unspoken: fears
Zoro did not come back. Kuina waited every day for him, even went looking up the road for him, but he did not return. She wanted to know what he was doing, but he seemed to have cut her off. She didn't know where he was, could not sense or see him.
It was like going blind.
He was trying to kill her.
Outside the house, thick black clouds cloaked the moon, hiding the stars. The night sky felt thick and oppresive. No wind, no sounds of stirring. Just pressure, the weight and mass of the clouds hanging low over the houses and the fields.
She lay on the tatami, in the front room. The fire in the stove had gone out and she watched the smoke rise from the ashes, not moving. She didn't even feel like blinking but it somehow happened anyway.
She had lost track of time, forgotten how many days or weeks it had been. She looked over at the place he used to sit by the fire.
When they were younger still, she always offered him a cushion, like a good hostess, the way her mother had taught her once. But little Zoro had always refused, claiming that a real man doesn't need a cushion. He would kneel there in seiza like some kind of monk paying his pennance.
It had always made Kuina laugh to see him doing so, gritting his teeth. He was so determined, a rock-headed little boy who would never give in. He would clench his fists until his knuckles turned white, trying to stand the cramping in his little legs. And Kuina would try again, to give him the cushion to sit on. And again he would refuse.
Just once, she had snuck over and pushed him, making him topple over like a rock. As the blood rushed back to his legs, he bit his lip and tried not to yowl from the pain. And she had laughed, laughed, laughed. That was one of the first times she had really, truly laughed.
He was so much fun.
His favorite spot to sit was just to the left of the fire, turned so that it warmed his back and his right arm, which was often sore. It was easy to imagine him there right now. Sitting back with his legs kicked out in front of him, looking lazy as he gazed around the room.
Oh, god, I miss him.
She licked her dry lips. It had been awhile since she had bothered to eat or drink. It was mostly a charade anyway. She didn't want to forget what it was like to do so.
Zoro, where are you? Why are you doing this to me?
She closed her eyes and bit her lip. She had an idea why. It must have been bad... for her to think about him, the way she had been. He must be angry about that. But she hadn't meant for him to know! It wasn't like she was asking him for anything... She couldn't help her own feelings, could she?
Could she?
Apparently Zoro thought so. And whatever it was he thought, she knew he wouldn't give up. He would not come back. Whatever he decided, he stuck to it, even when it caused him pain. Like the cushion. And maybe he expected the same from her.
She put a hand to her forehead, remembering the way his eyes glowered down at her in disapproval. He had seemed so bothered by it. Did her feelings bother him? Did she bother him?
A tear slipped down Kuina's cheek.
And outside the house, droplets began to fall from the black sky.
Translation & Notes:
seiza- formal sitting position which can be really painful after about 5 minutes. No, make that like, 3.
Zoro did not come back. Kuina waited every day for him, even went looking up the road for him, but he did not return. She wanted to know what he was doing, but he seemed to have cut her off. She didn't know where he was, could not sense or see him.
It was like going blind.
He was trying to kill her.
Outside the house, thick black clouds cloaked the moon, hiding the stars. The night sky felt thick and oppresive. No wind, no sounds of stirring. Just pressure, the weight and mass of the clouds hanging low over the houses and the fields.
She lay on the tatami, in the front room. The fire in the stove had gone out and she watched the smoke rise from the ashes, not moving. She didn't even feel like blinking but it somehow happened anyway.
She had lost track of time, forgotten how many days or weeks it had been. She looked over at the place he used to sit by the fire.
When they were younger still, she always offered him a cushion, like a good hostess, the way her mother had taught her once. But little Zoro had always refused, claiming that a real man doesn't need a cushion. He would kneel there in seiza like some kind of monk paying his pennance.
It had always made Kuina laugh to see him doing so, gritting his teeth. He was so determined, a rock-headed little boy who would never give in. He would clench his fists until his knuckles turned white, trying to stand the cramping in his little legs. And Kuina would try again, to give him the cushion to sit on. And again he would refuse.
Just once, she had snuck over and pushed him, making him topple over like a rock. As the blood rushed back to his legs, he bit his lip and tried not to yowl from the pain. And she had laughed, laughed, laughed. That was one of the first times she had really, truly laughed.
He was so much fun.
His favorite spot to sit was just to the left of the fire, turned so that it warmed his back and his right arm, which was often sore. It was easy to imagine him there right now. Sitting back with his legs kicked out in front of him, looking lazy as he gazed around the room.
Oh, god, I miss him.
She licked her dry lips. It had been awhile since she had bothered to eat or drink. It was mostly a charade anyway. She didn't want to forget what it was like to do so.
Zoro, where are you? Why are you doing this to me?
She closed her eyes and bit her lip. She had an idea why. It must have been bad... for her to think about him, the way she had been. He must be angry about that. But she hadn't meant for him to know! It wasn't like she was asking him for anything... She couldn't help her own feelings, could she?
Could she?
Apparently Zoro thought so. And whatever it was he thought, she knew he wouldn't give up. He would not come back. Whatever he decided, he stuck to it, even when it caused him pain. Like the cushion. And maybe he expected the same from her.
She put a hand to her forehead, remembering the way his eyes glowered down at her in disapproval. He had seemed so bothered by it. Did her feelings bother him? Did she bother him?
A tear slipped down Kuina's cheek.
And outside the house, droplets began to fall from the black sky.
Translation & Notes:
seiza- formal sitting position which can be really painful after about 5 minutes. No, make that like, 3.