Summary: A moment of passion changes everything for Max and Alec.
Disclaimer: I own them in my dreams.
A/N: To those that reviewed the last 3 chapters Thank You, you guys totally rock. You are my inspiration to continue this story.
Without You, I Am NothingMax's Story
It's been four days since it happened and I'm about to leave my apartment for the first time. Last night OC told me Alec had gone, cleared out his locker and left, no looking back no goodbye just gone. Then she'd just stood there looking at me, waiting for me to break or something.
It's weird because when she told me I had the urge to laugh, but I didn't cause if I'd started I'm not sure I coulda stopped. In the end all I could manage to get out was, too bad guess that means I'll have to go to work tomorrow.
She'd looked at me like I was crazy, and repeated what she'd just told me, like I didn't hear her the first time, what did she want from me. What? Tears? For me to fall on the ground in devastation, whatever, like I even care. She spent the rest of the night following me around the apartment, sneaking looks at me, telling me she'd be there when I was ready to deal. Deal with what?, hell I think she's the one that's crazy.
I breeze into work, late as usual, no comment from Normal what's up with that? Offering a cheery hello to those I see on my way. The atmosphere is solemn, what the hell is wrong with everyone, anyone would think their best friend had just died.
Sketchy's all moping around making moon eyes at me and Normal well, he looks like he's about to kill himself. At least some goods come of it then.
OC approaches me, I feel her hand on my shoulder, "Boo you know you don't have to pretend with us, right." I shake her hand off; she's beginning to annoy me. "Look I don't know what your problem is, but get over it, Alec's gone big deal, its not like the world has suddenly come to an end."
Silence, I feel all eyes turn to me, the hostility coming from them is overwhelming, I search for a friendly face. Sketchy is looking at me in disgust, as is everyone else whose eyes I connect with. Finally I come back to OC; she's looking at me like I'm a stranger, like she doesn't know who I am. "Boo get over yourself."
That's it I've had enough of this shit, I storm from the room and jump on my baby, heading over to Joshua's, maybe there I'll find some peace.
I pull up in front of his house, before I can make it through the door Joshua grabs me. "Max, been waiting for you, Alec's gone". What is it with everyone so Alec's gone, so what. "Look Joshua I came here to chill".
Sighing I try to walk past him into the house, but he stops me. "Max goes after Alec now that's the plan". "No Joshua that's not the plan, Alec's a big boy he can look after himself".
At this his expression changes to one of confusion, "Alec loves Max, Max loves Alec", he looks at me hope and expectation written all over his face.
I laugh love, yep the world had definitely gone crazy, I reach out and gently stroke the side of his face, time for another lesson in reality. "Me, Alec, love not in this lifetime, Alec's gone, simple as". His eyes hold mine, searching for the truth behind my words.
I stare back at him unabashed; the words I have spoken are the truth as I see it.
I watch as his face crumples, his eyes filling with tears, his expression losing its innocent hope. He says nothing, I can see his faith in me is crushed and he is bewildered.
My heart aches for him, but I can't let him see that, he has to face reality & besides he'll get over it. I leave him there with his unshed tears and emotions, not even bothering to say goodbye.
Logan, Logan, I repeat his name over and over to myself like he's my salvation, he'll help me to make sense of this insanity, I smile pleased with myself, everything's gonna be ok.
I find myself in his apartment, and watch as he turns towards me; the smile on his face is like nothing I've ever seen before.
He studies me looking me up and down like he wants to devour me. "Max I've been waiting for you," I look at him in confusion. "It's ok I swung by Joshua's earlier and he told me Alec had skipped town, I guess you made your choice." Now he is grinning, his face taking on an ecstatic look. He winks at me; "how about I make us some pasta."
It's those words that do it, that finally break through the walls; I've so carefully constructed since I ran out on Alec. Denial is no longer an option. Alec…., I see his face, his beautiful eyes as the light went out of them, because of me, empty shells no longer full of life and intensity, dead eyes. Oh god I did that to him, why? Because I was scared, too much of a coward to love him back. Suddenly I am retching, I can't remember the last time I ate but I can't seem to stop.
Maybe it's the poison that is me trying to escape, but it cannot, Renfro was right I am poison. It's all too much and I collapse on the floor whimpering, "please make it stop". The pain the guilt It's too much, "please make it stop." Alec……, I can't get away from the image of his face, confused, broken, empty, "no, please" a fresh wave of pain hits me, crippling in it's intensity and I scratch at the floor, trying to escape from it.
But I cannot, it is everywhere, behind me, beside me, in front of me, everywhere surrounding me, consuming me, suffocating me, I am grasping for air, but there is none.
In the midst of everything I can hear someone screaming in anguish, it sounds like their heart is being ripped from their chest. I cover my ears with my hands trying to block out the heart wrenching sound. "Alec……….. Please help me." As the room fades to black, I realise the screaming is coming from me.
I am in painI am pain
I am hurtI am hurting
Without you
I am nothing
******* Hope you enjoyed this chapter, not sure if it worked, let me know what you think. The thought behind this chapter is that people react differently to situations, and for some reason I could just see Max in denial. (Actually I thinks she's the queen of denial). Anyways I don't really know where this story is heading, it's like I get this idea for the next chapter out of the blue, hit the computer and type like a mad woman and then it's gone*****
PLEASE REVIEW