"Alright, everyone gather round for the game plan!" Chickie yelled to the chaotic room. One by one, each gathered in a circle around the three girls (LOTR-style), with the exception of The Green Goblin and Saruman, who were tied back-to-back and no doubt coming up with some evil plan to hijack everything.

Once the Moulin Rouge movie was put to rest, and everyone settled, Legolas the Elf at once jumped to his feet. "Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said? The Ring must be destroyed!"

"Um, Legolas, please sit and wait your turn," Tara urged. "We are not here to discuss The Ring."

Frodo in his anxiety for this subject, let a smelly one rip. He was excused by all.

"Now onto business," continued Chickie. "We--"

But before she could start, Spider Man came bounding through the door with a lump of web over his shoulder. He put the lump down, so that everyone could see there was a person in it.

"Aha!" the superhero cried triumphantly. "I found Phoebe!"

"Uhh," Tara muttered. "Phoebe.. is.. right HERE." She patted The Pheebster on the head.

"Oh." Spidey seemed troubled. "Then.. who is this?" He kicked the lump, which groaned harshly in return. "He's a feisty one, I tell you." Spidey lifted his hands to reveal his band-aid covered fingers.

"Hmm.. let's find out." Qui-Gon generously light-sabered the rolls of web, so that no one had to go through the trouble of unraveling it all. What came out was a bit of a shock, and then.. not really, given circumstance.

A well-clothed, curly-haired man with a glaring dark demeanor scrambled to his feet. "I demand to know the meaning of this!" he spat, sweating from his mounds upon mounds of heavy Roman cloths.

"COMMODUS!" the three girls screamed excitedly. Indeed, Joaq-- uh.. Commodus from Gladiator stood staring at them in awe.

"Why do you address me as such? I am your Emperor! Bow to me!"

"Now, now, take it easy!" came Qui-Gon's kindly convincing voice. "Who we are in this world is very different from whatever you're used to, Emperor ..uh.. Commodus. These girls are the only ones with answers, so you will watch what you say to them. They have the power." The girls all puffed up to twice their size. "Now Obi-Wan, help me direct this man to...Obi-Wan?" It was no use.

Christian from Moulin Rouge and Obi-Wan Kenobi were embracing eachother. Not moving, or talking, just sitting there in eachother's arms, with the occasional sigh of contentment, otherwise oblivious to everything else.

"Oh geez," Qui-Gon muttered. (Sneakily, Tara took a polaroid of the Ewan's in action.)

"Where is my sword?" demanded Commodus, glaring at his empty sheath.

"Oh yeah," said Spidey, "I had to take that away from him. He was trying to gouge out my eyes, calling for someone named 'Quintus' and accusing me of sleeping with his sister."

The girls exchanged really funky looks.

"Have a Twizzler," offered Qui-Gon, showing the disgruntled emperor a bundle of Pull n' Peels. But Commodus snatched it all from him, sulking into a corner to sit Indian-style, and play Tic-Tac-Toe with the candy and himself.

Phoebe, who suddenly felt the call of nature, excused herself. But as she tried to walk through the door, she ran smack into an invisible force, and fell on her bum with a resounding "oomph!"

"OW!" screeched the invisible force. Suddenly Frodo appeared in the door, pulling The Ring off of his finger, and rubbing his forehead.

"Aw, FRODO!" Phoebe scolded. "Rule Number One: No one uses the One Ring, EVER! For any purpose!"

Everyone took notes. Samwise scrambled over to Frodo and Phoebe, hoisting the hobbit onto his back, and lifting the girl in his arms. Phoebe swooned accordingly.

"Wait!" she yelled suddenly. "Must make pee pee." With that, she climbed away, and disappeared into the hall.

"AS I WAS SAYING," boomed Chickie. Everyone came to order. "Right. The plan is simple: select few of you will set forth and find a man by the name of Ewan McGregor. It will not be hard to recognize this fine young man, because he looks exactly like Christian and Obi-Wan Kenobi, only.. he's from our world."

Everyone stared at Obi-Wan and Christian, who hadn't moved from their previous embrace.

"One thing about Mr. McGregor, though. He may be wearing a skirt, or nothing at all. If this is the case-- well, we all know what *IT* looks like. There should be no problems." Everyone nodded, eyes twinkling at the memory.

"Wait!" spouted Harry Potter. "Christian! From Moulin Rouge!" For the first time, the new fans of the musical noticed that the Christian with Obi-Wan was the same Christian from the DVD. At once the fans of MR joined together with pieces of paper and pens for autographs. Poor Christian may have been mobbed, had Obi-Wan not stepped forth, his arms flailing around protectively since he lost his light-saber. He made the same "humming" noises his weapon would, for effect.

"Back off!" he growled sexily, a stunned Christian clinging behind his Jedi robes like a neurotic piece of lint.

Everyone resumed their previous positions, vowing to get an autograph later.

Chickie huffed. "One more interruption and I will be forced to--"

At that moment, Dr. Frank-n-furter walked out, the missing light-saber tucked into his bra. He still had Maximus on a chain behind him, walking on all fours, but this time the Roman General had Phoebe perched on his back.

"Hee haw!" she hollered, cracking a whip. Maximus peeled out with his hind legs, kicking up dust.

Commodus, a drool-covered Twizzler dangling from the corner of his mouth, pitched a royal hissy at the very sight of the General.

"GAURDS!" he yelled furiously, standing up to attack Maximus, but instead tripped over his own long, fancy robes. Maximus snorted, licking Frank's hand for comfort.

"Dear Maxi," cooed Dr. Frank, "I think it is time or your BATH.."

Tara, yanking Phoebe off in a hurry, scolded them all for interrupting The Plan and demanded they take seats. Maxmius settled down on his stomach, while Frank sat on Maxi's back, graciously scratching his ears. Commodus was picked up by Qui-Gon, who held him in his lap like a toddler trying to squirm after a kitten.

"At any rate," sighed Chickie, "The Plan is simple. Strider will use his skills as a ranger to snuff out the whereabouts of Mr. McGregor. Spider Man webs him once he is discovered. Harry Potter will join them all incase a decoy is needed, so he can fly around on his broomstick turning people into giant turds and whatnot. And that is the Fellowship of the Ewan-Napping, thus far."

There was a slow murmur throughout the crowd.

"Does anybody disagree?" Tara snapped, giving them all an Evil Sauron Eye. Everyone hushed.

"Also," continued Chickie, "there are many guests here tonight, so we'll be needing extra supplies. We are sending Samwise Gamgee, Frodo Baggins, and Phoebe to the store."

Samwise wrapped one arm around Frodo, and the other around Phoebe, cheery as can be. Frodo groaned miserably. Phoebe squealed.

"Also," said Tara rather uneasily, "I.. suppose that now is a good time to inform you all, that with the spare beds we do have enough for everyone to NOT have to sleep on the floor." There was great cheering from the crowd.

"WAIT."

Silence.

"There's a hitch. There's enough for everyone to sleep comfortably, sure, but you have to find a partner. Two to each bed, now choose partners wisely."

Everyone stared around in awe.

Christian and Obi-Wan held hands. "We will couple," said the Jedi flatly.

"Ohh, BIG SURPRISE!" hissed Qui-Gon, in a fit of jealousy. Trying to make his apprentice envious, he cradled Commodus like a baby and declared, "Master Commodus and I shall pair." Everyone gasped, but Obi-Wan wasn't phased. Commodus' eyes twinkled at the prospect of a new father to strangle, and he cuddled with Qui-Gon. Qui Gon petted him soothingly.

Tara, Phoebe, and Chickie (who were watching with great interest) suddenly snapped back into reality.

"Who's sleeping with me!" squealed Phoebe. "I want CHRISTIAN!"

"I want Obi-Wan!" barked Tara.

"Hmm," began Phoebe, "Christian, Obi, is there any way that you guys might-- "

"NO!" the two men yelled together.

Phoebe and Tara, chagrined, stomped feet and pouted.

Strider walked up to Tara on his knees, took her hand and said, "I would be honored to share a bed with you."

Tara back-handed him nice and hard, then walked off. "No," she plotted aloud, "I'm going to wait around for the REAL Ewan.."

Phoebe's eyes lit. "AS WILL I!"

Chickie's face turned pink. "AND ME!"

Spider Man scoffed at this, taking off his mask and blowing her a kiss. Chickie digressed. "I mean.. Spidey and I...yeah, me and him: bed. Pronto."

"Master Frodo and I will partner!" blurted Samwise, as if anyone thought differently.

"Mmfh, and Mmfh!" mumbled Saruman and the Green Goblin, as if anyone cared. "Ye fair Cactus Plant, Master Potter, and I will share a bed," said Legolas happily.

"You and Harry?" Phoebe eyed him suspiciously.

Harry blushed. "Why.. yes.. it really is not problem, we're all small, we'll fit."

"Well, um, okay. That leaves..."

"Maxi and I, dear," said Frank dryly, combing Maximus's hair with his fingers. Maxmius purred audibly. "And that fine young gentleman with sporadic facial growth can join us," he added, motioning toward Strider.

Strider, bearing Tara's handprint on his face, agreed. "But how will we fit?" he pondered.

"Ohh, little boy," said Frank with one of -those- looks in his eyes, "we can figure THAT out." He patted the light-saber in his bra.

"Hey!" shouted Obi-Wan, "that's mine! Be careful, it can be VERY harmful if used inappropriately.."

"If used inappropriately?" echoed Frank, rubbing it fondly. "A little late for that, honey."

Obi-Wan stammered. "Um, well.. it's okay. You keep it." He shuddered. Christian hugged him with great fondness.

Qui-Gon huffed and bristled, scooping Commodus up in his arms as he stood. "WELL THEN," he said so loud and obviously, "Commy and I are going to prepare for BED." He cast an evil glare at Obi-Wan, who glared back, towing Christian in his own arms.

Phoebe, Chickie, and Tara stared.

And stared.

...and stared.

"Well, let us set forth on this new journey," said Strider at last. "We will bring back Master McGregor for the Ladies, then we shall sort things out at the break of dawn. "

"Why at the break of dawn?" Phoebe asked.

"Because.. there is a darkness over the land," was the ranger's reply.

Phoebe blinked.

"Let us go." He, Spider Man, and Harry Potter walked out.

"And us too," said Phoebe and Samwise together. They collected the mile- long list of supplies and groceries each character wrote for himself, held hands with Frodo, and departed for the Super Wal-Mart.

Chickie and Tara stared blandly at one another, wondering how in the name of Harold Zidler this was going to work itself out.