Chapter Two
Merton stared at the chairs in the waiting room there were a few other people there sitting, they looked sullen and Merton felt sick. How could they sit? He couldn't sit still at a time like this. The déjà vu was too strong, this was too much like what had happened his junior year of college. The phone call out of the blue, the news of a car crash, the strange faces at the hospital saying, 'surgery' and then came two doctors and two faces of doom. Merton paced remembering Becky had been with him then, and he glanced at a chair. He wished she was there, her knees up to her chin and her eyes wide, watching him wearing a hole in the floor. He wanted her to yell at him to stop it, that he was making her more afraid and to stop it. He hadn't listened to her that night, he'd listen to her now. but there was no voice telling him to stop moving. Because Becky could be joining their parents right now - a doctor with an expression that shows death before there are any words could come out and talk to him at any second.
Merton stopped for a moment and ran his hands through his hair. It was soaking, outside it was pouring rain in a steady sheet and he had to run down the streets of New York before he could find a taxi. He was soaking, his hair and clothes dripping but he was barely aware of it, until his hair dripped water into his eyes. He pushed the hank of hair that was falling over his forehead away and up and looked up at the hospital's white ceiling. Where the hell were some answers? He had no clue how long he'd been in the hospital, or even how long it had been since he received the call about Becky. He felt trapped in bad memories of the night his parents died and where he was now -- he couldn't help himself as cold, dark images of losing his sister kept appearing in his mind. It would be so empty, a life without Becky. She was his best reality check, she kept him grounded, she reminded him that even though he was a famous writer that he was still just a freak and her annoying brother. She made him remember that he was once nothing but her brother and that was what he would always be to her - and sometimes she didn't want to admit. What the hell would he do without her embarrassment of him? Her eye-rolls and exasperated sighs were like air to him. Life without her would be completely empty and how could this end up different than it had the last time? He had imagined it all then too. all the worst case scenarios, one parent died, both died. how the hell he'd take care of Becky and get them both through college. What would he do? How was he going to take care of his sister?
"God." Merton started pacing again, guilt boiling inside of him. He had let Becky down, he was supposed to take care of her and protect her and he'd let her drive in the city. He'd let her out onto the roads around other people - crazy and careless people -- he had let this happen. This was all his fault. His sister was going to die and it was all his fault. She'd tell him he was full of it, but he wouldn't listen to that, he knew what was right. He was the older brother, it was his job to love and protect her always and he'd never been good enough. And now she was probably going to die. Merton walked out of the waiting room and back toward the nurse's station, he wanted more answers. He wanted more facts. He wanted to know more about this surgery his sister was in. Maybe they had already told him but he couldn't hear anything but his own imagination and his own ragged breathing. The nurse saw him coming and she smiled up at him in what he assumed was, in her opinion, an expression of sympathy and understanding. He thought it looked annoying and condescending. "Mr. Dingle, are you sure you wouldn't like a towel?"
"I want to know more about my sister."
"I'll get you a towel." She smiled and walked out from behind her barriers towards a closet and Merton wished he could grab her and toss her against a wall. Somehow, he had enough sense not to assault her.
"What I really need is to see my sister."
"She's still in surgery."
"How long does it take? What are they doing?"
"Please Mr. Dingle, take the towel. You are shivering."
Merton grabbed the stupid towel and shook his head. "I'm not cold, I need to know what's going on with my sister."
The nurse looked him square in the eye and shook her head. "All I can tell you is she is in surgery, they need to stop some internal bleeding. She's in very good hands and all things considered your sister is very lucky."
"Lucky?" Merton said, that was incredible, his sister was lucky she had people cutting her open. Cutting her open to stop bleeding, how did that make sense? His brain couldn't even comprehend the physiological logic. He closed his eyes. "I want to see her."
"As soon as you can see her I will come and get you." The nurse sighed. "Mr. Dingle, please wrap the towel around your shoulders at least, dry your hair. You know what, I am going to get something to change into you. I know you don't feel it but you are shivering."
"I want to see my sister," Merton repeated, he didn't care if he was shivering, he didn't care if he was turning blue or caught pneumonia.
"I'll find you something dry. It will be scrubs but it's better than soaking wet clothes." The nurse said, taking his elbow and directing him back to the waiting room. "Please Mr. Dingle, just sit and a doctor will be down soon to update you on your sister. Then you will be able to see her."
Merton just looked at her, he was tired of talking and he let her push him down into a chair. His phone rang as she started walking away and he dug it out of his pocket. The phone was wet, and he almost dropped it as he maneuvered it to answer, wondering who in hell would be calling him at a time like this.
Before he spoke a soft female voice spoke into his ear. "You promised me, no more falling asleep at the office keyboard."
Merton closed his eyes. It was Leah, someone who could at least help him with finding answers. "Becky was in a car crash."
There was silence for a minute and then he heard a rustle of sounds. "Where, what hospital?" Leah's voice came back on the line, she sounded distant and he heard her muttering to herself, "Shit, where are my pants."
"General Community."
"Okay. I'll be there soon. Do you need anything?"
"Clothes."
"For Rebecca?"
"I'm wet."
"Oh, okay. I'll be right there, Merton. Hold on."
Merton closed his eyes and breathed the first easy breath since he heard about Becky. A dial tone sounded in his ear and he hung up the phone and shoved it back into his jeans, soaking his hand in the process. Looking at his hand and seeing the drops of water, Merton took the towel he'd been given and used it to wipe off his hand, then his hair. As he dropped it back down onto his lap, the nurse came back holding something that was the most awful shade of green he had ever seen. "Someone is bringing me clothes."
"You called someone."
Merton nodded, that was close enough to the truth. He hadn't thought of calling Leah, but that didn't matter, she was coming now. Not that it mattered, all that mattered was seeing Becky. All that mattered was that Becky stayed alive.
"Okay, well I hope they get here soon."
"She will. How much longer?"
"Less than an hour, I am sure, Mr. Dingle."
Merton nodded and stood up. He couldn't sit still and just wait, how did people just sit and wait at times like this? He started pacing again, walking around the chair he'd been sitting in to walk in a constant circle, now and again pausing to look toward the nurse's station for a doctor. He didn't know how long he'd been pacing when he finally saw two figures walking through them, one in ugly blue scrubs, the other in the atrocious green. His eyes fell on the one in the green, he was walking a few steps behind the other man and there was something familiar about his form. Merton hadn't known he had any blood left to drain from his system, but the shock of who he was watching approach him made him feel dizzy. It was Tommy. Merton blinked, it couldn't be Tommy. Tommy wasn't in his life anymore and he turned away from the image. It was a mirage, he was imagining getting Tommy back to make losing Becky better? He'd always found the daydreams he had about Tommy walking back into his life when he was feeling depressed and empty a weakness but to do it now. When his sister could be dead made Merton felt ill and he nearly vomited. The two men had reached him as the self-disgust overwhelmed him and he staggered almost falling. Solid hands gripped him, stopping the fall and were followed by a voice as familiar as his own. "Merton? Merton? Are you okay? God, you're freezing. Becky's okay, I promise." Merton turned, letting Tommy lift him up, it was like he was outside of his body Tommy couldn't be there but he was and he wasn't hallucinating? It was really Tommy and he was holding him up, had he'd been about to fall?
"Mr. Dingle? I am Dr. Claxon, I operated on your sister. She was a very lucky young lady." Merton's attention snapped away from his confusion and to the surgeon. He stepped away from Tommy, shrugging him off his arms. It was too much to take, too much had happened since Tommy had disappeared from his life for him to be touching him and all that mattered Becky. A small voice in the back of Merton's mind was whispering, 'at least you weren't being some sick asshole imagining Tommy to make yourself feel better'
The doctor repeated what he had said before to Merton, realizing he hadn't heard him before and Merton shook his head, the word 'lucky' hitting him again as a term that did not apply to the situation. "Lucky? She's lucky? So, she's."
"She's going to be fine, Mr. Dingle. Dawkins will take you to see her, she'll be unconscious for awhile but she will be okay. I'll be checking in before you have to leave."
"Have to leave?" Merton whispered as he watched the surgeon walk away from him again and he started after him. "Wait, I have."
"Dawkins is qualified to answer them," the man said over his shoulder.
Merton heard Tommy uncomfortably clearing his throat and Merton turned around and looked at him. He couldn't really see Tommy, everything was so surreal and dreamlike to him. It had been since he was told about Becky. "Take me to her."
Tommy nodded and started walking and Merton followed him. He could hear every step the two of them took down the hallway and stopping when Tommy hit the button for the elevator. They stepped inside and Merton went right to the corner and leaned against the walls. His heart was pumping, he wasn't sure he would believe Becky was okay until he saw her breathing, or heard her yelling at him about worrying in the first place. He couldn't take his eyes off of Tommy's back, Tommy had turned to stare at the doors and Merton kept wondering if it was his imagination that had brought Tommy there. But he knew Tommy had touched him and the surgeon had definitely called him Dawkins. But still, what was Tommy doing there? Maybe this was all a bad dream. Maybe he was asleep in his office, his cheek pressed against his keyboard and Leah was on the answering machine trying to wake him up.
The elevator's doors opened and Tommy walked out, Merton followed him looking around, waiting for the hospital to disappear, if it was a dream his realizing it would wake him up, right? Only nothing disappeared and a harsh female voice startled him enough to bring back the reality that Becky had been in a car crash.
"Excuse me, are you Mr. Dingle?"
Merton turned and looked, a nurse was standing there and she looked irritated and Merton felt confused about what she wanted from him and he waited for her to speak again.
"What is it, Ronnie?" Tommy's asked from behind him.
"There is a woman downstairs, demanding to see Rebecca Dingle. Only family is allowed, so is this woman part of the family, Mr. Dingle? Leah Dalton."
Merton started to nod but Tommy her, "She's family to them. Let her up."
"Yes, Dr. Dawkins."
"Merton, Becky's down the hall."
Merton turned back around and saw Tommy looking at him but avoiding eye contact. Merton nodded, wondering if the night could get anymore surreal and he once again found himself staring at Tommy's back as Tommy passed a few rooms and then finally walked into one, and Merton found himself paralyzed, unable to move from the hallway. The room looked dark and he couldn't see Becky, and he almost didn't want to. It had been the center of all his thoughts since finding out about her accident. but now it was all starting to feel too real.
"Merton?" Tommy was back.
"She's okay?" Merton asked looking past Tommy into the room.
"Yes. She'll ache for while. She's got a lot of superficial cuts and bruising, and all the internal bleeding was stopped. But she'll be fine.." Tommy trailed off and cleared his throat uncomfortably.
"No chance of death."
"No," Tommy said, sharply.
"Our parents." Merton gulped and stopped the rest of the thought.
"Merton?" the scent of fruit and wild flowers was right next to him in a flash and Merton turned and looked into concerned brown eyes. "Have you seen her?" Leah asked, hugging him tightly. "Oh my God, you're sopping wet."
"I can't go in there," he whispered into her ear, quietly.
"Go in. See her, listen to her breathe," Leah whispered back and then pulled away from him and pushed him inside the room.
Once inside Merton heard Becky breathing and took a deep breath of his own to steel himself to look at her. Looking at his little sister, seeing her so tiny with all sorts of wires attached to her made hot tears burn his eyes and for the first time that night he felt how cold he was. He didn't care though and he walked to the bed and sat down staring at her. There were cuts on her face but despite that she looked peaceful like she was in a sound sleep and he could hear her breath and see her chest rising and falling. Blinking, he caused the tears in his eyes to trail down his face, ignoring them he reached out and touched her cheek - her skin was hot, Becky was alive and Merton let out a sob of relief.
Merton stared at the chairs in the waiting room there were a few other people there sitting, they looked sullen and Merton felt sick. How could they sit? He couldn't sit still at a time like this. The déjà vu was too strong, this was too much like what had happened his junior year of college. The phone call out of the blue, the news of a car crash, the strange faces at the hospital saying, 'surgery' and then came two doctors and two faces of doom. Merton paced remembering Becky had been with him then, and he glanced at a chair. He wished she was there, her knees up to her chin and her eyes wide, watching him wearing a hole in the floor. He wanted her to yell at him to stop it, that he was making her more afraid and to stop it. He hadn't listened to her that night, he'd listen to her now. but there was no voice telling him to stop moving. Because Becky could be joining their parents right now - a doctor with an expression that shows death before there are any words could come out and talk to him at any second.
Merton stopped for a moment and ran his hands through his hair. It was soaking, outside it was pouring rain in a steady sheet and he had to run down the streets of New York before he could find a taxi. He was soaking, his hair and clothes dripping but he was barely aware of it, until his hair dripped water into his eyes. He pushed the hank of hair that was falling over his forehead away and up and looked up at the hospital's white ceiling. Where the hell were some answers? He had no clue how long he'd been in the hospital, or even how long it had been since he received the call about Becky. He felt trapped in bad memories of the night his parents died and where he was now -- he couldn't help himself as cold, dark images of losing his sister kept appearing in his mind. It would be so empty, a life without Becky. She was his best reality check, she kept him grounded, she reminded him that even though he was a famous writer that he was still just a freak and her annoying brother. She made him remember that he was once nothing but her brother and that was what he would always be to her - and sometimes she didn't want to admit. What the hell would he do without her embarrassment of him? Her eye-rolls and exasperated sighs were like air to him. Life without her would be completely empty and how could this end up different than it had the last time? He had imagined it all then too. all the worst case scenarios, one parent died, both died. how the hell he'd take care of Becky and get them both through college. What would he do? How was he going to take care of his sister?
"God." Merton started pacing again, guilt boiling inside of him. He had let Becky down, he was supposed to take care of her and protect her and he'd let her drive in the city. He'd let her out onto the roads around other people - crazy and careless people -- he had let this happen. This was all his fault. His sister was going to die and it was all his fault. She'd tell him he was full of it, but he wouldn't listen to that, he knew what was right. He was the older brother, it was his job to love and protect her always and he'd never been good enough. And now she was probably going to die. Merton walked out of the waiting room and back toward the nurse's station, he wanted more answers. He wanted more facts. He wanted to know more about this surgery his sister was in. Maybe they had already told him but he couldn't hear anything but his own imagination and his own ragged breathing. The nurse saw him coming and she smiled up at him in what he assumed was, in her opinion, an expression of sympathy and understanding. He thought it looked annoying and condescending. "Mr. Dingle, are you sure you wouldn't like a towel?"
"I want to know more about my sister."
"I'll get you a towel." She smiled and walked out from behind her barriers towards a closet and Merton wished he could grab her and toss her against a wall. Somehow, he had enough sense not to assault her.
"What I really need is to see my sister."
"She's still in surgery."
"How long does it take? What are they doing?"
"Please Mr. Dingle, take the towel. You are shivering."
Merton grabbed the stupid towel and shook his head. "I'm not cold, I need to know what's going on with my sister."
The nurse looked him square in the eye and shook her head. "All I can tell you is she is in surgery, they need to stop some internal bleeding. She's in very good hands and all things considered your sister is very lucky."
"Lucky?" Merton said, that was incredible, his sister was lucky she had people cutting her open. Cutting her open to stop bleeding, how did that make sense? His brain couldn't even comprehend the physiological logic. He closed his eyes. "I want to see her."
"As soon as you can see her I will come and get you." The nurse sighed. "Mr. Dingle, please wrap the towel around your shoulders at least, dry your hair. You know what, I am going to get something to change into you. I know you don't feel it but you are shivering."
"I want to see my sister," Merton repeated, he didn't care if he was shivering, he didn't care if he was turning blue or caught pneumonia.
"I'll find you something dry. It will be scrubs but it's better than soaking wet clothes." The nurse said, taking his elbow and directing him back to the waiting room. "Please Mr. Dingle, just sit and a doctor will be down soon to update you on your sister. Then you will be able to see her."
Merton just looked at her, he was tired of talking and he let her push him down into a chair. His phone rang as she started walking away and he dug it out of his pocket. The phone was wet, and he almost dropped it as he maneuvered it to answer, wondering who in hell would be calling him at a time like this.
Before he spoke a soft female voice spoke into his ear. "You promised me, no more falling asleep at the office keyboard."
Merton closed his eyes. It was Leah, someone who could at least help him with finding answers. "Becky was in a car crash."
There was silence for a minute and then he heard a rustle of sounds. "Where, what hospital?" Leah's voice came back on the line, she sounded distant and he heard her muttering to herself, "Shit, where are my pants."
"General Community."
"Okay. I'll be there soon. Do you need anything?"
"Clothes."
"For Rebecca?"
"I'm wet."
"Oh, okay. I'll be right there, Merton. Hold on."
Merton closed his eyes and breathed the first easy breath since he heard about Becky. A dial tone sounded in his ear and he hung up the phone and shoved it back into his jeans, soaking his hand in the process. Looking at his hand and seeing the drops of water, Merton took the towel he'd been given and used it to wipe off his hand, then his hair. As he dropped it back down onto his lap, the nurse came back holding something that was the most awful shade of green he had ever seen. "Someone is bringing me clothes."
"You called someone."
Merton nodded, that was close enough to the truth. He hadn't thought of calling Leah, but that didn't matter, she was coming now. Not that it mattered, all that mattered was seeing Becky. All that mattered was that Becky stayed alive.
"Okay, well I hope they get here soon."
"She will. How much longer?"
"Less than an hour, I am sure, Mr. Dingle."
Merton nodded and stood up. He couldn't sit still and just wait, how did people just sit and wait at times like this? He started pacing again, walking around the chair he'd been sitting in to walk in a constant circle, now and again pausing to look toward the nurse's station for a doctor. He didn't know how long he'd been pacing when he finally saw two figures walking through them, one in ugly blue scrubs, the other in the atrocious green. His eyes fell on the one in the green, he was walking a few steps behind the other man and there was something familiar about his form. Merton hadn't known he had any blood left to drain from his system, but the shock of who he was watching approach him made him feel dizzy. It was Tommy. Merton blinked, it couldn't be Tommy. Tommy wasn't in his life anymore and he turned away from the image. It was a mirage, he was imagining getting Tommy back to make losing Becky better? He'd always found the daydreams he had about Tommy walking back into his life when he was feeling depressed and empty a weakness but to do it now. When his sister could be dead made Merton felt ill and he nearly vomited. The two men had reached him as the self-disgust overwhelmed him and he staggered almost falling. Solid hands gripped him, stopping the fall and were followed by a voice as familiar as his own. "Merton? Merton? Are you okay? God, you're freezing. Becky's okay, I promise." Merton turned, letting Tommy lift him up, it was like he was outside of his body Tommy couldn't be there but he was and he wasn't hallucinating? It was really Tommy and he was holding him up, had he'd been about to fall?
"Mr. Dingle? I am Dr. Claxon, I operated on your sister. She was a very lucky young lady." Merton's attention snapped away from his confusion and to the surgeon. He stepped away from Tommy, shrugging him off his arms. It was too much to take, too much had happened since Tommy had disappeared from his life for him to be touching him and all that mattered Becky. A small voice in the back of Merton's mind was whispering, 'at least you weren't being some sick asshole imagining Tommy to make yourself feel better'
The doctor repeated what he had said before to Merton, realizing he hadn't heard him before and Merton shook his head, the word 'lucky' hitting him again as a term that did not apply to the situation. "Lucky? She's lucky? So, she's."
"She's going to be fine, Mr. Dingle. Dawkins will take you to see her, she'll be unconscious for awhile but she will be okay. I'll be checking in before you have to leave."
"Have to leave?" Merton whispered as he watched the surgeon walk away from him again and he started after him. "Wait, I have."
"Dawkins is qualified to answer them," the man said over his shoulder.
Merton heard Tommy uncomfortably clearing his throat and Merton turned around and looked at him. He couldn't really see Tommy, everything was so surreal and dreamlike to him. It had been since he was told about Becky. "Take me to her."
Tommy nodded and started walking and Merton followed him. He could hear every step the two of them took down the hallway and stopping when Tommy hit the button for the elevator. They stepped inside and Merton went right to the corner and leaned against the walls. His heart was pumping, he wasn't sure he would believe Becky was okay until he saw her breathing, or heard her yelling at him about worrying in the first place. He couldn't take his eyes off of Tommy's back, Tommy had turned to stare at the doors and Merton kept wondering if it was his imagination that had brought Tommy there. But he knew Tommy had touched him and the surgeon had definitely called him Dawkins. But still, what was Tommy doing there? Maybe this was all a bad dream. Maybe he was asleep in his office, his cheek pressed against his keyboard and Leah was on the answering machine trying to wake him up.
The elevator's doors opened and Tommy walked out, Merton followed him looking around, waiting for the hospital to disappear, if it was a dream his realizing it would wake him up, right? Only nothing disappeared and a harsh female voice startled him enough to bring back the reality that Becky had been in a car crash.
"Excuse me, are you Mr. Dingle?"
Merton turned and looked, a nurse was standing there and she looked irritated and Merton felt confused about what she wanted from him and he waited for her to speak again.
"What is it, Ronnie?" Tommy's asked from behind him.
"There is a woman downstairs, demanding to see Rebecca Dingle. Only family is allowed, so is this woman part of the family, Mr. Dingle? Leah Dalton."
Merton started to nod but Tommy her, "She's family to them. Let her up."
"Yes, Dr. Dawkins."
"Merton, Becky's down the hall."
Merton turned back around and saw Tommy looking at him but avoiding eye contact. Merton nodded, wondering if the night could get anymore surreal and he once again found himself staring at Tommy's back as Tommy passed a few rooms and then finally walked into one, and Merton found himself paralyzed, unable to move from the hallway. The room looked dark and he couldn't see Becky, and he almost didn't want to. It had been the center of all his thoughts since finding out about her accident. but now it was all starting to feel too real.
"Merton?" Tommy was back.
"She's okay?" Merton asked looking past Tommy into the room.
"Yes. She'll ache for while. She's got a lot of superficial cuts and bruising, and all the internal bleeding was stopped. But she'll be fine.." Tommy trailed off and cleared his throat uncomfortably.
"No chance of death."
"No," Tommy said, sharply.
"Our parents." Merton gulped and stopped the rest of the thought.
"Merton?" the scent of fruit and wild flowers was right next to him in a flash and Merton turned and looked into concerned brown eyes. "Have you seen her?" Leah asked, hugging him tightly. "Oh my God, you're sopping wet."
"I can't go in there," he whispered into her ear, quietly.
"Go in. See her, listen to her breathe," Leah whispered back and then pulled away from him and pushed him inside the room.
Once inside Merton heard Becky breathing and took a deep breath of his own to steel himself to look at her. Looking at his little sister, seeing her so tiny with all sorts of wires attached to her made hot tears burn his eyes and for the first time that night he felt how cold he was. He didn't care though and he walked to the bed and sat down staring at her. There were cuts on her face but despite that she looked peaceful like she was in a sound sleep and he could hear her breath and see her chest rising and falling. Blinking, he caused the tears in his eyes to trail down his face, ignoring them he reached out and touched her cheek - her skin was hot, Becky was alive and Merton let out a sob of relief.