Damnation by Luke's Dragon

Disclaimer

Blackwargreymon says we don't need to do a disclaimer this time, the past four chapters have had one and that should have been enough. He says any lawyers who might happen to be planning anything have to g through him first so there!

A/N since Blackwargreymon is a fictional character, unlike lawyers I'd better just say I don't own Digimon since he isn't really any protection.

A/N

* Blinks in surprise at the sheer amounts of reviews this fic has gotten *

Wow, what can I say but thanks to everyone who has taken the time and trouble to read and review this fic. To be honest I was planning to end on chapter IV since it seemed logical and in keeping (sort of) with the series, but since people have wanted more, and a happy ending then I've decided to continue. Dunno if I'll end it with this chapter, probably not but who knows what fate may have in store for BWG.

Chapter V – Redemption

I am ready to meet my maker, whether my maker is ready for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter - Winston Churchill

There's nothing worse than tryin' to bring yourself right back from the dead, so I advise you listen to that voice in the back of your head - Linkin Park Ppr:Kut (Reanimation)

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Brightness, all I can see in front of my eyes is white, the walls, the floor, the ceiling, the horizon all a brilliant, blinding shade of the purest white. Maybe that's not strictly accurate, there are no sides or floor here, it's like I'm floating but on something solid. It's a freakish sensation and not helped by the fact that all my senses seem to have gone into overdrive. I think I'm dead, I must be dead, reason being nothing should be able to stand the punishment I just took and still be alive. I certainly don't feel any pain which has to be a major improvement on my condition just a few moments ago . . . Moments, or was it hours, years or lifetimes ago? I don't seem to remember, all I remember is pain, then the light and then being here, wherever here might be.

Somehow I turn myself half circle and behind me the world is black, like the whiteness in front of me but the opposite, total soul destroying nothingness. If I thought the vortex thing that brought me here was black, it was nothing, a pitiful amateur in blackness compared to the total darkness I see now. It hurts every fiber of my being to stare at the blackness, although to be fair the light is equally disturbing in it's own way, so I turn ninety degrees so half my vision is black, the other half white. I don't know why it just seems right to me. Maybe it's a metaphor, apparently most things are if you look hard enough. I don't need to look that hard to know wherever I am, I'm probably in trouble.

I hope I'm not dead, as far as I'm aware you either go to some place where everything is happiness, and you have eternal bliss and peace. I could certainly go for some of that right now but I think one of the conditions of entry is you have to have lived a good life. I know I haven't done that. Fine I threw my life away to protect things but I don't know if that makes up for all the lives I've ended and the blood I have spilled. I guess many of my victims led 'good' lives and will have found their 'better place' Hah! Imagine their faces if I suddenly walked in to paradise. But I don't think it will happen, somehow I think that whatever heavens might be out there are denied to the likes of me. I've often wondered about that, if I were to die, where would I end up. I never thought it would be here, I would have expected flames and screams, or maybe a skeleton in a black robe, but I was sure it wouldn't be 'heaven' I went to. Huh, I hate being right all the time, anyway I don't think Digimon go to heaven, good or bad I hear we just get reconfigured.

Reconfigured…? I'll be damned if I let that happen to me although I guess I'm already damned so it probably makes little difference really. I don't believe it though, the idea that no matter how much damage you take, whatever happens all Digimon will come back again seems like a myth, a child's fairy tale for those who cannot face the truth. No I do not believe and will not believe that, death is the end and perhaps that is how it should be.

I'm not sure if I am dead, wherever I might be right now is certainly not my home or the world of humans but this cannot be what I have to go through for all eternity, sitting here in this nowhere space contemplating my fate. There must be something else; I still have so much more I want to do.

But maybe this is my fate, my destiny, maybe I was born or created or whatever to stop Oikawa and then die a heroic death sealing the black vortex…

I don't want it to end like this, I want to go home, and to have more adventures and do all the things that I used to take for granted. But now it seems as though both the black and white sides are closing in on me, crushing my heart and my will. Every evil deeds I have ever done comes flashing across my memories, a broadside attack of pain and an overwhelming sensation of regret hit me, bringing me to my knees. Regret I know I have done wrong but this isn't fair, I don't want it to end like this.

And then the white light hits me, all the things I have ever done that have been good, the things I have protected for no reason other than I couldn't find it in my soul not to. And then my end, the look in the eyes of a child as I threw my life away to protect a world that I was never supposed to love. White light fills my vision, it is a strange feeling, pain, terror, ecstasy and a sense of peace I have never felt before. Damn it all I think I'm really dying…but I don't want to die, I am afraid, please don't let this be the end. And the voices…they will not let me go quietly.

"Even now at the end you are still not sorry"

"Sorry for what?"

"For your cursed existence, all the pain you have brought"

"I have no regrets"

"All the lives you have ended"

"I have no regrets"

"You will suffer for your crimes"

"I have no regrets" Well maybe just one, that I'll never be able to see that smile again. What the hell am I on about, guess I'm just delusional and yet…And then my soul.

"One…last…chance"

And then the pain that lets me know I am still alive shoots through me. There is no justice in the world If I feel pain like this even after my life is over it is worse than any wound I have ever experienced, a pain that blasts right through my body and strait into my soul. It feels as if every limb has been set on fire, dipped in acid and then torn to pieces all at once, lousy metaphor I know but I cannot think straight, it is all I can do to stop myself breaking down from the agony. Memories come flooding back to me in snippets, a flower, a boy, and a figure who looks much like me.

The darkness and light merge together, creating what must pass for this place's equivalent of a rainbow, and is without a shadow of a doubt the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Beautiful and terrifying all at once, but it makes me think of hope, a hope for tomorrow, as my soul put it, one last chance.

And then I open my eyes, and I am still alive.