Title: The Powers That Be Must Be Crazy

Summary: Ever wonder how Spike went from lovesick poet to ruthless killer? Neither did the Scooby Gang, that is, until one of them says something they're all likely to regret for the rest of their lives.

Disclaimer: Not mine, not yours... unless you're Joss.

Spoilers: Season 7 BtVS/ Season 4 AtS.

Feedback: It gives me a happy.

Author's Note: Thanks for all the lovely reviews! I honestly didn't expect so many so soon... Keep 'em coming!

*****

Chapter Two: Of Bad Mental Images and Coffee Talk

*****

"Question."

Buffy looked up from her desk... what used to be a desk, anyway. Now it was breeding ground for stacks upon stacks of useless papers. She could have sworn that they weren't just papers anymore. They were some sort of contagious disease that spread faster than a cheetah on speed.

"Shoot."

"How crazed is the vampire in the basement?"

"The one with the waggly tail?"

Dawn squinted in bafflement. It was apparent she hadn't caught the reference whatsoever. "Eh?"

"Never mind." She cocked an eyebrow out of curiosity. "Why do you want to know?"

"Uh..."

"Were you down there again?"

"Look, last time was a technicality. A hole opened in the bathroom floor. It wasn't my fault."

Hook, line, sinker. "Last time? You've been down there again, haven't you?"

A lesson was to be taught here to Dawn Summers. Never, no matter how much you think you're going to win, ever back talk to your older sibling/legal guardian, especially when said older sibling/guardian is the champion of the people.

"Uh..." Lack of words wasn't helping. "Erm..."

"I'm waiting, Dawn."

"Yes." The lesson had been taught.

Buffy reciprocated a different sounding sigh. "Didn't I tell you to never go down there? You never know what kind of creepy, crawly Hell beast is just waiting in the shadows to make a meal out of your intestines and I *really* don't want to have to be the one to clean up the mess when he's done."

The mental image formed in Dawn's brain and the brunette shivered. "That's all levels of gross."

The counselor shrugged, then turned away to put more papers in her shoulder bag. "Ignoring you didn't help. Sounding like Mom wasn't working all that well. Threatening to ground you until the third World War didn't seem to pan out either. So I've decided to take the 'mental image' approach to solving your insubordinate behavior." Once all necessary papers were present and accounted for, Buffy flung the satchel over her right shoulder. "And it had better work because you really don't want to know what plan E is."

"What's plan E?"

"You don't want to know." The blonde took steps toward the door and silently urged her younger sister to follow suit.

"You never answered my question," Dawn pointed out as the sisters strolled down the school hallways in the general direction of the exit.

"Hm?"

"You never answered my question," she repeated. "How crazy is Spike?"

"Crazy," she answered quite predictably. "Why?"

"Why?"

"Yes, why. It's a fairly simple question of questions and I'd like to have it answered."

Dawn had to ponder this a few moments, simply from the fact that not even she knew why she had asked it in the first place.

"Just curious, is all. I mean, when you see someone talking to a wall, you don't automatically think 'Gee, now there's somebody who doesn't belong in a straitjacket.'" Dawn stopped her stride on the sidewalk. "On the other hand, he seemed to be saying something pretty important."

Buffy halted her walking pace and turned to the brunette. "You said it yourself, Dawn. He'd be strapped in a straitjacket if... if..." She shook her head. "Well, I don't know why he isn't, but he belongs in one. Nothing he could be saying, to a *wall* no less, should be taken at all seriously."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Pretty sure?"

"Pretty sure."

"Positive?"

"Positive."

"Just checking. I mean, you haven't been the best judgement maker these past few months and I was just mak-"

"I'm sure, Dawn." Buffy patted her sister on her back to get her walking along again. "Can we go home now?"

Dawn sighed and smiled. "Home sounds nice."

And home they went, chatting about how insane and disturbed Dawn's classmates really were.

*****

"This town sucks. There's absolutely no fun to be had."

"Except for the abundance of heartbroken people who wish nothing more than to turn their cheating boyfriends and deadbeat dads into subterranean worm-like creatures. But, gee, I suppose that *does* get boring for a 122 years young vengeance demon."

"No need for sarcasm, Anyanka," Halfrek admonished, taking a sip of freshly brewed coffee. "I'm just saying that the usual routines getting a bit..." The sentence trailed off as the demon searched for a better word.

"...redundant?"

"Not exactly the word I was looking for, but it'll have to do." The lesser experienced demon looked over at her elder, who was staring the rim of her untouched coffee cup as though it had insulted her somehow. Halfrek picked up Anya's silent fury and ran with it.

"Oh, this isn't about the worm thing, is it?" No answer. "Oh... Okay. I get it. It's about what Xander said, isn't it?"

The intent staring at the cup shifted to the whites of Halfrek's eyes. Anya remained deathly silent as she tried to burn holes into the brunette's face. If looks could kill...

"Speaking of Xander... How's the old gang, anyhow? Haven't heard much about 'em since the worm guy."

"Why do you care?"

"Hey, now that's just not fair. I care about people and their well-being."

"Until you find a flaw in their character and trap their friends and family in a house."

"You know I wouldn't intentionally hurt anybody unless a wish was made on them."

A smile played on the edge of Anya's mouth. "Oh really? Is that a fact?"

Halfrek didn't know what she was getting at, but she didn't like the sound of it. "Yes, it is."

"Then why don't you go tell that to the crazy vampire in the high school basement?" Anya hopped from her stool and patted the younger vengeance demon on the shoulder. "I'm sure he'd appreciate it coming from you."

"A what who where? What are you talking about?" Halfrek's heart sank to her stomach. "No. You're kidding."

"Now why would I kid?"

One about face later, Anya turned from her companion and exited the Espresso Pump with a little more bounce to her step then she had when she entered. You could go so far as to say she was giddy.

This day wasn't turning out to be so bad after all.