Chapter 14-Of Bold Voices and Bad Singing
'Hold your horshes! I mean, horsesh!' cried Diamond. She'd save Pippin from a fate worse than.. no breakfast, she would! Boldly, she stepped up on the bench, missing standing in Pippins groin by an inch. She considered she still wasn't much taller than the rest of the crowd, and stepped onto the table, knocking over a half-full mug in the direction which would suggest Merry'd had a rather embarrassing accident.
'Right! Who here knowesh, er, knows 'Flow'rs of the foresht'?' She slurred. She felt very happy and secure. Nothing to be afraid of, see, Pippin? Just a few silly hobbits who take things too far. Well, she could wow them with her voice just as well, couldn't she?
Malva had a nasty sense of foreboding about this. Her friend wasn't taken to singing anything whatsoever. and how much had she drunk anyway? Two pints for one pint-sized Hobbitlassie.. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear.
A few of the musicians claimed to know 'Flow'rs of the forest', and got ready to play. The crowd settled down to listen to her. She was so pretty, surely she had a voice to match. 'Sho count me in, Pip..Pip. Pippininin!' she cried, taking a last pull of drink.
'Um, a wan, twae, three, fower?' he suggested, intriuged.
'Floooooow'rs of theee Foreshhht! Are Briiiiight with theee Shperriiiing!' hollered Diamond, flinging her arms wide open and screeching at the top of her voice. The Dragon had gone deathly quiet, except for this.noise. Merry thought the force of the voice had somehow splattered his eardrums across the wall. He was right in front of it and it HURT! How could one little lady have so much voice in her?
'Waaakkke with thee dawn! Hear a Loooone skylarke SIIINNG!!!!' Diamond barged on through the verses, mutilating the music and issuing forth terrible, sour notes at amazing volume.
The rest of the hobbits either fled for their lives, or sat in stony silence, gritting their teeth, eyes wide open. Diamond had her eyes shut in concentration, and carried on shrieking, regardless of anyone else. A couple of little Hobbitmaids started wailing and had to be carried out by their mother.
'Iiiiiiillll add my Musiiiiiic, foor whaaaat it is wooortth (hiccup)!' she warbled. She waved her arms around for extra effect, her dress front slipping dangerously low. 'Brilliant,' thought Malva, 'She's already disturbed the peace and damaged everybody's eardrums, why not get arrested for indecent exposure as well?'
Merry had surreptitiously filched a wine cork off a nearby table, and was using it to hammer small pieces of cheese down his ears.
'And SIIIIIIIINNGGG just fooor youuuuuu, my Looooove-' 'Not high c, please not high c, no.doh!' muttered the Landlord. 'Theeeeeeeeeeee soong of theeeee Earthh!' she concluded. And, as she finished the last 'the' on top c, ten of the nearby wine glasses went 'ping!' and expired.
As everybody realised it was over, they filed back to their places, from where they'd been hiding, hands still over ears, just in case. Diamond was still standing there, arms outstretched, ample chest heaving for breath, eyes closed. She opened a tentative eye. 'Well' she gasped. 'Well. That wash very exshilarating. What did you think (hiccup)?'
'Hold your horshes! I mean, horsesh!' cried Diamond. She'd save Pippin from a fate worse than.. no breakfast, she would! Boldly, she stepped up on the bench, missing standing in Pippins groin by an inch. She considered she still wasn't much taller than the rest of the crowd, and stepped onto the table, knocking over a half-full mug in the direction which would suggest Merry'd had a rather embarrassing accident.
'Right! Who here knowesh, er, knows 'Flow'rs of the foresht'?' She slurred. She felt very happy and secure. Nothing to be afraid of, see, Pippin? Just a few silly hobbits who take things too far. Well, she could wow them with her voice just as well, couldn't she?
Malva had a nasty sense of foreboding about this. Her friend wasn't taken to singing anything whatsoever. and how much had she drunk anyway? Two pints for one pint-sized Hobbitlassie.. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear.
A few of the musicians claimed to know 'Flow'rs of the forest', and got ready to play. The crowd settled down to listen to her. She was so pretty, surely she had a voice to match. 'Sho count me in, Pip..Pip. Pippininin!' she cried, taking a last pull of drink.
'Um, a wan, twae, three, fower?' he suggested, intriuged.
'Floooooow'rs of theee Foreshhht! Are Briiiiight with theee Shperriiiing!' hollered Diamond, flinging her arms wide open and screeching at the top of her voice. The Dragon had gone deathly quiet, except for this.noise. Merry thought the force of the voice had somehow splattered his eardrums across the wall. He was right in front of it and it HURT! How could one little lady have so much voice in her?
'Waaakkke with thee dawn! Hear a Loooone skylarke SIIINNG!!!!' Diamond barged on through the verses, mutilating the music and issuing forth terrible, sour notes at amazing volume.
The rest of the hobbits either fled for their lives, or sat in stony silence, gritting their teeth, eyes wide open. Diamond had her eyes shut in concentration, and carried on shrieking, regardless of anyone else. A couple of little Hobbitmaids started wailing and had to be carried out by their mother.
'Iiiiiiillll add my Musiiiiiic, foor whaaaat it is wooortth (hiccup)!' she warbled. She waved her arms around for extra effect, her dress front slipping dangerously low. 'Brilliant,' thought Malva, 'She's already disturbed the peace and damaged everybody's eardrums, why not get arrested for indecent exposure as well?'
Merry had surreptitiously filched a wine cork off a nearby table, and was using it to hammer small pieces of cheese down his ears.
'And SIIIIIIIINNGGG just fooor youuuuuu, my Looooove-' 'Not high c, please not high c, no.doh!' muttered the Landlord. 'Theeeeeeeeeeee soong of theeeee Earthh!' she concluded. And, as she finished the last 'the' on top c, ten of the nearby wine glasses went 'ping!' and expired.
As everybody realised it was over, they filed back to their places, from where they'd been hiding, hands still over ears, just in case. Diamond was still standing there, arms outstretched, ample chest heaving for breath, eyes closed. She opened a tentative eye. 'Well' she gasped. 'Well. That wash very exshilarating. What did you think (hiccup)?'