Chapter 23: The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Nothing but The Truth
That night, Sirius insisted that we have a party in our dorm room and invite Lily and Erin, so we did. We showed them the map.
"Tap it with your wand, Lil," James told Lily, handing it to her. Lily did so, and made a face when insults began to appear on the page. Erin made a face, too.
"Oh, so that's it?" Lily exclaimed angrily. "You made a piece of paper that insults people?" She continued complaining about how rude it was, until James made it write an apology to her. She made a face at him that obviously wasn't forgiving. In the mean time, Sirius was whispering something in Erin's ear.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good?" she said, tapping her wand against the paper. Lily stopped in mid-sentence from yelling at James to stare in fascination as a detailed map of Hogwarts appeared on the parchment.
"Wow," Lily and Erin both stared. "So this is what you guys have been working on!" said Lily.
"Yeah, today anyway," said James. He and Lily had apparently silently forgiven each other, which they were known to do at least five times a day, normally. James looked as though he wanted to say something more, and I knew what he was thinking. Apparently, so did Sirius, because he gave Erin the same look. I knew they wanted to tell them about being animagi. And they should be able to tell them, I thought. They shouldn't have to keep secrets from them. I knew what I had to do. I motioned for James and Sirius to join me on the staircase.
"You guys need to tell them," I said when we were out of earshot.
"What?" they both asked.
"You need to tell Lily and Erin. There's no reason to keep secrets from them," I said. "You shouldn't keep secrets from people you love, and I know you love them, so don't deny it." Their faces turned crimson.
"But Remus, what about you?" asked James. I sighed. This was the tough part, but I knew I could trust Lily and Erin. I hoped they wouldn't mind.
"I don't mind," I said. "You need to tell them. I trust Lily and Erin." I added.
"It's not about trust," said Sirius. "I just don't want them to be worrying." James nodded.
"And I don't want to get them into any trouble if we get caught."
"And I'm hearing this from my two best friends who have always taught me that in life you have to take chances or you'll never have fun?" I asked. They grinned.
"Okay then," said James. "We'll tell them tomorrow." We all agreed, and went back to the dorm room.
"We have something we want to tell you," Sirius announced to them.
"What?" asked Erin. I saw that hurting look in Sirius's eyes again as he couldn't tell her.
"I can't tell you, now," he said, sadly.
"Well, then when can you tell us?" asked Lily.
"Meet us in Three Broomsticks tomorrow night," said James. "I promise we'll tell you then." They agreed and left. We got ready and went to bed. As I was trying to sleep, I heard James and Sirius conversing quietly about something they obviously didn't want Peter and I to hear. I could barely hear them. I listened hard. The only thing I heard was something about a year and that I'd be upset with them if they told me. Somehow I knew they were talking about the night they'd become animagi. I had forgotten about that night, in all of our excitement, but recalling it then, I remembered that it seemed like they didn't want to tell me something. Why weren't they telling me? It had to be something really dangerous, or something, if they kept it from me. But still, we weren't supposed to keep secrets. We were supposed to tell each other everything. But they weren't telling me about whatever this was. Why? I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. Angrily, I punched my pillow, then listened. They had stopped talking now. I waited a while, until I was sure they were asleep. I wasn't going to let them keep whatever it was away from me any longer.
I crept from my bed. I had a mind to take James' invisibility cloak, but decided against it, so I sneaked through the corridors quickly and silently to avoid being caught out of bed. I darted across the grounds to the Whomping Willow, and sped doubled over through the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack. My feet hammered against the creaking staircase as I raced to the second floor landing, sat down on the bed, and waited. I knew they'd be coming, sooner or later. I'd demand that they tell me. I sat there for what seemed like hours, upset, confused and incredibly exhausted. At last, I saw the light of the rising sun peeking over the trees in the distance. Not long after, I heard the pounding of three sets of feet ascending the staircase. James, Peter, and Sirius arrived breathlessly into the room.
"There you are, Remus," gasped Sirius. "We've been looking for you. Why the hell did you leave without telling us?" I didn't react. He waved his hand in my face tauntingly. "Hello? Moony?" My hand snapped up and grabbed his wrist tightly.
"Stop it, Sirius!" I growled at him. He tried to pull away. I tightened my grip.
"Strong grip there Moony," he joked. But it was no joking matter. I gripped his wrist more tightly.
"Remus, let go. Please," Sirius begged. But I wouldn't. I wanted some answers. I wanted to know the truth.
"What's wrong, Remus?" asked James.
"Last night," I said. "I wasn't asleep. I heard your conversation. I want to know what happened that night. Everything." Sirius and James' faces fell and they exchanged glances.
"Please let go," begged Sirius once again. I reluctantly did so.
"Now tell me," I demanded.
"There's nothing to tell," said Sirius.
"Yes there is," I said. "You said something about your deaths, and a year. Or something like that." James sighed.
"We did something to make sure your safe," he said. Oh God, I thought. They risked their lives and did something stupid for me.
"What do you mean?" I demanded. They told me.
"When we got taken away, after we became animagi," said James. "She asked us if we wanted to do one more thing."
"To make sure you, Peter, Addi, Erin, and Lily are all safe," added Sirius.
"Wait, who's 'she'?" I asked.
"Uh, the voice that talked to us," said Sirius. "Anyway, that's not important."
"She said Voldemort would see what we did for you, and try to use it against us," said James.
"So, she asked if we wanted to do one more thing to make sure you're safe," continued Sirius. Voldemort. Voldemort knew about us becoming animagi? What had I done? Why hadn't I destroyed the potion? Why hadn't I tried harder to convince them not to do it? Why? I knew the answer. I was too selfish. I wanted them with me. I didn't want them to give up on it. And now, they had risked their lives for me; an undeserving monster.
"So, what did you do?" I asked slowly.
"We gave up a year," James said quietly.
"A year of what?" I asked, hoping it wasn't what I thought it was going to be.
"Our lives," said Sirius, finally. It was. I lost all traces of sanity. I leapt from my position on the bed and shoved Sirius to the ground.
"You did what?" I demanded, glaring at the three of them.
"It's for your safety, Moony," said James, trying to remain calm. Sirius sat on the floor, staring up at me in shock.
"You didn't! Please tell me you didn't!" I begged. But one look in their eyes told me the unmistakable truth. "Oh God, you did!" I thought. "Why in bloody hell would you do something so stupid?"
"You're our friend, Remus," said James. "We would die for you."
"And I would die for either of you," I said honestly. "But why give up a year of your lives? That's so definite, so final! A year! A year is a long time! And what if it's soon?"
"Remus, think how we'd feel if Voldemort killed you while trying to get to us!" said Sirius, finally regaining his standing position.
"But Voldemort's not after you!" I objected, praying that I was right. I saw them exchange glances. Oh, God, what had they gotten into?
"There's something you're not telling me!" I roared angrily.
"When we gave up a year of our lives, she showed us a warning for the future," said James.
"James saw mine, and I saw his," Sirius explained.
"What did you see?" I asked. Neither of them looked like they wanted to answer. I placed my hand on my forehead and drew in a few deep breaths, to regain my patience. I understood how they felt. I wouldn't have wanted to tell anyone if I knew. I wasn't sure I even wanted to know.
"Never mind, you don't have to tell me," I said. They both looked relieved. I thought.
"So, Sirius, if you saw James's warning, and James saw yours, then what did Peter see?" I asked.
"Peter wasn't with us," said James slowly, eyeing Peter, who was standing at the side of the room, absentmindedly peering through the boarded up windows.
"He wasn't with you?" Sirius asked me. "I thought he stayed with you when we went away." I shook my head.
"No, he wasn't there."
"That's really weird," said James. "Remember what she said about Peter having a different future?" he asked. Sirius nodded. Peter ignored our conversation, and pretended to be fascinated by something outside the window.
"So, where'd you go, Pete?" asked James.
"Oh, uh... I don't know," said Peter.
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Sirius.
"I mean, it was just this weird place that was all dark and stuff, and this weird buzzing sound," he spoke very fast.
"And nothing happened?" asked James. "No one spoke to you?"
"No!" Peter exclaimed quickly. "Guess I don't qualify for the year thing or something," he added.
"I wonder what the lady meant when she said you had a different future?" Sirius asked. Peter shrugged.
"I have no idea," said Peter.
"Probably nothing important. Maybe they only needed two of us to do it or something," James reasoned.
"Yeah," said Peter. "I was last to finish the potion. That must be it." James nodded. Sirius frowned slightly. I could tell he was thinking something bad about Peter.
"Well, you guys have done so much for me, and I've done nothing for you," I said. "But the least I can do is thank you."
"Yes you have," insisted James. "You've given us the adventure of a lifetime every month." I shrugged, not sure how that was equal to a year of their lives.
"Well, we better get back," said Sirius. "Or we'll be late for Divinations class."
"Oh, that would be a tragedy," said James, sarcastically. We left the shrieking shack and headed back to the castle.
"We shouldn't have told Peter about the year thing," I heard Sirius mutter to James on the way inside. I wondered why.
"You four are late," scolded Professor Trelawney as we hurried into the Divinations room.
"Sorry Professor," I apologized. She ignored me.
"Take your seats quickly. You nearly missed our introduction to advanced crystal ball gazing!"
"What a pity," muttered Sirius sarcastically as we seated ourselves at an empty table.
"Now, we will begin by reviewing the standard gazing procedure..." Trelawney began. Within minutes the stifling room and the sickeningly sweet smell had us in our usual daze. Peter had fallen asleep, James was laughing at the fact that a certain way he looked into the crystal ball he could see a reflection of Snape from his table and it looked like his nose looked three times its usual size, and Sirius was busily telling Trelawney, with a gleeful look, that he had seen an attack of killer fruitcakes in the Slytherin dorms next month.
"Fascinating, Mr. Black," she said mysteriously. "And you're certain you saw this?"
"Yes Professor," replied Sirius, exchanging glances with me and nearly bursting into laughter.
"You have a very good Inner Eye," she complimented. "Have you seen anything else lately?" He eagerly told her about a teacher's strike at Hogwarts next week, that the Slytherins would be discovered in two weeks for hiding fuzzy pink bunnies in their dorms, that every single Ravenclaw would score less than a two on their O.W.L.S. and be forced to drop out, that Hufflepuff would beat Slytherin in the match the following week, that James' secret identity would be discovered as a reincarnated Godric Gryffindor in two months, and that it would be incredibly cloudy for the remainder of the year.
"Amazing, really," said Trelawney. "What would you say to transferring to Advanced Divinations? It really is quite an honor. Only a select few have the ability to See with such accuracy."
"Sure, why not," Sirius agreed halfheartedly.
"Now, class," Trelawney instructed. "Share with your classmates at your tables what you have Seen in the last few minutes." I turned to James.
"So, what have you seen?" I asked.
"I'd say we're in for some pretty thick fog," he replied.
"Me too," I said laughing.
"I think I saw something," Erin whispered over to us from the other table. She sounded slightly worried.
"You mean for real?" asked James, leaning over.
"Yeah," she said. "It was about Sirius. He—he... Oh my gosh!" she shrieked suddenly. Sirius had fallen out of his seat, and was now lying on the floor kicking and moaning unidentifiable words.
"Sirius?" I said, as a large group of students knelt around him. Nothing. Professor Trelawney rushed over.
"No! No!" Sirius moaned, still unconscious. Erin had begun to cry, and Lily was comforting her. Other Gryffindors looked alarmed, however a group of Slytherins, including Snape, were snickering in the corner.
"Wake up, Sirius!" said James desperately, slapping his face.
"Ouch," mumbled Sirius, coming around.
"Are you all right, Mr. Black?" asked Professor Trelawney.
"What happened?" asked Sirius, looking dazedly up at all of our faces.
"It was like you were asleep," said James. "Only you wouldn't wake up." Sirius made a face.
"But what about Voldemort?"
"Voldemort isn't here," I said.
"I believe you've had a vision," said Professor Trelawney. "You're having quite a success at Divinations. Imagine, all this in one day from a fifteen year old student!"
"I need to get out of here," said Sirius plainly, standing and walking towards the ladder as the others headed back to their seats. Erin watched him go, her eyes still overflowing with tears. James began to follow him.
"We're taking him to the nurse," I called to Professor Trelawney as I followed them. Peter came too. We sat down at the top of the staircase.
"What happened, Padfoot?" asked James.
"There was this explosion, here at Hogwarts," said Sirius. "And, everyone was leaving, but when we got to the door, Voldemort was there. And he-he just started killing people, with this flash of green light coming from his wand. He killed everyone, you guys, the girls, Snape, the teachers, everybody, until I was the only one left. And then he said to let this be a warning for the future." I saw James' face go pale for a second and his eyes widened, then he looked calm again. We couldn't just let something like that go unknown, I concluded. I stood up, and grabbed Sirius's arm, pulling him with me.
"Where are you taking me?" he asked.
"To Dumbledore," I said. "You need to talk to him about this." Sirius didn't object, and James and Peter followed. When we arrived at Dumbledore's office, he wasn't there, so we waited for him to arrive. After quite some time he came in.
"Well, hello boys," he greeted us. "Any reason why you're here?" I nudged Sirius.
"Professor, something happened to me in class today," Sirius began. He explained the vision to Dumbledore, who listened intently. When Sirius finished, he looked thoughtful.
"Well, I need to talk to some people," he said. "And then I'll get back to you. You can go back to your common room now." We turned to leave. Sirius looked worried. We barely left the room when we heard a voice announce, "Will all faculty and staff please report to the teachers lounge for an urgent meeting immediately following the end of the class period. All students should report to their common rooms until further notice."
James and Sirius exchanged glances. I knew what they were thinking. James sped back to the dorm room to get the invisibility cloak and returned a few minutes. I frowned. Peter complained about spying, James snapped at him, and he went back to the common room instead of joining us. James tossed the invisibility cloak over our heads and we headed for the teachers' lounge. We slipped in behind Professor Sprout and settled ourselves in the back of the room, staying down low, because we knew the cloak didn't fool Dumbledore, though he wasn't there at the moment. There were low concerned murmurs from the teachers. No one seemed to have any idea what was going on. Just then, Dumbledore walked in.
"Thank you all for coming on such short notice," he said. "I believe we may have an emergency." The room irrupted in quiet chatter.
"You all know Sirius Black," Dumbledore said. The teachers nodded, as though they all knew Sirius all too well. "And you are all aware of the circumstances surrounding his parents deaths?" The teachers seemed to become more frightened now. They nodded.
"I have reason to believe," said Dumbledore. "That Voldemort may be trying to contact Sirius in an attempt to kill him." James and I were among the many who gasped. Voldemort was going to kill Sirius? It couldn't be. There had to be a mistake.
"How do you know this, headmaster?" someone asked.
"Good question," said Dumbledore. "Sirius told me that he had a vision today in Divinations class where everyone around him was killed by Voldemort. I knew Orion and Fiona Black, and both told me of similar visions shortly before their deaths."
"Why Sirius, though?" asked McGonagall.
"That, I don't know," said Dumbledore. "But I want security increased. Sirius must never be alone. I want a teacher near him at all times."
"But you know he and Potter, Lupin and Pettigrew are able to get away from anyone anytime," someone objected.
"Will you tell him?" asked McGonagall. Dumbledore thought a moment.
"Yes," he answered. "He deserves to know." People gasped once again.
"He's just a boy. It would terrify him." Dumbledore silenced them.
"He already knows," he explained. "This is a sign that Voldemort is getting closer. Now meeting dismissed, and remember, I want high security around Black, at all times." We left the meeting. I looked at Sirius, who had gone completely pale. He didn't say anything, though, and we went to the rest of our classes, like normal.
That night, we kept our promise to Lily and Erin. It was Hogsmeade weekend, but Sirius wasn't permitted to go, and we weren't going without him, so we had to sneak out under the invisibility cloak. We met up with the girls outside of Three Broomsticks when we got there. Erin was still looking teary eyed and burst into fresh tears, pulling herself into Sirius' arms. He quickly assured her that everything was fine, not mentioning what he'd seen in his vision. Soon she cheered up a bit.
"We've got something to tell you now," said James, when everyone had calmed down.
"You'd better," said Lily.
"Come with us," said Sirius, leading everyone towards the Shrieking Shack. Lily and Erin shuddered as we neared it. Of course I wasn't scared. The house wasn't haunted. The so-called ghost was only me. But Lily and Erin didn't know this. We entered the house through a broken window. Lily and Erin, terrified as they looked, didn't object. I turned a bit red as they looked at the condition of the moldy old couch that was clawed and bitten; one of the legs was nearly falling off. They sat down anyway. Peter, James and I sat on the floor.
James began, "You guys have to promise that, no matter what you hear tonight, you can never tell anyone. Ever." Lily and Erin nodded.
"First, you need to know about Remus," said Sirius, glancing at me. This was my cue. Get it over with, I told myself. Addi understood, they will too.
"I-I'm a werewolf," I said quietly. Their reaction surprised me. They smiled.
"Is that all?" asked Erin.
"We thought this was something important," said Lily. "We've known that for years."
"You know?" my mouth dropped open and I instantly glanced toward Sirius, James and Peter. The three of them looked as surprised as I did.
"Of course we know," said Lily. "You thought we couldn't figure it out? We didn't say anything to protect you."
"You mean you don't care?" I asked, a little shocked.
"Of course not," said Erin. "You're our friend."
"That's not all we have to tell you," continued James. "When we found out that Remus was a werewolf, we decided to come up with a way that we could be with him on full moon."
"But James! Werewolves are dangerous to humans!" Lily sounded worried.
"Exactly," admitted James. "But we found a solution to that problem. Padfoot, a demonstration please?" Sirius grumbled, but didn't refuse, and soon, with a small pop Padfoot appeared where Sirius had been.
"Oh my gosh!" Erin exclaimed. "He—he's a..."
"An animagus," finished James. Padfoot ran over to Erin and placed his head on her knee. She laughed at his big puppy-dog eyes and petted him.
"Aww," said Lily, joining in.
"But that's not all," said James. "Sirius, come back." With another pop, Sirius was back to himself.
"I can't believe you did that, Sirius Black!" Lily exclaimed suddenly. "Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to become an animagus? Are you even registered?" James' face fell and he began to wipe his forehead nervously.
"Er—well, your Jamesie here has got something to tell you," said Sirius quickly.
"Lily, I... well..." James quickly transformed. Lily shrieked as the large stag stood before her. She seemed at a complete loss for words. There were a few seconds of uncomfortable silence before James changed back.
"J-James... you—you're a deer...why?" said Lily.
"We didn't pick our animals!" James snapped looking slightly insulted.
"Don't you see how dangerous this was? Any of you?" said Erin quietly.
"I tried to tell them," I explained. "But there's no stopping Padfoot and Prongs when they've got a plan."
"And there's still one more thing you should see," added Sirius, nodding towards Peter. After nearly three minutes of Peter's concentrating, and Sirius and James rolling their eyes, Peter transformed.
"Eww!" shrieked Erin.
"A rat?" asked Lily, looking completely disgusted.
"Okay Pete, you can change back now," said James. "Anyway, this was not just a pointless dangerous thing that we wanted to try. We did it for a very good reason. And that reason is Remus." I smiled and nodded.
"Now we can accompany Remus at full moon," Sirius continued. "He has been doing a lot better in the last few months, he can even keep his own mind and remember things."
"I remember you chasing me last month," I said glaring. Then I grinned. "It really is a lot better having the three of them with me. Before I had them along, I used to be terrified of full moon. Transformations were terribly painful, and I'd end up biting and scratching myself because no one else was around. I was miserable. But Sirius, James and Peter changed all of that. The last few months have been the absolute best of my life. And they did risk their lives, but it was for my sake. And they did something for me that no one else would have ever done. They've been the most loyal, trustworthy, caring friends anyone could ever have. Even though what they did was dangerous, please realize what they've done for me; recognize their motives and you'll see just what great people, what caring, devoted friends they are. And so, if you're going to be angry at anyone about this whole animagus thing, please be angry at me. I was the reason they got the idea; I knew about it all along, and I let them go through with it. If you want to blame this on someone, it has got to be me, because they've done nothing wrong." I glanced at Lily and Erin as I finished. Both were in tears.
"That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard!" exclaimed Erin.
"It was stupid, dangerous, even illegal! But not many people would do that for their friends," said Lily.
"So you don't mind then?" asked James.
"Of course not," said Lily. "I just hope you're all careful."
"Don't worry, Lil. We are," said Sirius honestly.
We spent the next few hours discussing the animagi in greater depth, being certain to include every detail. James and Sirius even told the girls about giving up a year of their lives. Lily and Erin looked a bit surprised but didn't say much. It was a great relief to all of us that everything was now out in the open.
After that day, the rest of fifth year passed smoothly enough. If Voldemort was supposed to be after Sirius, he seemed to have forgotten. There were no signs for the rest of the year, and after a while it just got annoying to watch the look of worry and terror that everyone wore on their face when they looked at him. Teachers insisted on being around us constantly, which made it very difficult to sneak around. The invisibility cloak was our only chance, and we used it more frequently than ever those last few weeks of school.