TITLE: "The Precise Science of Breaking One's Heart," Part Three of Cornerstones of Confusion
AUTHOR: Barb
RATING: PG - Typical crudeness from Barb. Which means - nearly squeaky clean.
SPOILERS: Since this is "Part Three," I think you can deduct that Part One and Two are pretty important pre-readings to this story.
SUMMARY: It would seem that breaking a heart is a complicated, messy task - but as Luke finds out, it's incredibly simple.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Do not get anything from the huge time-consuming effort it takes to write these stories - except pure and utter happiness. {g}
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Immense gratitude to my friend, Laura, who provided an enormous amount of help with the "scientific analysis" parts of this story. Her creativity and guidance are truly appreciated in making this story so much better! :^)
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What exactly goes into the precise science of breaking someone's heart? Let's discover this, shall we?
Research: One must first go through the process of falling in love with an unattainable woman and stand by idly, keeping feelings to one's self. Make sure to keep detailed log of feelings of self-doubt, self-hatred, and intense emotional longing.
Lorelai arose to start the day just like any other - with loud noises and drowsy confusion.
Rory gracefully tripped and tumbled forward at the top of the stairs, but landed a little less gracefully against the wall, causing her to shout in pain.
Lorelai shot her head up and looked back and forth about four times. "Ah! Wha... Rory?! Rory are you alright?!"
"Yes Mom." Rory was rubbing her shoulder. "I just tripped and ran into the wall. I'm ok."
Lorelai was now in the hallway, examining her daughter with droopy eyes. "Are you sure? It sounded pretty bad and I was only half conscious so..."
"I'm sure. I'm fine. Sorry for waking you." Rory looked at her mom with an apologetic smile.
"Oh pish-posh. I should get my lazy ass out of bed anyway." Rory's mom gives her an inquisitive look. "You know, you're not usually clumsy. May I ask... was there a particular reason you forgot you had feet for a period of time?"
"Well..." Rory gets flustered and hates to admit her lapse in control. "My mind was elsewhere, and I guess my feet just followed."
"Hey, losing your feet is better than losing your sanity while sleeping. I have some major 'Passions' episodes that made their way into my dreams last night. Once I get dressed, you're using your powers to piece them all together, as well as to get that little doll-boy to shut up."
Lorelai heads for the bathroom.
"Gotcha. Hey - I have a surprise for you. Take a shower and come downstairs."
"You do?! Surprise for me? 'Surprise' is one of the best words in the English language."
"I know you feel that way. That's why, in celebration of our recent romantic developments, I made a three-course breakfast for us to devour while dissecting your subconscious." Rory stood proud and gave her mother a stunning smile.
"Awwww... you slaved all morning reading books and talking to chefs to make sure that you would make a delectable meal?"
"Well, not exactly. I just rushed over to Luke's to get chocolate chip pancakes, extra crispy bacon, and a total of 40 steaming ounces of coffee. I did make some toast, though!"
"And I'm sure that will be the best part of it..."
"It's the thought that counts."
"Yes. It is. And thank you, sweetheart - I'll be right down."
Rory cheerfully shook her head and, more carefully than usual, skipped down the stairs.
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Luke arose to start the day just like any other - with a massive hangover.
Ok. So it wasn't just like any other.
I need coffee. Lots of coffee. Look what this woman has done to me.
Luke fumbled out of bed to make some coffee and a few pieces of toast. He took a handful of Tylenol to try and get rid of the pounding in his head. Last night's events came back to him pretty clearly and by the size of his headache, he was surprised he remembered as much.
No harm was done. Rory thought all along that I was upset over Rachel. And by now, I'm sure Lorelai thinks the same. She'll probably slyly ask if I'm alright today, or attempt to lay on the charm pretty thick just to 'brighten my day.' But now she thinks that Rachel means more to me than the really does, and well... I guess a little harm *was* done.
While Luke sat eating his toast and smelling the coffee that sat in front of him, he wished he knew just when this got so complicated for him.
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Hypothesis: If one man keeps silent about his feelings for one woman long enough, another man will surely come along and take the opportunity himself. Therefore, the first man will be left alone to wonder when he became so incredibly stupid.
"Mom. What exactly did you put in those brownies last night?" Rory sat across from her mother, a piece of pancake an inch from her mouth, which was hung open in bizarre awe.
"Didn't I tell you those dreams were weird. I should send my screenplay to the creative masterminds at 'Passions,' I'm telling you."
"No. What you need to do is start laying off the crack before bedtime."
"Look who's talking, Miss Floppy Feet."
"So we're a little off lately. We deserve a few days in complete bliss, wouldn't you say?"
"Maybe *you* deserve a few days of bliss. I, on the other hand, am stuck with a few days of being dazed."
"I thought you were giddy with excitement, Mom. Is the proposal getting to you - are you having second thoughts?"
"Well. It's not like I had any first thoughts. I don't think all of these thoughts had any order when they decided to come into my head and make me into a mad woman."
"You were ma..."
"Shhhhh... Stop right there. I could use a break in the 'picking-on-Lorelai' category right now."
"Agreed. I'm sorry."
"Apology accepted."
"This is a serious step you have to take. A big decision you to make, Mom. So I'm sure Max understands if you take your time. And me - well, I want you to know that whatever you choose, you know I'm going to be happy for you."
"Really?" Lorelai looks at her daughter, questioning her sincerity. She worries more than anything about how Rory would take this. Whatever "this" is.
"Yes."
"But will you be happy for *yourself*?"
"I like Max. I don't think either one of us expects me to start calling him 'Daddy' and throwing my arms around him when he gets home each night. But we'll grow and learn from each other. I wouldn't worry about me, Mom. Ok?"
*Sigh* "Ok. I'll take that. For now."
Rory looks into her mug. "Who would have guessed that 40 ounces of coffee could be ingested *that* fast?"
"I could! I could!"
Rory laughs at her super-caffeinated mother. "Why don't we go get more?! I'm sure Luke is wondering what's taking us so long. He asked me if I was sure we only needed 40 ounces. I should have listened to the man."
Lorelai feels a sudden urgency to do laundry. "Nah. We don't need it *that* badly. What I need to do is some laundry." Lorelai gets up and starts putting the dishes away.
Rory gets up as well, following her mom. "You did laundry two days ago!"
"Well then there's two days worth that needs to be washed!"
"Why don't you want to go to Luke's?"
Lorelai flinches at his name and makes a weird face at herself for doing that. "I never said I don't want to go to Luke's."
"That's what you implied with your sudden fancy to do laundry."
"I implied nothing of the sort. I would love to go to Luke's! Luke's is a wonderful, terrific place to be! I just don't feel the need for more coffee right now."
"That is *the* most insane thing I've ever heard you say. And you know that's saying a lot."
"Oh if it will make you happy, we'll go in about an hour. Ok? I'll just get a few things done here and we'll go. We'll go so I can show you I have no aversion to Luke's at the moment. Alright?"
"You can have an aversion to Luke's at the moment. You can also tell me why you have that aversion."
"There is no aversion to tell you of."
Rory throws her hands up. "Alright. No more pushing. I give. I just have never seen you turn down Luke's coffee. Even after 24 ounces."
"I think it was about 26. I finished your last cup."
"Even better. Speaking of Luke, though..."
"You know - why must we be speaking of Luke?"
"I just thought... I wanted to know when you were thinking about telling him."
Lorelai stops dead in her tracks, mid-throw putting clothes into the washer. "I don't know."
"I'm sure he'd be really excited, well not excited, I don't think I've ever seen Luke excited. Well, maybe when he took down that one decoration he was forced to put up for..."
"He won't be excited. I get it. I don't think he'd even be happy."
"Why not?"
"Well, I would hope he'd be happy. We are good friends and all, and I would feel the same if he was in my situation. But..." Lorelai thinks quickly about what she just said. Would she feel the same? Would she be happy? Why the hell is she doubting herself here? This is beginning to freak her out a little...
"He'd be happy. As happy as Luke can get, I'm sure."
"I don't know. He was pretty 'grunty' about Max the other day. I'm under the impression he's going to be an oaf about this."
"An oaf? And how do oafs act when they hear of wedding proposals?"
"Oafish."
"Oafish. Ok. I just wanted that clarified and I think you did a wonderful job."
"He won't approve. Just like he didn't approve of Dean. He'll get that gleam in his eye like he wants to do a little smackdown on Max's ass, I just know it."
"You gonna tell him today?"
"I don't know! Maybe I should just wait until I've come up with an answer."
"That's reasonable."
"Why have all this chatter around town if there is no definite chatter to be had."
"Good plan. But - you will be telling Sookie, right?"
"Well, of course."
"The whole town's gonna know by tomorrow then."
"No it will not."
"Alright. If that's how misguided you want to be."
"I am not misguided."
"Ok, then. Delusional."
"Ok - maybe delusional. You think I should tell him, then?"
"You don't want him to hear the news from Miss Patty, do you?"
"No."
"Then tell him today. Tell him now. Tell him as soon as you can. I wouldn't be surprised if Miss Patty knew about the proposal before even *you* knew about the proposal."
"Ha - why does that scare me so much?"
"Because it's true."
"Ahhhhhhh."
"I'll let you finish your, umm, important task of washing three shirts and two pairs of pants."
"Thanks. That would be very much appreciated. We'll leave in a while, ok?"
"Ok." Rory heads upstairs. Five seconds later, Lorelai hears a loud thud and an "ahhhhh!" and can't contain a snort of laughter before shouting up to her daughter, "They're connected to the bottom of your legs, watch out for them!"
"I'm fine, thanks for asking!"
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Materials: One cup of coffee and a little bit of witty banter. Denial and cowardice also highly recommended tools.
One hour later, the Gilmore girls waltz into The Coffee Shop, smiles beaming and wittiness rearing and ready to shoot. At least, that's what it looked like on the outside. Inside, Lorelai was churning with something intangible. She could always find words for something. Even completely gibberish words void of any meaning within the English language. Or any language known on this planet, for that matter. But right now - her insides were speechless.
They sit at their usual spot. Rory looks at her mother and smiles. "Not bad, right? You can smell the coffee down the street. Ummm..."
"Ummm..." Lorelai repeats and attempts to duplicate her daughter's contentment, but she can seem to find any comfort in this chair right now. Needs more padding, she thinks.
"You ok, Mom?"
"Yeah. Of course - hit me with the java!"
"Is that all you want me to hit you with?" Luke's voice hits her like a ton of bricks and she jumps almost entirely out of her seat, flailing her arms about, and almost knocking Luke's pad and pen out of his hands.
"Oh. Hey! Luke! Master of Surprise, today, huh?!"
"I'm trying a new identity every day this week. Stop by tomorrow when I'll be Master of Deception. Nothing I cook will be as it seems."
Rory laughs and looks at Luke as he shyly smiles back at her. She then catches a glimpse of recognition that says, "Hey, didn't you see me drunk last night and didn't I tell you things I really wish I hadn't told you?!" She smiles back at him, hoping to reassure him it's ok.
Lorelai tries to gather some composure. She shakes her head and looks back up at Luke, who's eyeing her in between glances at his notepad. He looked a little more flustered than usual, but she guessed it was due to the inane about of alcohol he consumed last night.
"Coffee's it for us. Your food was great, by the way. Thanks for supporting two disaster areas when it comes to cooking. I don't know where we'd be without you."
"Starving. And much, much more calm." Luke walks away to get the coffee.
You got that right, Lorelai says to herself. Serenity is something far, far away when I'm around you lately.
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Luke goes to the counter with a sense of minor relief.
This is good. Banter is good. I'm actually proud of myself. No cold shoulder. No bitterness. I was even a little humorous. And, as a major plus, I scared her. I love it when I scare her.
Luke smiles to himself as he pours the coffee. He may not have her in his life as much as he'd like to have her in his life, but what he has is the coffee. And that means the world to her. Therefore, in some sick, twisted way *he* means the world to her. Ok, maybe not. It's a stretch, but he'll take what he can get.
He takes the two cups, both filled to the fullest, and walks toward the two ladies that come in and out of his life almost every single day. He even manages to let the corners of his mouth curl up into what he's been told looks like a smile.
That smile fades almost immediately once he approaches them. Darn. I knew it was too good to be true.
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Procedure:
Step 1: Start by utilizing swift word play to cause misdirection. One must be eager to avoid any truth-telling moments that would divulge actual feelings toward object of affection.
When Luke walks away from the table to get coffee, Rory leans over and whispers, "Looks like he's in a pretty good mood. Maybe now would be a good time to tell him."
"Don't you think I'm thinking that right now?!"
"Just wanted to make sure you were aware."
"I am aware. I am very aware of what I should do, thank you very much."
"Ok."
And the whining sets in. "Can't I just wait until tomorrow? He won't find out within 24 hours."
"Mom? Are you... hey, maybe you're right." Rory then turns a bit to look out of the window. "Wait... is that...? I think I see Miss Patty coming over here with a big banner that says 'Congratulations Lorelai on the Marriage Proposal!'"
"What?!" Lorelai idiotically worries and cranes her neck to look around. "You horrible, mean, grounded little child."
"I am not grounded."
"Ok. You're not. But you almost gave me a hernia just then. I get your point, though. I'll tell Luke. Thanks for the subtle show of support."
"Anytime."
They see Luke walk toward them, looking somewhat cheerful. Lorelai tells Rory to 'shush' and then proceeds to, unbeknownst to her, break a man's heart.
"Luke, can we talk?"
Luke sets the coffee down and looks at Lorelai. "Why? Didn't I scare you enough for one day?"
"Yes. That's why I need to repay the favor."
She's going to scare me? Oh what the hell... do I need to hear this?
After standing there for a few dozen seconds, Luke blinks his eyes and says, "I'm here. Speak."
"Well..." She looks at Rory. "Let's... let's go for a walk. Can we do that?" She looks at Luke, who seems to be starting his "I'm-Annoyed-I-Don't-Have-The-Time-For-This" routine.
"Is it really that important that you can't say it right now this very second?"
"Yes. Yes it most certainly is. Please?" She gets up and decides to go for force. "Rory will wait here for me, right sweetie?" Rory nods and smiles. "And you - you'll come with me. I'll even bring my coffee so it doesn't get cold." She grabs his arm and pulls him toward the door. "Hey! Everyone - Luke will be out for a few minutes. Don't freak - talk to Jim - he's capable. Most of the time. Thanks."
Ignoring all of Luke's "uhh's" and "umm's" and "gruntgrunt's," Lorelai gets him outside.
Step 2: Attempt walking and talking at the same time. Presenting a front of stability is necessary to quell any nervousness that would undermine the mission.
"Lorelai..."
A shiver runs down her spine. She shakes slightly, then makes another weird face at herself.
Luke stops what he was about to say and notices her reaction. "It's not cold out here. What's your problem?"
"Honestly? I have no clue."
"So what did you want to talk to me about?" Luke plays his annoyance card, but is nothing but curious and attentive underneath.
What could this possibly be about? How about Max and her aren't seeing each other anymore? No. She wouldn't be in the coffee shop if that's the case. Maybe she... no. Maybe Rory told her what happened and now she's going to ask me about it. Try to get "the truth" out. Maybe Max asked her to... *gulp*. Shut up, Luke. Oh dear God. I'm having a conversation with myself in my head. I'm one step away from the Lorelai Gilmore Institute of Insanity.
Lorelai's voice wakes him from his one-sided conversation. "Talking must first involve walking."
"That's not a predetermined state of physics or... whatever science that involves."
"It's the science of 'walking and talking' which involves both actions."
*Sigh* "Alright."
Lorelai and Luke begin to walk down the street. They steal glances at each other, wondering what the other is thinking. Not being mind readers, this was a fruitless activity.
Lorelai tests the waters. "So Luke - how is your day going so far?"
"Lorelai! You obviously have things to say. What you deem as 'very important' things. I know you are, for some reason, nervous or worried or something, but just get to the point and come out and say it. We don't need to play these word games right now."
Ok, so the water's a little rocky.
"If you're going to be that way, fine. I wanted to work up to this and think about ... oh to hell with it. Max asked me to marry him! There!"
Lorelai and Luke stop. She faces him in one big huff, exasperated with his persistence in ruining the whole flow of this conversation. This conversation that's inexplicably turning into what sounds like an argument, Lorelai thinks. Why do we always go around like this? Why can't we have a normal conversation like two friends are supposed to have at least once in a decade?!
"Max asked you to marry him?"
"No he asked Rory, but when she declined he went for the older, more mature Gilmore."
"When did he propose?"
"Two nights ago."
"Oh." Luke lets out a long-held breath. They stand there staring at each other for what Lorelai estimates to be approximately 34 seconds. Luke estimates the time to be approximately... an eternity.
"Luke? Are you going to reanimate yourself any time soon?"
Step 3: Defy the tiny voice in the back of your mind telling you to act before it's too late. Instead, opt to create a false front of happiness that completely conceals your true emotions. Escape the situation before things fall apart and you inevitably slip and give yourself away.
He blinks his eyes, ignores the huge pit in his stomach that's filling up with something very uncomfortable, and he musters a smile. An actual smile.
"Congratulations Lorelai." He then leans in and hugs her, feeling his weight carry him forward.
Lorelai is stunned into silence.
For about 10 seconds.
"Uh. Thank you. Luke." She gives him a squeeze as she wraps her arms around him a little more.
Thank goodness neither one of them could see the other's face. Or maybe that's a bad thing. You see, because Lorelai looked as confused as she ever had before and Luke... well Luke looked something entirely different. He looked sure of himself and not only that - but very, very scared.
Luke pulls away, making sure his smile reappears. "So... you said 'yes,' right?"
"Well. No. Not yet. I told Max I would have to think about it. I mean - this is a huge decision that affects not only me, but more importantly - Rory."
She's not the only one it affects, Lorelai, Luke thinks. But how could I blame you when I'm the asshole with my mouth shut?
"I have to put a lot of thought into this before I go about changing our entire lives."
Luke looks her in the eye. Too late.
Lorelai lets out a deep sigh as if feeling the weight of the situation all over again.
"I'm sure Max would wait a lifetime for you, Lorelai. He'd be an idiot not to."
She shudders again at the sound of her name, but this time she's the only one that notices. She also notices the lack of a smile on Luke's face. Not that that's anything unusual, she thinks. She looks at him more intently and smiles at his endearing statement.
"You know, Luke? I've known you forever, yet you still surprise me."
"You haven't known me forever."
"Well, our penchant for biting, non-stop verbal aggression makes it *seem* like I've known you forever."
"Speaking of verbal aggression, maybe now that you've found someone to spend the rest of your life with, you won't come around to me and whine about how 'When Harry Met Sally' is no fun to watch alone."
"It's a romantic comedy, Luke! Probably the very best ever made, and romantic comedies are meant to be seen by two people filled with *romance*. I would think that would make a world of sense, even for someone like you."
"Well how about two people who are just filled with *comedy* - isn't that equally important in the 'romantic comedy' mix?"
Lorelai just laughs.
Luke stares at her. "What's so funny?"
Lorelai takes a deep breath. "Nothing. I just love our..." She doesn't finish her sentence. She didn't quite know how to put it.
"You just love our... what?"
"Our conversations are ones for the book, wouldn't you say?"
Luke smiles at her. He decides to not let this moment get to him and what he wants to do.
"Lorelai. I want you to know that I couldn't be happier for you. You deserve everything Max has to offer."
"I'm surprised you think he *has* anything to offer, what with your previous display of..."
"I know. I know. I was just... you know...protective, I guess. You know I'd kill him if he ended up hurting you."
"Or at least get him in a headlock."
Luke laughs. "At the *very* least."
The pair look at each other.
Luke breaks the deafening silence. "I should really be getting back."
"Oh. Sure."
"Are you going to meet Rory?"
"Yeah. Rory. Actually, I want to sit here for a minute. Can you tell her I'll be out here waiting for her?"
"Sure." Luke looks at Lorelai's hands. "Do you... want me to take that for you?"
Lorelai notices she still has his coffee mug. "Yes. I almost forgot, sorry. Coffee mugs tend to just be an extension of my actual flesh, so I can get easily confused."
Luke doesn't comment on that, like Lorelai expects him too. Instead he just reaches for the mug, brushing his hand with hers in the process.
Luke does this intentionally. He knows it's not like him to want such goofy things like the simple touch of her hand, but he doesn't care. He's sure she wouldn't even notice anyway.
Lorelai notices. Oh boy, does she notice. Not only that, but she notices the way he's looking at their hands while he's reaching for the mug. She also notices the way she's looking at the way he's looking at their hands. He severely underestimates her heightened sensibilities at this moment.
She feels the need to say something to him, but what comes out of her mouth isn't anywhere near what she really wants to say. What she wants to say is, "What the hell is wrong with you - why aren't you questioning my decision - why aren't you questioning Max - or how it will affect Rory - or... or how this will affect you?! Dammit - how will this affect our friendship, Luke?! Cause by the look in your eyes right now you're a million miles away."
As Luke pulls the mug away slowly and begins to turn around, Lorelai mumbles, "I... I wanted to tell you myself. Even though I haven't made a definite decision yet. I didn't want you to find out from anyone but me."
"Thanks."
"Is that all? To be honest..."
"To be honest... I'm happy for you, Lorelai. You deserve some happiness that doesn't come after drinking coffee. I'll go get Rory."
With that Luke walked away and Lorelai watched him go until he was gone. She then sat on the ground and fell backward, covering her face with her hands.
That was not Luke that just walked away. He smiled. He hugged me. All signs pointing to, "Hey Lorelai, you're my friend, I care about you and I wish you the best." Then he touched my hand... and it was... I don't know what it was. But it wasn't a "Hey I'm just being happy for my best friend" hand touch. That it most certainly was not.
But maybe I'm just seeing things. Anyone who knows me could attest to my frequent hallucinations. This is all a manifestation of my warped, flustered mind at the moment.
This could all be a leftover reaction from all of that heartache Luke was dealing with last night. It sounds like Rachel really got to him. She was probably on his mind the entire time I was telling him about my possible wedded bliss. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut! How could I be so stupid?! Ok, I know. It's not that hard - but to tell him my happy news when all he can think of right now is how the woman he loved got away. I feel horrible.
"Uhhhhh...." Lorelai moans in emotional pain as Rory comes up beside her.
"What's wrong?"
Lorelai looks through her fingers up at her daughter.
"Nothing."
Rory sits next to her and Lorelai reluctantly pulls herself up to sit and look Rory in the eye. Rory looks unconvinced.
"Ok. Everything. I feel like a complete loser for telling Luke about how I may very well spend the rest of my life with a wonderful man. He lost someone he loves and I have to go and rub it in that I found a love of my own - I'm a cold-hearted snake, Rory!"
"Look into his eyes..."
"Uh-oh. Good catch, Ms. Abdul."
"Thanks. I thought that was quick thinking on my part."
"I've done too much talking and much too much thinking in the span of twenty-four hours."
"Let's go home and rest our skulls, then. I think there's a 90210 marathon on cable tonight!"
"Yes! No thinking required whatsoever - perfect!"
The two get up from the hard ground and head home. Lorelai wraps her arm around her kid, thankful there's always Rory to relieve her of complete madness that's due to an onslaught of confusion.
Lorelai glances back at Luke's for a moment. I'll figure you out later, mister. That look in Luke's eyes before he walked away remained in Lorelai's conscious all night, despite the distraction of a certain Jason Priestly. In fact, it was the last thing she thought about before slipping away into a decent night's sleep.
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Luke, on the other hand, had a very indecent night's sleep. Not in that way, silly. He tossed. He turned. He got up to walk around five times.
His rational self told him that this wasn't the end of the world. That you never had her to begin with, so how could you have "lost" her? He told his rational self to "shut up and smell the coffee."
Conclusion: My hypothesis was proven correct. I found throughout my experiences that breaking one's own heart is far too easy a task. It's a reaction that happens so quickly and so effortlessly that the event is already finished before the owner of the heart is even aware of the process in which he is taking part. I didn't stand a chance since the first day I met her.
AUTHOR: Barb
RATING: PG - Typical crudeness from Barb. Which means - nearly squeaky clean.
SPOILERS: Since this is "Part Three," I think you can deduct that Part One and Two are pretty important pre-readings to this story.
SUMMARY: It would seem that breaking a heart is a complicated, messy task - but as Luke finds out, it's incredibly simple.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Do not get anything from the huge time-consuming effort it takes to write these stories - except pure and utter happiness. {g}
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Immense gratitude to my friend, Laura, who provided an enormous amount of help with the "scientific analysis" parts of this story. Her creativity and guidance are truly appreciated in making this story so much better! :^)
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What exactly goes into the precise science of breaking someone's heart? Let's discover this, shall we?
Research: One must first go through the process of falling in love with an unattainable woman and stand by idly, keeping feelings to one's self. Make sure to keep detailed log of feelings of self-doubt, self-hatred, and intense emotional longing.
Lorelai arose to start the day just like any other - with loud noises and drowsy confusion.
Rory gracefully tripped and tumbled forward at the top of the stairs, but landed a little less gracefully against the wall, causing her to shout in pain.
Lorelai shot her head up and looked back and forth about four times. "Ah! Wha... Rory?! Rory are you alright?!"
"Yes Mom." Rory was rubbing her shoulder. "I just tripped and ran into the wall. I'm ok."
Lorelai was now in the hallway, examining her daughter with droopy eyes. "Are you sure? It sounded pretty bad and I was only half conscious so..."
"I'm sure. I'm fine. Sorry for waking you." Rory looked at her mom with an apologetic smile.
"Oh pish-posh. I should get my lazy ass out of bed anyway." Rory's mom gives her an inquisitive look. "You know, you're not usually clumsy. May I ask... was there a particular reason you forgot you had feet for a period of time?"
"Well..." Rory gets flustered and hates to admit her lapse in control. "My mind was elsewhere, and I guess my feet just followed."
"Hey, losing your feet is better than losing your sanity while sleeping. I have some major 'Passions' episodes that made their way into my dreams last night. Once I get dressed, you're using your powers to piece them all together, as well as to get that little doll-boy to shut up."
Lorelai heads for the bathroom.
"Gotcha. Hey - I have a surprise for you. Take a shower and come downstairs."
"You do?! Surprise for me? 'Surprise' is one of the best words in the English language."
"I know you feel that way. That's why, in celebration of our recent romantic developments, I made a three-course breakfast for us to devour while dissecting your subconscious." Rory stood proud and gave her mother a stunning smile.
"Awwww... you slaved all morning reading books and talking to chefs to make sure that you would make a delectable meal?"
"Well, not exactly. I just rushed over to Luke's to get chocolate chip pancakes, extra crispy bacon, and a total of 40 steaming ounces of coffee. I did make some toast, though!"
"And I'm sure that will be the best part of it..."
"It's the thought that counts."
"Yes. It is. And thank you, sweetheart - I'll be right down."
Rory cheerfully shook her head and, more carefully than usual, skipped down the stairs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Luke arose to start the day just like any other - with a massive hangover.
Ok. So it wasn't just like any other.
I need coffee. Lots of coffee. Look what this woman has done to me.
Luke fumbled out of bed to make some coffee and a few pieces of toast. He took a handful of Tylenol to try and get rid of the pounding in his head. Last night's events came back to him pretty clearly and by the size of his headache, he was surprised he remembered as much.
No harm was done. Rory thought all along that I was upset over Rachel. And by now, I'm sure Lorelai thinks the same. She'll probably slyly ask if I'm alright today, or attempt to lay on the charm pretty thick just to 'brighten my day.' But now she thinks that Rachel means more to me than the really does, and well... I guess a little harm *was* done.
While Luke sat eating his toast and smelling the coffee that sat in front of him, he wished he knew just when this got so complicated for him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hypothesis: If one man keeps silent about his feelings for one woman long enough, another man will surely come along and take the opportunity himself. Therefore, the first man will be left alone to wonder when he became so incredibly stupid.
"Mom. What exactly did you put in those brownies last night?" Rory sat across from her mother, a piece of pancake an inch from her mouth, which was hung open in bizarre awe.
"Didn't I tell you those dreams were weird. I should send my screenplay to the creative masterminds at 'Passions,' I'm telling you."
"No. What you need to do is start laying off the crack before bedtime."
"Look who's talking, Miss Floppy Feet."
"So we're a little off lately. We deserve a few days in complete bliss, wouldn't you say?"
"Maybe *you* deserve a few days of bliss. I, on the other hand, am stuck with a few days of being dazed."
"I thought you were giddy with excitement, Mom. Is the proposal getting to you - are you having second thoughts?"
"Well. It's not like I had any first thoughts. I don't think all of these thoughts had any order when they decided to come into my head and make me into a mad woman."
"You were ma..."
"Shhhhh... Stop right there. I could use a break in the 'picking-on-Lorelai' category right now."
"Agreed. I'm sorry."
"Apology accepted."
"This is a serious step you have to take. A big decision you to make, Mom. So I'm sure Max understands if you take your time. And me - well, I want you to know that whatever you choose, you know I'm going to be happy for you."
"Really?" Lorelai looks at her daughter, questioning her sincerity. She worries more than anything about how Rory would take this. Whatever "this" is.
"Yes."
"But will you be happy for *yourself*?"
"I like Max. I don't think either one of us expects me to start calling him 'Daddy' and throwing my arms around him when he gets home each night. But we'll grow and learn from each other. I wouldn't worry about me, Mom. Ok?"
*Sigh* "Ok. I'll take that. For now."
Rory looks into her mug. "Who would have guessed that 40 ounces of coffee could be ingested *that* fast?"
"I could! I could!"
Rory laughs at her super-caffeinated mother. "Why don't we go get more?! I'm sure Luke is wondering what's taking us so long. He asked me if I was sure we only needed 40 ounces. I should have listened to the man."
Lorelai feels a sudden urgency to do laundry. "Nah. We don't need it *that* badly. What I need to do is some laundry." Lorelai gets up and starts putting the dishes away.
Rory gets up as well, following her mom. "You did laundry two days ago!"
"Well then there's two days worth that needs to be washed!"
"Why don't you want to go to Luke's?"
Lorelai flinches at his name and makes a weird face at herself for doing that. "I never said I don't want to go to Luke's."
"That's what you implied with your sudden fancy to do laundry."
"I implied nothing of the sort. I would love to go to Luke's! Luke's is a wonderful, terrific place to be! I just don't feel the need for more coffee right now."
"That is *the* most insane thing I've ever heard you say. And you know that's saying a lot."
"Oh if it will make you happy, we'll go in about an hour. Ok? I'll just get a few things done here and we'll go. We'll go so I can show you I have no aversion to Luke's at the moment. Alright?"
"You can have an aversion to Luke's at the moment. You can also tell me why you have that aversion."
"There is no aversion to tell you of."
Rory throws her hands up. "Alright. No more pushing. I give. I just have never seen you turn down Luke's coffee. Even after 24 ounces."
"I think it was about 26. I finished your last cup."
"Even better. Speaking of Luke, though..."
"You know - why must we be speaking of Luke?"
"I just thought... I wanted to know when you were thinking about telling him."
Lorelai stops dead in her tracks, mid-throw putting clothes into the washer. "I don't know."
"I'm sure he'd be really excited, well not excited, I don't think I've ever seen Luke excited. Well, maybe when he took down that one decoration he was forced to put up for..."
"He won't be excited. I get it. I don't think he'd even be happy."
"Why not?"
"Well, I would hope he'd be happy. We are good friends and all, and I would feel the same if he was in my situation. But..." Lorelai thinks quickly about what she just said. Would she feel the same? Would she be happy? Why the hell is she doubting herself here? This is beginning to freak her out a little...
"He'd be happy. As happy as Luke can get, I'm sure."
"I don't know. He was pretty 'grunty' about Max the other day. I'm under the impression he's going to be an oaf about this."
"An oaf? And how do oafs act when they hear of wedding proposals?"
"Oafish."
"Oafish. Ok. I just wanted that clarified and I think you did a wonderful job."
"He won't approve. Just like he didn't approve of Dean. He'll get that gleam in his eye like he wants to do a little smackdown on Max's ass, I just know it."
"You gonna tell him today?"
"I don't know! Maybe I should just wait until I've come up with an answer."
"That's reasonable."
"Why have all this chatter around town if there is no definite chatter to be had."
"Good plan. But - you will be telling Sookie, right?"
"Well, of course."
"The whole town's gonna know by tomorrow then."
"No it will not."
"Alright. If that's how misguided you want to be."
"I am not misguided."
"Ok, then. Delusional."
"Ok - maybe delusional. You think I should tell him, then?"
"You don't want him to hear the news from Miss Patty, do you?"
"No."
"Then tell him today. Tell him now. Tell him as soon as you can. I wouldn't be surprised if Miss Patty knew about the proposal before even *you* knew about the proposal."
"Ha - why does that scare me so much?"
"Because it's true."
"Ahhhhhhh."
"I'll let you finish your, umm, important task of washing three shirts and two pairs of pants."
"Thanks. That would be very much appreciated. We'll leave in a while, ok?"
"Ok." Rory heads upstairs. Five seconds later, Lorelai hears a loud thud and an "ahhhhh!" and can't contain a snort of laughter before shouting up to her daughter, "They're connected to the bottom of your legs, watch out for them!"
"I'm fine, thanks for asking!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Materials: One cup of coffee and a little bit of witty banter. Denial and cowardice also highly recommended tools.
One hour later, the Gilmore girls waltz into The Coffee Shop, smiles beaming and wittiness rearing and ready to shoot. At least, that's what it looked like on the outside. Inside, Lorelai was churning with something intangible. She could always find words for something. Even completely gibberish words void of any meaning within the English language. Or any language known on this planet, for that matter. But right now - her insides were speechless.
They sit at their usual spot. Rory looks at her mother and smiles. "Not bad, right? You can smell the coffee down the street. Ummm..."
"Ummm..." Lorelai repeats and attempts to duplicate her daughter's contentment, but she can seem to find any comfort in this chair right now. Needs more padding, she thinks.
"You ok, Mom?"
"Yeah. Of course - hit me with the java!"
"Is that all you want me to hit you with?" Luke's voice hits her like a ton of bricks and she jumps almost entirely out of her seat, flailing her arms about, and almost knocking Luke's pad and pen out of his hands.
"Oh. Hey! Luke! Master of Surprise, today, huh?!"
"I'm trying a new identity every day this week. Stop by tomorrow when I'll be Master of Deception. Nothing I cook will be as it seems."
Rory laughs and looks at Luke as he shyly smiles back at her. She then catches a glimpse of recognition that says, "Hey, didn't you see me drunk last night and didn't I tell you things I really wish I hadn't told you?!" She smiles back at him, hoping to reassure him it's ok.
Lorelai tries to gather some composure. She shakes her head and looks back up at Luke, who's eyeing her in between glances at his notepad. He looked a little more flustered than usual, but she guessed it was due to the inane about of alcohol he consumed last night.
"Coffee's it for us. Your food was great, by the way. Thanks for supporting two disaster areas when it comes to cooking. I don't know where we'd be without you."
"Starving. And much, much more calm." Luke walks away to get the coffee.
You got that right, Lorelai says to herself. Serenity is something far, far away when I'm around you lately.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Luke goes to the counter with a sense of minor relief.
This is good. Banter is good. I'm actually proud of myself. No cold shoulder. No bitterness. I was even a little humorous. And, as a major plus, I scared her. I love it when I scare her.
Luke smiles to himself as he pours the coffee. He may not have her in his life as much as he'd like to have her in his life, but what he has is the coffee. And that means the world to her. Therefore, in some sick, twisted way *he* means the world to her. Ok, maybe not. It's a stretch, but he'll take what he can get.
He takes the two cups, both filled to the fullest, and walks toward the two ladies that come in and out of his life almost every single day. He even manages to let the corners of his mouth curl up into what he's been told looks like a smile.
That smile fades almost immediately once he approaches them. Darn. I knew it was too good to be true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Procedure:
Step 1: Start by utilizing swift word play to cause misdirection. One must be eager to avoid any truth-telling moments that would divulge actual feelings toward object of affection.
When Luke walks away from the table to get coffee, Rory leans over and whispers, "Looks like he's in a pretty good mood. Maybe now would be a good time to tell him."
"Don't you think I'm thinking that right now?!"
"Just wanted to make sure you were aware."
"I am aware. I am very aware of what I should do, thank you very much."
"Ok."
And the whining sets in. "Can't I just wait until tomorrow? He won't find out within 24 hours."
"Mom? Are you... hey, maybe you're right." Rory then turns a bit to look out of the window. "Wait... is that...? I think I see Miss Patty coming over here with a big banner that says 'Congratulations Lorelai on the Marriage Proposal!'"
"What?!" Lorelai idiotically worries and cranes her neck to look around. "You horrible, mean, grounded little child."
"I am not grounded."
"Ok. You're not. But you almost gave me a hernia just then. I get your point, though. I'll tell Luke. Thanks for the subtle show of support."
"Anytime."
They see Luke walk toward them, looking somewhat cheerful. Lorelai tells Rory to 'shush' and then proceeds to, unbeknownst to her, break a man's heart.
"Luke, can we talk?"
Luke sets the coffee down and looks at Lorelai. "Why? Didn't I scare you enough for one day?"
"Yes. That's why I need to repay the favor."
She's going to scare me? Oh what the hell... do I need to hear this?
After standing there for a few dozen seconds, Luke blinks his eyes and says, "I'm here. Speak."
"Well..." She looks at Rory. "Let's... let's go for a walk. Can we do that?" She looks at Luke, who seems to be starting his "I'm-Annoyed-I-Don't-Have-The-Time-For-This" routine.
"Is it really that important that you can't say it right now this very second?"
"Yes. Yes it most certainly is. Please?" She gets up and decides to go for force. "Rory will wait here for me, right sweetie?" Rory nods and smiles. "And you - you'll come with me. I'll even bring my coffee so it doesn't get cold." She grabs his arm and pulls him toward the door. "Hey! Everyone - Luke will be out for a few minutes. Don't freak - talk to Jim - he's capable. Most of the time. Thanks."
Ignoring all of Luke's "uhh's" and "umm's" and "gruntgrunt's," Lorelai gets him outside.
Step 2: Attempt walking and talking at the same time. Presenting a front of stability is necessary to quell any nervousness that would undermine the mission.
"Lorelai..."
A shiver runs down her spine. She shakes slightly, then makes another weird face at herself.
Luke stops what he was about to say and notices her reaction. "It's not cold out here. What's your problem?"
"Honestly? I have no clue."
"So what did you want to talk to me about?" Luke plays his annoyance card, but is nothing but curious and attentive underneath.
What could this possibly be about? How about Max and her aren't seeing each other anymore? No. She wouldn't be in the coffee shop if that's the case. Maybe she... no. Maybe Rory told her what happened and now she's going to ask me about it. Try to get "the truth" out. Maybe Max asked her to... *gulp*. Shut up, Luke. Oh dear God. I'm having a conversation with myself in my head. I'm one step away from the Lorelai Gilmore Institute of Insanity.
Lorelai's voice wakes him from his one-sided conversation. "Talking must first involve walking."
"That's not a predetermined state of physics or... whatever science that involves."
"It's the science of 'walking and talking' which involves both actions."
*Sigh* "Alright."
Lorelai and Luke begin to walk down the street. They steal glances at each other, wondering what the other is thinking. Not being mind readers, this was a fruitless activity.
Lorelai tests the waters. "So Luke - how is your day going so far?"
"Lorelai! You obviously have things to say. What you deem as 'very important' things. I know you are, for some reason, nervous or worried or something, but just get to the point and come out and say it. We don't need to play these word games right now."
Ok, so the water's a little rocky.
"If you're going to be that way, fine. I wanted to work up to this and think about ... oh to hell with it. Max asked me to marry him! There!"
Lorelai and Luke stop. She faces him in one big huff, exasperated with his persistence in ruining the whole flow of this conversation. This conversation that's inexplicably turning into what sounds like an argument, Lorelai thinks. Why do we always go around like this? Why can't we have a normal conversation like two friends are supposed to have at least once in a decade?!
"Max asked you to marry him?"
"No he asked Rory, but when she declined he went for the older, more mature Gilmore."
"When did he propose?"
"Two nights ago."
"Oh." Luke lets out a long-held breath. They stand there staring at each other for what Lorelai estimates to be approximately 34 seconds. Luke estimates the time to be approximately... an eternity.
"Luke? Are you going to reanimate yourself any time soon?"
Step 3: Defy the tiny voice in the back of your mind telling you to act before it's too late. Instead, opt to create a false front of happiness that completely conceals your true emotions. Escape the situation before things fall apart and you inevitably slip and give yourself away.
He blinks his eyes, ignores the huge pit in his stomach that's filling up with something very uncomfortable, and he musters a smile. An actual smile.
"Congratulations Lorelai." He then leans in and hugs her, feeling his weight carry him forward.
Lorelai is stunned into silence.
For about 10 seconds.
"Uh. Thank you. Luke." She gives him a squeeze as she wraps her arms around him a little more.
Thank goodness neither one of them could see the other's face. Or maybe that's a bad thing. You see, because Lorelai looked as confused as she ever had before and Luke... well Luke looked something entirely different. He looked sure of himself and not only that - but very, very scared.
Luke pulls away, making sure his smile reappears. "So... you said 'yes,' right?"
"Well. No. Not yet. I told Max I would have to think about it. I mean - this is a huge decision that affects not only me, but more importantly - Rory."
She's not the only one it affects, Lorelai, Luke thinks. But how could I blame you when I'm the asshole with my mouth shut?
"I have to put a lot of thought into this before I go about changing our entire lives."
Luke looks her in the eye. Too late.
Lorelai lets out a deep sigh as if feeling the weight of the situation all over again.
"I'm sure Max would wait a lifetime for you, Lorelai. He'd be an idiot not to."
She shudders again at the sound of her name, but this time she's the only one that notices. She also notices the lack of a smile on Luke's face. Not that that's anything unusual, she thinks. She looks at him more intently and smiles at his endearing statement.
"You know, Luke? I've known you forever, yet you still surprise me."
"You haven't known me forever."
"Well, our penchant for biting, non-stop verbal aggression makes it *seem* like I've known you forever."
"Speaking of verbal aggression, maybe now that you've found someone to spend the rest of your life with, you won't come around to me and whine about how 'When Harry Met Sally' is no fun to watch alone."
"It's a romantic comedy, Luke! Probably the very best ever made, and romantic comedies are meant to be seen by two people filled with *romance*. I would think that would make a world of sense, even for someone like you."
"Well how about two people who are just filled with *comedy* - isn't that equally important in the 'romantic comedy' mix?"
Lorelai just laughs.
Luke stares at her. "What's so funny?"
Lorelai takes a deep breath. "Nothing. I just love our..." She doesn't finish her sentence. She didn't quite know how to put it.
"You just love our... what?"
"Our conversations are ones for the book, wouldn't you say?"
Luke smiles at her. He decides to not let this moment get to him and what he wants to do.
"Lorelai. I want you to know that I couldn't be happier for you. You deserve everything Max has to offer."
"I'm surprised you think he *has* anything to offer, what with your previous display of..."
"I know. I know. I was just... you know...protective, I guess. You know I'd kill him if he ended up hurting you."
"Or at least get him in a headlock."
Luke laughs. "At the *very* least."
The pair look at each other.
Luke breaks the deafening silence. "I should really be getting back."
"Oh. Sure."
"Are you going to meet Rory?"
"Yeah. Rory. Actually, I want to sit here for a minute. Can you tell her I'll be out here waiting for her?"
"Sure." Luke looks at Lorelai's hands. "Do you... want me to take that for you?"
Lorelai notices she still has his coffee mug. "Yes. I almost forgot, sorry. Coffee mugs tend to just be an extension of my actual flesh, so I can get easily confused."
Luke doesn't comment on that, like Lorelai expects him too. Instead he just reaches for the mug, brushing his hand with hers in the process.
Luke does this intentionally. He knows it's not like him to want such goofy things like the simple touch of her hand, but he doesn't care. He's sure she wouldn't even notice anyway.
Lorelai notices. Oh boy, does she notice. Not only that, but she notices the way he's looking at their hands while he's reaching for the mug. She also notices the way she's looking at the way he's looking at their hands. He severely underestimates her heightened sensibilities at this moment.
She feels the need to say something to him, but what comes out of her mouth isn't anywhere near what she really wants to say. What she wants to say is, "What the hell is wrong with you - why aren't you questioning my decision - why aren't you questioning Max - or how it will affect Rory - or... or how this will affect you?! Dammit - how will this affect our friendship, Luke?! Cause by the look in your eyes right now you're a million miles away."
As Luke pulls the mug away slowly and begins to turn around, Lorelai mumbles, "I... I wanted to tell you myself. Even though I haven't made a definite decision yet. I didn't want you to find out from anyone but me."
"Thanks."
"Is that all? To be honest..."
"To be honest... I'm happy for you, Lorelai. You deserve some happiness that doesn't come after drinking coffee. I'll go get Rory."
With that Luke walked away and Lorelai watched him go until he was gone. She then sat on the ground and fell backward, covering her face with her hands.
That was not Luke that just walked away. He smiled. He hugged me. All signs pointing to, "Hey Lorelai, you're my friend, I care about you and I wish you the best." Then he touched my hand... and it was... I don't know what it was. But it wasn't a "Hey I'm just being happy for my best friend" hand touch. That it most certainly was not.
But maybe I'm just seeing things. Anyone who knows me could attest to my frequent hallucinations. This is all a manifestation of my warped, flustered mind at the moment.
This could all be a leftover reaction from all of that heartache Luke was dealing with last night. It sounds like Rachel really got to him. She was probably on his mind the entire time I was telling him about my possible wedded bliss. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut! How could I be so stupid?! Ok, I know. It's not that hard - but to tell him my happy news when all he can think of right now is how the woman he loved got away. I feel horrible.
"Uhhhhh...." Lorelai moans in emotional pain as Rory comes up beside her.
"What's wrong?"
Lorelai looks through her fingers up at her daughter.
"Nothing."
Rory sits next to her and Lorelai reluctantly pulls herself up to sit and look Rory in the eye. Rory looks unconvinced.
"Ok. Everything. I feel like a complete loser for telling Luke about how I may very well spend the rest of my life with a wonderful man. He lost someone he loves and I have to go and rub it in that I found a love of my own - I'm a cold-hearted snake, Rory!"
"Look into his eyes..."
"Uh-oh. Good catch, Ms. Abdul."
"Thanks. I thought that was quick thinking on my part."
"I've done too much talking and much too much thinking in the span of twenty-four hours."
"Let's go home and rest our skulls, then. I think there's a 90210 marathon on cable tonight!"
"Yes! No thinking required whatsoever - perfect!"
The two get up from the hard ground and head home. Lorelai wraps her arm around her kid, thankful there's always Rory to relieve her of complete madness that's due to an onslaught of confusion.
Lorelai glances back at Luke's for a moment. I'll figure you out later, mister. That look in Luke's eyes before he walked away remained in Lorelai's conscious all night, despite the distraction of a certain Jason Priestly. In fact, it was the last thing she thought about before slipping away into a decent night's sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Luke, on the other hand, had a very indecent night's sleep. Not in that way, silly. He tossed. He turned. He got up to walk around five times.
His rational self told him that this wasn't the end of the world. That you never had her to begin with, so how could you have "lost" her? He told his rational self to "shut up and smell the coffee."
Conclusion: My hypothesis was proven correct. I found throughout my experiences that breaking one's own heart is far too easy a task. It's a reaction that happens so quickly and so effortlessly that the event is already finished before the owner of the heart is even aware of the process in which he is taking part. I didn't stand a chance since the first day I met her.