Disclaimer: I do own LoK and its characters! Fooled you! I really don't
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The scene was inside a limo that was heading to the opening. Kain was just
sitting down dealing with the hyperactivity in the vehicle
Zephon: (bouncing up and down on the soft seat) I'm hyper!
Kain: (annoyed) Listen, Zephon, I know you're excited about being in a movie, but
COULD YOU PLEASE STOP BEING SO HYPER!
Zephon: I'm not hyper about the movie!
Kain: Then what are you hyper about!
Zephon: Being in a LIMO!!
Kain: (heavy sigh)
Zephon: Hey Kain, let's play 'Spot the Limo'!
Kain: Zephon, I really hate you.
Zephon: (looking at one of the portable rear-view windows that stick to a door)
(Zephon sees himself and the limo he's in but doesn't know its him or his limo) I'VE
SPOTTED A LIMO!
Kain: You are so truly idiotic. Tell me, did Vorador remove your brain?
Zephon: (laughs a lot and sees himself, not realizing it's himself) Hey, this dude is
hanging his head out a limo! He looks like such a dork! And he laughs like a retard!
Kain, you've gotta see this! There's a total stupid idiot in this limo that I see!
Kain: Don't worry, I see the stupid idiot. (then Kain turnes the other way to see
Melchiah hanging out the other window) Melchiah, what are you doing?
Melchiah: You know how dogs stick their heads out of windows?
Kain: (irritated) Yeeeeees...
Melchiah: Well, I'm doing that!
Kain: Get yourself in!
Melchiah: Why? What's the worst that could happen? (then Melchiah's arm hits a sign,
making his arm fly off) Uh-oh.
Kain: (irritated) Melchiah, did what I think just happen happen?
Melchiah: Driver, stop the car!
Zephon: LIMO! THIS GUY LOOKS LIKE A TOTAL STUPID!
Kain: Driver?
Turel: (who is driving) Yes, Kain?
Kain: Go faster.
Melchiah: What about my arm?
Kain: Get it yourself. (then Kain "accidentally" knocks Melchiah out the window) (grins)
Yes, something good at last.
(then Kain tries to lay back and relax, but he hears talking in one of the many back
seats)
Kain: What's that?
Raziel: (talking on a cell phone) Yeah. Yeah. So that explains it? Do they need an actor?
They do! Awesome! I can do it! What do you mean no! You don't know who I am? I am
Raziel, son of Kain! Yes, son of a bastard...
Kain: What are you doing?
Raziel: (to Kain) Discussing my movie rights. (back to the cell phone) What? Who's
sponsoring me? Coca-Cola? Who else? (to Kain) Hey, Kain, "Coca-Cola", "Instant Blood
in a Jar", "Yum-Yum Pickles", and "Old Navy" wants to sponsor me!
Kain: (disgusted) Old Navy? Those hippy commercials?
Janos: (negotiating with Raziel) I love those Old Navy commercials! Takes me back to
when I was young.
Kain: Being in an Old Navy commercial is my worst nightmare, but you embrace it?
Raziel: Of course. It's more than just a commercial for hippies you know. It's a
statement. It's a sign of dignity. It symbolizes freedom. It leads us all into a prosperous
new millennium. Those Old Navy commercials symbolizes that we can be anything we
wanna be. It shows us that we can pursue happiness. It shows us that it's not what our
country can do for us, but what we can do for our country. (Raziel salutes)
Janos: (salutes)
Kain: (annoyed sigh) People dressed as hippy farmers with overall's on and an old
woman and her dog symbolize all that?
Raziel: I firmly believe! For we are about to embark upon the great crusade!
Kain: I hate you so much, Razzyboy.
Raziel: DON'T CALL ME RAZZYBOY!
Kain: Any who, where's my FAVORITE son Dumah?
Raziel: (feelings hurt) On top of the car.
Zephon: IT'S A LIMO! HEY, RAZ, COME SEE THIS TOTAL DUMBASS HANGING HIS
HEAD OUT THE WINDOW OF A LIMO! I CAN SEE I CLEARLY IN THE REAR-VIEW
MIRROR!
Janos: Don't worry Raziel. My shoulder's free to cry on.
(Kain opens up the window-thingy on the roof of the car and sees Dumah's on the top
of the car flipping everyone he sees off)
Kain: (to Dumah) Dumah, usually I would say you're the best son ever for doing
something as bastardly as this, but this time you need to stop! I don't want bad
publicity!
Dumah: Publicity! Ha! (flips off some more random people)
Kain: Well-
(Kain then hears yelling and Kain goes back into the car)
Kain: What's going on?
Janos: Raziel cried on my shoulder, and his tears BURNED!
Raziel: Janos told me I could!
(then Kain and the others feel the limo shake)
Kain: Turel, what was that?
Turel: That was Umah knocking into us on her motorcycle!
Kain: (irritated) Why?
Turel: Don't know.
Kain: (to Zephon) Zephon, what'd you do now!?
Zephon: I didn't do anything!
(then Kain goes on the roof of the limo and sees Umah and Dumah's still flipping
random people off)
Kain: What's wrong now Umah!
Umah: (pointing at Dumah) That bastard son of yours flipped me off!
(then Kain goes back into the car)
Kain: Why'd you flip off Umah, Raziel!
Raziel: What? I've just been here talking with Janos!
Kain: Then who could she be talking about!
(so Kain gets back on the roof)
Kain: Who are you talking about?
Umah: Dumah, you retard!
Kain: Oh. Well that's fine then because Dumah is my favorite son!
Janos: (from inside the limo) It burns! Don't cry on my shoulder!
Umah: Make him apologize!
Kain: No!
Umah: Then get Vorador out here, I need to bitch at him about something!
(then Kain goes back into the limo)
Kain: (to Turel) Turel, back up. We left someone at the Pillars!
Turel: Okay...
(so Turel turned the limo around and drove the other way, leaving Umah to wonder
what was going on. Too bad she didn't have her eyes on the road and ran into a dam.
So Turel drove all the way back to the Pillars, picking up all of Melchiah's pieces on the
way back)
(the scene is now the Pillars again)
Kain: (rushing in) We forgot someone!
Vorador's head: Thank you for coming to save me. I've got an itch behind my left ear.
Kian: Okay, we're coming to get you!
(the scene is the limo again and Kain and the others are rushing to the opening so they
won't be late. They also got who they had forgotten to get)
Kain: I'm glad Umah reminded me. Now I've got Vorador back. (when Kain says
Vorador, he of course means his Vorador voodoo doll) I wonder if these things actually
work.
(then a little while later, they were all pulled other by the Sarafan)
Dean Earwicker (Sarafan who pulled them over) Do you know why I pulled you over?
Turel: Because I was going 30 miles over the speed limit and Dumah flipped you off?
Dean Earwicker: Nope. It's because I wanna go too.
Turel: Um...no.
(then they speed off again)
Dean Earwicker: What a guy.
(then they finally arrive at the opening, where 5 whole people await)
Kain: (stepping out of the limo disappointed) Hello people.
Peasant 1: Are you Cher?
Kain: No.
Peasant 1: Oh. Then who gives a crap about you? (then as Peasant 1 walks off, Kain
Immolates him)
Dell dude: (to Kain) Dude, you're getting a Dell!
Kain: No I'm not.
Dell dude: (picking up Kain) You better get a Dell or I'll slit your throat!
Kain: (getting put back down) Okay, I'll get a Dell.
Dell dude: Dude, you're getting a Dell!
(then Dell dude walked off, leaving only 3 people at the opening. Then everyone else
got out of the limo)
Peasant 2: (to Kain) Are there any naked people in this film?
Kain: No.
Peasant 2: Then it won't be showed in any film festival. Good-bye. (then Peasant 2
walks off and Kain kills him too, leaving only 2 people)
Kain: (to the other two) Okay, if you two walk away, you're dead!
Sarafan Lord: Hey, we're Sarafan Lord and Morlock.
Morlock: Yeah, we're the ones that gives films 2 thumbs up if we like it!
(then the Seer drives up)
Seer: (seeing Melchiah) My Melchiah-Welchiah!
Melchiah: (hugging the Seer) It's my Seer!
Dumah: (laughing) Melchiah-Welchiah!?
Seer: Go on in the theatre, I'll be with you in a minute!
Sarafan Lord: Yes, let's all go watch this film!
(then everyone goes in except Dumah and the Seer)
Seer: Have you been naughty to Melchiah?
Dumah: No, I've been a good boy.
Seer: Yes you have!
(then the Seer and Dumah make out! Raziel comes out to see what's taking the Seer
and Dumah so long to come inside. Raziel sees them making out)
Raziel: O_O
Dumah: (just now noticing Raziel) Oh sh*#...
Raziel: I'M BLIND!
Seer: It's not what it looks like! We weren't making out!
Raziel: Then explain!
Dumah: Um...er...uh...ah ha! She was hurt and I was helping her!
Raziel: Then why was your tongue in her!
Seer: Strained tongue. He was helping loosen it!
Raziel: You must think I'm really stupid, don't you?
Dumah: Come on, don't tell Melchiah!
Raziel: Why not!
Seer: Would you be able to live with the grief?
Raziel: What grief!
Seer: The grief you'd have because you made me lose Dumah?
Raziel: Um...
Seer: Who helped you when you needed help when you were filming?
Raziel: You did.
Seer: Who helped you get closer to Kain?
Raziel: You...
Seer: So will you tell him?
Raziel: No...
(so Raziel went back in the theatre. A few minutes later Turel came out and saw them
making out near the front doors)
Turel: (heavy sigh) If you're gonna cheat on him, at least do it where you won't be
found!
Dumah: Sorry. My idea to make out here. Thought it would be exciting.
Turel: You know I'm gonna have to tell Melchiah.
Seer: But what about me?
Turel: What about you?
Seer: Would you be able to live with yourself?
Turel: Huh?
Seer: Who?
Turel: But...
Seer: Watchin'.
Turel: How?
Seer: Blowpop.
Turel: Chep.
Seer: Ownyak.
Turel: (nodding cause he understood what they just said to each other) Oh, okay.
(then Turel also went back into the theatre)
Dumah: What was that!
Seer: I'm not sure myself.
(then Zephon came out eating pudding)
Zephon: No one will find my pudding here. (sees Melchiah and Seer making out)
Seer: Uh-oh. I'm out of excuses.
Dumah: Don't worry, he's an idiot.
Zephon: (looking at them, then his pudding, then them, then pudding) I love banana
pudding.
(then Zephon goes back in the theatre. Then Dumah and Seer both went into the
theatre, but 1 at a time so as not to arouse suspension)
Kain: Where have you 2 been?
Raziel: Dumb hozers.
(everyone stares at him)
Raziel: What?
Sarafan Lord: Now can we watch the film?
Morlock: Yeah.
Kain: Yes you can. I call it "Blood Omen 1."
Sarafan Lord: So there's gonna be a sequel?
Kain: Oh yes.
Raziel: I wasn't told about this!
Kain: Well now you know Razzyboy.
Sarafan Lord and Morlock: And knowing is half the battle. G.I. JOE!!!
Raziel: DON'T CALL ME RAZZYBOY!
Sarafan Lord: Since there's gonna be a sequel, I'm already gonna give this a thumbs
up!
Morlock: That's not fair! Sequels are never as good! Thumb down.
Kain: Just watch the movie! I wish more people would've shown up though.
(then Peasant 3 entered)
Peasant 3: Hello, this movie looked cool so I showed up.
(then the movie started. Kain was at first nervous, but as time went by, more and lots
more people showed up)
Melchiah: (while watching where he was Nupraptor and speaking to Seer) ...and
that's why I think we should get married.
Seer: Oh, okay. I'll be right back, I've gotta use the dead ladies' room. (then Seer got
up and went over to Dumah) Hello.
Dumah: Hi. (then they made out)
(well, as the movie progressed Kain got a lot less nervous and half of Nosgoth had
attended by then to watch the movie)
Kain: I am such a great actor!
Raziel: You think you're great? Wait till you see me!
(then the scene got to where Raziel had to talk to himself as Moebius)
Kain: Huh? I don't remember this.
Raziel: This happened while you were away. Me squared. Man, I'm gonna be the next
movie star!
(then the movie got to some wired scene that nobody remembered)
Kain (in the movie): We've got to fight for what we believe in. Killing humans is wrong
and I'm not gonna do it anymore!
Faustus: (somehow in the movie) I think that's a grand idea! Let's all become
vegetarians!
Kain (in the movie): Yippee!
Kain: (to Raziel) Were we drunk at this time?
Raziel: I don't know, but I sure as hell don't remember this.
Zephon: Dude, I'm so having a good time right now. Watching a movie, hanging with
my bros, and eating banana pudding. Ahh, unlife is good!
Dumah: Banana pudding sucks. (actually Dumah loved banana pudding, but he was
just saying this to piss off Zephon)
Zephon: Banana pudding DOES NOT SUCK! (then Zephon attacked Dumah)
Kain: (sighs) Raziel, now look what you've done!
Raziel: Me!?
(then they continue to watch the movie till they all find another part that they didn't
recognize once again)
Raziel (in the movie): And that is why I like Yum-Yum Pickles, so sour that you're
guaranteed to choke yourself to death! I don't have a throat, so it's all good!
Raziel: Did we cut scenes?
Kain: I don't know, I don't recognize this one either.
(then came the endings. Almost all of Nosgoth had attended and then the movie was
over. Everyone was cheering)
Sarafan Lord: I'm definitely giving this a thumbs up! What about you Morlock?
Morlock: I'm giving it a thumbs up as well!
Sarafan Lord and Morlock: Sarafan Lord and Morlock gives this movie two thumbs up!
Elder God (another critic): (to Kain) THAT WAS THE SECOND BEST MOVIE I'VE EVER
SEEN!
Audience and practically everyone else: Yes, that was the second best movie we've ever
seen!
Dean Earwicker: Oranges float in water!
Kain: (outraged) Second best!? What was the best!!!!?
Elder God: The best movie ever is..."Can't Catch Me!" A powerful
Romance/Comedy/Action-Adventure/Drama/Musical!
Kain: (very PO'ed) Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...
Elder God: And that fantastic movie was made by Marcus!
Zephon: I've noticed something. Pretty much no one in Nosgoth has a last name.
Elder God: But this movie is still wonderful!
Kain: Thank you. (Kain bends down to bow to him and his Vorador voodoo doll falls out
of his pocket and lands in water)
(then from far off everyone hears a scream)
Vorador's voice: AHHH!!! IT BURNS! I'M NOW MISSING MY LEFT NOSTRIL!
Kain: Uh-oh.
(then everyone started taking pictures of everyone and an interviewer stepped up to
Kain and asked him an important question)
Interviewer: Kain, will there be a sequel?
Kain: Well...my answer is-
(Oops. Out of time! Will Melchiah ever find out about Dumah and Seer? Will there be a
sequel? Will Vorador ever get his head on his body permanently? Will Kain ever stop
being an asshole and blaming EVERYTHING BAD on Raziel? You will see in the thrilling
conclusion to Kain Presents: Blood Omen 1 in the next chapter!)
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Well, I hope everyone enjoyed this fic. The next chapter will be the last, so don't forget
to review. And all of you who did review...thanks. Hope you liked this chapter and
don't forget to review!
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The scene was inside a limo that was heading to the opening. Kain was just
sitting down dealing with the hyperactivity in the vehicle
Zephon: (bouncing up and down on the soft seat) I'm hyper!
Kain: (annoyed) Listen, Zephon, I know you're excited about being in a movie, but
COULD YOU PLEASE STOP BEING SO HYPER!
Zephon: I'm not hyper about the movie!
Kain: Then what are you hyper about!
Zephon: Being in a LIMO!!
Kain: (heavy sigh)
Zephon: Hey Kain, let's play 'Spot the Limo'!
Kain: Zephon, I really hate you.
Zephon: (looking at one of the portable rear-view windows that stick to a door)
(Zephon sees himself and the limo he's in but doesn't know its him or his limo) I'VE
SPOTTED A LIMO!
Kain: You are so truly idiotic. Tell me, did Vorador remove your brain?
Zephon: (laughs a lot and sees himself, not realizing it's himself) Hey, this dude is
hanging his head out a limo! He looks like such a dork! And he laughs like a retard!
Kain, you've gotta see this! There's a total stupid idiot in this limo that I see!
Kain: Don't worry, I see the stupid idiot. (then Kain turnes the other way to see
Melchiah hanging out the other window) Melchiah, what are you doing?
Melchiah: You know how dogs stick their heads out of windows?
Kain: (irritated) Yeeeeees...
Melchiah: Well, I'm doing that!
Kain: Get yourself in!
Melchiah: Why? What's the worst that could happen? (then Melchiah's arm hits a sign,
making his arm fly off) Uh-oh.
Kain: (irritated) Melchiah, did what I think just happen happen?
Melchiah: Driver, stop the car!
Zephon: LIMO! THIS GUY LOOKS LIKE A TOTAL STUPID!
Kain: Driver?
Turel: (who is driving) Yes, Kain?
Kain: Go faster.
Melchiah: What about my arm?
Kain: Get it yourself. (then Kain "accidentally" knocks Melchiah out the window) (grins)
Yes, something good at last.
(then Kain tries to lay back and relax, but he hears talking in one of the many back
seats)
Kain: What's that?
Raziel: (talking on a cell phone) Yeah. Yeah. So that explains it? Do they need an actor?
They do! Awesome! I can do it! What do you mean no! You don't know who I am? I am
Raziel, son of Kain! Yes, son of a bastard...
Kain: What are you doing?
Raziel: (to Kain) Discussing my movie rights. (back to the cell phone) What? Who's
sponsoring me? Coca-Cola? Who else? (to Kain) Hey, Kain, "Coca-Cola", "Instant Blood
in a Jar", "Yum-Yum Pickles", and "Old Navy" wants to sponsor me!
Kain: (disgusted) Old Navy? Those hippy commercials?
Janos: (negotiating with Raziel) I love those Old Navy commercials! Takes me back to
when I was young.
Kain: Being in an Old Navy commercial is my worst nightmare, but you embrace it?
Raziel: Of course. It's more than just a commercial for hippies you know. It's a
statement. It's a sign of dignity. It symbolizes freedom. It leads us all into a prosperous
new millennium. Those Old Navy commercials symbolizes that we can be anything we
wanna be. It shows us that we can pursue happiness. It shows us that it's not what our
country can do for us, but what we can do for our country. (Raziel salutes)
Janos: (salutes)
Kain: (annoyed sigh) People dressed as hippy farmers with overall's on and an old
woman and her dog symbolize all that?
Raziel: I firmly believe! For we are about to embark upon the great crusade!
Kain: I hate you so much, Razzyboy.
Raziel: DON'T CALL ME RAZZYBOY!
Kain: Any who, where's my FAVORITE son Dumah?
Raziel: (feelings hurt) On top of the car.
Zephon: IT'S A LIMO! HEY, RAZ, COME SEE THIS TOTAL DUMBASS HANGING HIS
HEAD OUT THE WINDOW OF A LIMO! I CAN SEE I CLEARLY IN THE REAR-VIEW
MIRROR!
Janos: Don't worry Raziel. My shoulder's free to cry on.
(Kain opens up the window-thingy on the roof of the car and sees Dumah's on the top
of the car flipping everyone he sees off)
Kain: (to Dumah) Dumah, usually I would say you're the best son ever for doing
something as bastardly as this, but this time you need to stop! I don't want bad
publicity!
Dumah: Publicity! Ha! (flips off some more random people)
Kain: Well-
(Kain then hears yelling and Kain goes back into the car)
Kain: What's going on?
Janos: Raziel cried on my shoulder, and his tears BURNED!
Raziel: Janos told me I could!
(then Kain and the others feel the limo shake)
Kain: Turel, what was that?
Turel: That was Umah knocking into us on her motorcycle!
Kain: (irritated) Why?
Turel: Don't know.
Kain: (to Zephon) Zephon, what'd you do now!?
Zephon: I didn't do anything!
(then Kain goes on the roof of the limo and sees Umah and Dumah's still flipping
random people off)
Kain: What's wrong now Umah!
Umah: (pointing at Dumah) That bastard son of yours flipped me off!
(then Kain goes back into the car)
Kain: Why'd you flip off Umah, Raziel!
Raziel: What? I've just been here talking with Janos!
Kain: Then who could she be talking about!
(so Kain gets back on the roof)
Kain: Who are you talking about?
Umah: Dumah, you retard!
Kain: Oh. Well that's fine then because Dumah is my favorite son!
Janos: (from inside the limo) It burns! Don't cry on my shoulder!
Umah: Make him apologize!
Kain: No!
Umah: Then get Vorador out here, I need to bitch at him about something!
(then Kain goes back into the limo)
Kain: (to Turel) Turel, back up. We left someone at the Pillars!
Turel: Okay...
(so Turel turned the limo around and drove the other way, leaving Umah to wonder
what was going on. Too bad she didn't have her eyes on the road and ran into a dam.
So Turel drove all the way back to the Pillars, picking up all of Melchiah's pieces on the
way back)
(the scene is now the Pillars again)
Kain: (rushing in) We forgot someone!
Vorador's head: Thank you for coming to save me. I've got an itch behind my left ear.
Kian: Okay, we're coming to get you!
(the scene is the limo again and Kain and the others are rushing to the opening so they
won't be late. They also got who they had forgotten to get)
Kain: I'm glad Umah reminded me. Now I've got Vorador back. (when Kain says
Vorador, he of course means his Vorador voodoo doll) I wonder if these things actually
work.
(then a little while later, they were all pulled other by the Sarafan)
Dean Earwicker (Sarafan who pulled them over) Do you know why I pulled you over?
Turel: Because I was going 30 miles over the speed limit and Dumah flipped you off?
Dean Earwicker: Nope. It's because I wanna go too.
Turel: Um...no.
(then they speed off again)
Dean Earwicker: What a guy.
(then they finally arrive at the opening, where 5 whole people await)
Kain: (stepping out of the limo disappointed) Hello people.
Peasant 1: Are you Cher?
Kain: No.
Peasant 1: Oh. Then who gives a crap about you? (then as Peasant 1 walks off, Kain
Immolates him)
Dell dude: (to Kain) Dude, you're getting a Dell!
Kain: No I'm not.
Dell dude: (picking up Kain) You better get a Dell or I'll slit your throat!
Kain: (getting put back down) Okay, I'll get a Dell.
Dell dude: Dude, you're getting a Dell!
(then Dell dude walked off, leaving only 3 people at the opening. Then everyone else
got out of the limo)
Peasant 2: (to Kain) Are there any naked people in this film?
Kain: No.
Peasant 2: Then it won't be showed in any film festival. Good-bye. (then Peasant 2
walks off and Kain kills him too, leaving only 2 people)
Kain: (to the other two) Okay, if you two walk away, you're dead!
Sarafan Lord: Hey, we're Sarafan Lord and Morlock.
Morlock: Yeah, we're the ones that gives films 2 thumbs up if we like it!
(then the Seer drives up)
Seer: (seeing Melchiah) My Melchiah-Welchiah!
Melchiah: (hugging the Seer) It's my Seer!
Dumah: (laughing) Melchiah-Welchiah!?
Seer: Go on in the theatre, I'll be with you in a minute!
Sarafan Lord: Yes, let's all go watch this film!
(then everyone goes in except Dumah and the Seer)
Seer: Have you been naughty to Melchiah?
Dumah: No, I've been a good boy.
Seer: Yes you have!
(then the Seer and Dumah make out! Raziel comes out to see what's taking the Seer
and Dumah so long to come inside. Raziel sees them making out)
Raziel: O_O
Dumah: (just now noticing Raziel) Oh sh*#...
Raziel: I'M BLIND!
Seer: It's not what it looks like! We weren't making out!
Raziel: Then explain!
Dumah: Um...er...uh...ah ha! She was hurt and I was helping her!
Raziel: Then why was your tongue in her!
Seer: Strained tongue. He was helping loosen it!
Raziel: You must think I'm really stupid, don't you?
Dumah: Come on, don't tell Melchiah!
Raziel: Why not!
Seer: Would you be able to live with the grief?
Raziel: What grief!
Seer: The grief you'd have because you made me lose Dumah?
Raziel: Um...
Seer: Who helped you when you needed help when you were filming?
Raziel: You did.
Seer: Who helped you get closer to Kain?
Raziel: You...
Seer: So will you tell him?
Raziel: No...
(so Raziel went back in the theatre. A few minutes later Turel came out and saw them
making out near the front doors)
Turel: (heavy sigh) If you're gonna cheat on him, at least do it where you won't be
found!
Dumah: Sorry. My idea to make out here. Thought it would be exciting.
Turel: You know I'm gonna have to tell Melchiah.
Seer: But what about me?
Turel: What about you?
Seer: Would you be able to live with yourself?
Turel: Huh?
Seer: Who?
Turel: But...
Seer: Watchin'.
Turel: How?
Seer: Blowpop.
Turel: Chep.
Seer: Ownyak.
Turel: (nodding cause he understood what they just said to each other) Oh, okay.
(then Turel also went back into the theatre)
Dumah: What was that!
Seer: I'm not sure myself.
(then Zephon came out eating pudding)
Zephon: No one will find my pudding here. (sees Melchiah and Seer making out)
Seer: Uh-oh. I'm out of excuses.
Dumah: Don't worry, he's an idiot.
Zephon: (looking at them, then his pudding, then them, then pudding) I love banana
pudding.
(then Zephon goes back in the theatre. Then Dumah and Seer both went into the
theatre, but 1 at a time so as not to arouse suspension)
Kain: Where have you 2 been?
Raziel: Dumb hozers.
(everyone stares at him)
Raziel: What?
Sarafan Lord: Now can we watch the film?
Morlock: Yeah.
Kain: Yes you can. I call it "Blood Omen 1."
Sarafan Lord: So there's gonna be a sequel?
Kain: Oh yes.
Raziel: I wasn't told about this!
Kain: Well now you know Razzyboy.
Sarafan Lord and Morlock: And knowing is half the battle. G.I. JOE!!!
Raziel: DON'T CALL ME RAZZYBOY!
Sarafan Lord: Since there's gonna be a sequel, I'm already gonna give this a thumbs
up!
Morlock: That's not fair! Sequels are never as good! Thumb down.
Kain: Just watch the movie! I wish more people would've shown up though.
(then Peasant 3 entered)
Peasant 3: Hello, this movie looked cool so I showed up.
(then the movie started. Kain was at first nervous, but as time went by, more and lots
more people showed up)
Melchiah: (while watching where he was Nupraptor and speaking to Seer) ...and
that's why I think we should get married.
Seer: Oh, okay. I'll be right back, I've gotta use the dead ladies' room. (then Seer got
up and went over to Dumah) Hello.
Dumah: Hi. (then they made out)
(well, as the movie progressed Kain got a lot less nervous and half of Nosgoth had
attended by then to watch the movie)
Kain: I am such a great actor!
Raziel: You think you're great? Wait till you see me!
(then the scene got to where Raziel had to talk to himself as Moebius)
Kain: Huh? I don't remember this.
Raziel: This happened while you were away. Me squared. Man, I'm gonna be the next
movie star!
(then the movie got to some wired scene that nobody remembered)
Kain (in the movie): We've got to fight for what we believe in. Killing humans is wrong
and I'm not gonna do it anymore!
Faustus: (somehow in the movie) I think that's a grand idea! Let's all become
vegetarians!
Kain (in the movie): Yippee!
Kain: (to Raziel) Were we drunk at this time?
Raziel: I don't know, but I sure as hell don't remember this.
Zephon: Dude, I'm so having a good time right now. Watching a movie, hanging with
my bros, and eating banana pudding. Ahh, unlife is good!
Dumah: Banana pudding sucks. (actually Dumah loved banana pudding, but he was
just saying this to piss off Zephon)
Zephon: Banana pudding DOES NOT SUCK! (then Zephon attacked Dumah)
Kain: (sighs) Raziel, now look what you've done!
Raziel: Me!?
(then they continue to watch the movie till they all find another part that they didn't
recognize once again)
Raziel (in the movie): And that is why I like Yum-Yum Pickles, so sour that you're
guaranteed to choke yourself to death! I don't have a throat, so it's all good!
Raziel: Did we cut scenes?
Kain: I don't know, I don't recognize this one either.
(then came the endings. Almost all of Nosgoth had attended and then the movie was
over. Everyone was cheering)
Sarafan Lord: I'm definitely giving this a thumbs up! What about you Morlock?
Morlock: I'm giving it a thumbs up as well!
Sarafan Lord and Morlock: Sarafan Lord and Morlock gives this movie two thumbs up!
Elder God (another critic): (to Kain) THAT WAS THE SECOND BEST MOVIE I'VE EVER
SEEN!
Audience and practically everyone else: Yes, that was the second best movie we've ever
seen!
Dean Earwicker: Oranges float in water!
Kain: (outraged) Second best!? What was the best!!!!?
Elder God: The best movie ever is..."Can't Catch Me!" A powerful
Romance/Comedy/Action-Adventure/Drama/Musical!
Kain: (very PO'ed) Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...
Elder God: And that fantastic movie was made by Marcus!
Zephon: I've noticed something. Pretty much no one in Nosgoth has a last name.
Elder God: But this movie is still wonderful!
Kain: Thank you. (Kain bends down to bow to him and his Vorador voodoo doll falls out
of his pocket and lands in water)
(then from far off everyone hears a scream)
Vorador's voice: AHHH!!! IT BURNS! I'M NOW MISSING MY LEFT NOSTRIL!
Kain: Uh-oh.
(then everyone started taking pictures of everyone and an interviewer stepped up to
Kain and asked him an important question)
Interviewer: Kain, will there be a sequel?
Kain: Well...my answer is-
(Oops. Out of time! Will Melchiah ever find out about Dumah and Seer? Will there be a
sequel? Will Vorador ever get his head on his body permanently? Will Kain ever stop
being an asshole and blaming EVERYTHING BAD on Raziel? You will see in the thrilling
conclusion to Kain Presents: Blood Omen 1 in the next chapter!)
_______________________________________________________
Well, I hope everyone enjoyed this fic. The next chapter will be the last, so don't forget
to review. And all of you who did review...thanks. Hope you liked this chapter and
don't forget to review!