Title: A Second Chance
Author: Agent Pigtails
Genre: Angst/Romance
Rating: PG
Summary: When SD-6 is finally taken down, will Sydney and Vaughn admit how
they feel about each other before its too late?
Disclaimer: I own no part of Alias. All created by J.J. Abrams, Bad Robot,
ABC, etc. Not intended as copyright infringement.
A/N: Song marked in ~. This is my first fanfic, so any feedback, good or bad is appreciated. Feedback at agent_pigtails@yahoo.com. And the songs included are "True North" by Fisher and "Everything" by Lifehouse.
Sydney's POV
They wanted to put me in the Witness Protection, of course. Even after resigning as an agent of the CIA, I can't lose them. So a flight had been booked for the next afternoon, where I would be off to Seattle as Sarah Cole, high school English teacher. In all of this, I have not yet told Michael Vaughn how I felt, though I'd been on the verge a thousand times. I'm invited to dinner tomorrow, but whether as a friendly celebration of the SD-6 takedown, or as something romantic, I don't know. But the plane would be waiting tomorrow afternoon, so I guess its that fact that convinces me that now is the time to take a risk. Tonight could be my last night as Sydney Bristow, and before I leave, I need to know if Vaughn returns my feelings. If he returns my feelings, the plane can leave without me. I'll figure out another way, anything to be with him. If not...but suddenly my heart sank, and I could not bring myself to consider what life would be like if Michael Vaughn did not care for me.
Vaughn's POV
Katie, like all little sisters, was late, and I, like a good big brother, worried until the she arrived from the airport, but when I opened the door she flew straight into my arms. I whirled her around, finally setting her down to heft two heavy suitcases and carry them to the guest room. "Bro, you've learned to decorate since I was last here," she marveled. As an amatuer photographer, there were several framed black and white photos that hung on the walls. "But I still don't see any photos of a girlfriend around here..." she teased. "She's coming tomorrow night," I smiled. "But fortunately for you I need to have a trial run, so you're getting a home cooked meal tonight." Katie smiled delightedly. "You really like this girl, don't you? Even Alice didn't get a traditional French meal. Did she even know you could cook?" "So maybe I want to keep my talents hidden," I concede. But she won't let me get off that easily. "And yet this girlfriend who you haven't even taken a picture of yet is getting a meal. And you're so nervous about it you're practicing the night before. Knowing you, you'll probably even wear the clothes you'll wear tomorrow, just to see how it looks." Okay, so maybe she does have my number. And my guilty face merely confirms her conjectures. Katie laughs. "Mike, who is this girl?! I've never seen you like this before. There must be something special between you two." "There is. Er,I mean, I think there is. It feels like it in ways. And she's very special. But there are...reasons why nothing has ever happened. I'm not even positive about how she feels. So I really want tomorrow to be special, just want to make sure she gives the idea of 'us' a real chance." Katie eyes me shrewdly. "It's because of your work, isn't it? I know, I know, before you hit me with all that 'I can't tell you for your own good' crap, I'm just guessing here." Katie paused, and her face softened. "Mike, I know we haven't been as close these last couple years living so far apart. But I still know you, and I know that any girl would be lucky to have you. And for what its worth, I'll try to help you." Sometimes little sisters can surprise you.
Sydney's POV
Okay, so I'm a nervous wreck. Which is understandable, considering the course of my life will change dramatically one way or the other in the next twenty-four hours. But how can I talk to Michael? Somehow a call doesn't seem personal enough, but can I just walk up to his house, stand on his doorstep, and ask him from the truth? Well, I don't actually have any other ideas right now...
Vaughn's POV
Thank goodness for Katie. I'll admit I have the cooking part down, but the whole creating a romantic atmosphere bit is harder than I thought. Like sunflowers aren't actually a romantic flower. How the heck should I know that? Flowers are flowers, right? Anyway, after throwing out my sunflowers. Katie disappears from a few hours, reappearing with soft pick roses and white lilies of the valley, candles, mood music, and a lace tablecloth. Somehow I don't think that will impress Sydney much, but Katie is so excited, and she seems to have some knowledge more of this than I do, so a few minutes later my poor table is laced and covered in candles and flowers. And we're still not done. Because as it turns out, Katie insists on choosing the perfect outfit, so half an hour and about half my closet later, Katie settles on khakis and a pale forest green dress shirt. She fusses about unbuttoning the collar, and insists the shirt complements my eyes perfectly. "I don't know how Sydney will notice that," I grouse. "You only want me lighting candles to eat dinner by. How can she see my eyes if we're practically dining in the dark?" Katie just shakes her head indulgently. "Trust me Mike, she's a woman. We notice this kind of thing. Now are you going to fix me dinner, or do I need to make a Mickey D's run?"
Sydney's POV
Okay, so I wasn't really going to drive to his house. I really just thought that driving would move my poor, confused brain to make a decision. So when I pulled up in front of Vaughn's house, I realized that maybe I wasn't as confused as I thought. Telling Vaughn, just walking up there and admitting how I felt. I could do this. No, I had to do this. But a little voice kept nagging the back of my brain. Does he care for me? He had to. The alternative was simply unthinkable. And suddenly I paused, frozen to the ground. Because Vaughn had left his windows open, and through them I could see a beautiful woman lighting candles on his dining room table. She was tell, blonde, and she gazed at Michael with glowing green eyes. He was stirring dinner, laughing at some joke, and looking more at home and comfortable than I had ever seen him. I watched in horror at the picture. It was so domestic, so practiced. They've done this so many times before, I realized. Vaughn knows her, loves her. She makes his eyes light up like no one I'd ever seen before. No, they used to light up like that for me. Not anymore. Someone else held the heart of Michael Vaughn. Tears running down my cheeks, I turned around and left. ---------- Francie was home when I arrived, and try as I might, I couldn't hide my tears. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asked worriedly. I shook my head, unable to answer. So many years of having to lie to Francie, so many canceled meetings. It's been weeks since she found out, but here she stands, ready to be a shoulder to cry on. What have I done to deserve so incredible a friend? Biting back my tears, I smile tearfully at her. Then I tell Francie everything.
Vaughn's POV
The test dinner went perfectly. Katie insisted that had it been any man but her brother, she would have been swept off her feet. But having dinner with Katie was nice too, taking us back to the days at home when we would help mom get dinner ready, everything just open and comfortable. I thought all of this was a good sign, would lead up to a happy day, a happy date, and maybe confessing to Syd how I felt. But I couldn't have been more wrong. It was the worst day of my life. Syd originally told me she would be by around six. Which of course meant I was ready and pacing by 5:30. By 6:10 horrible possibilities involving car accidents, SD-6 revenge, rival agencies flashed through my mind. At 6:30 I called her house. Francie answered the phone, "Yes?" "Hi, this is Michael Vaughn. Is Syd in? I mean, has she left yet? I thought she was supposed to be over here..." I trail off, not exactly sure how to finish. "You actually had the nerve to call?" she says coldly. "After all Sydney's been through, and you do nothing but add to her problems. Well, Syd's not here anymore. She's in Witness Protection. Left this afternoon, and no I don't know where she is or how to contact her, not that I would tell you anyway."
Sydney's gone. She didn't say goodbye, so letter, no phone call, nothing. From what Francie says, I'm just a mistake, one that she can fix by leaving. I lean against the wall, slump to the floor, my head in my hands. Please god, no, just one more minute, one more look at her face, one more chance to explain.
She's gone.
Sydney's POV
Away from my friends and family, time passes slowly. It's winter vacation, so I don't even have work to bury myself in. I try to unpack, but it only reminds me of all I'm leaving behind. Will. Francie. My father. Vaughn. But I push that thought away. Already my sleep is filled with nightmares. I cannot let this consume my waking hours as well. So I go for long walks along the beach, just myself and my thoughts. After many days I know what I must do. I sit down and begin to write.
My dearest Michael, How can I explain the emptiness that I feel right now? The take down of SD-6 seemed like a new beginning for me, and chance to tell you how I felt, of all that I have waited years to tell you. I tried to, but when I saw your girlfriend through the window, saw how happy and comfortable you were, my heart broke. I love you, Michael, but I know you are happier how you are. Deep down, I am glad you have someone to be your safe harbor, your solace, your true north. Life seems unbearable without you, because you were my true north. I have never met a man of such compassion, integrity, loyalty, and heart as you. I'll never stop loving you. I heard a song on the radio today, and it made me cry, because that's how I feel about you. "You're all I want, you're all I need, you're everything, everything." That, of course, is why I left. Your friendship could never satisfy me when I want your love. I am sorry I didn't say goodbye, but if I saw you again, I would never leave. There will never be anyone else for me. And though it hurts me like nothing ever has, I want you to be happy, Michael. And I know she can make you happy. You're my everything, Mike, and I love you.
Ever yours, Sydney
I sat back, exhausted. I knew I loved Michael, but the depth, the permanence of my emotions shocked me. Yet they were all true, I knew that in my heart. I wanted the send the letter, but I know I can't. Vaughn is happy, and as much as his happiness pains me, I could never stand in the way of it. The letter still sat in front of me, untouched. A fire crackled merrily in the fire place, and I briefly toyed with the idea of burning the letter. But the emotions in there were so real, so inescapable that I soon cast off that idea. The radio was playing Fisher softly in the background.
~ If this ever gets to you will you know its from me? Or would you think it was a joke, throw it back to the sea? Do you, do you know everything I'm feeling? No one could love you more, my true north~
And I knew I had my answer.
Vaughn's POV
I've been walking around in a daze all week. Of course, Weiss notices, but his attempts to help mostly consist of trying to get me drunk, or engage me in an argument to distract me. After a couple of days he gives up and tries the direct method. "Mike, at this point, I'm not going to minimize what you have with Sydney by calling it a crush. But she's gone, man, and you don't even know if she's in the country anymore. Look, my parents have a beach house. Ask Devlin if he'll give you a leave of absence, I'm sure he will, and just go down there for a couple of months. You just need some time to get your head together, get over her." I nod sadly. It may be true, but nothing hurts like admitting Sydney is really and truly gone. Two days later I am at the beach house, surrounded by a stormy sea that reflects my turbulent emotions. I begin taking long walks, just thinking of all we had, off all I lost, and what life would have to be like with no Sydney in it.
Sydney's POV
I stood on the pier, clutching the bottle nervously. Sealed inside was my letter, and I knew that this was the best way. Michael could never know how much I loved him, but perhaps somewhere, someday, someone would know that a woman named Sydney loved a man named Michael. I threw the bottle into the water, watched it float away into the night mist, and tears dripping down my face, walked back to my car.
38 Days later
A tall man, with wind blown blond hair and story green eyes made his way down the beach. The wind shrieked and the waves crashed, but he walked on, oblivious to it all. His eyes were haunted, and he looked as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. After a moment he paused, reached down to extract a buried item from the sand. It was a midnight blue bottle, and from it he drew out a letter. Noticing who it was addressed to he gasped, and began reading. His eyes were disbelieving, and he read it three times before he could comprehend what he read. For a moment he just stood there. Then a light entered his eyes, the haunted look dispelled. And he began to smile.
A/N: Song marked in ~. This is my first fanfic, so any feedback, good or bad is appreciated. Feedback at agent_pigtails@yahoo.com. And the songs included are "True North" by Fisher and "Everything" by Lifehouse.
Sydney's POV
They wanted to put me in the Witness Protection, of course. Even after resigning as an agent of the CIA, I can't lose them. So a flight had been booked for the next afternoon, where I would be off to Seattle as Sarah Cole, high school English teacher. In all of this, I have not yet told Michael Vaughn how I felt, though I'd been on the verge a thousand times. I'm invited to dinner tomorrow, but whether as a friendly celebration of the SD-6 takedown, or as something romantic, I don't know. But the plane would be waiting tomorrow afternoon, so I guess its that fact that convinces me that now is the time to take a risk. Tonight could be my last night as Sydney Bristow, and before I leave, I need to know if Vaughn returns my feelings. If he returns my feelings, the plane can leave without me. I'll figure out another way, anything to be with him. If not...but suddenly my heart sank, and I could not bring myself to consider what life would be like if Michael Vaughn did not care for me.
Vaughn's POV
Katie, like all little sisters, was late, and I, like a good big brother, worried until the she arrived from the airport, but when I opened the door she flew straight into my arms. I whirled her around, finally setting her down to heft two heavy suitcases and carry them to the guest room. "Bro, you've learned to decorate since I was last here," she marveled. As an amatuer photographer, there were several framed black and white photos that hung on the walls. "But I still don't see any photos of a girlfriend around here..." she teased. "She's coming tomorrow night," I smiled. "But fortunately for you I need to have a trial run, so you're getting a home cooked meal tonight." Katie smiled delightedly. "You really like this girl, don't you? Even Alice didn't get a traditional French meal. Did she even know you could cook?" "So maybe I want to keep my talents hidden," I concede. But she won't let me get off that easily. "And yet this girlfriend who you haven't even taken a picture of yet is getting a meal. And you're so nervous about it you're practicing the night before. Knowing you, you'll probably even wear the clothes you'll wear tomorrow, just to see how it looks." Okay, so maybe she does have my number. And my guilty face merely confirms her conjectures. Katie laughs. "Mike, who is this girl?! I've never seen you like this before. There must be something special between you two." "There is. Er,I mean, I think there is. It feels like it in ways. And she's very special. But there are...reasons why nothing has ever happened. I'm not even positive about how she feels. So I really want tomorrow to be special, just want to make sure she gives the idea of 'us' a real chance." Katie eyes me shrewdly. "It's because of your work, isn't it? I know, I know, before you hit me with all that 'I can't tell you for your own good' crap, I'm just guessing here." Katie paused, and her face softened. "Mike, I know we haven't been as close these last couple years living so far apart. But I still know you, and I know that any girl would be lucky to have you. And for what its worth, I'll try to help you." Sometimes little sisters can surprise you.
Sydney's POV
Okay, so I'm a nervous wreck. Which is understandable, considering the course of my life will change dramatically one way or the other in the next twenty-four hours. But how can I talk to Michael? Somehow a call doesn't seem personal enough, but can I just walk up to his house, stand on his doorstep, and ask him from the truth? Well, I don't actually have any other ideas right now...
Vaughn's POV
Thank goodness for Katie. I'll admit I have the cooking part down, but the whole creating a romantic atmosphere bit is harder than I thought. Like sunflowers aren't actually a romantic flower. How the heck should I know that? Flowers are flowers, right? Anyway, after throwing out my sunflowers. Katie disappears from a few hours, reappearing with soft pick roses and white lilies of the valley, candles, mood music, and a lace tablecloth. Somehow I don't think that will impress Sydney much, but Katie is so excited, and she seems to have some knowledge more of this than I do, so a few minutes later my poor table is laced and covered in candles and flowers. And we're still not done. Because as it turns out, Katie insists on choosing the perfect outfit, so half an hour and about half my closet later, Katie settles on khakis and a pale forest green dress shirt. She fusses about unbuttoning the collar, and insists the shirt complements my eyes perfectly. "I don't know how Sydney will notice that," I grouse. "You only want me lighting candles to eat dinner by. How can she see my eyes if we're practically dining in the dark?" Katie just shakes her head indulgently. "Trust me Mike, she's a woman. We notice this kind of thing. Now are you going to fix me dinner, or do I need to make a Mickey D's run?"
Sydney's POV
Okay, so I wasn't really going to drive to his house. I really just thought that driving would move my poor, confused brain to make a decision. So when I pulled up in front of Vaughn's house, I realized that maybe I wasn't as confused as I thought. Telling Vaughn, just walking up there and admitting how I felt. I could do this. No, I had to do this. But a little voice kept nagging the back of my brain. Does he care for me? He had to. The alternative was simply unthinkable. And suddenly I paused, frozen to the ground. Because Vaughn had left his windows open, and through them I could see a beautiful woman lighting candles on his dining room table. She was tell, blonde, and she gazed at Michael with glowing green eyes. He was stirring dinner, laughing at some joke, and looking more at home and comfortable than I had ever seen him. I watched in horror at the picture. It was so domestic, so practiced. They've done this so many times before, I realized. Vaughn knows her, loves her. She makes his eyes light up like no one I'd ever seen before. No, they used to light up like that for me. Not anymore. Someone else held the heart of Michael Vaughn. Tears running down my cheeks, I turned around and left. ---------- Francie was home when I arrived, and try as I might, I couldn't hide my tears. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asked worriedly. I shook my head, unable to answer. So many years of having to lie to Francie, so many canceled meetings. It's been weeks since she found out, but here she stands, ready to be a shoulder to cry on. What have I done to deserve so incredible a friend? Biting back my tears, I smile tearfully at her. Then I tell Francie everything.
Vaughn's POV
The test dinner went perfectly. Katie insisted that had it been any man but her brother, she would have been swept off her feet. But having dinner with Katie was nice too, taking us back to the days at home when we would help mom get dinner ready, everything just open and comfortable. I thought all of this was a good sign, would lead up to a happy day, a happy date, and maybe confessing to Syd how I felt. But I couldn't have been more wrong. It was the worst day of my life. Syd originally told me she would be by around six. Which of course meant I was ready and pacing by 5:30. By 6:10 horrible possibilities involving car accidents, SD-6 revenge, rival agencies flashed through my mind. At 6:30 I called her house. Francie answered the phone, "Yes?" "Hi, this is Michael Vaughn. Is Syd in? I mean, has she left yet? I thought she was supposed to be over here..." I trail off, not exactly sure how to finish. "You actually had the nerve to call?" she says coldly. "After all Sydney's been through, and you do nothing but add to her problems. Well, Syd's not here anymore. She's in Witness Protection. Left this afternoon, and no I don't know where she is or how to contact her, not that I would tell you anyway."
Sydney's gone. She didn't say goodbye, so letter, no phone call, nothing. From what Francie says, I'm just a mistake, one that she can fix by leaving. I lean against the wall, slump to the floor, my head in my hands. Please god, no, just one more minute, one more look at her face, one more chance to explain.
She's gone.
Sydney's POV
Away from my friends and family, time passes slowly. It's winter vacation, so I don't even have work to bury myself in. I try to unpack, but it only reminds me of all I'm leaving behind. Will. Francie. My father. Vaughn. But I push that thought away. Already my sleep is filled with nightmares. I cannot let this consume my waking hours as well. So I go for long walks along the beach, just myself and my thoughts. After many days I know what I must do. I sit down and begin to write.
My dearest Michael, How can I explain the emptiness that I feel right now? The take down of SD-6 seemed like a new beginning for me, and chance to tell you how I felt, of all that I have waited years to tell you. I tried to, but when I saw your girlfriend through the window, saw how happy and comfortable you were, my heart broke. I love you, Michael, but I know you are happier how you are. Deep down, I am glad you have someone to be your safe harbor, your solace, your true north. Life seems unbearable without you, because you were my true north. I have never met a man of such compassion, integrity, loyalty, and heart as you. I'll never stop loving you. I heard a song on the radio today, and it made me cry, because that's how I feel about you. "You're all I want, you're all I need, you're everything, everything." That, of course, is why I left. Your friendship could never satisfy me when I want your love. I am sorry I didn't say goodbye, but if I saw you again, I would never leave. There will never be anyone else for me. And though it hurts me like nothing ever has, I want you to be happy, Michael. And I know she can make you happy. You're my everything, Mike, and I love you.
Ever yours, Sydney
I sat back, exhausted. I knew I loved Michael, but the depth, the permanence of my emotions shocked me. Yet they were all true, I knew that in my heart. I wanted the send the letter, but I know I can't. Vaughn is happy, and as much as his happiness pains me, I could never stand in the way of it. The letter still sat in front of me, untouched. A fire crackled merrily in the fire place, and I briefly toyed with the idea of burning the letter. But the emotions in there were so real, so inescapable that I soon cast off that idea. The radio was playing Fisher softly in the background.
~ If this ever gets to you will you know its from me? Or would you think it was a joke, throw it back to the sea? Do you, do you know everything I'm feeling? No one could love you more, my true north~
And I knew I had my answer.
Vaughn's POV
I've been walking around in a daze all week. Of course, Weiss notices, but his attempts to help mostly consist of trying to get me drunk, or engage me in an argument to distract me. After a couple of days he gives up and tries the direct method. "Mike, at this point, I'm not going to minimize what you have with Sydney by calling it a crush. But she's gone, man, and you don't even know if she's in the country anymore. Look, my parents have a beach house. Ask Devlin if he'll give you a leave of absence, I'm sure he will, and just go down there for a couple of months. You just need some time to get your head together, get over her." I nod sadly. It may be true, but nothing hurts like admitting Sydney is really and truly gone. Two days later I am at the beach house, surrounded by a stormy sea that reflects my turbulent emotions. I begin taking long walks, just thinking of all we had, off all I lost, and what life would have to be like with no Sydney in it.
Sydney's POV
I stood on the pier, clutching the bottle nervously. Sealed inside was my letter, and I knew that this was the best way. Michael could never know how much I loved him, but perhaps somewhere, someday, someone would know that a woman named Sydney loved a man named Michael. I threw the bottle into the water, watched it float away into the night mist, and tears dripping down my face, walked back to my car.
38 Days later
A tall man, with wind blown blond hair and story green eyes made his way down the beach. The wind shrieked and the waves crashed, but he walked on, oblivious to it all. His eyes were haunted, and he looked as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. After a moment he paused, reached down to extract a buried item from the sand. It was a midnight blue bottle, and from it he drew out a letter. Noticing who it was addressed to he gasped, and began reading. His eyes were disbelieving, and he read it three times before he could comprehend what he read. For a moment he just stood there. Then a light entered his eyes, the haunted look dispelled. And he began to smile.