with breakfast, Miss Granger? The words were there. He just couldn't force them out of his mouth. Maybe it just wasn't in him to be nice. She'd probably be better off with Jude Wexler anyhow; someone that will dote after her and shower her with pretty words. Words he simply could not make himself say.
Maybe if he did not think of her as Miss Granger the student it would be easier. Hermione. Murmured just the right way and it had its own erotic hum.
He crouched down near the edge of the lake. Maybe it wasn't an entirely muggle forest. Scooping up a bit of water he tested the temperature. Surprisingly the water was warm.
The bright, clear day was a far cry form dreary London and Hogwarts. A smattering of low-lying puffy clouds hung in the crystal blue sky with sunrays beaming behind, looking like a halo of light. One shard of sun struck across the still lake, blazing it to a pure glass.
He couldn't remember the last time he had taken a relaxing swim or lazed around on a summer day. Maybe he never had. The last time he'd stopped to think about his life was the night he received sanctuary from Albus. After that he had been so grateful for a second chance he felt it selfish to think of his own needs, so he ignored them and at the time it worked for him, or at least he'd been able to distract himself enough to believe so.
Is it wrong to want to be happy? Would he be betraying Albus if he decided he needed something more?
No, Albus wouldn't see it that way. He always told him anytime he wanted to leave he was free to do so. He was never obligated to stay at Hogwarts, but he could never leave – for a number of reasons.
Even from the time of his youth the school had been his safe haven, a place for intellectual growth, a place he and everyone else always felt safe. And if he were to leave where would he go? Snape Manor had long been destroyed during Voldemort's first reign, because of his parent's refusal to join. All that was left were the grounds and he had never had reason to rebuild.
He was mean and snarky by nature, a built-in defense mechanism that had been put in place shortly after arriving at Hogwarts. Hurt them before they get the chance to hurt you.
He shrugged off his robes and took a seat on top on them, kicking off his shoes and removing his socks. He sank his toes into the gritty sand before him and rolled up his trousers a couple of lengths, letting a ripple of water glide over his feet. The feeling was sensational. Cool, relaxing, invigorating, and wonderful all at the same time. Resting his arms on his knees he peered out across the lake and let his mind wander and even wonder to what could be. He didn't even hear her approach.
She was startled seeing him sitting there – relaxing. He seemed almost human – with his own likes, dislikes, fears, wants. He was only human after all. Really, what had she expected? The moment she exchanged her standard student robes for Professors' his mindset would instantly change. That suddenly he would want to be her best friend and take tea with her. How absolutely delusional. Or maybe just hopeful.
She had been unrealistic in her expectations, even unfair. Maybe if she gave him some time he would come around. One day he might consider her a friend, trust her and confide in her. One day.
Hermione felt oddly voyeuristic watching him, like she shouldn't be – that this was a private moment, but for the life of her she could not tear her eyes away from him. Short of Dumbledore no one had probably seen him like this. So unguarded. But he wouldn't be if he knew she was there. She wanted to watch him a little longer. She would probably never get another opportunity to do so. Gingerly she shifted her weight and winced as a twig snapped.
His head snapped to attention and focused on her. He had a mildly confused look in his eyes and for a few moments she couldn't think of a thing to say.
"I'm sorry," she finally stammered, "I didn't know you'd be down her. I'll leave." And she turned.
"No," he said quickly, "you can stay…if you like," he finished more slowly.
She nodded somewhat numbly. "Oh, okay," she heard her own voice say, but she stood there awkwardly. Not sure what to do. He said she could stay, but he didn't exactly invite her to join him. He turned back to the lake leaving her feeling slightly stupid. She couldn't abruptly leave, he might take it the wrong way, but just standing there was uncomfortable.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she thought she heard him ask and realized he was speaking of the lake.
"Oh, yes. Very much so," she answered quietly.
"You'll have to speak up a little or come a little closer. You'll have to forgive an old man. My hearing is not what it used to be." She knew what he was saying about his hearing wasn't true. He had a reputation for hearing the slightest of sounds and sometimes she suspected he could hear her thoughts.
Was that his backwards way of asking her to sit with him? He hoped she saw it that way.
She took a seat on the remaining scrap of robes and held her breath, waiting for him to say something, but he didn't.
"You're not an old man," she told him honestly.
"Older than you."
"Most people are."
Was that a laugh she heard from him? Sounded suspiciously like one.
"I give up. You win – this time." There you go Severus. That was almost nice.
Hermione turned to him and smiled, her own arms resting on her knees.
"Ten points to Slytherin for gracefully accepting defeat." Now she was definitely positive that he knew how to laugh. Snape turned himself to face her and smiled. Not a toothy grin like Jude often gave her, but a simple, pleasant smile. She wished she had a camera to capture the moment, even better if it was a wizarding one, so that she could look back on this forever, although she was fairly sure she'd never forget it. How do you forget the moment you when you know your falling in love and falling hard?
"You're dangerous when you smile," she whispered. He was sure he was dreaming again. They were almost having a playful conversation, enjoying each other's company. Must be a dream, but a wonderfully fantastic one. Wouldn't hurt to indulge.
He didn't say anything. He didn't have to. His mouth was making a slow descent to her mouth and everything clicked to slow motion and brilliantly Technicolor. She had to force herself not to lick her lips in anticipation. She was within millimeters of brushing her lips against his. She could almost taste him. Maybe more than brushing would be in store. His eyes pinned hers and there were traces of uncertainty. She wanted this. Her eyes fluttered shut and she felt the faintest touch of his lips, more like a whisper. Already she knew it was the sweetest of kisses and they had barely even started.
"There you two are. Dumbledore has been looking for you both. He wants us all to go on a nature walk."