My first fanfic. Okay. Lie. I wrote my first fanfic yesterday and then
deleted it. This is my second fanfic. Excuse all none hamsterish behavior.
I never owned a pair- little gits never liked me for some reason. It would
also be greatly appreciated if someone could tell me how to keep my italics
when transferring from Word to FF.net Do read and review.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters otherwise I
wouldn't be sitting here typing. I'd be sitting here watching my personal
secretary type as I sipped on vintage apple juice.
There was a limit to being desperate Minerva McGonagall decided, dropping her notebook with a tremendous bang. It was all very well to be utterly devoted to one's Art but this was going too far. She'd put up with loud scratching sounds at night, and constant changing of the smelly cage but enough was enough. Tomorrow the hamsters would go.
It had started with her life long goal of becoming a romance writer. She'd developed the desire sometime along her hormone filled teenaged years and never quite lost it, despite her numerous attempts to convince herself that the goal was quite unsuitable for someone of her age and dignity. In the end she'd given it up and decided to keep her goal. Why fight a loosing battle with herself?
The only problem was that to write a romance she had to experience romance. And there was another problem- well there were many problems, but when one had a dream one tended to ignore minor trivialities such as mathematical errors in counting problems. The sex scene. Well not quite sex McGonagall thought blushing an interesting shade of aubergine. She would write an old fashioned romance but have a brilliantly written scene with a built up passion tension. The only problem (there was that cursed phrase again) was she'd never experienced sexual tension either.
However she was Minerva McGonagall, and she had a will. Obstacles that stood in her way tended to get steam rolled even if she had to get a drunk Hagrid to stomp on them for her. Observation she'd heard was second to experience. No matter that she'd no experience- she doubted very many of the other authors in this genre did either- she would observe. However, she'd shied away from actually observing people. She'd thought it would be rather rude, not to mention unrefined, and embarrassing. Besides how would she explain if someone caught her? Never mind that she could use an invisibility spell or "borrow" a certain Harry Potter's cloak (though McGonagall did not believe in snooping, she did believe in acquainting herself with her students' belongings.)
Instead she'd purchased a pair of hamsters- male and female, and tidy little cage to keep them in. Everyday after classes she would observe them and their budding relationship. Though she was not much of a bio-zard- or bio-itch to be strictly accurate, she somehow doubted the female (Lady Dante) and the male (Lorenzo) were having what was considered a quite normal hamster romance- if there was such a thing as normal hamster romance. McGonagall ignored the fact that it was not considered normal to observe hamsters during one's spare time. However she was a very economical witch (being part Scotch) and she did not like to think of her money being wasted so she'd gone ahead and used the material anyway. Rereading what she'd written she somehow doubted any publisher- any sane and healthy publisher would accept it. Lady Dante and Lorenzo had gone through an amazing amount of secret meetings, mistaken identities, near death experiences, and other events that would have killed a lesser pair of lovers but there was something not quite "right" about their touching reunion.
***Lady Dante gazed adoringly into the eyes of Lorenzo Belvidere, as she waited for him to say the words she'd waited for, for years. In the moonlight Lorenzo's beady eyes looked more hamsterish than ever. A sudden movement from Lorenzo startled her from her reverie. Lorenzo crept closer to her, and snuggled up to her side. Then he started to sniff her waist.***
This was wrong.
***Lady Dante spotted a large lucious sunflower seed towards her right and scooted away from Lorzenos. Feeling slighted Lorenzo followed her. However Lady Dante was not to be deterred from her sunflower seed. Despite Lorenzo's continued sniffing she devoted her attentions to nibbling on the sunflower seed.***
Very wrong.
***Lady Dante dropped the soggy half-eaten sunflower seed and sucked greedily on the water bottle pipe. Huffily Lorenzo stepped on the hem of Lady Dante's dress and munched on her sunflower seed. There was a pregnant pause filled only by the slow steady munching of Lorenzo. Lady Dante sighed impatiently. "Well?" she asked Lorenzo. He promptly lifted his leg and urinated in front of her.***
Somehow McGonagall doubted this was touchingly romantic- it seemed almost ludicrous. And to top it off the results of Lorenzo's eloquent response lay all over her desk. McGonagall knew from experience that the saying learn something new every day was quite true, and that lessons were often quite disturbing but somehow she'd never expected to one day learn the follies of setting down a pair of hamsters on top of a mahogany desk.
That was it. The hamsters would go tomorrow. She would have to go for something more human. Even if she had to stalk her students- which come to think of it wasn't a bad idea. If she wasn't mistakened Harry Potter, Ginny Weasly, and young Colin Creevy had a most fascinating love triangle going on, with Mr. Creevy being unable to decide between Harry and Ginny, and Ginny being unable to decided between both of them and Sir Cadogen.
Yes stalk- no- observe her students. That would do admirably.
Either that or seduce Snape.
Like? Hate? Review please!!
There was a limit to being desperate Minerva McGonagall decided, dropping her notebook with a tremendous bang. It was all very well to be utterly devoted to one's Art but this was going too far. She'd put up with loud scratching sounds at night, and constant changing of the smelly cage but enough was enough. Tomorrow the hamsters would go.
It had started with her life long goal of becoming a romance writer. She'd developed the desire sometime along her hormone filled teenaged years and never quite lost it, despite her numerous attempts to convince herself that the goal was quite unsuitable for someone of her age and dignity. In the end she'd given it up and decided to keep her goal. Why fight a loosing battle with herself?
The only problem was that to write a romance she had to experience romance. And there was another problem- well there were many problems, but when one had a dream one tended to ignore minor trivialities such as mathematical errors in counting problems. The sex scene. Well not quite sex McGonagall thought blushing an interesting shade of aubergine. She would write an old fashioned romance but have a brilliantly written scene with a built up passion tension. The only problem (there was that cursed phrase again) was she'd never experienced sexual tension either.
However she was Minerva McGonagall, and she had a will. Obstacles that stood in her way tended to get steam rolled even if she had to get a drunk Hagrid to stomp on them for her. Observation she'd heard was second to experience. No matter that she'd no experience- she doubted very many of the other authors in this genre did either- she would observe. However, she'd shied away from actually observing people. She'd thought it would be rather rude, not to mention unrefined, and embarrassing. Besides how would she explain if someone caught her? Never mind that she could use an invisibility spell or "borrow" a certain Harry Potter's cloak (though McGonagall did not believe in snooping, she did believe in acquainting herself with her students' belongings.)
Instead she'd purchased a pair of hamsters- male and female, and tidy little cage to keep them in. Everyday after classes she would observe them and their budding relationship. Though she was not much of a bio-zard- or bio-itch to be strictly accurate, she somehow doubted the female (Lady Dante) and the male (Lorenzo) were having what was considered a quite normal hamster romance- if there was such a thing as normal hamster romance. McGonagall ignored the fact that it was not considered normal to observe hamsters during one's spare time. However she was a very economical witch (being part Scotch) and she did not like to think of her money being wasted so she'd gone ahead and used the material anyway. Rereading what she'd written she somehow doubted any publisher- any sane and healthy publisher would accept it. Lady Dante and Lorenzo had gone through an amazing amount of secret meetings, mistaken identities, near death experiences, and other events that would have killed a lesser pair of lovers but there was something not quite "right" about their touching reunion.
***Lady Dante gazed adoringly into the eyes of Lorenzo Belvidere, as she waited for him to say the words she'd waited for, for years. In the moonlight Lorenzo's beady eyes looked more hamsterish than ever. A sudden movement from Lorenzo startled her from her reverie. Lorenzo crept closer to her, and snuggled up to her side. Then he started to sniff her waist.***
This was wrong.
***Lady Dante spotted a large lucious sunflower seed towards her right and scooted away from Lorzenos. Feeling slighted Lorenzo followed her. However Lady Dante was not to be deterred from her sunflower seed. Despite Lorenzo's continued sniffing she devoted her attentions to nibbling on the sunflower seed.***
Very wrong.
***Lady Dante dropped the soggy half-eaten sunflower seed and sucked greedily on the water bottle pipe. Huffily Lorenzo stepped on the hem of Lady Dante's dress and munched on her sunflower seed. There was a pregnant pause filled only by the slow steady munching of Lorenzo. Lady Dante sighed impatiently. "Well?" she asked Lorenzo. He promptly lifted his leg and urinated in front of her.***
Somehow McGonagall doubted this was touchingly romantic- it seemed almost ludicrous. And to top it off the results of Lorenzo's eloquent response lay all over her desk. McGonagall knew from experience that the saying learn something new every day was quite true, and that lessons were often quite disturbing but somehow she'd never expected to one day learn the follies of setting down a pair of hamsters on top of a mahogany desk.
That was it. The hamsters would go tomorrow. She would have to go for something more human. Even if she had to stalk her students- which come to think of it wasn't a bad idea. If she wasn't mistakened Harry Potter, Ginny Weasly, and young Colin Creevy had a most fascinating love triangle going on, with Mr. Creevy being unable to decide between Harry and Ginny, and Ginny being unable to decided between both of them and Sir Cadogen.
Yes stalk- no- observe her students. That would do admirably.
Either that or seduce Snape.
Like? Hate? Review please!!