CHAPTER EIGHT: The 'Rufus is not a gay rapist' campaign!

A new character, Bob gets voted off at the start of the chapter, and Rufus suffers a mental breakdown!

Also, this is the start of the "Rufus is not a gay rapist' campaign! So bring marshmallows and coke and watch while I try to convince people that Rufus is..well.. not a gay rapist!

And I like Auron no Aijou's website. Did you people see it? If you didn't, get yer ass over there and look at his fine work, and LIKE IT, DAMMIT! GO! GOOOOOO!!

(for you lazy-asses, here's the URL: http://members.lycos.co.uk/chibijanus/)

Now, stop reading, visit the URL, AT LEAST see the gif dance, then come back.

The long, copy-and-pasted disclaimer:

The various Final Fantasy people also belong to Square

Golden Sephy and Silver Sephy belong to Golden-Sephy

Hellfire Guado belongs to Auron no Aijou

AngelKnight belongs to angelknight

Dr. Matoki belongs to GenimiDeathStar

BloodProphicy belongs to BloodProphicy

Corey belongs to TailsShadowVivi12

VZG belongs to Kate (vampirezombiegirl)

Raven belongs to The Great Kaiser Shadow

Ark Dragon belongs to Ark Dragon

The new character belongs to DreamHuntress!

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*Bob magically disappears*

Corey: BOB! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Rufus: What happened?

Dr. Matoki: Bob got voted off! Hahahahahaha!

Chibi-Auron: What a waste of good cheerios..

*A bowl of Cheerio appears in front of every character, complete with a color-changing plastic spoon*

Everyone: YAY!

Vinnie: Now I can lower my cholesterol!

*Everyone starts eating, except Corey, who is staring at the cereal in front of him*

Corey: ... Bob... *sniff* AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! *cries on Rufus's shoulder*

Rufus: *pats Corey on the back* It's ok...

Corey: *suddenly pulls away, alarmed* WAIT! I know you.. YOU RAPED RENO!

All: *gasp!*

Rufus: I didn't rape Reno! I'm not gay!

Hellfire Guado: Yes you are! Don't deny it, Rufus!

Rufus: B-but I'm n-not..

AngelKnight: EW! *scampers away from Rufus*

Rufus: But I didn't..

VZG: *pokes Vinnie* You rape little boys too, don't cha?

G.S: YOU STAY AWAY FROM AURRIE! *hugs Auron protectively*

S.S: Yeah, stay away from my sister's son, rapist!

Rufus: ... *lips tremble* I'm not gay! I would never rape a child!

Hellfire Guado: Nuh-uh! I'm protecting mah Lil' bro! Stay away!

Ark Dragon: Yeah, touch any of the chibis or us and you get it!

All: *walk as far as possible from Rufus*

Rufus: ... *starts to cry* I'm n-n-not gay! I n-never raped anyone! I'm s-s-still a fre-freaking virgin!

Sephy: Hey, Raven, is it true that Rufus also boinked Tseng?

Raven: BOINKED?? ... yes

Rufus: BUT I DIDN'T! STOP MAKING FUN OF ME, IT'S NOT FUNNY!

Seymour: HA! Now they'll stop saying I'm gay..

Rufus: SSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!

*Everyone is alarmed, because they are the first group to see Rufus cry*

BloodProphicy: .. so, when do we see him bleed?

Rufus: *sniff* I-I'm not g-gay!! *snivel* Everyone k-k-keeps on s-saying that! *hic* But I'm not!! I'm not!! *breaks down and cries again* EVERYONE HATES ME!

Raven: .. Guys, I think we hurt his feelings..

AngelKnight: Maybe we overreacted..

Ark Dragon: Yeah.. it's not fair, y'know, maybe Rufs was telling the truth..?

Dr. Matoki: .. Hey, Rufus, we're sorry..

Rufus: ...

Chibi-Auron: Yeah, we didn't want to be mean, but those rumors, y'know..?

Rufus: ...

Seymour: ... Ruffy?

Rufus: you called me gay.. *sniff*

Vinnie: They didn't mean it, Rufs, they're just kidding!

Rufus: ... Really? *sniff*

Chibi-Auron: Really! *gives Rufus a hug*

All: awwwww..

Rufus: ^_^

Seymour: Too much kindness! *twitch* NEED...EVIL...

BloodProphicy: MWAHAHAHAHA! *is about to chop up Seymour but..*

???: STOP RIGHT THERE!

All: hu?

*during this sequence, all you CT players, play Frog's theme in your head, preferably the orchestrated version if you heard it*

???: I HAVE COME TO PROTECT SEYMOUR!!

*A mysterious girl flips down and does a little twirl thingy with her.. weapon, which she did not specify, so imagine something, and runs at Blood, grabs his shoulders and flips over his head and in front of Seymour. She turns and glares at the group*

DreamHuntress: That shit was cool, huh?

*OK, end Frog's theme*

Seymour: Yay! They're here!

Raven: Yup.

BloodProphicy: Huh?

Seymour: I filed a restraining order and I got 2 bodyguards! DreamHuntress and Raven!

Both: *nod*

BloodProphicy: .. Then who am I gonna torture?? *glares at Rufus*

Rufus: ... *waves*

Hellfire Guado: All stupidity aside, we have to find a way out of the desert..

Dr. Matoki: And whomever is booted off dies a horrible death, like Bob.

Corey: BOB!! WHY??

S.S: Hey, wait, if that is true, will we be kicked out of the fic?

VZG: *pokes Vinnie* I hope not..

DreamHuntress: ... I dunno

(no, don't worry, you just won't be getting much lines, since yer 'dead')

Dr. Matoki: ANYWAY! I have just the thing to help us! My Desert map-thing™!!

S.S: Where do those ™s come from..?

AngelKnight: Oh, whatever, just get us out of here?

Dr. Matoki: *activates the Desert Map-thing™* Hmmm.. AAAAAAAHHHHHH!! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!

Seymour: WE'RE GONNA DIE! *clings on to Hellfire Guado*

Hellfire Guado: ... Don't tell me you're gay too??

Seymour: WHAT?? SHISU, GET HIM! *points to Hellfire*

*nothing happens*

Chibi-Auron: Wrong fic, Seymour.

Seymour: I'll have my revenge..

(note: Shisu, I believe, is a character in Auron no Aijou's fic Ask Seymour. I didn't make it up, he did, just to let you know. Sorry, Auron, but I just had to put that part in ^^;)

Dr. Matoki: It seems that this whole area is an endless desert..

Linnet: OF COURSE IT IS!

Ark Dragon: Hey, why'd ya have to put us in an endless desert anyway?

Corey: Yeah, you don't even know us!!

Linnet: BUT RUFUS DIED!

Rufus: ... I'm right here..

Linnet: MY POOR RUFFY DIED, AND I WANT TO WATCH YOU ALL SUFFER TO EASE MY PAIN!

Rufus: Linnet, I'm right here.

BloodProphicy: YA, THAT AIN'T FAIR! Besides, Rufus is..

Linnet: HE'S DEAD! DEAD! DEAD!

G.S: But he's in..

Linnet: IN HELL, BURNING FOR ALL OF ETERNITY, I KNOW, AND HE HAD SUCH A SHORT-LIFE!!

Chibi-Auron: Scary author lady, He's waving...

Linnet: I MISS YOU RUFFY! PLEASE COME BACK!

Rufus: ... Hi?

Linnet: *sniff* SO UNTIL I GET OVER IT (or until the Survivor sequence is over) YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT!

Sephy: That sucks..

VZG: *pokes Vinnie* I need more lines

Linnet: *stomps away, knocking down Rufus* OUTTA MAH WAY, PEASENT! I have to go to Ruffy's grave..

Rufus: ...

BloodProphicy: *shoots Rufus* THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! *pokes him with Raven's Kageyari* IF YOU JUST DIDN'T FREAKING DIE.. *pummels him in the head* WE WOULDN'T BE HERE, YA MORON!

Raven: GIMMIE MY SPEAR! *grabs the Kageyari and shoves it up Blood's bottom*

BloodProphicy: YEOWCH!! *gets out dual shotguns and transforms into a Chaos-like creature* DIE!!

*While Raven and BloodProphicy duke it out [imagine the most violent, twisted, blood-gore filled fight you have ever seen in your life], Rufus scrambles away covered in blood and sits next to Seymour*

Seymour: Morphine?

Rufus: *nods*

Seymour: *pours Rufus a glass and hands it to him*

G.S: Guys, if you're gonna get addicted to painkillers, don't do it in front of Auron. *covers Auron's eyes*

Chibi-Auron: What are they drinking, Mommy? Can I have some?

G.S: *deathglare at Rufus and Seymour*

Rufus: When you have your spleen cut in half, see if we give YOU any morphine!

Seymour: Yeah, anyway!

DreamHuntress: Seymour, you don't need morphine! *heals Seymour*

Seymour: YAY!

Rufus: What about me??

DreamHuntress: What about you?

Rufus: *pouts, and drinks more morphine*

Ark Dragon: Stop drinking morphine, Rufs, you're gonna get addicted.

S.S: We need to find a way out of here..

*Helicopter flies overhead, but everyone is too busy thinking (and fighting, and taking lethal doses of morphine) to notice)*

Vinnie: DAMN THAT HELICOPTER! *shoots it down*

AngelKnight: NOOOOOOOO!!

Vinnie: what?

Sephy: Dummy! We could've been able to fly away on that helicopter!

Vinnie: Oops.

Corey: KILL..

Hellfire Guado: Oh well, let's just play Survivor! Yay! Oh, I have an automatic immunity, so you can't vote me off.

BloodProphicy: me too

AngelKnight: Cheaters.

Corey: Bob.. *sniff*

Raven and BloodProphicy: *shuffles over to Rufus and sits down*

Rufus: Morphine?

Raven and Blood: *nods*

Ark Dragon: Dammit, stop talking about morphine!

Hellfire Guado: You guys are a bad influence for my little bro here! *pats Auron on the head*

Chibi-Auron: I have a big family! *purrs*

G.S: ^_^

S.S: I'm still not his uncle.

G.S: Of course you are.

S.S: -_-"

Corey: So um.. shouldn't we find a way outta here?

Dr. Matoki: But Linnet said that there is no exit, she'll take us out after she's done grieving over Rufus's death!

Rufus: But I'm alive..

Hellfire Guado: I didn't really like Rufs but.. he's not as bad as Vinnie.

Vinnie: HEY!

Rufus: Hello? Guys?

VZG *pokes Vinnie*: Yeah.. how old was the guy anyway? 21? He was so young..

Rufus: People, I'm not dead!

Chibi-Auron: Let's all get out of here, in memory of Rufus!

All: YEAH!

*Everyone but Rufus walks away in some random direction, until Rufus is all alone*

Rufus: ...

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That was a little short. but school just started (HIIIIIIIIIISSSSS!!) and I dun have much time do to stuff.. :( Anyway, 8th grade is looking boring and suck this year, with the exception of one thing:

Science Teacher: Sorry, kids, instead of dissecting stuff, we get to play with chemicals and fire.

Kids: YAY! *A few kids in the back clap*

I am serious, that is what she said. he, science will be fugue..

I have to go mourn Ruffy's death now.. *sniff*

Rufus: Hey! I'm not dead! Look! I'm alive! ALIVE! SEE?? I BLEED!! *slits his wrist* BLOOD! BLOOD!

Now you have seen Rufus Shinra cry and bleed. GO GET YOURSELF A COOKIE!