So I'm sitting at a table with Chloe and Philip and we're eating dinner, but surprisingly I don't have an appetite. In truth, I haven't felt like eating or doing anything since Philip came back from his business trip and has reclaimed Chloe.
I've decided I can no longer live my life without Chloe by my side.
I see my chance to tell her how I feel and damn the consequences when Philip gets up to go to the bar.
"I have to give you something." I tell her and she smiles shyly. God, I never thought I would see Chloe shy, and I wonder to myself how many times in our childhood was she shy and I didn't recognize it. "I know you have a boyfriend..."
"I'm..." She starts to remind me that she's engaged and I know very well that she is, so I cut her off.
"I mean engaged, but if I don't do this now, I will lose my nerve." I think it is the wine that is making me so brave as I get up from my seat and kneel in front of her, taking her heart-shaped face in my hands. God, her skin is so soft and I can't help but stall because I know in another minute Philip will be back and I will have to go back to my seat, watching them fawn all over each other. I look into her eyes, really look, because I'd never been able to before and I think I see love, but I snap out of it because I know I am just projecting my own feelings onto her. And so I move forward and let my lips descend on hers slowly; she tastes of wine and strawberries and God help me if I don't think that it is the best combination ever. I pull back and her eyes are still closed and send me to hell right now because I want to take her in my arms and make love to her right there. "Jesus, you're beautiful!" And it takes me a minute to realize that I've said it out loud and that Philip is on his way back to our table.
Philip returns just as I ease my way back into the chair. I look across from me as he takes his seat and kisses Chloe's cheek. She doesn't even seem to notice or flinch when he touches her and I'm amazed because her gaze is on me. I don't know what to do, where to look, until finally Philip begins to talk and I am forced to look at him.
I'm mortified and I have to sit and watch Philip with MY Chloe. I really should have thought my plan through I realize.
After dinner, I skip desert and head back to the penthouse alone.
Not an hour later as I'm lying in bed wearing my pajama bottoms and not much else, I hear a knock on the door.
I want to ignore it but the noise persists until I can't stand it anymore and I drag myself out of bed to answer it.
"What?"
"Brady!?" Chloe says quietly and collapses in my arms.
"What's wrong? Sweetie, talk to me." I beg as she sobs against my bare chest.
"I'm sorry." She says softly.
"Sorry? What are you sorry for?" I am completely confused. Not an hour ago I thought I had ruined any chance I'd ever had to be with Chloe and now here she is on MY doorstep crying in MY arms.
"For everything. Philip and I...it's over. You were right. He doesn't listen to me. He doesn't care about me, about my dreams. I was only with him...it doesn't matter now. He used me Brade. There were always other girls. I knew. He knew, I knew and he never did anything. He didn't even feel guilty for Christ's sake."
"You deserve better." I say softly, walking her to the couch.
"Damn right I do. When I think of all the time I wasted with him...oh Brady why'd you have to go away?"
"I'm sorry, Chloe. I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere now." I say and I feel myself choke up because I know now that I'm partly responsible for Chloe's decision to be with Philip.
"I just thought he might be like you, you know. I mean you're related....I just thought I could replace you somehow, but I knew I was fooling myself. I know there is no one like you."
I have no words to go along with the plethora of emotions I'm feeling, so I stroke her hair and listen because I think that's what she really needs anyway.
"And then when you kissed me tonight, I felt it. I felt it all come back. The way you used to make me feel, the way I wanted you to touch me. Could I stay here tonight
Brade? With you?" She asks from hooded eyes and I swear I see desire there. This wasn't going to be like the sleep overs of our youth.
*********************
"Mom, can Brady sleep over?"
"Oh Chloe, I don't know if that's such a good..."
"Please?" I beg after Chloe nudges me. That's all it took.
"Alright, let me give your mother a call and make sure it's alright with her."
"Okay." We said in unison.
An hour later Chloe and I lay tucked in her small bed surrounded in G.I. Joe sheets and pillows. She takes my hand under the blankets and smiles at me. "You're my best friend in the whole world Brade, I hope we're always friends. And then one day when we're adults we can get married."
She turns from me and within a few minutes she is asleep. I think how wonderful it all sounds and fall asleep myself.
***********
My heart is beating so hard in my chest I feel the room spin. I think I need some oxygen and a cold shower, I realize.
I know I'll hate myself if I don't take this risk, so I lean forward and kiss her softly on the lips. She reacts instantly and suddenly she's pinned me down on the couch. We're both breathing hard and I'm almost afraid when she puts her full weight on me because I know now she can feel how much I want her.
Suddenly it's all going too fast for me and I realize she has just broken up with Philip not an hour ago. I don't want to be the rebound guy.
"Chloe wait! I've never..." I begin, but lose my nerve and hope she knows what I'm trying to tell her.
"Never what?" She asks and tilts her head to the side. I can't help but notice how her lips have swelled from our kisses and how absolutely gorgeous she looks.
"Jesus Chloe, don't make me say it." I rake my fingers through my hair and I'm positive my face is practically glowing redder than Rudolph on Christmas eve.
"Say what?" Her breathing is shallow and her eyes flicker dangerously at me.
I don't know how to make the words form in my throat and I know my eyes are begging for her to understand. "This...you...I've never..." I just can't get the words out and at this point, I'm so frustrated with myself, I have to turn my gaze form her. Her hand covers mine and I feel a tingle shoot through my body.
"Tell me please." She touches my face softly and turns my head so I'm forced to look at her. I can see the concern and the tension, as if she's bracing herself for the worst.
"I've never been....made love before." I tell her on a sigh, and immediately I divert my eyes because I have no idea how she'll react. She squeezes my hand for comfort and I don't know whether it's out of pity or what.
"Are you saying you're a virgin?" She asks and I think maybe she's making fun of me.
"Isn't that what I just said?" I ask and jerk my hand away from her. "Do you find this funny?" My voice is hard and I can't hide the pain when I think she may be mocking me.
"No, Brady. No."
I feel relief yet uncomfortable in the silence as she continues to look at me.
"What?" I ask self consciously.
"I think it's beautiful." She shares and give me a small smile. "We're not ready for this." She finally says and takes a step back from me.
"You don't want to be with me now because I've waited for you all this time? Now that you know you're the only one I could love enough to be with, you don't want me. Is that what you're saying?"
"Y-you waited...this was about me?"
I know I've blow it; told her too much. I can't take anything back and the way she's looking at me now is beginning to become unnerving.
"Come on." She takes my hand and leads me to my bedroom. Slipping into bed, she pulls me with her and keeps my hand in hers. "Goodnight Brady."
"Night." I say but I know it will be very hard to sleep with her beside me. She wraps her arm around me and settles her head on my chest. I know she's just about asleep. Squeezing my eyes tight, I quietly whisper in her ear. "I love you."
To my surprise she mumbles, "mmm...love you."
I know it's wrong to trick it out of her but I'm grateful to hear it nonetheless. My heart is soaring and I have a funny feeling that for once in my life things are going to work out.