Everyone has a turning point sometime in his or her life. You know that
specific moment or event that changes your life forever. Usually it's a
birth, a death, graduation, a first love or even your fourteenth birthday.
But for me, Maria Deluca, my turning point was just an ordinary, November
day in New York.
My roommate and stepbrother Kyle shook me awake with his strong arms and smiled. It was only eight 'o'clock, which was why I tried almost effortlessly to bash his happy head in with my pillow.
"What the heck do you think your doing, Mister?" I grumpily moaned as my fluffy weapon fell to the ground without a sound.
Kyle sat down on my queen-sized bed and shook his head, still smiling. I really felt like wiping that stupid grin off his face. It wasn't even noon yet- and this guy was smiling? He was dressed already, and his light brown hair perfectly styled. Sometimes I really hated Kyle; he was always so...prepared, unlike me, "Late Louise", who has been fashionably late for almost every single event in my life ever since I started counting.
Unsuccessfully trying to lower his growing smirk, Kyle looked up at me, dressed in an oversized t-shirt that read "Boys have feelings too...but who cares?". I'm totally not a morning person. My blonde hair was probably in shambles and my eyes heavy from staying up too late.
"You forgot again didn't you, Maria?"
Oh god. What did I forget? Tess's birthday? No- that was three months ago. Did I forget to pay our landlord, Mrs. Gioni again? I thought this was Kyle's month to pay. Maybe if I weren't so forgetful, I'd have a job, but I always sleep in for the interviews and...Oh No, not again!
"You better hurry your bony ass up if you still wanna make it." Leaving my room and shutting my door with a muted thud.
As I got ready for my dreaded interview at BLOOMINGDALE'S (Tess's dream job and my nightmare.) I thought about last night. Tawny Newberry Rodriguez, my exotic red headed drama queen of a loud best friend had quit our band, Tuesday's Rain.
You see, Me (Maria), Tess, Alex, Tawny and Kyle have known each other practically forever. Ever since that day I fell down the stairs in grade two at our private school and they all spent a week getting EVERYONE they knew to sign my cast. Even some people off the street, which Alex's mom went crazy at us for talking to absolute strangers. Yeah, so ever since that day we've been inseparable. I must admit, it helped a little bit that we all lived in the same Manhattan apartment building, with a snobby doorman named Mr. Buckner. (Alex and Tawny call him Mr. F***nerd, but that's a whole other thing.) Tawny's apartment was right above mine, on the third floor, so it was only natural me and her were the closest. Tawny's REALLY loud and she over exaggerates things way too much.
Well, sometimes I'm like that too, but we're two different people. Tawny lived with both her parents; well I wouldn't quite say that. Her parents were always away on business trips or at a huge cocktail party. On average, Mr and Mrs. Newberry Rodriguez have probably spent more time on a plane than with their youngest daughter. Tawny's not an only child, she has an older half-sister, who dances for CATS the Broadway show. Her name is Abby, but neither Tawny or me has seen her since we were seven. So, basically when she's not with me, Tess, Alex or Kyle, she's probably all alone since no one but the yucky house keeper whose name we always forget is there with her. Well, at least it WAS that way, until Tawny met a guy named Johnny Russo. He was part of the reason she was leaving our band.
It all started the day Alex Whitman turned fourteen and he discovered his father, a million-dollar movie director had died of a heart attack. It was really quite painful for him, since Alex was the one who had found him dead on the bathroom floor in a robe. When his mom dropped her son off to visit his dad for the weekend at his Hollywood mansion, she had no clue what had happened. When Alex's dad died, all he left him was his bass guitar. You'd think that maybe he'd leave his only son a little more than an old instrument, like maybe some of his money for college. It certainly wouldn't make up for the years of abandonment issues Alex had to deal with, but at least it would have been a start. But instead he'd left his money to his wife, a twenty-year-old supermodel/actress that had been the basis of Mr. and Mrs. Whitman's divorce. Alex's mom didn't really care that she was left with nothing, since she was pretty wealthy herself, and could pay for her son's education without "taking it from a dead loser". (That's exactly what she told Alex.)
So anyways, my friend Alex, the tall, skinny genius, worked his tail off to learn to play that bass guitar all by himself. And after an eternity of being locked up in his room hours upon hours, he opened his door three weeks later and step out with the biggest smile I've ever seen in my entire life. He'd figured it out, and it was the first time Tawny, Kyle, Tess or me had seen him look so happy. But it didn't stop just there. Oh no. He just HAD to learn the drums, the keyboards, and the guitar. You name it; he played it...even though all our neighbours hated Alex for the longest time as he kept their toddlers up at night, they knew he was good. I guess you could say that Alex's music had finally filled that empty void he'd been keeping ever since his parents split. It was like he had finally found himself something that made him feel like he belonged. Keyboards were the easiest for him to learn, since Tess already played them and taught him every Thursday for two weeks. One winter day as Kyle, Tawny and I got home from Christmas shopping, we caught them playing, and to say the least, they were phenomenal together. Tawny saw it too. Her auburn eyes flickered, and suddenly she was set off. That was the day Tuesday's Rain became a band.
Already thinking up HUGE plans in that wild head of hers, Tawny straight out told Alex what we were going to do. "Alex," she said, loudness in her voice. "YOU are going to teach us to play instruments, and WE are going to be a band."
What could he say? Once Tawny gets an image in her head, there's absolutely no stopping her. And from then on we were a real band, with Kyle on drums, Alex on Bass, Tess on Keyboards and back-up vocals, Tawny on lead guitar and little me, on guitar and lead vocals. I've never been so surprised in my life. I never even sang for our private school's choir. The only person that had ever really heard me sing was Tawny...and I guess that's why she put me as the singer.
We named ourselves Tuesday's Rain, because that was the song Tess and Alex were playing when we saw them that day. It was Kyle's idea, a good one at that.
Tess wrote most of our songs, since she's had the most experience with life to write about, I guess. Tess Harding is a perky little blonde, curly- haired princess. Well, not a genuine princess, of course, but you might think she was a real one. Ever since we were seven and she cried when there was a fly on her sandwich, I knew she was the girliest girl I'd ever meet. She's also one of the happiest too, which is almost always a good thing, since she keeps us upbeat and she always looks on the bright side of bad situations. For instance, when I broke my arm that day, she couldn't help but say "At least YOU get to have an excuse for gym class and not break your nails." with a giggle. By the way I'm describing her, you probably think she's REALLY annoying, but somehow she isn't. Her parents, like Alex's are divorced too, but she lived with her father. Her mother was off, with her Cuban boyfriend in Australia, soaking up the rays while Tess's father made his name in the acting business, working all day, but still having enough time for Tess. Every time I ask about Tess's mother, she always switches the subject. But once she told me she secretly wished her mom would get cancer from spending all that time in the sun. I know it sounds harsh, but growing up without a mom is tough, especially if, like Tess, you think she left because she hates you. I'm really glad she has a father like Mr. Harding, because without him, all she'd have was us. Tess's father is probably one of the greatest men you'll ever meet. He's like this big kid, living inside a forty nine-year-old man. Any time you feel like you need a smile, and Kyle's not there, go to Ed Harding. But Tess is SO unlike her father in so many ways. He likes to talk things out, and get to the bottom of every problem to find a solution. His daughter pretends everything's all fine and dandy with a huge smile until she goes on her balcony and cries. She never told anyone this, of course, but I saw her one day when I was walking home from school and I looked up to where her apartment was.
The only thing that really truly bothers me about Tess is the large group of boys in New York that seem to love her. She's been out with so many people I know, but it never works out. Either he's too tall, too short, to built or too loud. Or something like that. But the real reason it never works out is plainly because she's just too afraid of relationships. So, when we started our band, instead of hiding out on the balcony, she focused all her feelings on writing our songs. And they turn out damned good too! When we told people she was our songwriter, they laughed; asking us is ALL the songs were about eyeliner and lip-gloss. Sometimes Tess comes off as an airhead to strangers, since she blabs about cosmetics when she's nervous, but our songs aren't crap, and I'm grateful for it.
So my friends seem like interesting people, eh? Well, compared to them, Kyle and I are probably boring. We don't have abandonment issues, partying parents or even a mother in Australia. Well, Kyle's mom COULD be in Australia, but she left when he was a little baby, as did my father. Our parents married when we were sixteen, and although I was a little freaked about having a whole new family, hardly anything with Kyle and me changed. He still takes my stuff, and I still try to put makeup on him while he's asleep. Yeah, that's me...I'm a prankster. I guess I should describe myself, but I really don't know how. I'm just about everything mixed into one. I have a huge temper though, and they call me HURRICANE DELUCA, which I guess you should keep in mind while your reading this.
So, that November morning, the turning point of my life, I stepped out into the autumn street from Kyle's and mine apartment building and decided that I was finally going to do something responsible for a change. I was going to get a job, and stop thinking about all that band nonsense. If Tawny was gone- there was no Tuesday's Rain. The band was gone. Dead. Well, not totally. Tess, Kyle, Alex and I were meeting up one last time that night...and if nothing happened, than so be it. Even if that was five years down the drain.
Part Two Accidents Happen
Dozens of tiny, frail autumn leaves brushed against my sandaled feet as I turned the corner of a street covered with men with boring black suits and women talking about business meetings. I groaned at my lateness as I got out my pink cell phone. If I called Tess and asked her for a ride, maybe I wouldn't be fired before even getting hired. She was most likely sleeping, like any other nineteen-year-old on a Saturday morning. It was worth a shot though.
"Hey! This is Tess's palace!" Kyle's voice beamed from the answering machine.
"She's probably at home right now, and is way too lazy to answer your call..." I could hear Tess's high voice in the background, objecting.
"So leave a message, even if she won't call you back! BEEP"
I chuckled into the receiver. "Tess, this is Maria...I was wonderin-" I heard a squeal from the machine and knew she'd picked up.
"Hi 'Ria! So- what were you wondering?" She asked in her usual upbeat, energetic voice.
She agreed to pick me up in her sassy red convertible in exactly three minutes. I secretly knew it would take longer than that, since Tess's dorm was quite a while away, and of course this was New York- think of the traffic.
After high school graduation, Kyle and I moved out and found a reasonably good apartment. He worked part time as a football coach for nine year olds and my job was well...finding a job. Hard work when all your focus is on your band. Tess moved out on her own too, but she enrolled into a nearby college for a degree in fashion. Tawny moved in with Johnny Russo, her creep of a boyfriend. I seriously have never disliked anyone as much as I dislike Johnny. He's a spoiled brat, and he orders around like a maid, and the worst part of it is that she doesn't even seem to care all too much. Which is funny, because Tawny is more loud, opinionated and strong willed than me, but not when she's with him.
And Alex lived straight across the hall from Kyle and I, which worked out perfectly. He got a job at a pancake house, which at the time was hilarious since the only thing he can cook is pancakes. You'd think with all our money put together, none of us would need jobs. But, we decided awhile ago to save it all for the band.
"Hey 'Ria!" an excited Elle-Woods-from-Legally Blonde-look-alike giggled happily behind her pink sunglasses.
I smiled and greeted her with a big hug as I slipped into the passenger side of her car. Tess put her foot on the gas and flicked on her stereo. She started to sing along, bopping her head along to Gwen Stephanie's voice.
Take this pink ribbon off my eyes. I'm exposed and it's no big surprise! Don't you think I know exactly where I stand? This world is forcing me to hold your hand.
'Cause I'm just a girl, little old me. Don't let me outta your site. I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite. So don't let me have any ri-
I switched it off, and she took her cute sunglasses off and gave me the evil eye.
"Keep your eyes on the road!" I shouted, right before she jetted out of the way of a truck. Maybe getting a ride from Tess wasn't such a great idea after all.
She tried to hide a sly smile, but she was as bad as Kyle. Both had failed miserably every time.
"Why'd you take MY song off, Maria?" she questioned, blue eyes remaining on the busy city road in front of her this time.
Tess has this thing with songs. If she likes one, she'll listen to it OVER and OVER again. And then, she'll make the rest of us suffer by playing it every time she sees us. Then, and only then, does she declare it HER SONG. Most people go through life with one or two favourite songs. But Tess, has about a hundred, seeing as she gets a new one every week. Maybe one day I should remind her that the songs belong to the artists, not her. But until that day, I'll just have to get used to it.
"Because Tess, we need to talk."
She swallowed a little. "About what?"
"Okay, either you have a worse memory than me- which is very doubtful, or your doing the whole 'Let's pretend that last night didn't happen and look pretty' thing."
She frowned. Suddenly I knew I had rained on her little picnic. I wasn't guilty about it though. I'm one of those people that need to work everything out in order to stay happy. And denial isn't mentally healthy.
"I know what happened, Maria. I was there. Tawny quit."
"Ya, well?" I urged her to continue.
I heard her take a deep breathe. I knew this was hard for her.
"Alex called me this morning. He's totally mad."
Man, I would be mad too if I had a full scholarship to Berkley, gave it up to live my dream- only to have that dream stomped on by a combat boot wearing red head. I hoped Tawny felt just great.
"I feel so bad for him." she continued. "At least I have fashion to fall back on because of college. But Alex put all he had into our band."
I was really surprised that she'd said that. Was Tess actually changing and confronting her feelings?
"But look on the bright side. If we DO have a band still, we'll at least look good. Tawny's hair was all wrong for her shape of face. And don't get me started on her nails.."
And hello Tess! Welcome back! This time, it was a double package, taking the glass half full AND rambling about cosmetics. Never had that before.
Judging by the shaky, manicured hands on her pink steering wheel, she was nervous. This wasn't only a band- this was most of our futures. We had all sacrificed to make it all work, and now there probably wouldn't even be a band. I'd have to be a Bloomingdale's salesgirl for the rest of my life, Kyle a physed teacher at the most, and Alex, the poor guy, would be cooking pancakes for old ladies and screaming five year olds. Tawny had screwed us all over.
"Tess?" She looked straight at me, and I already knew the answer to my next question. "Are you okay, chica?"
Right out of no where, a passing figure turned right in front of Tess's car. Tess of course, was still watching me.
"Oh God! Watch the road!" I screamed. But it was too late.
And before I could process what was happening, I was thrust forward, right into the windshield. All I could hear was Tess's screaming voice, still crying out loud. I was glad she was still alive. It seemed like I was perfectly fine though. I felt absolutely nothing. Well, except for a little wetness. When did it start raining? I glanced down at my hand and realized that the rain had never started, I was bleeding.
Part Three
"Open your eyes."
I felt a cool, moist face clothe placed on my aching forehead.
"Open Your eyes."
My heavy left eye lid arched open, peering up at an eggshell whit ceiling. Where was I?
"Open your eyes."
And who on earth kept on saying that? My other eye fluttered open, and I looked beside me, where I saw a smiling face sitting next to my bed. It wasn't really MY bed, I was just in it...for some reason.
"Hey 'Ria!" Tess giggled, replacing the old clothe with a new, cooler one.
"Don't go all Vanilla Sky on me, you Penelope Cruz wanna be." I said dryly, and sat up, still wondering where I was.
I searched my memory and all I could think about was how WHITE everything seemed. The entire unfamiliar room lacked colour. The low ceilings, the simple walls, my tiny hospital gown...
Wait.
Hospital gown?
And then, a deep breathe exhaled itself from my trembling chest. My whole body, especially my upper body, felt like a million people were dancing on it, and I had no way of stopping them. To get them to cease from their little party. As Tess stared, I lifted my right arm and gently placed it at my side where it hurt the most. I screamed in agony, and with that scream came back EVERYTHING. All the memories flashed before my green eyes~ Tess's song, the sprinting man in front of us and the cries which came from Tess. The funny thing is, at first I didn't even remember Tess's final efforts to swerve the car away from the pedestrian. All I heard was her voice, screaming over and over. But it HAD happened, which is why we hit a tree instead of a human being. Maybe if I decided to wear my seat belt, I wouldn't be in a hospital. But I'd be six feet underground if Tess hadn't done what she did after we hit that hard, tall weeping willow.
"You saved my life." I whispered, finally thanking her.
She reached across the bed, and I realized that she was in a wheel chair with a cast.
"Umm...no I didn't" She gave me her trademark smile.
"But Tess!" I hollered, trying to make her listen to me. "I know what you did, and you can't deny it! After we hit that tree, you pulled me from the car, even though you were shaking with fear, and you did that whole CPR thingy we learnt in Ms. Valery's health class and-"
"I was hoping the doctors would be right and you'd lose all your recollection of the accident. But I guess they were wrong."
She winked at me knowingly, and I decided from then on that I would never mention Tess's heroic act again. It was an inside secret, for her and me to know, and no one to find out.
I decided to change the subject.
"What else did the doctors say?"
"Well, you my friend, knocked your head pretty good, and you broke a rib...And I broke my leg...." She paused, searching for something else to add so she wouldn't have to comment. "Oh, and I had to get stitches." she lifted her hand and moved a strand of light, curly hair away from her face to reveal a little gash with stitches over her left eyebrow.
"But the good thing is I can totally cover it up with my new foundation." she giggled.
I couldn't believe it. We had just had a near-death experience, and Tess was talking about makeup. Some things never changed.
I leaned across my bed painfully and as best as I could, gave her a long, hard hug. Tess was now my best friend, and we both silently knew it.
"I was so afraid you'd never wake up." she whispered softly and continued the hug. I even think she cried a little. I know I did.
"Shh...I know, I know." I said, stroking her hair. But I really DIDN'T know, because I was balling my eyes out too much to listen. It was like a huge wave of emotion had washed over us both.
We'd come so close to losing so much in so little time. Our friends, families, futures. I couldn't think of what it would be like to never see Kyle's comedic grin, hear Alex blaring Weezer across the hall, or help Tawny dye her hair. We both loved them all so much...even Tawny, with her wild way of thinking and crazy style.
We stayed that way, two tired blonde girls, one in a hospital bed and another in a wheelchair, both coughing up our tears. Neither of us had a real purpose or direction, and we didn't give a damn. Because we were alive.
*****
"HmmHmmHmm."
I heard someone roughly clearing their throat and I looked behind me, releasing myself from Tess's arms as one final tear trickled down my cheek.
It was HIM! Standing in the boring white doorway was a guy, about six feet tall, with short dark spiky hair and perfect eyebrows, carrying a bouquet of lilies and daisies. I glanced back at Tess, whose eyes, like mine were wide open, along with our mouths.
He nervously shifted his weight from one heavy foot to the other.
I think I lost my breathe at that moment, but I'm not too sure, I couldn't really concentrate on anything else but HIM, who had come so close to death when Tess and I had that accident. It was the man who we'd almost hit, and here he was- right beside me.
"Umm..." he started, dark eyes switching from me to Tess.
"I'm here to see...Maria?"
Part 4- Something to talk about
I turned back to Tess, feeling a jolt of pain at my side from twisting too quickly. She nodded her head, but till this day I have no clue if it was directed to me or...him.
"Come on in, Michael." She told him, with that familiar bouncy smile.
So he had a name. Michael. I gave him a long, hard stare, when really all I felt like doing was jumping out of bed and wrapping my arms and body around him. Thankful he was alive. Thankful no one died, and although Tess couldn't walk, and I could hardly breathe without a pain in my chest, everything and everyone would be okay.
Tess looked so cheerful in her wheelchair. And she seemed to glow, like an angel right at that moment. I think it had something to do with the sun shining off her golden curls, or just her bright smile.
"Maria, this is Michael." She introduced us with a wave of her hand.
I bit my lip as Michael stood alone, still holding the large assortment of flowers. My hand somehow brought itself into a pathetic-fingers-only wave. I would have said something more, but I was at a loss for words. What do you say to a person you'd almost killed? I'm still trying to figure it out, but right then, I was more afraid than speechless.
Tess nodded her head again, and started to push her wheel chair towards the door. Where was she going? Was she just going to leave us here?
'And don't say your going for something to eat, because I know it's a lie.' I thought to myself.
She lifted her head, as if she'd heard me.
"I'm going for something to eat."
And with that, she was gone. Leaving Michael with me, a weak girl he hardly knew in a hospital gown, surrounded by machines.
I gulped a little, and I think he did too.
I tried to ease the tension. "So...come here often?"
He didn't even manage a smile. All he did was stare at me like I was some sort of freak. Well, maybe he didn't really think I was a freak, that was just the way I felt then. But he defiantly didn't smile. I think.
He thrust his sleeved arm towards me, the flowers suddenly right in front of my face. I loved the fragrant smell. It was like I was encircled by my grandma's perfume.
"These are for you."
"Thanks! They're beautiful!"
And they were indeed beautiful. I wondered how he knew how much I'd loved lilies. I reached beside my bed to place the flowers on the end table, but surprisingly, there as no room.
Dozens of brightly coloured and over-sized cards were surrounded by at least five vases of roses, tulips and lilies. I glanced at the huge, stuffed pink elephant that stood on a chair by the table. How long HAD I been here?
"Michael? Could you maybe read me some of these cards?"
He looked up from his thumbs, apparently thankful for something to do. I just wished he'd say something...ANYTHING.
"Sure, why not?" He smirked as he picked a neon green one up. It had a little cartoon boy talking on the front.
"Get well soon" He turned the page.
"...My laundry's piling up! Love your buddy Alex." he read, without much conviction.
I had to laugh a little at the card. It was so simple, so cheesy, so....Alex. He always knew how to make me smile. As I thought about this, Michael moved the pink elephant out of its chair and sat down next to my bed. felt so helpless, so little. I could hardly move at all, and it was driving me crazy. And the fact that Michael STILL hadn't said anything remotely related to the reason he was here didn't help at all.
"Look," he cupped his hands together, nervously. "I'm sorry I'm not being the greatest visitor here...it's just that I HATE hospitals."
I couldn't help but let my eyebrows raise. Practically everyone hated hospitals, it wasn't like I was really overjoyed to be in there either. I wanted to go home so badly it hurt. Even more than the pain at my side.
"Why?"
"Because..." he trailed off.
Michael suddenly had my interest.
"Because why?"
He took a long look at me, as if considering telling me. I wondered what he saw when he stared at me like that.
"Well," I guess he saw someone who he could trust.
"My little sister Cassie died in a hospital, and ever since then, I just can't handle them."
My face fell. That wasn't the answer I was looking for.
"I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. It wasn't your fault...and besides, she died at childbirth, so nothing could be done." I couldn't believe he'd said that so bluntly, like it hardly effected him at all.
I realized then, how hard coming to visit me must've been. Hospitals are rarely a happy place, but to have your own sister die in one? Alex, to this day had not stepped foot in his father's mansion ever since he found his body. It must've taken so much courage then I knew for Michael to come here. I wondered why he WAS here, and decided to ask him, hoping not to sound rude.
"Good question.," he answered, and thought about it for a short moment.
"Well, I don't know if Tess told you this, but I was here to visit both of you the day of the...crash."
"Really? I didn't know."
"If she didn't tell you, you couldn't have known. You were unconscious." he answered quickly. "But the original reason I came here was just to make sure you were both okay, because I was the one responsible for your accident."
No he wasn't...that wasn't anyone's fault. Tess's eyes weren't on the road, I had no seat belt on and he was running. We all had our little share of blame.
"And I know your thinking that it wasn't anyone's fault, but your wrong. The sign said DON'T WALK, but I did."
This was eating him up inside. We all knew it was no one's fault, but the guilt he felt was so huge, he had to reassure himself that we were all okay. That's probably why he visited Tess and I.
He shifted in his chair, as if he was being questioned, and continued. "It's just that I was in such a rush to get my guitar to the pawn shop and- "
I interrupted. "Guitar?"
"Yeah, I needed some extra cash, so I was going to sell one of my Fenders."
I gulped a little. I just HAD to. If Michael was selling his guitar, that meant he was a guitarist...I hoped this was going where I thought it was going.
"Your a...musician?"
"Well, yeah. I've been playing since I was a kid."
This was amazing. Probably the best news anyone had gotten today! Well, except for the fact that I knew I was alive, that was even better.
"Michael, does Tess know your a guitarist?" I asked, and he looked back at me, those dark eyes narrowed.
He seemed to think for awhile. "No, I don't think she does...The only thing we talked about when you were asleep was her hair...and what flowers to bring you when you woke up."
Laughing, I felt like jumping on my bed like a little girl. I was SO exultant at that moment, I forgot all about Michael, who was still sitting beside me, wondering why I was smiling like I'd just won a million dollars.
Interrupting my happy train of thoughts was a knock on the door, which was now closed shut.
"Maria! It's Alex and Kyle! Open up!" I heard Alex sing through the heavy wood.
Michael sat up awkwardly and put my elephant back on the chair. "Well, I guess I should go now, I'll try and come back later."
He started to leave as I waved him goodbye.
"Thanks for coming, Michael, I really appreciate it."
"Your welcome."
Right before he turned the brass door knob, I stopped him. "Next time, bring your guitar, okay?"
He peered down at me, and then nodded his head. As he opened up the door, Alex and Kyle burst in nosily like Pamela Anderson was on the other side.
"Hey Maria!" Alex exclaimed. Him and Kyle looked more ecstatic than I felt. They were laughing and smiling like never before, probably to keep me happy.
"You gave us quite a scare."
They both ran up to my bed and hugged me, like big puppies.
I saw Michael chuckle a little. "Bye Maria." he said, making his way into the hall.
Both Alex and Kyle exchanged curious looks.
"Who was that?" Kyle asked as he gave me a big kiss on my forehead.
I took a big breathe as I told them the news with a smile.
"Kyle, Alex, That was Michael, our new lead guitarist."
*****
Part 5
A week later, I lay alone in my cold stuffy hospital bed, staring out the tiny window at the glow of the moon. Night time was the worst part of being cooped up by yourself everyday. Everything was just so eerily quiet, which for me, was new. Back when Kyle and I still lived with my mom and Jim, there was NEVER a still moment...even the cleaning lady was as loud as she could be. But here, it was different. There were no snores from Kyle's room or phone calls about Tawny's late night dilemmas. Everything was peaceful and silent. I know its pretty juvenile to be afraid of the dark when your a nineteen year old girl, but when I was there, all alone in a huge building filled with sick people I've never met, I guess I was like a six year old again.
Sometimes, especially when she heard lightening, Tess would sneak across the long narrow hallway with her wheelchair to 'keep me company'. That's what she says anyways, but we both know how scared she gets when she hears streaks of lightening from the sky. But ever since she'd left the hospital and started to walk again. it was just me, the moon and a room filled with emptiness.
The moon shone so bright that night, and not a single star was in sight to take away its glory. I continued peering at it dazedly, tracing its arches and grooves with my index finger like a little girl.
And suddenly, a head quickly bobbed up and the moon disappeared. The window opened, and Michael climbed through. What was he doing here? Didn't he realize what time it was?"
"Look, I'm sorry if its to late, but I couldn't come to see you today like you asked because I had to work at the garage again." he said as he casually shut he window and sat down next to me.
"Don't you ever use a door?"
I still hadn't asked Michael about the band yet. Every time he'd visited since, which was a very small number, I'd put it off for some reason, but I'd made a decision to ask him that day.
"So," I turned on my bedside lamp so I could see his face. "How's the apartment hunt going?"
There was a drawn out moment of silence, and I'm not sure, but I think I heard a grunt.
One thing that got to me about Michael was that he hardly said anything...which isn't really THAT bad of a thing, since I love to talk. But, over the past few days, I'd had to literally dig to find only small bits and pieces of Michael. So far the only thing I'd gotten was that after quitting freshman year of college, his dad kicked him out, and he'd been looking for a place to live ever since.
"Not too good, Maria. It looks like I'll be living in Doug's basement for a long time." A disgusted look crossed his face as he said this.
Michael's brother, Doug, was like the older version of Butthead, from that MTV cartoon. I felt so bad for his family. I thought about this for a moment, and then an idea hit me.
"Oh my god!"
Michael looked up from his hands. "What?"
"Well, I know you've only seen him like maybe...once. But my brother Kyle lives with me."
"The football player?"
"Yeah!"
He shook his head in confusion. "What's that got to do with the fact that I'm almost homeless?"
Why'd he always have to be so...MICHAEL?
"Well, from the looks of it, I won't be out of here in awhile." He glanced down at my stomach, which still had some bandages on it. "And until then, you could sleep in my room."
He raised his eyebrow, studying my face.
"What happens when you come back?"
"We do have a couch...I know it might not seem like much, but it's better than living with Doug, from what I've heard of him anyway."
Michael bit his lip and seemed to consider the thought for awhile, while I bit my nails.
"Okay, I'll live with Kyle....thanks, Maria." He lifted his head, and I saw how gracious he really was. Michael hated Doug's place.
"Hey...stop doing that."
"Stop doing what?"
"Biting your nails, it's a bad habit."
Bad habits? Since when was he all concerned about my bad habits? The guy hadn't eaten a vegetable in years.
"I can't...I've got no control over it, and besides, I only do it when I'm stressed."
Michael chuckled a little. "What do you have to be stressed about? Your mom's Oprah's therapist. Your rich!"
"Not for long." I mumbled.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well," I turned on my side, feeling a jolt of pain. "I'm nineteen, I have no job, my band has no lead guitarist, I was just in a car accident with our keyboardist, and frankly, I have the ugliest feet in the world...THAT'S what I'm stressed about!" I said with a fury.
Michael stayed calm though, which was weird for a person with so many opinions.
"Wait...you're in a band?"
I nodded my head, and just then it hit me. I HAD to ask Michael now.
"Actually, all of us are in a band...me, Tess, Kyle, Alex...and hopefully you."
"Me? I hardly even know you all and you want be to be in your band?" he stood up, rubbing his hands on his jeans.
I let out a deep breath. Michael didn't understand how much it all meant to us, and I had no idea how to explain it to him. All of our futures were at stake here, and if we didn't find a guitarist soon, Alex would be flipping pancakes for the rest of his life. I just couldn't do that to Alex, not after all he'd already went through. I decided I HAD to get Michael to join our band...for his sake.
"Look, Michael. You probably don't really care, but a few days ago, Tawny, our lead guitarist decided she'd rather be in Europe with her cheesy boyfriend than go on with our band. Which is a HUGE problem with us since...well we DO want to go on with it...it's our dream, and there's not much left of it now. So, even though you'll probably say no anyways, or think we're just a few spoiled rich kids that need to grow up-"
Michael interrupted my inane rambling.
"Wait! What kind of band are we talking about?"
"Huh?"
"Is it a crappy girly band? Cause seriously the world does NOT need another Pop band pretending to be rock."
I giggled a little.
"No it's not a pop band. Do you really think Alex would stand for that?"
"No and yes."
"What? Michael your confusing me."
"No about the Alex thing...and Yes, I'll be in your band."
A huge smile came across my tired lips. Right there and then, Michael seemed like he was sent from god. I guess you could say i saw him in a different light now that he'd finally given me the great news I'd been waiting for. His messy spikes of hair looked so sexy, and those LIPS! They looked so vacant...almost like right at that moment, all I wanted to do was kiss them.
Our faces came closer and closer together, until finally his sweet lips met mine and for a moment my heart fluttered inside, pounding with passion. But that moment only lasted for a split second.
The door slammed with a hard knock, and Michael and I quickly moved away from one another. I looked behind me, searching for whoever or whatever was there.
"Kyle?" I asked with a yelp.
*****
Part 6~ The morning after
So.you just.kissed him?"
Tess sat down beside me no my hospital bed. Actually, she more like jumped on it, like it was a trampoline. I wondered how, at seven 'o clock in the morning, anyone could have so much energy without at least one cup of coffee. I couldn't even wake up on my own at eleven! But, we're talking about Tess here, who seemed to be in a more ecstatic mood then usual. If that was even possible.
"Yeah, I kissed him. I don't have a clue what happened to my mind.I guess I was just.tired."
I looked up at Tess, who was giving me a huge look.like she saw right through my lies with her baby blue eyes. Today she had decided to visit me bright and early, considering the fact that earlier she'd learned from the doctors that I could get out of that popsicle stand in a few days. But when I first saw her, I noticed something was different, and I just couldn't put my finger on it. Sure, her long nails were perfectly manicured, just as always.and her bouncy hair was still as shiny as ever.but there was something about her smile that got to me. It didn't seem so forced anymore.
"Come on 'Ria!" she pleaded. "I need DETAILS! What did Michael do when he saw Kyle? Was he all like Heath Ledger about it? Did he say anything?" She was talking faster than a windup toy.
The truth is, I can't really describe what exactly happened with Michael when Kyle.interrupted us. All I could remember was how fast he ran out the window. Without a goodbye or an explanation.in one split second he was gone into the rain and out of my world. Leaving me with Kyle, whose eyes darted back and forth from me to the window, again and again.
"So?!?" Tess urged.
"So." I started off, prepared to let it all spill out, since she was the closest thing I had to a best friend. But then, something stopped me.
The image of Michael, pushing himself out the window kept replaying in my mind. He just.left. Like I what had just happened between was completely meaningless.like the overwhelming feelings I had when we kissed weren't shared. It was like a bad dream, reoccurring over and over again. And I kept telling myself, that I didn't care, because I was strong and independent.just like always.
I decided not to tell Tess anything, she'd never understand what had happened. She, with her long line of ex-boyfriends in Manhattan who still adored her every word, would never know how I felt.no one ran from her.
"Didn't Kyle answer any of your questions last night?" I asked, hoping he had.
Tess shook her happy little head. "No, when he came home last night he was so quiet.he wouldn't say anything."
I raised an eyebrow. "You were at our place, Tess?"
Her smile tightened, and she rubbed her forehead. "Oh, no. I was at Alex's.he was letting me use his special computer for my research paper. And then, we heard Kyle slam his door.he didn't seem too happy."
"He's not going to be any more pleased when he finds out I asked Michael to live with us."
The second the words flew out of my big mouth I regretted it. I'd totally forgot the fact that Michael was moving in with Kyle and me.and I secretly wished no one would find out. There was no way I'd be living with HIM after the last night.
Tess's eyes opened, stunned by the news. "WAIT! You met this guy how long ago? And he's moving in? OMYGOSH!"
"It's not like THAT." I explained, rubbing my eyes in sleepiness. "He got kicked out, and I thought I'd help out our new lead guitarist."
Hearing the hint I'd just given her, Tess jumped out of my bed like a rocket. "You mean he said yes?"
I nodded my head with a smile and wished I could be happier about it. I wished I could be dancing around like a five-year-old, the way Tess was at that moment.but instead I was lying in a hospital, faking a smile. How could I be happy about Michael then? Of course the fact that we had a lead guitarist was more than great, it's just that it was.Michael. And I had no idea how to feel about that.
"Seriously 'Ria! This is the GREATEST news EVER!" Tess bounced up and down, laughing. "This is even better than that time I found that cute little Betsy Johnston dress on for 30% off! Did I tell you about that?"
Only about a million times. Tess's pride and joy was shopping.it was like a sport. And believe me, you don't ever want to go to the mall with someone like that, especially if you're as competitive as I am.
I kept staring at her, who was now semi-calm, but still smiling like a Barbie Doll. "Gosh Maria! This is SOOO great.do you know what this means? Now we can actually start eating REAL meals, instead of the free pancakes and hashbrowns Alex brings home!" she beamed.
I'd actually forgot about Alex's pancakes. Being in the hospital for so long makes you forget the most routine things.
"Oh!" she stopped moving all at once with a shocked look on her face. "I forgot to tell you something! And believe me, when you hear it, you'll totally go NUTS!" she laughed.
"Did Tawny call?" I asked, hoping, more like praying she had. I still hadn't heard or seen her since the accident. I wondered where she was. Probably staring at the Eiffel Tower, hand in hand with that scumbag Johnny.
Tess shook her head as she sat down next to me. "No, sorry 'Ria.but it's still good news!"
I smiled, disappointed. "Okay then, what is it?"
"Well, Me and Alex sent Kyle over here to tell you last night, but.you know. So I guess I get to tell you." She smiled her genuine smile and took a deep breath. "Okay, here goes. When Alex was working in the kitchen at the pancake house, he put on our demo tape and started cleaning to it. Well, the owner of the store came in and started asking all these questions about what he was listening to, and the guys there were all "It's Alex's band, Tuesday's Rain." Well, it turns out that the owner also has a club on the other side of the city, and he said he wanted us to play there next week! Isn't this fantastic!?!"
My mouth opened and my lips moved to agree with her, but no words would come out. For once I was at a loss for words. A gig? This was even better than fantastic.this was like winning the lottery. Except that we'd actually have to work to get our money.
*****
Part 7 Winter in November
The day I got out of the hospital was one of the coldest days Manhattan ever knew. Every weather man had a puzzled expression on their joyful faces as they reported heavy flurries of snow. No one knew it was coming, since that year there wasn't even one Autumn day that wasn't full of golden sunshine. But the fluffy snow came down like parmesan onto an Italian's spaghetti, and the busy streets were whiter than ever before.
I stood, fully recovered, staring out my window with a smirk on my face. As I watched businessmen hurriedly walk pass the hospital, briefcases in hands with no gloves, I wondered if any of them had actually noticed it was snowing. It was beautiful outside, and they didn't even seem to care. It was actually sad, in a way, that someone could be so centred on their job that they couldn't even stop to tilt their heads back and let the snow melt on their tongues.
"Alex, don't forget that bag. You know how women are with their clothes," Kyle said as he handed me a coat.
"Yes Sir!" Alex saluted, and Tess tried to conceal a giggle beside me.
They had all come to help me out of the hospital. Of course, I probably could do it all by myself, but I didn't mind all not having to carry anything, while Kyle, Michael and Alex argued over the ultimate debate: Christina Aguilera or Britney Spears?
Michael gathered all my bunnies, flowers, cards and other gifts into a cardboard box. "All I'm saying is when you have a voice like Christina's there's just no questions. You know she's better, and plus...Latin chicks are hot."
The room stopped to stare at Kyle, who gave Michael a deadly look just before he nodded approvingly. It was the only thing they agreed over that week, which drove everyone crazy, including Alex who had the highest patience known to man. Ever since I told Kyle the guy who'd ran away (Kyle was the only other person who knew) would be living with us for awhile, he'd been giving Michael a hard time. Of course, I hadn't minded too much at first, since I was still upset over the fact that Michael had ran away the night he kissed me, but their bickering reminded me of old married people.
Michael and I still hadn't spoken a word to each other yet, but I knew I'd have to start sometime. As far as I knew, conflicts with band members could get very ugly. And it would be hard trying to avoid him once I went back home and he was there 24/7. But I wasn't ready to talk to him...and I didn't think I'd be ready for awhile.
"God, it's cold. Want some of my hot chocolate, Maria?"
Speak of the devil. No! I do not want any of your stupid hot chocolate, Mr. I'M AFRAID OF COMMITMENT! Who do you think you are with that tight t-shirt and those black jeans? God! I seriously feel like strangling you!
But instead, I just gave him a cold look and joined Tess, who was making her way out of the eggshell white doorframe, singing some old Christmas song.
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas..." I guess she forgot it wasn't even thanksgiving yet, let alone Jesus' birthday.
"Is everyone ready to go?" Kyle asked, frigidly putting warm mittens on his hands.
I shrugged and put my hands in my heavy coat pockets, surveying the empty hospital room. Finally I'd actually be able to go outside and live my life, instead of watching from a window. It was a like whole new meaning of freedom. I couldn't wait till I got home, to just wake up in a familiar place and be around people who weren't coughing up lungs. I sighed, playing with the brass door knob, and said good bye to my ugly white room, and also to life without having to see Michael everyday. Everyone else was piled into the hallway, boxes and bags in hands, and I took a moment to take one last glance before I turned my blonde head joined them.
As we made our way through frosted glass doors and into Kyle's small black JETTA, a birthday present from our parents, Tess went on and on about how great it was that I was back home, so we could practise, and, in the words of Pink, get this party started.
"When's our gig for the pancake guy, Alex?" I asked, crammed in the back seat with him and Tess. His black eyebrows arose as he tried to remember the date. One cute thing about Alex is his eyebrows, they always tell you what he's thinking.
Tess beamed beside me. "Oh you mean that movie-star gorgeous man that owns the club?"
"His name is Milton Gayle, and it's in three weeks." Michael muttered from the front seat.
Kyle took his hand off the steering wheel and turned to sneer at Michael. "She wasn't asking you."
Beside me, Alex shook his head and smiled. "Good luck living with Grumpy and Grumpier. Living across the hall is enough for me."
"Yeah," I nodded back at my friend. "I know what you mean."
*****
Part 8 Surprise, Surprise!
I've never liked surprises. I always felt like it was more like playing a trick on an unsuspecting victim, totally unaware that they'd been duped. And I, under no circumstances, like being the one unaware. Which is why, when I opened our apartment door, ready to sink into my fluffy bed and call everyone I knew to tell them I was home, I leaped about ten inches, knocking poor Tess to her size 3 feet.
"Surprise!" a room full of familiar faces jumped at me, like a jack in the box. They smiled, knowing that I was, indeed, surprised.
A huge over-decorative baby pink banner hung overhead of our tiny living room that read 'Welcome Home 'Ria!' I slowly nodded my head, knowing that this time, they'd gotten me, and stepped through the door and into the crowd of lively relatives and old friends. The first person to pop in front of me was my mother, Amy Valenti herself, to give me a huge hug and kiss while the rest of the party watched.
"Oh Sweetie!" She kissed my cheek, quite motherly. "Welcome home! We all missed you so much!" she exclaimed while Alex and the rest of the band came in from the hallway.
I stood there, a huge, dumbfounded expression on my face as I took off my heavy winter coat. "Hey Mom? Whose idea was this?" I asked, suspiciously eyeing Tess, who was turning on the stereo on the other side of the crowded room with Kyle. Whoever it was I was going to pay them back...big time.
"Well," she said, playing with her silver necklace, as she always did when she was nervous. "I think it was...Tawny?" I bit my lip in confusion. We were right beside Kyle's huge speaker, and I didn't think I'd heard her right. I couldn't have.
"Excuse me?" I asked, edging away from the speaker towards the dim lit kitchen.
The crowd patted us both on the back, calling us over to welcome me home as she followed. "Wait one second," she offered. "We're just going to get some...umm...Melba Toast! Maria loves her Melba Toast!"
Once we were both safely in the kitchen she closed the door, but we could still both feel the vibration of the booming music at our feet. "So, who did this again?" I smirked, KNOWING that it was Kyle and Tess. It had to be.
"Tawny."
"What!?!"
"This was all Tawny's idea!" she repeated, louder, as if I hadn't heard her.
How could this have been Tawny's idea? She was in Europe with that jerk...there was no way she could've done this. Wait...was she here? I whipped my head around, searching for her fiery red hair, forgetting for a split second that it was just the two of us, alone in the kitchen. My mother must have read my mind, because the next thing she said was, "She's not here."
I nodded, knowing how stupid I must've been. Why, of all places would my best friend be stuck in Manhattan when she could be in Venice, meeting all sorts of new and interesting people? People, not including me. "Well," I reached into the fridge to get myself something to drink, feeling a slight pang in my ribs. "How'd she do it then?"
"Well, the day after your accident, I got a call from her. She was still at the airport and had somehow heard what happened, so, she got the idea about the welcoming party, and called me about it. I thought it was great." She nodded her head affirming.
"Wait. Tawny knew me and Tess were in the hospital...and she didn't even visit us?" I asked, dropping my can of diet coke on the linoleum floor. Oh what a best friend I had.
"Sweetie, I don't really think she had all that much choice in the matter, she was really rushed, and-"
My mom was interrupted by the kitchen door opening, revealing Tess and Kyle, holding hands and looking at nothing else but each other, smiling happily as they skirted towards the counter. We both stared at them, mouths open, until we heard the door open, yet again. This time, it was Alex, who saw us right away, and then noticed Kyle and Tess, who were now reaching into kiss each other. His eyes flew open, and he forcefully cleared his throat, and then said, "Ugh...Guys?"
They both turned around, immediately dropping their entwined hands once they saw me. I looked at those hands, and then I suddenly remembered the morning after I'd kissed Michael. How cheerful Tess had been...I thought absolutely nothing of it then, since she was usually happy. How her smile seemed less fake then usual, and how that smile grew every time I'd mentioned my brother. It was like one of those mystery novels, and I was the detective, piecing everything together. I should have already known. Anyone else would have figured it out sooner or later, but not me. I needed a giant push in the right direction.
"Maria! Hi!" Tess's eyes shifted as she placed one blond curl behind her ear. And, of course, she had her Malibu Barbie smile on, her tight pink sweater completing the outfit. "How long have you been standing here?"
They both looked at me, Kyle's hand rubbing his forehead nervously, messing up his perfectly gelled hair. I wouldn't follow the cliché and say "Long enough," like in all those cheesy movies. All they needed was the shaking of my head and outraged expression on my face to know exactly how long I'd been there.
"Look, 'Ria," Alex slightly rubbed my bare arm, just enough so I knew he was about to explain. "Wait!" I turned to face him, now even more infuriated. "You knew about this, all along?"
He didn't answer. He didn't have to, it was all in his eyebrows. "You've all kept this from me? My best friend and my brother? How could you?"
Someone from outside called for my mother, and she took it as her cue to leave. I don't think I've ever seen anyone run so fast without looking back. But then again, she knew Hurricane Deluca quite well.
"Maria, we're sorry. We were going to tell you," Kyle started, placing his arm around Tess's tiny waist. Not a great idea. "But then the accident happened, and-"
"You know what, Kyle?" I stepped towards him, and stood on my tippy toes so we were face to face. "I don't really want to hear it from you right now, actually," I took a step back, so they could all see how infuriated I was, "I don't really wanna hear it from ANY of you! I want you all the hell out of here when I leave this room." I muttered angrily, and just as Kyle was about to say something I stopped him. "I don't care if this is your home too, you can just as well live with her, damn it!"
I started to leave, my face red with fury, and then stopped to look at Tess one last time. "Oh, and Honey, just to tell you, that new foundation clearly doesn't cover up that nasty scar on you forehead." She took a step back, like I'd slapped her. Imagine. How could I EVER insult her makeup?
I ran through that door faster than a raging bull, and pushed through the crowd, ignoring every word and pat and the back. I had a mission. To get to my bedroom before anyone could see the expression on my face, which, by now wasn't so much anger as it was sadness. Opening the heavy door, I sighed as I closed and locked it. Just as I was about to burst into tears, I saw someone, sitting on my bed with a confused expression on their face.
"You!" I exclaimed, annoyed, shaking my head. Oh what a day.
***** Part 9
There he was, sitting cross-legged on me bed, staring back at me. I couldn't really describe the emotion on his face. Unlike Alex, you could never tell what Michael was thinking...which really bothered me, not knowing what he felt when he saw me.
"What," I asked, tensely running my hands threw my blonde hair, "Are you doing here?"
Michael lowered his head and murmured quickly and almost incoherently. "Look, I'm just getting my stuff...this was where I slept this week when you were in the hospital...it's the only room with a lock."
I swallowed. Even being in the same room with him was making me nervous. All I wanted was to be alone to think things over. It was all just too much. Questions and feelings were dancing around my head, and I needed a little time to myself, because frankly, it hurt. I just hoped he didn't notice my wounded expression...I at least had my dignity.
"Look," I sighed, trying to sound casual, hopefully it worked. "Can you just leave? I just want to be alone right now."
He stood up, shaking his head. "Believe me, if I could, I would've been out of here way before you came in, but I can't."
"Why not?"
He pointed towards the door, at the brass knob, which had, now that I remembered, been broken since the day we moved in. Kyle and Alex accidentally pushed a couch into it, and after that, I could never open it from the inside. Of course, we meant to fix it...but we never really thought it mattered.
I let out a huge breath of frustration. Great, so now I was locked in a room with Michael, one of the last people I ever wanted to see again. Shaking my head, I sat down on the bed, as far away from him as possible. There was a long, drawn out silence, where all I did was stare hard into space, wishing today never happened, wishing he wasn't there so I could at least be by myself. But then, I felt his eyes upon me as he stood against the wall, beside my end table with the framed picture of me and Tawny, gazing into the camera with sticky, ice creamed covered faces.
I turned to face him, looking him strait in the eye, knowing he was about to say something.
"Why are you so upset?" He asked in a muffled voice.
I didn't answer. All I did was shake my head and then turn back to where I stared before, ignoring him and everything around me. And then, I heard him swallow.
"It's not like being stuck with me is the worst thing that's ever happened. There's no need to cry about it."
I looked back at him, confused. "I'm not crying."
"Yeah, you are."
I shook my head and realized Michael was coming towards me. He took a few steps towards me, sat on the bed, which sank in favour of his weight, and lightly touched my cheek.
"Then what's this?" It was then that I noticed that I really was crying. Sometimes I yearned to be someone like Michael, someone who didn't have to worry about losing their tears in front of others. This was one of those times.
"Sorry," I wiped my face off with my sleeve. "But this isn't about you."
"So why are you so upset?" He edged closer, ignoring the glares I was giving him to go away.
I slid across the bed, up against the wall. I didn't want him near me. There's no way I'd ever let him touch me again. And there was defiantly no way I'd tell him all aobut Tess and Kyle. "Since when do you care?" I jeered.
Michael glanced down at his hands. "Maybe I do care. Maybe I'm not such a monster after all. Maybe all I want is for you to be happy...but it's not like you could never see that." Biting my bottom lip, I shook my head in disagreement. He really knew how to push my buttons. "Not like I could ever see what, Michael?" I inched closer, feeling my cheeks grow hot. "The fact that you practically abandoned me in the hospital?"
We were face to face now, and it was as if yelling at him was making me even more angry. He sighed, visibly more calm than me, and ran his fingers through his thick dark spikes of hair. "Look Maria, I'm sorry about that night in the hospital...but-"
"But what?" I screamed into the cold night air, too irritated to care that my hands were freezing. Tonight was defiantly not my night at all. "You decided you were just too good for me all of a sudden?"
"No," He shook his head, still staring at his hands, which were stiffly resting on his knees, two inches away from mine. "That's not it at all...actually, it's the opposite..." I had no idea what he meant by that, but listened inventively to understand. "The night we kissed, I felt something Maria, something I've never experienced before. Like all of a sudden, a part of me that I never knew surfaced, and it scared me. You know?"
I sank back down, like all the heat I'd had in me before had escaped. I was, to say the least, speechless. This wasn't what I was expecting from him at all. So, he really felt it too?
"And then, when I saw Kyle come in, he had this disgusted look on his face, like you were being attacked by a bear...and I realized, that I could never be good enough for you. I'm not like all your friends, Maria. I didn't grow up in some swanky apartment, I didn't go to private school, and I knew I didn't fit in your cookie cut world. You don't belong with someone like me, and that's why I ran. I just knew that whatever I felt when we kissed that night, that spark that inside me that lit up, you didn't feel for me. You couldn't have."
I sat in silence, staring at his face. The air was so cold that I could see my own breath as I exhaled, as if I was outside. "Michael," I gulped, tears filling my eyes again. But this time I didn't even try to fight it. "You NEVER have to feel like your not good enough for anyone, Because it has nothing to do with who you know, where you went to school or if you fit in or not. It's all about what's in there," I reached out, placing my hand on his chest, right where his heart was. He looked at my lingering hand, and reached up to hold it, and suddenly I felt all warm inside.
"You mean you don't hate me?" he asked, eyes narrowed.
I shook my head, laughing with heavy tears streaming down my cheeks. "No, it's just that tonight hasn't been the best of nights."
"Yeah," he nodded, "I know what you mean."
I swallowed. I had this explosive urge to tell him everything that flooded into my head about Tess and Kyle, and I was fighting it...hard. I didn't want to think about them right then, because all that really mattered was Michael's warm hand, entwined in mine. After a strange moment of silence, my voice cracked into the cold air. "I felt it too."
He lifted his head, his eyes seemed to be searching for something and I wondered if he'd heard me. "That feeling...I had it too. You'll always fit in my world, Michael." I repeated, and I didn't have to worry if he'd heard me right again, because his full lips crashing onto mine was proof enough for me.
My roommate and stepbrother Kyle shook me awake with his strong arms and smiled. It was only eight 'o'clock, which was why I tried almost effortlessly to bash his happy head in with my pillow.
"What the heck do you think your doing, Mister?" I grumpily moaned as my fluffy weapon fell to the ground without a sound.
Kyle sat down on my queen-sized bed and shook his head, still smiling. I really felt like wiping that stupid grin off his face. It wasn't even noon yet- and this guy was smiling? He was dressed already, and his light brown hair perfectly styled. Sometimes I really hated Kyle; he was always so...prepared, unlike me, "Late Louise", who has been fashionably late for almost every single event in my life ever since I started counting.
Unsuccessfully trying to lower his growing smirk, Kyle looked up at me, dressed in an oversized t-shirt that read "Boys have feelings too...but who cares?". I'm totally not a morning person. My blonde hair was probably in shambles and my eyes heavy from staying up too late.
"You forgot again didn't you, Maria?"
Oh god. What did I forget? Tess's birthday? No- that was three months ago. Did I forget to pay our landlord, Mrs. Gioni again? I thought this was Kyle's month to pay. Maybe if I weren't so forgetful, I'd have a job, but I always sleep in for the interviews and...Oh No, not again!
"You better hurry your bony ass up if you still wanna make it." Leaving my room and shutting my door with a muted thud.
As I got ready for my dreaded interview at BLOOMINGDALE'S (Tess's dream job and my nightmare.) I thought about last night. Tawny Newberry Rodriguez, my exotic red headed drama queen of a loud best friend had quit our band, Tuesday's Rain.
You see, Me (Maria), Tess, Alex, Tawny and Kyle have known each other practically forever. Ever since that day I fell down the stairs in grade two at our private school and they all spent a week getting EVERYONE they knew to sign my cast. Even some people off the street, which Alex's mom went crazy at us for talking to absolute strangers. Yeah, so ever since that day we've been inseparable. I must admit, it helped a little bit that we all lived in the same Manhattan apartment building, with a snobby doorman named Mr. Buckner. (Alex and Tawny call him Mr. F***nerd, but that's a whole other thing.) Tawny's apartment was right above mine, on the third floor, so it was only natural me and her were the closest. Tawny's REALLY loud and she over exaggerates things way too much.
Well, sometimes I'm like that too, but we're two different people. Tawny lived with both her parents; well I wouldn't quite say that. Her parents were always away on business trips or at a huge cocktail party. On average, Mr and Mrs. Newberry Rodriguez have probably spent more time on a plane than with their youngest daughter. Tawny's not an only child, she has an older half-sister, who dances for CATS the Broadway show. Her name is Abby, but neither Tawny or me has seen her since we were seven. So, basically when she's not with me, Tess, Alex or Kyle, she's probably all alone since no one but the yucky house keeper whose name we always forget is there with her. Well, at least it WAS that way, until Tawny met a guy named Johnny Russo. He was part of the reason she was leaving our band.
It all started the day Alex Whitman turned fourteen and he discovered his father, a million-dollar movie director had died of a heart attack. It was really quite painful for him, since Alex was the one who had found him dead on the bathroom floor in a robe. When his mom dropped her son off to visit his dad for the weekend at his Hollywood mansion, she had no clue what had happened. When Alex's dad died, all he left him was his bass guitar. You'd think that maybe he'd leave his only son a little more than an old instrument, like maybe some of his money for college. It certainly wouldn't make up for the years of abandonment issues Alex had to deal with, but at least it would have been a start. But instead he'd left his money to his wife, a twenty-year-old supermodel/actress that had been the basis of Mr. and Mrs. Whitman's divorce. Alex's mom didn't really care that she was left with nothing, since she was pretty wealthy herself, and could pay for her son's education without "taking it from a dead loser". (That's exactly what she told Alex.)
So anyways, my friend Alex, the tall, skinny genius, worked his tail off to learn to play that bass guitar all by himself. And after an eternity of being locked up in his room hours upon hours, he opened his door three weeks later and step out with the biggest smile I've ever seen in my entire life. He'd figured it out, and it was the first time Tawny, Kyle, Tess or me had seen him look so happy. But it didn't stop just there. Oh no. He just HAD to learn the drums, the keyboards, and the guitar. You name it; he played it...even though all our neighbours hated Alex for the longest time as he kept their toddlers up at night, they knew he was good. I guess you could say that Alex's music had finally filled that empty void he'd been keeping ever since his parents split. It was like he had finally found himself something that made him feel like he belonged. Keyboards were the easiest for him to learn, since Tess already played them and taught him every Thursday for two weeks. One winter day as Kyle, Tawny and I got home from Christmas shopping, we caught them playing, and to say the least, they were phenomenal together. Tawny saw it too. Her auburn eyes flickered, and suddenly she was set off. That was the day Tuesday's Rain became a band.
Already thinking up HUGE plans in that wild head of hers, Tawny straight out told Alex what we were going to do. "Alex," she said, loudness in her voice. "YOU are going to teach us to play instruments, and WE are going to be a band."
What could he say? Once Tawny gets an image in her head, there's absolutely no stopping her. And from then on we were a real band, with Kyle on drums, Alex on Bass, Tess on Keyboards and back-up vocals, Tawny on lead guitar and little me, on guitar and lead vocals. I've never been so surprised in my life. I never even sang for our private school's choir. The only person that had ever really heard me sing was Tawny...and I guess that's why she put me as the singer.
We named ourselves Tuesday's Rain, because that was the song Tess and Alex were playing when we saw them that day. It was Kyle's idea, a good one at that.
Tess wrote most of our songs, since she's had the most experience with life to write about, I guess. Tess Harding is a perky little blonde, curly- haired princess. Well, not a genuine princess, of course, but you might think she was a real one. Ever since we were seven and she cried when there was a fly on her sandwich, I knew she was the girliest girl I'd ever meet. She's also one of the happiest too, which is almost always a good thing, since she keeps us upbeat and she always looks on the bright side of bad situations. For instance, when I broke my arm that day, she couldn't help but say "At least YOU get to have an excuse for gym class and not break your nails." with a giggle. By the way I'm describing her, you probably think she's REALLY annoying, but somehow she isn't. Her parents, like Alex's are divorced too, but she lived with her father. Her mother was off, with her Cuban boyfriend in Australia, soaking up the rays while Tess's father made his name in the acting business, working all day, but still having enough time for Tess. Every time I ask about Tess's mother, she always switches the subject. But once she told me she secretly wished her mom would get cancer from spending all that time in the sun. I know it sounds harsh, but growing up without a mom is tough, especially if, like Tess, you think she left because she hates you. I'm really glad she has a father like Mr. Harding, because without him, all she'd have was us. Tess's father is probably one of the greatest men you'll ever meet. He's like this big kid, living inside a forty nine-year-old man. Any time you feel like you need a smile, and Kyle's not there, go to Ed Harding. But Tess is SO unlike her father in so many ways. He likes to talk things out, and get to the bottom of every problem to find a solution. His daughter pretends everything's all fine and dandy with a huge smile until she goes on her balcony and cries. She never told anyone this, of course, but I saw her one day when I was walking home from school and I looked up to where her apartment was.
The only thing that really truly bothers me about Tess is the large group of boys in New York that seem to love her. She's been out with so many people I know, but it never works out. Either he's too tall, too short, to built or too loud. Or something like that. But the real reason it never works out is plainly because she's just too afraid of relationships. So, when we started our band, instead of hiding out on the balcony, she focused all her feelings on writing our songs. And they turn out damned good too! When we told people she was our songwriter, they laughed; asking us is ALL the songs were about eyeliner and lip-gloss. Sometimes Tess comes off as an airhead to strangers, since she blabs about cosmetics when she's nervous, but our songs aren't crap, and I'm grateful for it.
So my friends seem like interesting people, eh? Well, compared to them, Kyle and I are probably boring. We don't have abandonment issues, partying parents or even a mother in Australia. Well, Kyle's mom COULD be in Australia, but she left when he was a little baby, as did my father. Our parents married when we were sixteen, and although I was a little freaked about having a whole new family, hardly anything with Kyle and me changed. He still takes my stuff, and I still try to put makeup on him while he's asleep. Yeah, that's me...I'm a prankster. I guess I should describe myself, but I really don't know how. I'm just about everything mixed into one. I have a huge temper though, and they call me HURRICANE DELUCA, which I guess you should keep in mind while your reading this.
So, that November morning, the turning point of my life, I stepped out into the autumn street from Kyle's and mine apartment building and decided that I was finally going to do something responsible for a change. I was going to get a job, and stop thinking about all that band nonsense. If Tawny was gone- there was no Tuesday's Rain. The band was gone. Dead. Well, not totally. Tess, Kyle, Alex and I were meeting up one last time that night...and if nothing happened, than so be it. Even if that was five years down the drain.
Part Two Accidents Happen
Dozens of tiny, frail autumn leaves brushed against my sandaled feet as I turned the corner of a street covered with men with boring black suits and women talking about business meetings. I groaned at my lateness as I got out my pink cell phone. If I called Tess and asked her for a ride, maybe I wouldn't be fired before even getting hired. She was most likely sleeping, like any other nineteen-year-old on a Saturday morning. It was worth a shot though.
"Hey! This is Tess's palace!" Kyle's voice beamed from the answering machine.
"She's probably at home right now, and is way too lazy to answer your call..." I could hear Tess's high voice in the background, objecting.
"So leave a message, even if she won't call you back! BEEP"
I chuckled into the receiver. "Tess, this is Maria...I was wonderin-" I heard a squeal from the machine and knew she'd picked up.
"Hi 'Ria! So- what were you wondering?" She asked in her usual upbeat, energetic voice.
She agreed to pick me up in her sassy red convertible in exactly three minutes. I secretly knew it would take longer than that, since Tess's dorm was quite a while away, and of course this was New York- think of the traffic.
After high school graduation, Kyle and I moved out and found a reasonably good apartment. He worked part time as a football coach for nine year olds and my job was well...finding a job. Hard work when all your focus is on your band. Tess moved out on her own too, but she enrolled into a nearby college for a degree in fashion. Tawny moved in with Johnny Russo, her creep of a boyfriend. I seriously have never disliked anyone as much as I dislike Johnny. He's a spoiled brat, and he orders around like a maid, and the worst part of it is that she doesn't even seem to care all too much. Which is funny, because Tawny is more loud, opinionated and strong willed than me, but not when she's with him.
And Alex lived straight across the hall from Kyle and I, which worked out perfectly. He got a job at a pancake house, which at the time was hilarious since the only thing he can cook is pancakes. You'd think with all our money put together, none of us would need jobs. But, we decided awhile ago to save it all for the band.
"Hey 'Ria!" an excited Elle-Woods-from-Legally Blonde-look-alike giggled happily behind her pink sunglasses.
I smiled and greeted her with a big hug as I slipped into the passenger side of her car. Tess put her foot on the gas and flicked on her stereo. She started to sing along, bopping her head along to Gwen Stephanie's voice.
Take this pink ribbon off my eyes. I'm exposed and it's no big surprise! Don't you think I know exactly where I stand? This world is forcing me to hold your hand.
'Cause I'm just a girl, little old me. Don't let me outta your site. I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite. So don't let me have any ri-
I switched it off, and she took her cute sunglasses off and gave me the evil eye.
"Keep your eyes on the road!" I shouted, right before she jetted out of the way of a truck. Maybe getting a ride from Tess wasn't such a great idea after all.
She tried to hide a sly smile, but she was as bad as Kyle. Both had failed miserably every time.
"Why'd you take MY song off, Maria?" she questioned, blue eyes remaining on the busy city road in front of her this time.
Tess has this thing with songs. If she likes one, she'll listen to it OVER and OVER again. And then, she'll make the rest of us suffer by playing it every time she sees us. Then, and only then, does she declare it HER SONG. Most people go through life with one or two favourite songs. But Tess, has about a hundred, seeing as she gets a new one every week. Maybe one day I should remind her that the songs belong to the artists, not her. But until that day, I'll just have to get used to it.
"Because Tess, we need to talk."
She swallowed a little. "About what?"
"Okay, either you have a worse memory than me- which is very doubtful, or your doing the whole 'Let's pretend that last night didn't happen and look pretty' thing."
She frowned. Suddenly I knew I had rained on her little picnic. I wasn't guilty about it though. I'm one of those people that need to work everything out in order to stay happy. And denial isn't mentally healthy.
"I know what happened, Maria. I was there. Tawny quit."
"Ya, well?" I urged her to continue.
I heard her take a deep breathe. I knew this was hard for her.
"Alex called me this morning. He's totally mad."
Man, I would be mad too if I had a full scholarship to Berkley, gave it up to live my dream- only to have that dream stomped on by a combat boot wearing red head. I hoped Tawny felt just great.
"I feel so bad for him." she continued. "At least I have fashion to fall back on because of college. But Alex put all he had into our band."
I was really surprised that she'd said that. Was Tess actually changing and confronting her feelings?
"But look on the bright side. If we DO have a band still, we'll at least look good. Tawny's hair was all wrong for her shape of face. And don't get me started on her nails.."
And hello Tess! Welcome back! This time, it was a double package, taking the glass half full AND rambling about cosmetics. Never had that before.
Judging by the shaky, manicured hands on her pink steering wheel, she was nervous. This wasn't only a band- this was most of our futures. We had all sacrificed to make it all work, and now there probably wouldn't even be a band. I'd have to be a Bloomingdale's salesgirl for the rest of my life, Kyle a physed teacher at the most, and Alex, the poor guy, would be cooking pancakes for old ladies and screaming five year olds. Tawny had screwed us all over.
"Tess?" She looked straight at me, and I already knew the answer to my next question. "Are you okay, chica?"
Right out of no where, a passing figure turned right in front of Tess's car. Tess of course, was still watching me.
"Oh God! Watch the road!" I screamed. But it was too late.
And before I could process what was happening, I was thrust forward, right into the windshield. All I could hear was Tess's screaming voice, still crying out loud. I was glad she was still alive. It seemed like I was perfectly fine though. I felt absolutely nothing. Well, except for a little wetness. When did it start raining? I glanced down at my hand and realized that the rain had never started, I was bleeding.
Part Three
"Open your eyes."
I felt a cool, moist face clothe placed on my aching forehead.
"Open Your eyes."
My heavy left eye lid arched open, peering up at an eggshell whit ceiling. Where was I?
"Open your eyes."
And who on earth kept on saying that? My other eye fluttered open, and I looked beside me, where I saw a smiling face sitting next to my bed. It wasn't really MY bed, I was just in it...for some reason.
"Hey 'Ria!" Tess giggled, replacing the old clothe with a new, cooler one.
"Don't go all Vanilla Sky on me, you Penelope Cruz wanna be." I said dryly, and sat up, still wondering where I was.
I searched my memory and all I could think about was how WHITE everything seemed. The entire unfamiliar room lacked colour. The low ceilings, the simple walls, my tiny hospital gown...
Wait.
Hospital gown?
And then, a deep breathe exhaled itself from my trembling chest. My whole body, especially my upper body, felt like a million people were dancing on it, and I had no way of stopping them. To get them to cease from their little party. As Tess stared, I lifted my right arm and gently placed it at my side where it hurt the most. I screamed in agony, and with that scream came back EVERYTHING. All the memories flashed before my green eyes~ Tess's song, the sprinting man in front of us and the cries which came from Tess. The funny thing is, at first I didn't even remember Tess's final efforts to swerve the car away from the pedestrian. All I heard was her voice, screaming over and over. But it HAD happened, which is why we hit a tree instead of a human being. Maybe if I decided to wear my seat belt, I wouldn't be in a hospital. But I'd be six feet underground if Tess hadn't done what she did after we hit that hard, tall weeping willow.
"You saved my life." I whispered, finally thanking her.
She reached across the bed, and I realized that she was in a wheel chair with a cast.
"Umm...no I didn't" She gave me her trademark smile.
"But Tess!" I hollered, trying to make her listen to me. "I know what you did, and you can't deny it! After we hit that tree, you pulled me from the car, even though you were shaking with fear, and you did that whole CPR thingy we learnt in Ms. Valery's health class and-"
"I was hoping the doctors would be right and you'd lose all your recollection of the accident. But I guess they were wrong."
She winked at me knowingly, and I decided from then on that I would never mention Tess's heroic act again. It was an inside secret, for her and me to know, and no one to find out.
I decided to change the subject.
"What else did the doctors say?"
"Well, you my friend, knocked your head pretty good, and you broke a rib...And I broke my leg...." She paused, searching for something else to add so she wouldn't have to comment. "Oh, and I had to get stitches." she lifted her hand and moved a strand of light, curly hair away from her face to reveal a little gash with stitches over her left eyebrow.
"But the good thing is I can totally cover it up with my new foundation." she giggled.
I couldn't believe it. We had just had a near-death experience, and Tess was talking about makeup. Some things never changed.
I leaned across my bed painfully and as best as I could, gave her a long, hard hug. Tess was now my best friend, and we both silently knew it.
"I was so afraid you'd never wake up." she whispered softly and continued the hug. I even think she cried a little. I know I did.
"Shh...I know, I know." I said, stroking her hair. But I really DIDN'T know, because I was balling my eyes out too much to listen. It was like a huge wave of emotion had washed over us both.
We'd come so close to losing so much in so little time. Our friends, families, futures. I couldn't think of what it would be like to never see Kyle's comedic grin, hear Alex blaring Weezer across the hall, or help Tawny dye her hair. We both loved them all so much...even Tawny, with her wild way of thinking and crazy style.
We stayed that way, two tired blonde girls, one in a hospital bed and another in a wheelchair, both coughing up our tears. Neither of us had a real purpose or direction, and we didn't give a damn. Because we were alive.
*****
"HmmHmmHmm."
I heard someone roughly clearing their throat and I looked behind me, releasing myself from Tess's arms as one final tear trickled down my cheek.
It was HIM! Standing in the boring white doorway was a guy, about six feet tall, with short dark spiky hair and perfect eyebrows, carrying a bouquet of lilies and daisies. I glanced back at Tess, whose eyes, like mine were wide open, along with our mouths.
He nervously shifted his weight from one heavy foot to the other.
I think I lost my breathe at that moment, but I'm not too sure, I couldn't really concentrate on anything else but HIM, who had come so close to death when Tess and I had that accident. It was the man who we'd almost hit, and here he was- right beside me.
"Umm..." he started, dark eyes switching from me to Tess.
"I'm here to see...Maria?"
Part 4- Something to talk about
I turned back to Tess, feeling a jolt of pain at my side from twisting too quickly. She nodded her head, but till this day I have no clue if it was directed to me or...him.
"Come on in, Michael." She told him, with that familiar bouncy smile.
So he had a name. Michael. I gave him a long, hard stare, when really all I felt like doing was jumping out of bed and wrapping my arms and body around him. Thankful he was alive. Thankful no one died, and although Tess couldn't walk, and I could hardly breathe without a pain in my chest, everything and everyone would be okay.
Tess looked so cheerful in her wheelchair. And she seemed to glow, like an angel right at that moment. I think it had something to do with the sun shining off her golden curls, or just her bright smile.
"Maria, this is Michael." She introduced us with a wave of her hand.
I bit my lip as Michael stood alone, still holding the large assortment of flowers. My hand somehow brought itself into a pathetic-fingers-only wave. I would have said something more, but I was at a loss for words. What do you say to a person you'd almost killed? I'm still trying to figure it out, but right then, I was more afraid than speechless.
Tess nodded her head again, and started to push her wheel chair towards the door. Where was she going? Was she just going to leave us here?
'And don't say your going for something to eat, because I know it's a lie.' I thought to myself.
She lifted her head, as if she'd heard me.
"I'm going for something to eat."
And with that, she was gone. Leaving Michael with me, a weak girl he hardly knew in a hospital gown, surrounded by machines.
I gulped a little, and I think he did too.
I tried to ease the tension. "So...come here often?"
He didn't even manage a smile. All he did was stare at me like I was some sort of freak. Well, maybe he didn't really think I was a freak, that was just the way I felt then. But he defiantly didn't smile. I think.
He thrust his sleeved arm towards me, the flowers suddenly right in front of my face. I loved the fragrant smell. It was like I was encircled by my grandma's perfume.
"These are for you."
"Thanks! They're beautiful!"
And they were indeed beautiful. I wondered how he knew how much I'd loved lilies. I reached beside my bed to place the flowers on the end table, but surprisingly, there as no room.
Dozens of brightly coloured and over-sized cards were surrounded by at least five vases of roses, tulips and lilies. I glanced at the huge, stuffed pink elephant that stood on a chair by the table. How long HAD I been here?
"Michael? Could you maybe read me some of these cards?"
He looked up from his thumbs, apparently thankful for something to do. I just wished he'd say something...ANYTHING.
"Sure, why not?" He smirked as he picked a neon green one up. It had a little cartoon boy talking on the front.
"Get well soon" He turned the page.
"...My laundry's piling up! Love your buddy Alex." he read, without much conviction.
I had to laugh a little at the card. It was so simple, so cheesy, so....Alex. He always knew how to make me smile. As I thought about this, Michael moved the pink elephant out of its chair and sat down next to my bed. felt so helpless, so little. I could hardly move at all, and it was driving me crazy. And the fact that Michael STILL hadn't said anything remotely related to the reason he was here didn't help at all.
"Look," he cupped his hands together, nervously. "I'm sorry I'm not being the greatest visitor here...it's just that I HATE hospitals."
I couldn't help but let my eyebrows raise. Practically everyone hated hospitals, it wasn't like I was really overjoyed to be in there either. I wanted to go home so badly it hurt. Even more than the pain at my side.
"Why?"
"Because..." he trailed off.
Michael suddenly had my interest.
"Because why?"
He took a long look at me, as if considering telling me. I wondered what he saw when he stared at me like that.
"Well," I guess he saw someone who he could trust.
"My little sister Cassie died in a hospital, and ever since then, I just can't handle them."
My face fell. That wasn't the answer I was looking for.
"I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. It wasn't your fault...and besides, she died at childbirth, so nothing could be done." I couldn't believe he'd said that so bluntly, like it hardly effected him at all.
I realized then, how hard coming to visit me must've been. Hospitals are rarely a happy place, but to have your own sister die in one? Alex, to this day had not stepped foot in his father's mansion ever since he found his body. It must've taken so much courage then I knew for Michael to come here. I wondered why he WAS here, and decided to ask him, hoping not to sound rude.
"Good question.," he answered, and thought about it for a short moment.
"Well, I don't know if Tess told you this, but I was here to visit both of you the day of the...crash."
"Really? I didn't know."
"If she didn't tell you, you couldn't have known. You were unconscious." he answered quickly. "But the original reason I came here was just to make sure you were both okay, because I was the one responsible for your accident."
No he wasn't...that wasn't anyone's fault. Tess's eyes weren't on the road, I had no seat belt on and he was running. We all had our little share of blame.
"And I know your thinking that it wasn't anyone's fault, but your wrong. The sign said DON'T WALK, but I did."
This was eating him up inside. We all knew it was no one's fault, but the guilt he felt was so huge, he had to reassure himself that we were all okay. That's probably why he visited Tess and I.
He shifted in his chair, as if he was being questioned, and continued. "It's just that I was in such a rush to get my guitar to the pawn shop and- "
I interrupted. "Guitar?"
"Yeah, I needed some extra cash, so I was going to sell one of my Fenders."
I gulped a little. I just HAD to. If Michael was selling his guitar, that meant he was a guitarist...I hoped this was going where I thought it was going.
"Your a...musician?"
"Well, yeah. I've been playing since I was a kid."
This was amazing. Probably the best news anyone had gotten today! Well, except for the fact that I knew I was alive, that was even better.
"Michael, does Tess know your a guitarist?" I asked, and he looked back at me, those dark eyes narrowed.
He seemed to think for awhile. "No, I don't think she does...The only thing we talked about when you were asleep was her hair...and what flowers to bring you when you woke up."
Laughing, I felt like jumping on my bed like a little girl. I was SO exultant at that moment, I forgot all about Michael, who was still sitting beside me, wondering why I was smiling like I'd just won a million dollars.
Interrupting my happy train of thoughts was a knock on the door, which was now closed shut.
"Maria! It's Alex and Kyle! Open up!" I heard Alex sing through the heavy wood.
Michael sat up awkwardly and put my elephant back on the chair. "Well, I guess I should go now, I'll try and come back later."
He started to leave as I waved him goodbye.
"Thanks for coming, Michael, I really appreciate it."
"Your welcome."
Right before he turned the brass door knob, I stopped him. "Next time, bring your guitar, okay?"
He peered down at me, and then nodded his head. As he opened up the door, Alex and Kyle burst in nosily like Pamela Anderson was on the other side.
"Hey Maria!" Alex exclaimed. Him and Kyle looked more ecstatic than I felt. They were laughing and smiling like never before, probably to keep me happy.
"You gave us quite a scare."
They both ran up to my bed and hugged me, like big puppies.
I saw Michael chuckle a little. "Bye Maria." he said, making his way into the hall.
Both Alex and Kyle exchanged curious looks.
"Who was that?" Kyle asked as he gave me a big kiss on my forehead.
I took a big breathe as I told them the news with a smile.
"Kyle, Alex, That was Michael, our new lead guitarist."
*****
Part 5
A week later, I lay alone in my cold stuffy hospital bed, staring out the tiny window at the glow of the moon. Night time was the worst part of being cooped up by yourself everyday. Everything was just so eerily quiet, which for me, was new. Back when Kyle and I still lived with my mom and Jim, there was NEVER a still moment...even the cleaning lady was as loud as she could be. But here, it was different. There were no snores from Kyle's room or phone calls about Tawny's late night dilemmas. Everything was peaceful and silent. I know its pretty juvenile to be afraid of the dark when your a nineteen year old girl, but when I was there, all alone in a huge building filled with sick people I've never met, I guess I was like a six year old again.
Sometimes, especially when she heard lightening, Tess would sneak across the long narrow hallway with her wheelchair to 'keep me company'. That's what she says anyways, but we both know how scared she gets when she hears streaks of lightening from the sky. But ever since she'd left the hospital and started to walk again. it was just me, the moon and a room filled with emptiness.
The moon shone so bright that night, and not a single star was in sight to take away its glory. I continued peering at it dazedly, tracing its arches and grooves with my index finger like a little girl.
And suddenly, a head quickly bobbed up and the moon disappeared. The window opened, and Michael climbed through. What was he doing here? Didn't he realize what time it was?"
"Look, I'm sorry if its to late, but I couldn't come to see you today like you asked because I had to work at the garage again." he said as he casually shut he window and sat down next to me.
"Don't you ever use a door?"
I still hadn't asked Michael about the band yet. Every time he'd visited since, which was a very small number, I'd put it off for some reason, but I'd made a decision to ask him that day.
"So," I turned on my bedside lamp so I could see his face. "How's the apartment hunt going?"
There was a drawn out moment of silence, and I'm not sure, but I think I heard a grunt.
One thing that got to me about Michael was that he hardly said anything...which isn't really THAT bad of a thing, since I love to talk. But, over the past few days, I'd had to literally dig to find only small bits and pieces of Michael. So far the only thing I'd gotten was that after quitting freshman year of college, his dad kicked him out, and he'd been looking for a place to live ever since.
"Not too good, Maria. It looks like I'll be living in Doug's basement for a long time." A disgusted look crossed his face as he said this.
Michael's brother, Doug, was like the older version of Butthead, from that MTV cartoon. I felt so bad for his family. I thought about this for a moment, and then an idea hit me.
"Oh my god!"
Michael looked up from his hands. "What?"
"Well, I know you've only seen him like maybe...once. But my brother Kyle lives with me."
"The football player?"
"Yeah!"
He shook his head in confusion. "What's that got to do with the fact that I'm almost homeless?"
Why'd he always have to be so...MICHAEL?
"Well, from the looks of it, I won't be out of here in awhile." He glanced down at my stomach, which still had some bandages on it. "And until then, you could sleep in my room."
He raised his eyebrow, studying my face.
"What happens when you come back?"
"We do have a couch...I know it might not seem like much, but it's better than living with Doug, from what I've heard of him anyway."
Michael bit his lip and seemed to consider the thought for awhile, while I bit my nails.
"Okay, I'll live with Kyle....thanks, Maria." He lifted his head, and I saw how gracious he really was. Michael hated Doug's place.
"Hey...stop doing that."
"Stop doing what?"
"Biting your nails, it's a bad habit."
Bad habits? Since when was he all concerned about my bad habits? The guy hadn't eaten a vegetable in years.
"I can't...I've got no control over it, and besides, I only do it when I'm stressed."
Michael chuckled a little. "What do you have to be stressed about? Your mom's Oprah's therapist. Your rich!"
"Not for long." I mumbled.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well," I turned on my side, feeling a jolt of pain. "I'm nineteen, I have no job, my band has no lead guitarist, I was just in a car accident with our keyboardist, and frankly, I have the ugliest feet in the world...THAT'S what I'm stressed about!" I said with a fury.
Michael stayed calm though, which was weird for a person with so many opinions.
"Wait...you're in a band?"
I nodded my head, and just then it hit me. I HAD to ask Michael now.
"Actually, all of us are in a band...me, Tess, Kyle, Alex...and hopefully you."
"Me? I hardly even know you all and you want be to be in your band?" he stood up, rubbing his hands on his jeans.
I let out a deep breath. Michael didn't understand how much it all meant to us, and I had no idea how to explain it to him. All of our futures were at stake here, and if we didn't find a guitarist soon, Alex would be flipping pancakes for the rest of his life. I just couldn't do that to Alex, not after all he'd already went through. I decided I HAD to get Michael to join our band...for his sake.
"Look, Michael. You probably don't really care, but a few days ago, Tawny, our lead guitarist decided she'd rather be in Europe with her cheesy boyfriend than go on with our band. Which is a HUGE problem with us since...well we DO want to go on with it...it's our dream, and there's not much left of it now. So, even though you'll probably say no anyways, or think we're just a few spoiled rich kids that need to grow up-"
Michael interrupted my inane rambling.
"Wait! What kind of band are we talking about?"
"Huh?"
"Is it a crappy girly band? Cause seriously the world does NOT need another Pop band pretending to be rock."
I giggled a little.
"No it's not a pop band. Do you really think Alex would stand for that?"
"No and yes."
"What? Michael your confusing me."
"No about the Alex thing...and Yes, I'll be in your band."
A huge smile came across my tired lips. Right there and then, Michael seemed like he was sent from god. I guess you could say i saw him in a different light now that he'd finally given me the great news I'd been waiting for. His messy spikes of hair looked so sexy, and those LIPS! They looked so vacant...almost like right at that moment, all I wanted to do was kiss them.
Our faces came closer and closer together, until finally his sweet lips met mine and for a moment my heart fluttered inside, pounding with passion. But that moment only lasted for a split second.
The door slammed with a hard knock, and Michael and I quickly moved away from one another. I looked behind me, searching for whoever or whatever was there.
"Kyle?" I asked with a yelp.
*****
Part 6~ The morning after
So.you just.kissed him?"
Tess sat down beside me no my hospital bed. Actually, she more like jumped on it, like it was a trampoline. I wondered how, at seven 'o clock in the morning, anyone could have so much energy without at least one cup of coffee. I couldn't even wake up on my own at eleven! But, we're talking about Tess here, who seemed to be in a more ecstatic mood then usual. If that was even possible.
"Yeah, I kissed him. I don't have a clue what happened to my mind.I guess I was just.tired."
I looked up at Tess, who was giving me a huge look.like she saw right through my lies with her baby blue eyes. Today she had decided to visit me bright and early, considering the fact that earlier she'd learned from the doctors that I could get out of that popsicle stand in a few days. But when I first saw her, I noticed something was different, and I just couldn't put my finger on it. Sure, her long nails were perfectly manicured, just as always.and her bouncy hair was still as shiny as ever.but there was something about her smile that got to me. It didn't seem so forced anymore.
"Come on 'Ria!" she pleaded. "I need DETAILS! What did Michael do when he saw Kyle? Was he all like Heath Ledger about it? Did he say anything?" She was talking faster than a windup toy.
The truth is, I can't really describe what exactly happened with Michael when Kyle.interrupted us. All I could remember was how fast he ran out the window. Without a goodbye or an explanation.in one split second he was gone into the rain and out of my world. Leaving me with Kyle, whose eyes darted back and forth from me to the window, again and again.
"So?!?" Tess urged.
"So." I started off, prepared to let it all spill out, since she was the closest thing I had to a best friend. But then, something stopped me.
The image of Michael, pushing himself out the window kept replaying in my mind. He just.left. Like I what had just happened between was completely meaningless.like the overwhelming feelings I had when we kissed weren't shared. It was like a bad dream, reoccurring over and over again. And I kept telling myself, that I didn't care, because I was strong and independent.just like always.
I decided not to tell Tess anything, she'd never understand what had happened. She, with her long line of ex-boyfriends in Manhattan who still adored her every word, would never know how I felt.no one ran from her.
"Didn't Kyle answer any of your questions last night?" I asked, hoping he had.
Tess shook her happy little head. "No, when he came home last night he was so quiet.he wouldn't say anything."
I raised an eyebrow. "You were at our place, Tess?"
Her smile tightened, and she rubbed her forehead. "Oh, no. I was at Alex's.he was letting me use his special computer for my research paper. And then, we heard Kyle slam his door.he didn't seem too happy."
"He's not going to be any more pleased when he finds out I asked Michael to live with us."
The second the words flew out of my big mouth I regretted it. I'd totally forgot the fact that Michael was moving in with Kyle and me.and I secretly wished no one would find out. There was no way I'd be living with HIM after the last night.
Tess's eyes opened, stunned by the news. "WAIT! You met this guy how long ago? And he's moving in? OMYGOSH!"
"It's not like THAT." I explained, rubbing my eyes in sleepiness. "He got kicked out, and I thought I'd help out our new lead guitarist."
Hearing the hint I'd just given her, Tess jumped out of my bed like a rocket. "You mean he said yes?"
I nodded my head with a smile and wished I could be happier about it. I wished I could be dancing around like a five-year-old, the way Tess was at that moment.but instead I was lying in a hospital, faking a smile. How could I be happy about Michael then? Of course the fact that we had a lead guitarist was more than great, it's just that it was.Michael. And I had no idea how to feel about that.
"Seriously 'Ria! This is the GREATEST news EVER!" Tess bounced up and down, laughing. "This is even better than that time I found that cute little Betsy Johnston dress on for 30% off! Did I tell you about that?"
Only about a million times. Tess's pride and joy was shopping.it was like a sport. And believe me, you don't ever want to go to the mall with someone like that, especially if you're as competitive as I am.
I kept staring at her, who was now semi-calm, but still smiling like a Barbie Doll. "Gosh Maria! This is SOOO great.do you know what this means? Now we can actually start eating REAL meals, instead of the free pancakes and hashbrowns Alex brings home!" she beamed.
I'd actually forgot about Alex's pancakes. Being in the hospital for so long makes you forget the most routine things.
"Oh!" she stopped moving all at once with a shocked look on her face. "I forgot to tell you something! And believe me, when you hear it, you'll totally go NUTS!" she laughed.
"Did Tawny call?" I asked, hoping, more like praying she had. I still hadn't heard or seen her since the accident. I wondered where she was. Probably staring at the Eiffel Tower, hand in hand with that scumbag Johnny.
Tess shook her head as she sat down next to me. "No, sorry 'Ria.but it's still good news!"
I smiled, disappointed. "Okay then, what is it?"
"Well, Me and Alex sent Kyle over here to tell you last night, but.you know. So I guess I get to tell you." She smiled her genuine smile and took a deep breath. "Okay, here goes. When Alex was working in the kitchen at the pancake house, he put on our demo tape and started cleaning to it. Well, the owner of the store came in and started asking all these questions about what he was listening to, and the guys there were all "It's Alex's band, Tuesday's Rain." Well, it turns out that the owner also has a club on the other side of the city, and he said he wanted us to play there next week! Isn't this fantastic!?!"
My mouth opened and my lips moved to agree with her, but no words would come out. For once I was at a loss for words. A gig? This was even better than fantastic.this was like winning the lottery. Except that we'd actually have to work to get our money.
*****
Part 7 Winter in November
The day I got out of the hospital was one of the coldest days Manhattan ever knew. Every weather man had a puzzled expression on their joyful faces as they reported heavy flurries of snow. No one knew it was coming, since that year there wasn't even one Autumn day that wasn't full of golden sunshine. But the fluffy snow came down like parmesan onto an Italian's spaghetti, and the busy streets were whiter than ever before.
I stood, fully recovered, staring out my window with a smirk on my face. As I watched businessmen hurriedly walk pass the hospital, briefcases in hands with no gloves, I wondered if any of them had actually noticed it was snowing. It was beautiful outside, and they didn't even seem to care. It was actually sad, in a way, that someone could be so centred on their job that they couldn't even stop to tilt their heads back and let the snow melt on their tongues.
"Alex, don't forget that bag. You know how women are with their clothes," Kyle said as he handed me a coat.
"Yes Sir!" Alex saluted, and Tess tried to conceal a giggle beside me.
They had all come to help me out of the hospital. Of course, I probably could do it all by myself, but I didn't mind all not having to carry anything, while Kyle, Michael and Alex argued over the ultimate debate: Christina Aguilera or Britney Spears?
Michael gathered all my bunnies, flowers, cards and other gifts into a cardboard box. "All I'm saying is when you have a voice like Christina's there's just no questions. You know she's better, and plus...Latin chicks are hot."
The room stopped to stare at Kyle, who gave Michael a deadly look just before he nodded approvingly. It was the only thing they agreed over that week, which drove everyone crazy, including Alex who had the highest patience known to man. Ever since I told Kyle the guy who'd ran away (Kyle was the only other person who knew) would be living with us for awhile, he'd been giving Michael a hard time. Of course, I hadn't minded too much at first, since I was still upset over the fact that Michael had ran away the night he kissed me, but their bickering reminded me of old married people.
Michael and I still hadn't spoken a word to each other yet, but I knew I'd have to start sometime. As far as I knew, conflicts with band members could get very ugly. And it would be hard trying to avoid him once I went back home and he was there 24/7. But I wasn't ready to talk to him...and I didn't think I'd be ready for awhile.
"God, it's cold. Want some of my hot chocolate, Maria?"
Speak of the devil. No! I do not want any of your stupid hot chocolate, Mr. I'M AFRAID OF COMMITMENT! Who do you think you are with that tight t-shirt and those black jeans? God! I seriously feel like strangling you!
But instead, I just gave him a cold look and joined Tess, who was making her way out of the eggshell white doorframe, singing some old Christmas song.
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas..." I guess she forgot it wasn't even thanksgiving yet, let alone Jesus' birthday.
"Is everyone ready to go?" Kyle asked, frigidly putting warm mittens on his hands.
I shrugged and put my hands in my heavy coat pockets, surveying the empty hospital room. Finally I'd actually be able to go outside and live my life, instead of watching from a window. It was a like whole new meaning of freedom. I couldn't wait till I got home, to just wake up in a familiar place and be around people who weren't coughing up lungs. I sighed, playing with the brass door knob, and said good bye to my ugly white room, and also to life without having to see Michael everyday. Everyone else was piled into the hallway, boxes and bags in hands, and I took a moment to take one last glance before I turned my blonde head joined them.
As we made our way through frosted glass doors and into Kyle's small black JETTA, a birthday present from our parents, Tess went on and on about how great it was that I was back home, so we could practise, and, in the words of Pink, get this party started.
"When's our gig for the pancake guy, Alex?" I asked, crammed in the back seat with him and Tess. His black eyebrows arose as he tried to remember the date. One cute thing about Alex is his eyebrows, they always tell you what he's thinking.
Tess beamed beside me. "Oh you mean that movie-star gorgeous man that owns the club?"
"His name is Milton Gayle, and it's in three weeks." Michael muttered from the front seat.
Kyle took his hand off the steering wheel and turned to sneer at Michael. "She wasn't asking you."
Beside me, Alex shook his head and smiled. "Good luck living with Grumpy and Grumpier. Living across the hall is enough for me."
"Yeah," I nodded back at my friend. "I know what you mean."
*****
Part 8 Surprise, Surprise!
I've never liked surprises. I always felt like it was more like playing a trick on an unsuspecting victim, totally unaware that they'd been duped. And I, under no circumstances, like being the one unaware. Which is why, when I opened our apartment door, ready to sink into my fluffy bed and call everyone I knew to tell them I was home, I leaped about ten inches, knocking poor Tess to her size 3 feet.
"Surprise!" a room full of familiar faces jumped at me, like a jack in the box. They smiled, knowing that I was, indeed, surprised.
A huge over-decorative baby pink banner hung overhead of our tiny living room that read 'Welcome Home 'Ria!' I slowly nodded my head, knowing that this time, they'd gotten me, and stepped through the door and into the crowd of lively relatives and old friends. The first person to pop in front of me was my mother, Amy Valenti herself, to give me a huge hug and kiss while the rest of the party watched.
"Oh Sweetie!" She kissed my cheek, quite motherly. "Welcome home! We all missed you so much!" she exclaimed while Alex and the rest of the band came in from the hallway.
I stood there, a huge, dumbfounded expression on my face as I took off my heavy winter coat. "Hey Mom? Whose idea was this?" I asked, suspiciously eyeing Tess, who was turning on the stereo on the other side of the crowded room with Kyle. Whoever it was I was going to pay them back...big time.
"Well," she said, playing with her silver necklace, as she always did when she was nervous. "I think it was...Tawny?" I bit my lip in confusion. We were right beside Kyle's huge speaker, and I didn't think I'd heard her right. I couldn't have.
"Excuse me?" I asked, edging away from the speaker towards the dim lit kitchen.
The crowd patted us both on the back, calling us over to welcome me home as she followed. "Wait one second," she offered. "We're just going to get some...umm...Melba Toast! Maria loves her Melba Toast!"
Once we were both safely in the kitchen she closed the door, but we could still both feel the vibration of the booming music at our feet. "So, who did this again?" I smirked, KNOWING that it was Kyle and Tess. It had to be.
"Tawny."
"What!?!"
"This was all Tawny's idea!" she repeated, louder, as if I hadn't heard her.
How could this have been Tawny's idea? She was in Europe with that jerk...there was no way she could've done this. Wait...was she here? I whipped my head around, searching for her fiery red hair, forgetting for a split second that it was just the two of us, alone in the kitchen. My mother must have read my mind, because the next thing she said was, "She's not here."
I nodded, knowing how stupid I must've been. Why, of all places would my best friend be stuck in Manhattan when she could be in Venice, meeting all sorts of new and interesting people? People, not including me. "Well," I reached into the fridge to get myself something to drink, feeling a slight pang in my ribs. "How'd she do it then?"
"Well, the day after your accident, I got a call from her. She was still at the airport and had somehow heard what happened, so, she got the idea about the welcoming party, and called me about it. I thought it was great." She nodded her head affirming.
"Wait. Tawny knew me and Tess were in the hospital...and she didn't even visit us?" I asked, dropping my can of diet coke on the linoleum floor. Oh what a best friend I had.
"Sweetie, I don't really think she had all that much choice in the matter, she was really rushed, and-"
My mom was interrupted by the kitchen door opening, revealing Tess and Kyle, holding hands and looking at nothing else but each other, smiling happily as they skirted towards the counter. We both stared at them, mouths open, until we heard the door open, yet again. This time, it was Alex, who saw us right away, and then noticed Kyle and Tess, who were now reaching into kiss each other. His eyes flew open, and he forcefully cleared his throat, and then said, "Ugh...Guys?"
They both turned around, immediately dropping their entwined hands once they saw me. I looked at those hands, and then I suddenly remembered the morning after I'd kissed Michael. How cheerful Tess had been...I thought absolutely nothing of it then, since she was usually happy. How her smile seemed less fake then usual, and how that smile grew every time I'd mentioned my brother. It was like one of those mystery novels, and I was the detective, piecing everything together. I should have already known. Anyone else would have figured it out sooner or later, but not me. I needed a giant push in the right direction.
"Maria! Hi!" Tess's eyes shifted as she placed one blond curl behind her ear. And, of course, she had her Malibu Barbie smile on, her tight pink sweater completing the outfit. "How long have you been standing here?"
They both looked at me, Kyle's hand rubbing his forehead nervously, messing up his perfectly gelled hair. I wouldn't follow the cliché and say "Long enough," like in all those cheesy movies. All they needed was the shaking of my head and outraged expression on my face to know exactly how long I'd been there.
"Look, 'Ria," Alex slightly rubbed my bare arm, just enough so I knew he was about to explain. "Wait!" I turned to face him, now even more infuriated. "You knew about this, all along?"
He didn't answer. He didn't have to, it was all in his eyebrows. "You've all kept this from me? My best friend and my brother? How could you?"
Someone from outside called for my mother, and she took it as her cue to leave. I don't think I've ever seen anyone run so fast without looking back. But then again, she knew Hurricane Deluca quite well.
"Maria, we're sorry. We were going to tell you," Kyle started, placing his arm around Tess's tiny waist. Not a great idea. "But then the accident happened, and-"
"You know what, Kyle?" I stepped towards him, and stood on my tippy toes so we were face to face. "I don't really want to hear it from you right now, actually," I took a step back, so they could all see how infuriated I was, "I don't really wanna hear it from ANY of you! I want you all the hell out of here when I leave this room." I muttered angrily, and just as Kyle was about to say something I stopped him. "I don't care if this is your home too, you can just as well live with her, damn it!"
I started to leave, my face red with fury, and then stopped to look at Tess one last time. "Oh, and Honey, just to tell you, that new foundation clearly doesn't cover up that nasty scar on you forehead." She took a step back, like I'd slapped her. Imagine. How could I EVER insult her makeup?
I ran through that door faster than a raging bull, and pushed through the crowd, ignoring every word and pat and the back. I had a mission. To get to my bedroom before anyone could see the expression on my face, which, by now wasn't so much anger as it was sadness. Opening the heavy door, I sighed as I closed and locked it. Just as I was about to burst into tears, I saw someone, sitting on my bed with a confused expression on their face.
"You!" I exclaimed, annoyed, shaking my head. Oh what a day.
***** Part 9
There he was, sitting cross-legged on me bed, staring back at me. I couldn't really describe the emotion on his face. Unlike Alex, you could never tell what Michael was thinking...which really bothered me, not knowing what he felt when he saw me.
"What," I asked, tensely running my hands threw my blonde hair, "Are you doing here?"
Michael lowered his head and murmured quickly and almost incoherently. "Look, I'm just getting my stuff...this was where I slept this week when you were in the hospital...it's the only room with a lock."
I swallowed. Even being in the same room with him was making me nervous. All I wanted was to be alone to think things over. It was all just too much. Questions and feelings were dancing around my head, and I needed a little time to myself, because frankly, it hurt. I just hoped he didn't notice my wounded expression...I at least had my dignity.
"Look," I sighed, trying to sound casual, hopefully it worked. "Can you just leave? I just want to be alone right now."
He stood up, shaking his head. "Believe me, if I could, I would've been out of here way before you came in, but I can't."
"Why not?"
He pointed towards the door, at the brass knob, which had, now that I remembered, been broken since the day we moved in. Kyle and Alex accidentally pushed a couch into it, and after that, I could never open it from the inside. Of course, we meant to fix it...but we never really thought it mattered.
I let out a huge breath of frustration. Great, so now I was locked in a room with Michael, one of the last people I ever wanted to see again. Shaking my head, I sat down on the bed, as far away from him as possible. There was a long, drawn out silence, where all I did was stare hard into space, wishing today never happened, wishing he wasn't there so I could at least be by myself. But then, I felt his eyes upon me as he stood against the wall, beside my end table with the framed picture of me and Tawny, gazing into the camera with sticky, ice creamed covered faces.
I turned to face him, looking him strait in the eye, knowing he was about to say something.
"Why are you so upset?" He asked in a muffled voice.
I didn't answer. All I did was shake my head and then turn back to where I stared before, ignoring him and everything around me. And then, I heard him swallow.
"It's not like being stuck with me is the worst thing that's ever happened. There's no need to cry about it."
I looked back at him, confused. "I'm not crying."
"Yeah, you are."
I shook my head and realized Michael was coming towards me. He took a few steps towards me, sat on the bed, which sank in favour of his weight, and lightly touched my cheek.
"Then what's this?" It was then that I noticed that I really was crying. Sometimes I yearned to be someone like Michael, someone who didn't have to worry about losing their tears in front of others. This was one of those times.
"Sorry," I wiped my face off with my sleeve. "But this isn't about you."
"So why are you so upset?" He edged closer, ignoring the glares I was giving him to go away.
I slid across the bed, up against the wall. I didn't want him near me. There's no way I'd ever let him touch me again. And there was defiantly no way I'd tell him all aobut Tess and Kyle. "Since when do you care?" I jeered.
Michael glanced down at his hands. "Maybe I do care. Maybe I'm not such a monster after all. Maybe all I want is for you to be happy...but it's not like you could never see that." Biting my bottom lip, I shook my head in disagreement. He really knew how to push my buttons. "Not like I could ever see what, Michael?" I inched closer, feeling my cheeks grow hot. "The fact that you practically abandoned me in the hospital?"
We were face to face now, and it was as if yelling at him was making me even more angry. He sighed, visibly more calm than me, and ran his fingers through his thick dark spikes of hair. "Look Maria, I'm sorry about that night in the hospital...but-"
"But what?" I screamed into the cold night air, too irritated to care that my hands were freezing. Tonight was defiantly not my night at all. "You decided you were just too good for me all of a sudden?"
"No," He shook his head, still staring at his hands, which were stiffly resting on his knees, two inches away from mine. "That's not it at all...actually, it's the opposite..." I had no idea what he meant by that, but listened inventively to understand. "The night we kissed, I felt something Maria, something I've never experienced before. Like all of a sudden, a part of me that I never knew surfaced, and it scared me. You know?"
I sank back down, like all the heat I'd had in me before had escaped. I was, to say the least, speechless. This wasn't what I was expecting from him at all. So, he really felt it too?
"And then, when I saw Kyle come in, he had this disgusted look on his face, like you were being attacked by a bear...and I realized, that I could never be good enough for you. I'm not like all your friends, Maria. I didn't grow up in some swanky apartment, I didn't go to private school, and I knew I didn't fit in your cookie cut world. You don't belong with someone like me, and that's why I ran. I just knew that whatever I felt when we kissed that night, that spark that inside me that lit up, you didn't feel for me. You couldn't have."
I sat in silence, staring at his face. The air was so cold that I could see my own breath as I exhaled, as if I was outside. "Michael," I gulped, tears filling my eyes again. But this time I didn't even try to fight it. "You NEVER have to feel like your not good enough for anyone, Because it has nothing to do with who you know, where you went to school or if you fit in or not. It's all about what's in there," I reached out, placing my hand on his chest, right where his heart was. He looked at my lingering hand, and reached up to hold it, and suddenly I felt all warm inside.
"You mean you don't hate me?" he asked, eyes narrowed.
I shook my head, laughing with heavy tears streaming down my cheeks. "No, it's just that tonight hasn't been the best of nights."
"Yeah," he nodded, "I know what you mean."
I swallowed. I had this explosive urge to tell him everything that flooded into my head about Tess and Kyle, and I was fighting it...hard. I didn't want to think about them right then, because all that really mattered was Michael's warm hand, entwined in mine. After a strange moment of silence, my voice cracked into the cold air. "I felt it too."
He lifted his head, his eyes seemed to be searching for something and I wondered if he'd heard me. "That feeling...I had it too. You'll always fit in my world, Michael." I repeated, and I didn't have to worry if he'd heard me right again, because his full lips crashing onto mine was proof enough for me.