He was tired. In ages he hadn't been so tired. The days after he had found
out that he had a daughter were pure struggle to him. Even after he had
cleared thing out with Chloe.
There was too much to be said or done. He just wanted to sit down and spend
time with her.
Everybody wanted to talk to him, except for Beka. Whereas the other tried
to comfort him and make him smile Beka kept her distance.
They didn't understand that she wasn't dead yet. A part of his family was
still alive. And he wasn't ready to mourn her, before she was really gone.
Chloe died a quarter to 4 o'clock. She died in his arms. For a few minutes
Harper laid beside her, cradled her body into his arms, did nothing.
But then he got up and went to the kitchen on the Maru. He got the
coffeemaker running and sat down.
"Wanna talk?" Beka asked. He hadn't heard her coming. She sat beside him,
carefully avoiding body contact.
"Dunno", he answered. The coffee smell spreading in the small kitchen.
"Doesn't matter. I'm here."
He gave her a weak smile. "I know, Beka. You're always here."
She returned his smile. "That's my job."
They fell in silence. A long time ago Beka had learned to bear his silence.
Finally he broke it.
"You know, you can see thousand of people die and feel nothing. And then
one comes into your life, hangs around a bit and dies and you don't know
whether you can get up again."
"You will."
He didn't give a response. He didn't argue.
"You know I trusted her, because you did."
Beka searched his face for feelings that didn't show.
"I trusted her", she started slowly, "Because she treated you with such
careness. She knew how to defeat every damn virus or so that made it into
your body. And I don't want to see you die, because of something your body
could have coped with under other circumstances."
Harper nodded. He knew of Bekas fear to loose him. But they both knew one
day he'd leave Beka. You can't fight forever.
"She said I made it on my own long enough now. And the larvae wont kill me,
cause now it's your turn."
Beka smiled. "Trust her."
Suddenly Harpers eyes filled with tears. For the first time he looked
directly at Beka.
"I don't know how", he whispered.
The tears came running down his cheeks, heavily sobs escaped his lungs.
Beka cradled him into her arms. She rocked him softly and he clung to her
as if she was his last lifeline.
"I don't know what to do, Beka", he cried.
She tried to comfort him as best as she could.
"Ssch, Harper, give yourself time to mourn for her. Nothing hurts as much
as family."
Harper pulled himself away from her. "Chloe didn't want to be my family."
"Oh, Harper", she swept his tears away with her thumbed and cursed Chloed
for giving Harper so much pain. "You can't choose family. Either you are or
not. And she was family. She was part of our family."
He looked questioningly at Beka. "You think we're family?"
She put one of her hands over his. "Course."
She smiled at him. There was something reassuringly in her smile. "You
know, I'll help you to get up again, cause that's what family does."
Harper nodded and Beka knew he had understood.
Although Harper was the one who was closest to her, Chloe had also been a
part of her crew and family. As long as Harper himself was so in torn and
in pain she would be strong for him. But one day she'd probably mourn Chloe
herself.
Everybody had their own demons. But life was about finding someone to fight
these demons with.