A/N: Here's my entry for the October Contest! Yee-haw! It's another G/V fic and it's mostly a Videl type rant about how much she hates The Great Saiyaman and then it turns to her feelings on Gohan. It's a little crazy. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z.

How I Love To Hate Thee

I hate him!

That stupid Great Saiyaman did it again today! He always has to get in the way of my job! Him and his stupid little tricks!

There's no way any normal human can get hit by a bullet, kick serious criminal ass, give me a pointer and deal with the press in five full minutes! Yes, I timed him, damn it!

He's such a show off! Just because he can stop a missile with his bare hands and I can't, doesn't make him any better than me! I'd love to see him try and battle five machine gun toting assholes without his stupid tricks! Who would be the master crime fighter then, huh?

And the worst thing about the whole Great Saiyaman situation is that the press loves him! Or should I say, they love making a couple out of us! Can you imagine my shock when I woke up this morning and there, on the front pageof the Satan City Times, was that moron's picture and mine! And to top it all off the headline read, 'Satan Videl and Great Saiyaman: The City's Leading Crime Fighting Couple!'

Since when did a reliable news source become a tabloid? And come on, the Great Saiyaman and I? Honestly, I'd rather date Son Gohan than the Great Saiyadork!

Whoa. Wait a second…

I did say that, right? Oh, man. I'm getting way ahead of myself!

I, Satan Videl, even thinking about dating is strange! Though, I have to admit, Son Gohan would be a perfect choice for a boyfriend.

Ack!

No! Stop thinking those kinds of things, Videl!

I don't want a boyfriend, I don't want a boyfriend, I don't want a boyfriend…

Oh, hell. Who am I kidding? I've always wanted a boyfriend. Gohan's the closest thing to my dream guy than hormone crazed Sharpner and the rest of the perverted boy populace of Orange Star High School.

Who wouldn't want Gohan as a boyfriend in the first place? He's smart, cute, modest, and has the most adorable smile. If he weren't such a geek, I'd consider him my type of guy. But Gohan also likes to hide a lot of things.

Remember the first P.E. class I had with him? The time we played baseball? Now that was freaky. I mean, what kind of normal person can jump twenty feet in the air, hover, and then take a fastball to the head without even flinching?? New shoes my ass. That was my first indication of something suspicious was going on with that boy.

Then there was that loud clue when he told us he lived 500 miles out of town and drove here every morning. Erasa said later that he probably takes a jet copter, but even with a jet copter it takes over three hours to get to Satan City from that distance! Erasa might be right because I've seen him on the roof sometimes before school, but he's playing with his watch instead of putting a capsule away! How bizarre…

And even after that there were more clues that Gohan wasn't exactly normal guy material.

My teachers and my friends have told me that whenever I leave for a crime scene, Gohan leaves the room a little bit later claiming he has to go to the bathroom and then he never comes back! Gohan is so not the type that would skip out on class.

The Red Shark incident was quite an eye opener. Little geeky Gohan looked like he knew a bit of martial arts when he was staring down one of those idiots, but that was before he got a right hook to the face and hit the cement. When he got up, however, he looked fine! He didn't even have a bruise on him the next morning!

So, what exactly am I getting to when I start pointing out the abnormalities in Son Gohan? What does the beyond human strength, the strange living habits, the skipping, and the non-bruise able skin add up to?

Well, for starters, the Great Saiyadork has many of these qualities as well, and I'm pretty sure it's not because of his new shoes.

Damn.

It's just my luck that the one guy I would consider dating also happens to be my worst adversary.

If you're wondering, Videl has most of the Gohan/Saiyaman puzzle put together by the time in this fic and she's just going on her natural instinct that Gohan and Saiyaman are the same person. Sorry if there was some OOC-ness in Videl!!

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