Chapter 46: Accepting the Truth

"Yes, Headmaster?" I asked when we were out of earshot. I noticed for the first time that he looked like he'd been crying.

"Remus," he spoke gently. "I'm afraid I've got some bad news." He paused. I felt my heart leap to my throat. It can't be about James and Lily, I told myself. I just got letters from all of them; they're fine. It must be something else. It's got to be.

"Remus?" I looked back to Dumbledore. "I guess there's really no easy way to give you this news. Remus... James and Lily were killed last night." The words echoed through my ears. I was frozen in that second. They rang and rang around me, the absurdity of the statement fooling my mind. The room around me was spinning out of control; shivers ran throughout my body, and finally I comprehended.

"No, they weren't," I said plainly. "I just received mail from them. They're fine."

"I'm sorry, Remus. I know something like this is hard to accept. No one means for these things to happen. Sometimes they just do. But we can't live in denial."

"But Sirius! Sirius was their Secret Keeper! He wouldn't have failed them!" I cried, openly bawling. Dumbledore's eyes glistened, and he quickly wiped them with his sleeve.

"I'm afraid Sirius betrayed them," said Dumbledore quietly. I heard James' voice reciting the line of the letter I'd just received; We've got a plan that will definitely work out. I can't explain here; perhaps Padfoot can stop by sometime and explain. I remembered Sirius' job as an Unspeakable, how he was always disappearing. Suddenly it all became clear. The damn traitor had left us for Voldemort. He'd planned to get James and Lily killed! "And what's more, earlier this morning, Sirius chased down little Peter and killed him as well."

"Sirius killed Peter?" I questioned in shock. "That's it, I'm dreaming! This is a dream! A nightmare! Wake me up! Wake me up, Headmaster! WAKE ME UP!" I wailed collapsing onto my knees at his feet.

The next thing I remember, I was back at the flat Addi and I shared, resting on a bed. Addi wasn't in the room. For a moment I wondered whether anything I remembered was real. After a moment, I was certain it was. I didn't want to move. I wanted to stay there forever. I clamped my eyes shut and tried as hard as I could to forget, to make my mind blank so the hurt would go away. But every time I closed my eyes, there was James' beaming face on his wedding day as he stood beside Lily; there was little Harry, clinging to James' back, stealing his wand, and giggling like mad. There was Peter, in absolute hysterics about a prank, and there were the four of us, the Marauders, all grinning; James and Sirius, practically looking like brothers, standing next to each other, both proudly holding the Marauders' map. A sickening feeling came over me, and I fought to erase that picture from my mind. Tears came, and I couldn't stop them.

I spent hours wondering why? Why Sirius? Why did he kill James, Lily and Peter? Why did he ever join Voldemort? But most of all, why was I too dumb, too inattentive to not notice? Why couldn't I have realized just a day sooner? Then they'd all still be alive. Why had James made Sirius his secret keeper? Why hadn't I convinced him to switch? I just couldn't understand why Sirius did it. One thing that had always been important to Sirius above all else was loyalty. He was the most loyal friend you could have, despite his other flaws. He always stuck up for his friends. And he and James had been close; even closer than I'd been to the two of them. I remembered what Sirius said to James the night before the charm started, "I'd give my own life before I'd ever let Voldemort come near you our your family." He'd lied! He'd lied about everything! It wasn't fair! They didn't deserve to die! They had done nothing wrong. And they were so young! We were so young! There were so many plans we had, and now none of them would happen! And poor little Harry would never even live to remember his parents! He would never know what a great, funny father he had, or what a sweet caring mother he had to care for him. No, now poor Harry lived with Petunia and her husband Vernon, who hated everything to do with magic. I wondered if he'd ever even know he's a wizard. Everything had gone so wrong! It wasn't supposed to end up this way! It wasn't right! Everyone was gone! Everyone! But there was still one person I had to think about.

I found Addi on the sofa, her eyes closed, but she wasn't asleep. She opened them when she heard me. We rushed into each other's arms, sobbing uncontrollably. We were silent for a long time, but I held her tightly, afraid that if I let go I'd lose her like I'd lost everyone else.

"It's all Sirius' fault," said Addi finally. "He did it. He killed them. My own twin killed all of those people." She sobbed. I pulled her close, but I had no words that could make it better.

"I guess that's where he went, whenever he wasn't around. I guess he was just planning it all and we sat back and let it happen!"

"We can't blame ourselves," I said, fighting to stay calm. "Sirius wasn't who we thought he was."

"But he was my twin," Addi cried. "I knew him like no one else did. My own twin made our lives hell!" I shook my head.

"I'm sorry Addi, but I don't think you did know the real Sirius." She shook her head.

"I just don't understand why he would join Voldemort. He killed our mum, our dad, Erin, Mr. and Mrs. Potter, and now Sirius just decided to join him and kill James, Lily and Peter too!" She cried. Finally, she pulled out the Daily Prophet.

"Sirius has a hearing in two days. We owe it to him to go." She croaked between sobs. At the mention of his name, I felt a renewed rush of uncontrollable anger surge through my body.

"He did this! It's all his fault!" I shouted angrily. "It's all your brother's fault! He killed them! He ruined everything for all of us! We were going to be happy! Do you even remember what it's like to be happy?" I screamed. Addi quickly scrambled away from me, staring across the room with large frightened eyes. She buried her face in her hands and cried.

"I can't believe he did this," she whimpered. "I just can't believe it. My own brother, my twin, the murderer of his best friends!"

"Apparently we didn't know the real Sirius Black!" I shouted.

"Will you please at least go to the hearing with me and listen to what he has to say?" asked Addi quietly.

"Yes," I replied. It wasn't going to change anything.