Last Dance With Shinobu-Chan
By Project Pegasus
Chapter V: Within a Budding Grove.
Three days after "The Announcement"
In the quiet of the late afternoon, Naru sat in her room with a book open on her lap. Even though her eyes scanned the words adorning the page again and again, her mind just couldn't comprehend them. She closed the book and set it aside, taking a final glimpse of the cover before placing it on her desk. On the cover, the scene stood static as a harsh Russian winter encircled two lovers embracing each other. Above them were stamped the words Doctor Zhivago in imposing katakana. She sighed and began to stare at the wall pensively. It only answered her search for answers with a blank, meaningless expression.
It had already been three days since Mutsumi had leaked Shinobu's secret rendezvous with Keiatro. The fallout had been worse than anything Keitaro or Shinobu could have imagined. Suu, Sara, Mitsune, Mutsumi, and Naru were in the room at the time. When the initial shock of the revelation had slowly subsided into an irrevocable reality, they realized that Shinobu, who had been lurking in the threshold of the room, had stolen away. Nobody had seen her slip away, and nobody would have been in the mood to stop her.
Most of the residents were bitterly displeased with Shinobu's actions. They all knew that Keitaro and Naru were in love, even if Naru was the last one to admit to this fact; it would have taken a drastic circumstance for anybody else to try to break them up. Shinobu had not only betrayed Naru's trust, but she had also broken faith with all of the residents of Hinata Sou by threatening to disrupt the harmony of their home.
Keitaro had been running errands that day, but when he returned, even before he had begun to put away his groceries in the pantry, he deciphered the body language, heard the wordless denouncements spoken behind his back, and felt the accusing eyes following him. It was obvious to him that everybody knew who Shinobu's date to the prom was.
Later that evening, in Shinobu's absence, Mutsumi had prepared dinner, and attempted to carry on conversation at the table, but the tide of bewilderment and the contamination of bitterness ran too deep in everyone, not just Naru. Perhaps, the other residents weren't just upset about Shinobu upsetting the equilibrium of Hinata Sou; perhaps, without even realizing it, the other residents of Hinata Sou had fallen in love with Keitaro and were envious of Shinobu's success, but nobody would admit this out loud. In fact, they said nothing to each other as they dined in the same intense, unbearable silence that had not lifted since Mutsumi had made the announcement.
Later, Mutsumi would carry a tray to Shinobu's door, call to her, but leave when she realized that she couldn't wheedle Shinobu from her room. It was also Mutsumi who retrieve the empty tray when Shinobu had finished her meal. As Mutsumi kneeled down to pick up Shinobu's used tray, she noticed the shadow of two feet from beneath Shinobu's door. They hesitated for a moment in front of the door, but skittering away into the interior of the room.
***
Naru continued to gaze at the wall. The absolute silent of the room was only interrupted by the occasional rustle of leaves, the arcane, impenetrable, but ultimately frivolous prattle of birds, and Motoko, who was practicing with an curious amount of ardor and ferociousness, perhaps so she wouldn't have to remember what she had done to Shinobu earlier that day.
After the wall had ceased to interest her, she turned her attention to Liddo-kun sitting on the panel that separatied her room from Keitaro's. At first, Liddo-kun seemed to return the same mockingly nonchalant gaze that the wall had, but then Liddo-kun began to remind Naru of Mutsumi. For both girls, Kei-kun had been their first love, but Mutsumi had loved him before Naru had. Was it Mutsumi who swore to make Keitaro happy by going to Todai with him? That was only a minor technicality, Naru thought to herself. Mutsumi had renounced any claim to Keitaro long ago, when all three of them still played together as children. When Naru visited Okinawa, she reclaimed the memory of how Mutsumi had purposely lost to her in a game of rock-paper-scissor. From her sacrifice, Naru had gained the right to Keitaro's love. Mutsumi had forsaken her first love for her sake, and yet she couldn't even bring herself to confess her true feelings to him, even though he had taken the initiative and said, "I love you" when she went to keep him company at the hospital.
Naru also thought about how as a child, she had been sickly and bedridden with anemia, rendering her unable to play outside with Kei-kun and Mutsumi. Mysteriously, her anime would be cured only a few years later, and Mutsumi, who wished that Naru could be a strong child and play with the other children, would have to cope with fainting spells due to anemia. Mutsumi seemed to almost collect the sufferings of others and return sympathy and tenderness in its place. What forces were really at work at Hinata Sou, Naru asked herself. She continued to stare at Liddo-kun. The curves and contours of Liddo-kun's body seemed to fade away as Naru submerged herself deeper and deeper into her reverie, until only his ghastly smile seemed to linger, as though he were giving her an almost Cheshire Cat grin.
But how had she repaid Mutsumi for every gift that made her life meaningful: Liddo-kun, her near perfect health after an affliction that should have been lifelong, and most of all Keitaro? She almost felt revulsion toward herself when she realized how little she had done. Keitaro had already confessed his love for her and she acted as though the incident had never occurred. She couldn't even bring herself to give a response to Keitaro's profession.
Why was Keitaro now going to the prom with Shinobu, Naru asked herself desperately. Was he using Shinobu as a weapon of revenge against her?
Perhaps he had just given up hope on Naru, cut his losses, and moved on, pretending that Naru had not been the one whom he truly loved. Keitaro would not be altogether unjustified in this act since Naru had basically ignored and belittled Keitaro's feelings: he was just repaying the inattention she showed him.
Of course, Naru had always wondered about the genuineness of Keitaro's love for her. She wondered if he felt attracted to all of the members of Hinata Sou to the point of seeing them almost as a single object of his affection. Perhaps while straying within this budding grove of young girls, he had only happened to fall in love with her out of blind chance, like some game of erotic roulette. Perhaps the love he had for her was tainted by the attraction he felt for Shinobu, Kitsune, Suu, Mutsumi, and Motoko as well.
But it wasn't as though she didn't try to meet him half way, she reasoned. She just couldn't understand him. Once, before Keitaro broke his leg, she had even snuck into his room and rummaged through his bookshelf and video collection to better understand his tastes and interests. She did feel a twinge of guilt because of her invasion of his privacy, but she justified her actions by telling herself that he had no doubt leafed through her diaries on a number of occasions to plumb her inner emotions. As she perused his videos, at the bottom of the pile, she was startled to find an American video featuring half naked men wearing leather or spandex tights. She held the video in near disbelief as she flipped it over and read the blurb on the back about strange pairings, and sexually suggestive pseudonyms like, "Mr. Ass", "Sexual Chocolate", "The Big Show," "Big Boss Man" (did he practice forms of domination, she wondered), "Lance Storm", and "The Rock". Naru had heard that often times, pornography actors change their names to conceal their identity. Did Keitaro have a secret addiction to imported gay American porno?
Naru couldn't suppress her curiosity. She put the video into his VCR and waited a few moments for the tape to begin. While the FBI warning appeared and faded, Naru wondered if perhaps Keitaro wasn't really a pervert but was just overcompensating for his gay porn fetish. She began to feel sympathy for this pathetic creature and regretted being so hard on him. It was clear that he had demons to conquer and she wasn't helping.
The WWF company logo screen had faded when suddenly, Naru heard footsteps coming her way. She knew that Keitaro had returned. Quickly, she ejected the tape, slipped the cover back on, and returned it to the bottom of his video collection. As soon as she had done so, Keitaro entered the room. His eyes lit up when he saw Naru standing in his room.
"Naru!" Keitaro exclaimed, "What a surprise! Can I do anything for you?"
"Ummm, I was just waiting for you because I needed to talk to you," Naru said, searching for the right way to approach the situation, "Keitaro, you know, you don't have to be ashamed about watching this 'WWF' by yourself." She pronounced "WWF" with an air of uncertainty, not exactly sure how he would react to her knowing his little secret. Unexpectedly, he didn't flinch; he only looked a little confused as to why she was bringing up the WWF.
"Naru," Keitaro said with vagueness in his voice, "I don't watch the WWF. For some reason, Shirai and Haitani got really into it. They ask me over sometimes to watch it with them, but I usually don't go for that kind of stuff."
Naru could see for the first time how truly repressed Keitaro's homosexuality was. No wonder she never saw Shirai or Haitani around Hinata Sou anymore: he must not have wanted the girls to suspect the true nature of their relationship. Naru was moved beyond words at how courageous a facade Keitaro put up just to try to fit in. "Keitaro," she said, her voice honeyed with compassion, "You don't need to pretend. I personally don't think that there is anything wrong with you if you watch that sort of thing."
"Well I do," Keitaro huffed.
"Keitaro, you mustn't say those things," Naru protested, "You can't change who you are or what you like."
"That's just an excuse," Keitaro interjected.
"Keitaro, you don't need to hide or run away," Naru said sorrowfully, "None of the residents will think any less of you if you come out."
"Naru, I don't know what's gotten into you. I really don't like the WWF, ok? That stuff is sick and you can tell those guys are faking it."
At this statement Naru drew back, astonished at how candid Keitaro was and how closely he must have been watching these videos.
"You know," Keitaro continued, "Sometimes Shirai and Haitani watch that garbage and then perform some of the moves they saw on each other."
Naru couldn't help but let out a little gasp of surprise at this revolting image Keitaro had conjured up.
"I know," Keitaro continued, "That's dangerous, and sometime in the future, they won't do it right and one of them will be permanently injured."
"Oh my!" Naru quivered at such a graphic image, yet was just a little curious.
"You know, when they're doing this to each other, sometimes they want me to join. Can you imagine?"
"Keitaro," Naru said nauseously, "if you really want to join, you shouldn't stop yourself. There's really nothing wrong with it."
"Yes there is," Keitaro persisted, "and I can prove it. Shirai and Haitani gave me a tape for my birthday. You can see just how sick it is." He went over to his video collection and selected the WWF tape. He slid it into the VCR and fast-forwarded to the first match. Naru rubbed her delicate hands together nervously. Was this just another form of Keitaro's overcompensation, to force her to watch gay pornography with him just to prove that it didn't affect him in the least?
Keitaro began to explain the rivalry that led up to the first two actor's 'match'. Naru had heard that pornographic movies used preposterous plots, had ridiculous acting, and used absurd dialogue. As she listened to Keitaro explain the storyline and saw an actor grunt something about how he were going to 'ravage' the other guy, she wondered how he could subject her to this homoerotic pageantry.
Why was she still here instead of running away or hitting him for being such a degenerate, she asked herself. Did she want to prove to herself that maybe she had been wrong about this whole thing and that she had been mistaken about what the WWF was? The initial shock of Keitaro's homosexuality was beginning to wear off and the realities of the situation began to set in. If in fact Keitaro had no interest in women, then that would mean that he never wanted to date her. Naru had always felt that she could do anything she damn well pleased to Keitaro because he would never lose affection for her despite all of the abuse.
Had she been deluding herself all this time? Perhaps (and this thought shook her to the core) he never loved her in the first place. Perhaps it was she who really had fallen in love with him, and when she projected her love onto him, she had deceived herself into thinking that he really loved her. Had she seen only the mirage of her love cast back at her? Did she come to believe that he loved her because that's what she wanted to believe? All this time, Naru thought of herself as the center of Keitaro's universe, and she had exploited her position gratuitously by leashing Keitaro with the gravity of his love for her. At times, she did take pity on him, and instead of this slavish association, she instead conceived of them as two celestial bodies who recognized each other across the universe. But now she had to come to grips with the fact that Keitaro did not produce the boiling light of love for her; her unreciprocated love had been reflected off of Keitaro as though he were the surface of a moon, he being nothing but inert matter, devoid of any love and desire for her. All these silly astronomical metaphors gave her a galactic headache. She gathered her thoughts. In other words, she was seeing things that weren't there. She had been mesmerized by her own illusion of self-importance this whole time. Now that all love was impossible, she craved feverishly to take Keitaro in her arms and tell him everything that she had been unable to. Even if Mutsumi had eaten her anemia, Naru was still severely and painfully ailing emotionally. She didn't seem to know what she wanted.
The first match was about to begin as the camera panned over the crowd. Naru never realized that these types of events were so popular and almost mainstream in America. The two actors came out to music and the crowd knew their role and instinctively jeered one and applauded for the other. The Americans certainly have strange forms of foreplay, Naru thought as the actors bounced each other around the ring and beat on each other. While this went on, Naru wondered when the eroticism would begin. Finally after a few minutes of this roughhousing, the announcer violently exclaimed, "STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER!" Naru thought that this was the prelude to the wealth of smut that was no doubt waiting for them, and her fears seemed to be confirmed when one actor laid himself on top of the other, but almost as enigmatically as it began, the obviously defeated actor left the ring, and the victor began to drink beer in celebration of his victory.
"Wait," Naru said in a baffled tone, "So that's it? It's like they were just dancing around each other the whole time."
"That's it," Keitaro said, "I told you it didn't make any sense."
At this, Naru was incensed. She had convinced herself that WWF had to be pornography because that's the only thing men ever thought about: sex. When she saw the cover of the video with men wearing skimpy leather briefs with silly, ambiguously lurid names, what else could she assume except that it had to cater to the insatiably licentious nature of men?
"You men only want one thing!!" she yelled at him as she buried her fist in his face and stormed out of the room. The sound of her footsteps as they drummed across his floor echoed through her mind. Keitaro had waited fifteen years just to fulfill his pledge to his 'promised girl'. Would Keitaro really continue to endure Naru's psychological restlessness, or was he unable to wait any longer, because he had already been waiting forever? Suddenly, Naru realized that it was not her footsteps that were resonating through her mind, but that someone was knocking on her door. Naru opened her door, and standing outside of her room were Keitaro and Shinobu.
"We have to speak with you, Narusegawa-sempai," Shinobu pleaded.
End of Chapter V.
Disclaimer: All concepts, characters, and other copyrighted materials used in the fan fiction, "Last Dance with Shinobu-Chan" are property of their respective owners. This is to be used for non-lucrative purposes only.