"Wake up, Harper!" She shook his shoulder.
He groaned tiredly, although he was used to this by now. "What's up,
Chloe?"
In the beginning, when she started to wake him in the middle of the night,
he thought it was because of his nightmares. But now he wasn't so sure
about it anymore.
She sat up in his bed. Her tank top clung to her body soaked with sweat.
"I think you've got a fever." He didn't want to know whether she was right.
He didn't feel feverish, but mostly he didn't feel sick until every breath
hurt.
"Okay, let's go to the med room", he said and looked at her. He had to bite
his lip to keep himself from asking questions. He never asked her about her
nightmares if she didn't start first. It was like a silent agreement; never
ask, just listen.
"Can I ask you a favour?" she asked when he sat down on the bed in the
medical room.
He nodded. "Sure, Chloe."She was rummaging around in a drawer, not meeting
his eyes. Harper could tell she didn't want to say what she had to say.
"I need to leave," she whispered, her eyes glued to the syringe she was
preparing.
Harper was stunned. "What?" He asked. Harper wasn't surprised. Well, not
really. He didn't know why. Maybe because he had seen the signs. He'd
always been good at watching people.
"I can't stay here anymore." She injected him the mixture of vitamins,
proteins and other things that helped to stabilize his system.
"What? Why?" He asked again. It was like a game; the longer he didn't
understand the longer she had to explain things to him and couldn't leave.
She put the hypo down and looked at him. She knew exactly what game he was
playing. "Don't fuck around with me, Harper. I want to leave."
He ran a hand through his hair. "I know, Chloe. But you have to have pretty
good reasons for that. I mean the Maru is like paradise for kludges like
us."
She snorted and sat down beside him. "How can a ship with a magog onboard
be paradise?"
"That's it?" Suddenly it became all clear to him; her nightmares, her
silence when the magog was around, her hunted eyes.
She nodded. "Yeah, and I don't know what to do about it. I mean, I don't
wanna leave the Maru and Beka." She paused. "And you, Harper. But I'm sick
of being scared."
Her lips trembled. He knew she was going to cry, so he pulled her closer.
"We'll find a way to fix this, Chloe. I know we will," he said, even though
he knew neither of them believed that.
And then he kissed her. He didn't know why. He wanted to comfort her. He
wanted to give her reason to not leave him.
She gave in his kisses and his hands.
They made love to each other on the tiny, uncomfortable cot for the first
and the last time. And it still didn't change anything.
She left the next morning.
Harper stood at the closed door for a long time to look after her. Maybe
she'd come back. She had to. She had to come back for him, and Beka, and
the Maru. Or maybe she'd left something here which she had to come back
for. She'd come back. She had to.
Hours later, he was still standing there, staring at the door with wild
hope in his eyes.
Beka came up behind him and quietly looked at him, pity and sadness
clouding her eyes.
"She's gone,"Beka said after a while.
"I know," he gave her that fake smile filled with the brightness his heart
didn't feel. But the smile wavered and faded when his despair took over.
"But she shouldn't have had to leave. I mean, how often have you seen a
kludge with long hair? Huh? Only Nietzscheans have long hair. But she did
it back on earth, just to fucking annoy them. And now for the first time in
her life that she could do what she wants, she was too afraid."
Softly, Beka put a hand on his shoulder. "I know."
There wasn't much more too say.
Harper looked at her. "She promised to come back," he whispered, his voice
choked with tears. Beka nodded.
"Well if she promised, then you know she'll come back one day. Maybe not
soon, but she'll come back. Trust her."