Chapter 20: Animagi at Last
We went back to Hogwarts for fifth year. It was a good year, in the beginning, and we had lots of fun with pranks, exploring, and even finishing the animagi potion. We were so wrapped up in our own little lives, however, that we didn't pay attention to what was happening around us. Voldemort was rapidly gaining power. He was getting people to join his "Dark Side". These people were known as Death Eaters. People feared him to the point where they didn't even use his name. They referred to him as You Know Who instead. There were more random attacks on innocent victims. The Ministry of Magic was hard at work to make sure muggles didn't find out anything, because some of them were attacked and killed as well. At Hogwarts, no one worried much, though. We had Dumbledore as headmaster, and rumor had it that he was the only person Voldemort feared.
Our animagi potion was still safe under the bed where we'd placed it two years earlier. It was hard to believe two years had gone by so quickly. It wasn't long before the day came when James announced that the potion would be ready the next day.
"At this time tomorrow, we'll know if it worked," he announced before we went to bed that night.
"Please don't do it," I begged them. "What if something goes wrong. I could never live with it."
"Remus, we're doing it," said Sirius. "Don't try to talk us out of it. If something goes wrong we're responsible for it, not you." I sighed and shook my head.
"Nothing's going to go wrong," said James confidently. "We followed the directions completely for the potion. What could go wrong?" He sounded more confident than he looked. Peter hadn't spoken a word in a while. He looked pale. It took a long time for me to fall asleep that night. I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd gotten my friends into. If it weren't for me, they wouldn't be risking their lives to do something crazy and dangerous. It wasn't that I didn't want to have them with me on full moon. I really did. It was just that it was such a risk to all of them. If the potion went wrong, who knew what would happen? I thought of ruining the potion at one point. But then I realized my friends had put five years of hard work into it, awaiting this day for so long. I couldn't ruin it for them. Finally, I fell asleep.
As usual, the next morning, I was awoken by James and Sirius, who never slept in late, especially when they were planning something. Peter and I, who actually liked to be able to sleep once in a while, were annoyed by this. I could hear Peter wining from his bed as James and Sirius pulled off my blankets.
"Knock it off," I mumbled.
"No, Remus! Get up! You sleep too much!" James insisted.
"You don't sleep enough," I mumbled, rolling over, placing my pillow over top of my head to muffle the noise, and trying to sleep.
"Get up or Peter's going to pour cold water on you," Sirius threatened, grabbing my arm and pulling me out of bed.
"Ouch!" I landed with a thud on the floor. "Why do I have to get up so early?" I moaned.
"Because today's the day!" said James excitedly.
"But not until tonight," I muttered, stumbling back to bed.
"Oh no you don't!" exclaimed Sirius.
"Fine, I'm up," I mumbled. Realizing that I wouldn't get anymore sleep, I forced myself to awake. Peter was now up, too.
"There, are you satisfied?" I asked. "It's four forty-five in the morning, we're all awake, and we have nothing to do until seven thirty."
"I wonder what animals we'll become?" said Sirius thoughtfully, ignoring me.
"You'll know soon," said James. "I hope I don't get something awful."
"Yeah, what if you got a fish or something? Then you'd have to be in water all the time," said Peter. James sighed.
"Pete, you worry too much. Kind of like Remus," he added, throwing me a glance.
"...or what if you end up being an elephant?" Peter ignored him. "And then you'd be too big to fit through the passage-way to the shrieking shack."
"Peter!" shouted James and Sirius in unison.
"Sorry, I'm just nervous," he apologized.
"Well knock it off. None of the rest of us are," said Sirius.
"He's got every reason to be nervous," I argued. "It's dangerous. What if something does happen to one of you? What will we do?" I demanded. Sirius groaned and ignored me.
"I wonder what animal I'll be?" said James thoughtfully.
"I think you'll be a cute little bunny rabbit," said Sirius teasingly.
"Shut up," muttered James. "I'll bet you're a bird."
"So?" said Sirius. "Why?"
"Because, I reckon they're not very smart, because they haven't got very big brains," said James, grinning.
"Hey!" said Sirius. "I feel insulted!" He pretended to sulk.
"What do you think I'll be? Huh? Huh?" Peter demanded.
"A toad," said Sirius honestly.
"A toad?" said Peter. "Why would I be a toad? They're fat and slimy and ugly."
"Exactly," replied Sirius, grinning.
"What?" Peter looked confused. "Oh... hey that's mean!"
They spent the next few hours talking about what it would be like to be animagi. I tried to fall back to sleep, but they prevented it with their constant prodding and threatening. The rest of the day went by that slowly. We couldn't pay attention in any of our classes. I was too worried, and Peter shared this feeling. James and Sirius were just excited. During our last class of the day, Transfigurations, McGonagall looked very confused, as we didn't pull one prank the entire time. She did, however, have to scold us for not paying attention. The four of us sat nervously, fidgeting in our seats. I was still trying to plot ways to make the three of them change their minds, though in reality I knew it was much too late for that.
"I can't wait until tonight." James grinned when we were seated and eating dinner.
"What's tonight?" asked Lily suspiciously.
"Oh, nothing," said James, in a tone that implied that it was something.
"Don't give me oh nothing," said Lily. "You make it so obvious whenever you're up to something."
"Yeah, what is it?" asked Erin.
"Why do you always think we're up to something?" asked James.
"Because you always are up to something," Lily informed him.
"We can't tell you," said Sirius.
"Really, you don't have to do it," I chimed in.
"We're doing it, Remus. Don't try to talk us out of it," insisted Sirius.
"It's something dangerous, isn't it?" asked Erin.
"No, " James lied. Lily looked at him for a moment.
"Yes it is," she said.
"Okay, fine, it is," said Sirius.
"Why can't you tell us?" Erin looked a little hurt, and Sirius looked ready to give in and tell her.
"We don't want anyone to know right now," said James. "We'll tell you later."
"James, I know you're up to something. You guys paid attention even less than usual in classes today, and you hardly ate at all," Lily bugged him. "Will you please tell me what it is?"
"I'm sorry, Lil," said James. "But I just can't right now. You understand, right?"
"Yeah, James, I understand just fine. If you don't want me to know what's going on in your life just say so!" Lily sounded angry.
"No, Lil, please," said James. "I really want to tell you, it's just that, well, we don't want anyone to know right now."
"So, now you don't trust me?" Lily asked angrily.
"I never said that!" shouted James.
"Well, you implied it!" Lily shouted back.
"Well why don't you just stay out of things that are none of your business!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"Fine," Lily said quietly, looking James in the eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks, before turning and storming off to the girls' dorm.
"No, Lil, wait…" James stopped when he realized she wasn't going to listen. Then he just stood there, closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. "Girls," he muttered with a forced chuckle, looking at us. We could tell she'd hurt him. Erin had seemed upset with Sirius too, but, unlike Lily, she was too quiet to fight back. Now Sirius and James both looked hurt and guilty, and Peter looked a nervous wreck.
"You know, you don't have to…"
"We're doing it!" James and Sirius shouted at the same time. There was no stopping those two. After that, they went to their quidditch practice. Meanwhile, I tried to help Peter with his Defense Against the Dark Arts homework, which was basically pointless. He just didn't get it. Finally, James and Sirius returned. It wasn't long before we were joined by Lily and Erin. James and Lily apologized to each other, and they were back to their usual selves.
"We're not angry," Lily spoke much more calmly now than she had earlier. "We just would really like you to tell us what's going on. But, we understand if you can't," she added.
"I really am sorry," said James, and Sirius nodded.
"If it's dangerous, then please be careful," added Erin, as she hugged Sirius.
"I have no idea what you're up to, but please don't get yourselves killed over some stupid prank," Lily enforced this to James, placing her hands on his shoulders and looking him in the eyes.
"Don't worry, Lil. We'll be fine," James insisted. He kissed Lily, and Sirius did his usual cheering.
"Shut up Sirius!" Lily yelled at him. James returned the favor when Sirius kissed Erin. The girls left then, still looking worried.
Several minutes later, we occupied our dorm room, James on his knees peering under the bed where the potion was hidden, and rubbing his hands together looking pleased with himself. Sirius shifted on his feet in the center of the room, wearing his classic mischievous grin. Peter huddled on the floor next to his bed, ghost white and trembling, his beady eyes staring fixedly at the cauldron under James' bed.
I sat atop my bed, kicking my foot into its frame and mentally slapping myself for ever letting my friends get this far into doing something so ridiculous. I should have stopped them sooner, I told myself. I should have ruined the potion while it wouldn't have mattered as much. Now here it was, just minutes before my only friends would risk their lives for me, and I hadn't done one thing to prevent them from trying it. Granted, I wanted to have someone come with me on full moon, but it seemed selfish to expect them to do something so dangerous for me. But it was their idea, I reasoned. Torn between what seemed like the right thing to do, and what I wanted, I knew I needed to act fast. But what was there to do now? The determination burning in James' eyes, the excitement making Sirius' face glow like a child's, told me it was too late to try and stop them now.
James' eyes were now fixed on Sirius' alarm clock, which read 11:59. "As soon as it hits twelve," he announced, staring intently for what seemed like minutes, until the clock's red glowing numbers read 12:00. "Go check the common room and see if anyone is still awake," He instructed to Sirius importantly. Sirius didn't need instructing. He darted from the room and returned an instant later, his grin wider than before.
"Everyone's asleep," he reported.
"Great, then now's the time," said James, with a slight waver in his voice. I felt a sudden lurch in my stomach. This was it; they were going to be drinking that potion any minute now. James cautiously slid the potion out from its hiding place under the bed with more care than he used when handling his brand new broomstick. Sirius presented three large, jewel encrusted gold goblets.
"Courtesy of the house elves." He beamed. James began to ladle equal amounts of the greenish-brown potion into the three goblets, being extremely cautious not to allow any to drip out onto the floor. He soon found himself attempting this task one-handed and using the other to hold his nose. We wrinkled our noses at the awful stench.
"It never smelled that bad before," said Peter.
"That's just the sign that it's ready, Pete," said James. "It says so right in the book." Peter shrugged.
"I can't imagine it tastes very good."
"It's not supposed to taste good, Peter!" said Sirius, sounding slightly agitated. "Now let's do this!"
"Ready then?" James asked Sirius and Peter. Sirius took a deep breath, clamped his fingers over his nose and nodded.
"Yeah."
"Peter?"
"I don't know, mates," he said. James looked ready to yell at him, but I spoke first.
"You don't have to if you don't want to, Peter," I said. He looked ready to thank me, and spill glass of potion he held in his trembling hand, but Sirius objected.
"He's doing it."
"Yeah, c'mon, Peter," said James. "It'll be fun. And we're doing it so we can go with Remus. We need you."
"I guess so," Peter squeaked nervously. I thought of signaling Peter to 'accidentally' spill his potion, but my better instinct told me that it would only make James and Sirius angry, and they'd still be taking the potion regardless of Peter anyway. If it was going to hurt one of them, then it would hurt all of them, I concluded.
"Well then, everybody ready now?" asked James once again. Sirius and Peter, who appeared to have suddenly gained more confidence, nodded in agreement.
"Okay then. On the count of three," said James slowly. They held their goblets up, ready to drink. "One…two…three!" They all gulped down the potion, scrunching up their faces and shuddering at the terrible taste.
Just as each had finished, I began to hear a loud whistling roar, like a train. A gust of some sort of wind ripped through our dorm room, sending books and clothes flying, knocking pictures off the walls and shattering the frames, making pieces of parchment swirl in circles. I immediately flung myself face down on the bed, covering the back of my head with my hands to protect it. My heart was throbbing like mad in my chest. The wind was so strong that I couldn't even lift my head to see what was happening, and had such a penetrating cold that I felt as though I covered in ice.
The wind stopped as quickly as it had come. Trembling and confused, I remained face down until I heard the last of the windblown objects crash to the ground. I sat up slowly, as a sickening feeling settled in my stomach. Something wasn't normal.
My eyes scanned the room frantically. They were gone. James, Sirius, and Peter were all gone. I felt sick with worry. What had happened to them? Where were they? They couldn't have died, could they? If so, where were their bodies? What had the tornado like wind been? I sat on my bed waiting for something to happen, feeling confused and useless, without a better plan than to just wait. It seemed as though maybe if I waited long enough things would begin to make sense; that I'd regain my state of mind and suddenly know where James, Sirius and Peter were and that they weren't in trouble. They could have been anywhere. Perhaps they'd been captured by the ministry. After all, not only was it very dangerous to become an animagi, it was also illegal unless you registered. James, Sirius and Peter weren't going to register, making it all the more dangerous. I suddenly became aware of myself, and that I had begun to cry. I drew in deep gasping breaths and buried my face in my hands. What had I done to my friends? It was just what I'd been afraid of, something had happened to them, something terrible. What if I never saw them again? What if they'd just disappeared to never return?
"Ouch!" I moaned as I felt something large and heavy land on top of me. Two more large crashes followed. I was face down again and couldn't see a thing of what was going on.
"Geroff!" I tried to shout.
"Remus?" a familiar voice asked.
"Yeah," I responded.
"Sirius, you're seriously squishing me!" said a voice I recognized as James'.
"Well, Pete won't move!"
"Get off my leg!"
"That's my arm!"
"No that's my leg!"
Finally, we untangled ourselves.
"Where were you?" I demanded, slightly angry. "What happened?" James and Sirius exchanged glances.
"Were you crying, Remus?" Sirius asked.
"That's not the point! Answer me!" I insisted. Peter looked even more pale and frightened than he had before, if that was possible. In minuscule detail, they told me about how they'd been transported to this weird place where a voice spoke to them about what they'd chosen to do. Their uncomfortable tone of voice surrounding the topic made me almost certain that they weren't telling me something. I sat at the edge of my four-poster, glaring in the direction of James, who looked extremely uncomfortable, especially whenever his eyes met mine.
"So, let's see if it works," he spoke suddenly. "Sirius, you first."
Sirius sprung to his feet from his desk chair. "Great! I can't take the suspense! How do I change again?"
"Just close your eyes and concentrate on changing," said James. Sirius did so, and after a few seconds of nothing, suddenly there was a small pop and a large black dog was where Sirius had been.
"It worked!" James cried, leaping around the room, throwing his fists in the air. "We did it! You're a dog!" Sirius seemed to understand and barked loudly. James paused from his celebrating when he noticed that neither Peter nor I had joined in.
"Aren't you going to be more enthusiastic?" he demanded. "We did it! It worked!" The large black dog, understanding James' confusion, leapt onto my bed, causing me to fall backward and then to the ground.
"Sirius! Knock it off!" I shouted. With another pop, Sirius returned to his human form.
"Wow! That was the best thing ever! I can't believe I got a dog! You wouldn't believe how I can smell! By the way, Remy, how was that chicken you had for dinner? I could smell it on your breath! And I can bark, and make puppy-dog eyes! And chase things!..." He went on and on, his eyes glowing with excitement. "You have got to try it! I don't understand why you're not happy, Remus."
"Oh, I'm happy," I muttered. "Thrilled." I forced a small smile. Sirius paid little attention to me, as James prepared to transform. He stood in the center of the room, hands held out in front of him, his head bent with concentration.
"Here I go," said James, with just a hint of nervousness in his voice.
"You can do it, Jamie," said Sirius. "It's not that hard." He concentrated, as Sirius had, and a second later, the remaining three of us shrieked in shock.
Before us, antlers proudly raised, stood a large, majestic stag. The deer took to James' look of confusion, and Sirius, Peter were hysteric with laughter. Soon I couldn't help joining in as well.
"James!" cried Sirius between fits of laughter, as James wandered through the room, puzzled. "James, you're a—a deer!" He finished, gasping for air. James changed back, looking slightly offended.
"Oh, we're just joking, Jamie," said Sirius. "What'd you think of it?" James shrugged.
"I like it alright."
"Okay, Peter, your turn," announced Sirius, still ecstatic about being a dog.
"I don't want to," whined Peter nervously cowering by his bedside.
"Come on, it's fun," said Sirius.
"Please, I really don't want to," said Peter, pulling his knees up to his chest and letting out a sob.
"Come on, Pete. You already took the potion. If anything bad was going to happen, it'd have happened already," said James. Peter looked a little relieved, and I glared at James for lying to him. The truth was, that the most dangerous part to becoming an animagus was changing for the first time.
Peter brought himself to his feet, knees trembling, and steadied himself on his desk.
"You can do it, Pete," said Sirius with a reassuring grin. Peter frowned, then closed his eyes tightly and scrunched up his face in a look of concentration.
"Nothing's happening," he complained.
"Just keep trying, Pete, you'll get it," said James reassuringly. "Think about transforming." Peter bent over and grunted and succeeded in making himself look foolish. James and Sirius fought to hold back laughter. I felt sorry for Peter at the moment, because he'd been dragged along into one of Sirius and James' plans unwillingly. Finally, after a peculiar grunting sound and a sudden pop, Peter was gone.
"Where is he?" I demanded.
"No! This is not supposed to happen!" groaned James worriedly. Sirius, who was on the other side of the room, burst into laughter. James and I eyed him suspiciously.
"Look over here!" he laughed, motioning to the floor. James and I looked down.
"See? He's a rat!" Sure enough, sitting on the floor where Peter had been sat the ugliest, fattest rat I'd ever seen. James began to laugh, and soon so did I; not at Peter in particular, but because I was so relieved that they had all successfully become animagi. Peter scurried all about on the floor. He sneaked up on James when he wasn't paying attention and crawled across his feet, causing him to shriek like a girl until he realized what had happened. This had Sirius and I rolling on the floor with laughter. Just when we were starting to think that Peter didn't know how to change back, a small pop brought him back to himself.
"That was awesome!" he shouted excitedly.
"It worked!" James roared jumping up and down and shaking his fists in the air. Soon Sirius and Peter joined in cheering and shouting so loud that I'm surprised they didn't hear us all the way over in Slytherin. I joined in as well, finally accepting that they could all safely become animagi. The four of us took to hopping on our beds, and this soon led into a pillow fight. James, Peter and Sirius continually switched to their animal forms, sometimes all at once and they'd chase each other around the room, while I was laughing so uncontrollably that I'd fall off the bed and hit my head on the ground. After the initial feeling of danger had worn off, I couldn't have been happier. I'd have my friends with me on full moon!
After a few hours, the three of them briefly settled down. We flopped down on the large piles of pillows and feathers that covered nearly every inch of the floor.
"So, Remus, do you think you'll be so moody on the full moon now that we'll be there?" asked Sirius.
"I hope not," I replied.
"Yeah, you're moody on the full moon," said James thoughtfully. "You know, we should call you moony. Get it? Like moon and moody put together?"
"I like it!" said Sirius. "Moony."
"Why do I always get the nicknames?" I moaned jokingly.
"Well, do you want one for me?" asked James.
"Okay," I said. "How about moron?"
"No, seriously," he said.
"You can't have that name! It's mine!" Sirius tried to sound offended. James moaned.
"Well, deer have antlers," I thought out loud.
"Yeah, but we aren't going to call James Antler," said Sirius.
"Prongs," said Peter.
"What?"
"You know. Prongs. That's what antlers look like; prongs."
"Prongs," I repeated. "That's pretty good."
"Yeah," Sirius agreed.
"And you," James pointed to Sirius. "What can we call you?"
"Hmm, well your dog's got big feet," I said. "I know 'cause you stepped on me at least four times!"
"So," said James. "I've got it! Padfoot!"
"Yeah!" I exclaimed. "Padfoot."
"What about me?" asked Peter.
"Catfood," said Sirius, grinning.
"No!" Peter whined. "I want a real nickname!"
"I've got it," I said. "Wormtail."
"What? Why?" demanded Peter.
"Well, I noticed that whenever you transform, the rat has a huge tail, and it kind of looks like a worm. Understand?"
"Yeah," said Peter, looking a bit more pleased now that he knew the meaning behind his nickname.
"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs," James repeated. "I like it."