CHAPTER SEVEN: Uhh... what should I name this thing anyway..?
Kidd still here, and Kaz is still nursing his bleeding arm. Looks like he won't be typing fer awhile. Which is good.
ANYWAY, the way chibilinnet writes this thin', it seems I'm supposed to announce new characters n' stuff. BUT I'M TOO FREAKING CONFUSED!
But here's everyone's favorite disclaimer! Oi, I'm gettin' sick of these things and I only wrote one! An' the idea for the 'being stuck in the desert thing' came from angelknight, who asked for it awhile ago but Linnet had the shopping storyline to complete.
First off, me and Kaz here belong to Square and Namco, respectively. That was a bloodly long word!
The various Final Fantasy people also belong to Square
Golden Sephy and Silver Sephy belong to Golden-Sephy
Hellfire Guado belongs to Auron no Aijou
AngelKnight belongs to angelknight
Dr. Matoki belongs to GenimiDeathStar
BloodProphicy belongs to BloodProphicy
Corey belongs to TailsShadowVivi12
VZG belongs to Kate (vampirezombiegirl)
Raven belongs to The Great Kaiser Shadow
Ark Dragon belongs to Ark Dragon
So, on wit' the stupid ficcy thingy..
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VZG: *pokes Vinnie* Yay! I'm not stuck in the victory pose anymore!
Vinnie: Must you always poke me when you talk?
VZG: *pokes Vinnie* yep!
AngelKnight: Oi! We gotta.. Oi?? OI?? WE GOTTA SAVE CHIBILINNET OR WE'LL BE SPEAKIN' AUSTRALIAN FOREVER!!
Ark Dragon: *stops dancing* NOOOOOO!!
Kaz: ... wtf??
Kidd: MWAHAHAHAAAA! WITH MY NEW AUTHOR POWERS, KAZ MUST BE IN THE FIC!
Kaz: It means more lines for you.
Kidd: .. good point.. *sends Kaz back*
Kaz: MWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!! *trips and falls* ow.
Hellfire Guado: Ummm.. right.. so where do we start?
BloodProphicy: *is jump-roping with Seymour's spinal cord* I dunno..
Seymour: Blood.. can..I..have..that..bac-OW!
*BloodProphicy smacks Seymour with the spinal cord before dropping it*
S.S: Give Seymour a break, he's suffered more mental abuse than chibilinnet already!
*In chibilinnet's mind..somewhere in the long-term memory bank labeled: BAD MOMENTS!*
Mom: Linnet, why don't you talk to the guests?
Linnet's mind: I never wanted to stay here! I just wanted to stay home with Aurrie and-.. why are they staring at me?? Am I THAT ugly?? I don't wanna be here! I wanna go home! STOP STARING AT ME!! WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT??
Linnet: WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT?? *runs out the door screaming and yelling: "THEY'RE STARING AT ME!!"*
*back to Walmart*
Dr. Matoki: ... yeah..
Corey: Let's ask Bob! *holds up the Cheerio box* Bob, can you tell us where a Chrono Cross copy can be found?
*Bob stays there for a moments, then tips over to the left*
Corey: BOB?? BOB?? OH, GOD NO!! *scoops up the box and tries to put the Cheerios back in* WHY, BOB?? WWWWWWHHHHHHHHYYYYYY??
Sephy: *walks over to the left and finds a brand-new Chrono Cross copy hidden in a bunch of towels*
Ark Dragon: HEEEEEY! Sephy found it!
Corey: *glares at the Chrono Cross game* BOB DIED TO LEAD US TO YA! WHAT DO YA HAVE TO SAY, HUH?? MURDERER!!
*Corey is about to charge over to Sephy, but the others hold him back*
Seymour: *still trying to fit his spinal cord back in* I'm sure.. ow... when we cure Linnet.. pain.. she can revive Bob..OOOWWWW!! IT BROKE!!
BloodProphicy: Mwahahahahahaaa..
Vinnie: Why can't Kidd do it? She gots author powers too..
AngelKnight: Only the one who created Bob can revive him. That is chibilinnet.
Dr. Matoki: This is getting stupid, let's just pay for it and go..
Raven: I know a way we can get it for free! Hey, I got a line!
Sephy: *claps*
Hellfire Guado: How..?
*Raven grins and blows up Walmart, leaving the group in the middle of the ruins all smoked and charred*
Ark Dragon: Oh, that was smart, Raven, like, really smart..
Raven: I know! *twirls the Kageyari (a spear) in a little victory pose* O_o
Sephy: what?
Raven: I'm stuck..
VZG: *pokes Vinnie* It's yet another author-absence glitch. If you do a victory pose, yer stuck in it fer the next chapter!
Raven: *sniffs* Why me..
Vinnie: STOP POKING ME! *breaks down and cries*
VZG: *pokes Vinnie in a different spot*
Vinnie: Oh, OK, now it doesn't hurt anymore!
Kidd: hehehehe.. that doesn't sound right..
Kaz: EW! KIDD!
Kidd: Have you noticed you and me are acting stranger than usual?
Kaz: of course, Kidd, this is a humour fic, we're allowed to.. OOOOH! DOUGHNUTS! *chomps on one and jelly bursts out of the other side*
Kidd: .. you know, you're really luck that doughnut is round or I would have some disturbing thoughts..
Kaz: Kidd, shut up and write the fic, the readers are getting mad! *points to the readers*
Kidd: What readers?
*Reader seats are empty*
Kaz: .. oh shut up and write..
*back to the charred remains of Walmart!*
Sephy: *playing Monster Rancher Advance* Fuuuuun...
Hellfire Guado: *shakes head in disgust*
AngelKnight: Yo, Hellfire, where did ya get that scar anyway?
Hellfire Guado: .. Surfing accident.
All: ???
Ark Dragon: Since when did YOU surf??
Hellfire Guado: It all started on the beaches of Besaid..
*flashback to Besaid Beach (or just think of a beach if ya never played FFX, like me, Kidd), where a younger Hellfire Guado is standing on it, looking at the waves with a black surfboard with a flaming skull on it.)
Young HG: YEAH MAN! THE BEACH IS MINE! WHOO-HOO!
*Young HG runs to the water and catches a wave. All seems fine, until just when he is about to pull a flip..*
Young HG: Hu? Whazzat..? Voices.. in my head...?
*Young HG clutches his head in pain*
Young HG: AAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!! THE VOICESSSS!! TTTTTHHHHHHHEEEE VVVOOOOO-
*Young HG falls into the water and smashes his face into a sharp rock*
*back to Walmart*
Hellfire Guado: .. And that is this fanfic's version of the story..
Sephy: Eh?
Hellfire Guado: Well, only Auron no Aijou really knows how I got the scar, I am merely guest-starring in this fic.
AngelKnight: ... How interesting...
Dr. Matoki: Anyway, we gotta get this copy of Chrono Cross to Linnet, fast! I'm not sure Kidd can fend Kaz off from the computer much longer and god knows what he'll do if he gains control of the fic!
Kaz: HEY!
Vinnie: Wha?
Kaz: Why am I the evil one here?
Raven: Cuz.. that's the way Final Fantasy goes..
Corey: ... ya have a problem in the beginning, and then you have bigger and bigger problems as you progress, until you reach the point where the WHOLE DAMN THING ACTUALLY FALLS INTO PLACE!
S.S: Ehh... what was the original problem..?
Kidd: Oi, I... I forgot..
BloodProphicy: ERGH! It's worse than I thought!! WE GOTTA GIVE IT TO HER, NOW!
Seymour: How are we gonna get there?
Everyone: *stops and stares*
Seymour: Well.. how can we go from the fanfiction world to the author's mind?
Everyone: ...
BloodProphicy: Good GOD, Seymour, do you have you ruin EVERYTHING?? *rips out Seymour's ribcage*
Seymour: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
VZG: *pokes Vinnie* Yeesh, quit it with the Seymour bashing already! This is becoming torture!
Everyone but Blood: Yeah!
BloodProphicy: But it's fun..
AngelKnight: Hey! Since the author likes Chrono Cross so much, why can't we go to a beach abnd try to switch dimensions?
Dr. Matoki: .. Why not?
*Meanwhile, somwhere in a very cold, polluted place..*
G.S: I'm sure Aurrie must be in this part of the storyline! *dismounts Schala* You be good, OK?
Schala: WARK!
G.S: Noooow.. where could Auron beee??
???: SEPHIROTH!
G.S: Hu?
???: S-Sephiroth.. I thought we killed you??
G.S: We? But there's only one of you..
???: Uhhh... that's not the point! Tried to fake a hair dye so ya could sneak in, HUH??
G.S: Ummm.. yeah.. whatever... Cloud... hey, did you see a little chibi here? He got a red coat and kitty ears, and a tail..
Cloud: What are you talking about??
Tifa: Cloud, what's going on? SEPHIROTH! HE'S BACK!
G.S: She.
Cloud & Tifa: Huh?
G.S: I am a she.
Cloud: .. B-but you're not a she! I remember back then in Nibelheim when I tumbled into the shower when you were in it mas-
Tifa: TMI, Cloud.
Cloud: Wha?
Tifa: TMI..
Cloud: What?
G.S: Yes, Cloud, TMI..
Cloud: Whazz... ah, forget it, I'm getting me a drink.. *mosey's over to the supposedly destroyed 7th Heaven*
Tifa: Yer not really Sephiroth, are you?
G.S: No, but my twin bro looks like him. The real Sephiroth is somewhere back in the storyline. Harmless and carefree..
Tifa: OK! ^_^
G.S: Anyway, I must resume my search for Aurrie! *mounts Schala and rips open another plot hole* SCHALA, AWAY!!
Schala: WARK!!
*Golden Sephy and Schala run through the plot hole, leaving Tifa there when Cloud staggers next to her, obviously drunk*
Cloud: Did I tell you the time I fell in the showers in Nibelheim when Seph was there mas-
Tifa: Cloud, shut up..
Cloud: .. then Seph asked me if I-
Tifa: Cloud, the fic has to be kept PG.
Cloud: argh.. PG fics suck! We need more NC-17 lemons of me and Seph! YYYEEEAAAHHHH!!
Tifa: ...
(Kidd's note: Linnet, me, and I hope Kaz, do not actually like yaoi's at all, especially Cloud/Sephs. Seph/Aeris all the way, man! But that's just out humble opinion, we ain't saying yaois are bad or nuthin')
*At some weird beach that has no name*
Corey: Ya sure this will work?
VZG: of course! *pokes Vinnie*
Vinnie: Ow.
BloodProphicy: Well, hurry up and revive the damned author!!
Kidd: Oi! She ain't dead ya know!
Kaz: Of course not. She's in her room playing Final Fantasy 7, hence the appearence of Midgar, Cloud and Tifa..
Kidd: WHAT??
Linnet: Mmmm... Rufus is such a hottie.. *drools*
*The whole group, including Kidd and Kaz, barge in, looking very mad*
Linnet: Ummmm... hi?
Chibi-Auron: ... write..
S.S: Hey, Chibi-Auron came back!
G.S: *comes out of a plot hole* AURRIE!! I FOUND YOU! *huggles him*
Chibi-Auron: MOMMY!! ME MISSED YOU!!
Vinnie: SCHALA! YOU CAME BACK! *hugs Schala*
Schala: WARK!
Magus: Lucca! I love you!
Lucca: Magus! I love you too!
Linnet: Mwahahahahahaha.. ARGH!
*Linnet gets strapped on the chair and has her hands posistioned above the keyboard*
Kaz: Write.
Linnet: Fine, fine..
*Everyone is now teleported to their respective dimension/game*
Raven: I'm not stuck in my victory pose anymore! *does his victory dance*
*Suddenly, our heroes are now stuck in a...desert! DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUNNNNN....*
Rufus: Hu?
Dr. Matoki: What are you doing here?
Chibi-Auron: Yeah, Rufus..
Rufus: U-um... I'm *mumble mumble*
AngelKnight: Speak up.
Rufus: Linnet forced me to be in the fic..
Hellfire Guado: GODDAMMIT, RUFUS, SPEAK UP, WE DON'T HAVE OUR GENES ALTERED LIKE THAT FREAK VINCENT!
Vinnie: *eyes water*
Rufus: LINNET FORCED ME INTO THE FIC!!!
BloodProphicy: Why? There are so many characters already..
Ark Dragon: I feel forgotten
VZG: *pokes Vinnie* Yer not alone
G.S: With this amount of characters, it's hard to get a line.
Rufus: *grumbles*
Linnet: BUT I LIKE RUFUS! HE'S SO DAMN HOT!! *huggles Rufus*
Rufus: GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU FILTHY COMMONER!!
Linnet: *gasp* Rufus! That's just rude!
Rude: ...
Rufus: Oh, sorry Rude.
Rude: *walks out of fic*
Linnet: Anyway! Thanks to yer new pal Rufus, you gotta stay in htis desert until i figure out a comical way to let you out!
Corey: Does that mean Rufus is in for good?
*Rufus joined your party!*
*Name selection screen comes up*
Everyone: ...
Rufus: *cowering in fear*
Linnet: Hmmmmm.... I guess his name can stay..
Rufus: *whew*
AngelKnight: Soooo.. how do we get out..?
S.S: You should know, this was YER idea!
Chibi-Auron: Yeah, but mean Mr. Rufus made Linnet angry, so she locked us up in here cuz of *sob* him!!
G.S: *eye twtiches* Who...made...Aurrie..cry..
Everyone: *points to Rufus*
Rufus: ... *meep*
G.S: SSSSSSSHHHHHHHEEEEEEE-YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAA!! *leaps in the air and slices Rufus in half, but since this is a fanfic, no one dies*
Rufus: *falls and convulses on the ground* PAIN!!
Seymour: *trying to put his ribcage back in* Now you know how I fe-OW!
G.S: *huggles Auron*
Dr. Matoki: You know what this means, right?
Bob: ... Survivor style..
Corey: BOB! YOU CAME BACK! *huggles him*
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YES! In every good adventure/parody fanfic/comic, there must be a Survivor-like sequence. It ain't original, but the plot will go on whether you vote or not. But if you want a certian character to be saved from humiliation, you can vote someone off. Even the main ones.
And I did succumb to peer pressure, threw my little pride, and bought FF7. The graphics hurt my eyes and give me headaches, but the story ain't bad.
And Rufus is hot. So is Reno, but I like Rufus better. Maybe it's that shotgun, or maybe he just didn't use an annoying Pyramid spell over and over..