Chapter 5-Of Mushrooms and Matchmaking
'After you', said Merry charmingly. Pimpernel giggled and pranced off down the hall. Shortly after, they were all sitting down to large breakfast of tomatoes, bacon rolls and mushrooms. Pippin was amazed at how his sisters could somehow manage to whisk that many mushrooms out from under his nose and bolt them down at that speed, but still look the very embodiment of being ladylike .
Merry had decided that flirting with his cousin's Sister was a good game, and did so at every opportunity, with a perfectly straight face. Pippin could see straight through it and found it vaguely amusing. The other two were talking at him, but seeing as they seemed to be supplying the answers themselves, he wasn't really listening. In fact, Pippin was One Bored Hobbit.
Until, that is, Pearl flicked her hair out of her eyes and fixed a deceptively innocent stare on her brother and said: ' So, tell me, why haven't you found a nice Hobbitlassie and settled down yet?' The Killer question. He choked on a piece of tomato and proceeded to turn blue in the face until Merry leapt off his seat and thumped him on the back. This, though a pretty good tactic on distracting people from unanswered questions, didn't wash on the sisters.
Pervinca stared pointedly at him until he cleared his throat with a quick swig of tea and said haughtily ' Weel, ah never meit one ah liked enough' This was, in their book, the Wrong Answer. 'Don't be so stupid! There's hundreds of perfectly lovely girls living ... living practically opposite you!' 'You Fool of a Took! Do you know how many lasses have taken a shine to you since you came back from that Adventure? Our crowd thinks you're the toast of the Shire!'
Pip cringed under this. What was their problem anyway? He was perfectly happy as he was. Oddly enough, when he thought about it, he couldn't remember the sisters having hardly anything to do with Lads, and he couldn't think why, either.
'I could set you up with someone I know, o brother small..' said Pearl slyly. Oh whinge, no. 'Och aye? Who?' ' One Malva Proudfoot. I hear she's very.' But at this point it was Merry's turn to choke. He swallowed quickly and laughed. 'I think not!' 'And why ever not !?' cried Pearl (Malva was a close friend of hers). 'Because she's a, a complete, um.you know..'Merry continued lamely. 'I don't. But I can guess. And its not true' she continued coldly.
She wiped her mouth delicately on her napkin and rose from the table flouncily, even though she hadn't finished. Her sisters followed her example and looked down their noses at the two hobbitlads still seated. 'We didn't come here to be laughed at.'
Merry couldn't, just couldn't stop himself: 'Really? Where d'you usually go? Pippin hooted with laughter and thumped the table., the china rattling. The looks on their faces!
' Meriadoc! We came here to see how you were! As concerned cousins and sisters! But we're just being insulted and laughed at!' ' Och, learn tae tak a joke, ye puddens!' said Pippin, standing up. 'Ye came here tae poke me aboot how ye think ahm no doin ainithin richt. Ye always do. Ye do it delbratly, jist cause yer mah big sistrs. Noo, leave me alon!'
He firmly escorted them to the door, while they protested they were 'just concerned' and fetched their shawls from the coat stand while Merry shooed them in the general direction of the door. Getting people like Pervinca to leave is a major operation sometimes.
They all tossed the shawls about their shoulders and snippily trotted out the door in a neat line. ' Humph. Goodbye, brother.' ' Humph. Farewell, brother' ' Humph. G'bye brother, and also to you, Lover-boy. Mwah!' Merry cringed as Pimpernel blew kisses at him as her sisters dragged her away.
'Gibye, loover boy!' echoed Pippin in a passable imitation. He cracked up laughing. 'Oh, you're just madly jealous. It's not like you'll ever have anybody blowing kisses at you, will you?' Pip stopped to consider this. Possibly. Ach, why bother worrying? He was only thirty- four after all, and had about eighty years of his life still ahead of him in which to find any sort of lassie he wanted. What was the hurry in the first place, eh?
They turned around and went back inside the hobbit-hole, Pippin still thoughtful.
'After you', said Merry charmingly. Pimpernel giggled and pranced off down the hall. Shortly after, they were all sitting down to large breakfast of tomatoes, bacon rolls and mushrooms. Pippin was amazed at how his sisters could somehow manage to whisk that many mushrooms out from under his nose and bolt them down at that speed, but still look the very embodiment of being ladylike .
Merry had decided that flirting with his cousin's Sister was a good game, and did so at every opportunity, with a perfectly straight face. Pippin could see straight through it and found it vaguely amusing. The other two were talking at him, but seeing as they seemed to be supplying the answers themselves, he wasn't really listening. In fact, Pippin was One Bored Hobbit.
Until, that is, Pearl flicked her hair out of her eyes and fixed a deceptively innocent stare on her brother and said: ' So, tell me, why haven't you found a nice Hobbitlassie and settled down yet?' The Killer question. He choked on a piece of tomato and proceeded to turn blue in the face until Merry leapt off his seat and thumped him on the back. This, though a pretty good tactic on distracting people from unanswered questions, didn't wash on the sisters.
Pervinca stared pointedly at him until he cleared his throat with a quick swig of tea and said haughtily ' Weel, ah never meit one ah liked enough' This was, in their book, the Wrong Answer. 'Don't be so stupid! There's hundreds of perfectly lovely girls living ... living practically opposite you!' 'You Fool of a Took! Do you know how many lasses have taken a shine to you since you came back from that Adventure? Our crowd thinks you're the toast of the Shire!'
Pip cringed under this. What was their problem anyway? He was perfectly happy as he was. Oddly enough, when he thought about it, he couldn't remember the sisters having hardly anything to do with Lads, and he couldn't think why, either.
'I could set you up with someone I know, o brother small..' said Pearl slyly. Oh whinge, no. 'Och aye? Who?' ' One Malva Proudfoot. I hear she's very.' But at this point it was Merry's turn to choke. He swallowed quickly and laughed. 'I think not!' 'And why ever not !?' cried Pearl (Malva was a close friend of hers). 'Because she's a, a complete, um.you know..'Merry continued lamely. 'I don't. But I can guess. And its not true' she continued coldly.
She wiped her mouth delicately on her napkin and rose from the table flouncily, even though she hadn't finished. Her sisters followed her example and looked down their noses at the two hobbitlads still seated. 'We didn't come here to be laughed at.'
Merry couldn't, just couldn't stop himself: 'Really? Where d'you usually go? Pippin hooted with laughter and thumped the table., the china rattling. The looks on their faces!
' Meriadoc! We came here to see how you were! As concerned cousins and sisters! But we're just being insulted and laughed at!' ' Och, learn tae tak a joke, ye puddens!' said Pippin, standing up. 'Ye came here tae poke me aboot how ye think ahm no doin ainithin richt. Ye always do. Ye do it delbratly, jist cause yer mah big sistrs. Noo, leave me alon!'
He firmly escorted them to the door, while they protested they were 'just concerned' and fetched their shawls from the coat stand while Merry shooed them in the general direction of the door. Getting people like Pervinca to leave is a major operation sometimes.
They all tossed the shawls about their shoulders and snippily trotted out the door in a neat line. ' Humph. Goodbye, brother.' ' Humph. Farewell, brother' ' Humph. G'bye brother, and also to you, Lover-boy. Mwah!' Merry cringed as Pimpernel blew kisses at him as her sisters dragged her away.
'Gibye, loover boy!' echoed Pippin in a passable imitation. He cracked up laughing. 'Oh, you're just madly jealous. It's not like you'll ever have anybody blowing kisses at you, will you?' Pip stopped to consider this. Possibly. Ach, why bother worrying? He was only thirty- four after all, and had about eighty years of his life still ahead of him in which to find any sort of lassie he wanted. What was the hurry in the first place, eh?
They turned around and went back inside the hobbit-hole, Pippin still thoughtful.