Insanity commenced.
Ewan McGregor at once began to bounce himself all over the Fun Jump like a misplaced ping pong ball; Phoebe and Tara with him, copping all the feels they could manage... off of EWAN, silly. Samwise and Frodo were also in the Jump; Frodo curling up in a ball and so that Samwise could catapult him from one wall to another, both laughing hysterically. Occasionally the girls would fly by the hobbits, Phoebe always giving Samwise a playful smack on the rear, and Tara pulling Frodo's perpetually scraggly hair. When the hobbits tried to get them back for the unwelcome trespasses, the girls would just bounce right over their heads.
Commodus was running around rabidly with a swim noodle, trying to sword fight anyone who was unarmed. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were in the small blow-up pool, their hairy wet legs dangling over the sides, their large swim trunks poofing in and out to allow for some mighty fine peeks. Phoebe would occasionally peek at Obi-Wan to try and see the evasive birthmark, but always he would catch her looking and she'd have to play it off like there was something in her eyes. After a while, of course, there's only so many bees that will fly into one's face. The Jedi were also munching leisurely on slices of pizza, dropping strips of cheese and chunks of sausage in the water, some of which was stuck in Qui-Gon's hair (not that Obi was going to tell him anything). Gandalf and Satine were testing a bowl of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans--Satine giggling profusely at Gandalf's unforunate luck, as he had already found a rotten tomato flavor which he mistook as cherry, the bark from a tree that looked like root beer, and what appeared to be a lemon marangue was actually a dirty toenail. Satine was almost bowled over with tears of laughter until she bit into a rotten-roadkill-skunk bean she thought would be Oreos. Then things weren't so funny anymore, and not even Gandalf would dare give her a kiss once that flavor sunk in. Spider-man and Chickie had already disappeared into one of the many big green tents around the camp, doing..... well.... laundry, of course. Christian was walking and talking alongside Legolas, who was getting teary-eyed as they approached a large oak. At once Legolas jumped forward and began fondling the knots of the tree, whispering secretly, and Christian decided to take his leave, giving the Elf and his new companion a wild look before retreating to the Fun Jump.
Zidler and Toulouse were mysteriously absent. Harry Potter sat quietly by himself at the base of a tree almost as skinny as he was. Tara's eye caught the sad little wizard, and with a final struggle to get out of the Fun Jump (she had to bounce off of Ewan's back, jump from Frodo's shoulders, then tuck underneath a pair of legs she recognized to be Christian's, who was at once pouncing Phoebe), she approached Harry.
"What's up, Pottie?"
He huffed under his arms, which were folded on his knees, and muttered, "I hate it when you call me that."
"Alright, alright, Harry," Tara said grudgingly, "Why so glum?"
Then Harry lifted his head, and Tara could see a little yellowish dribble from his nose, and the puffiness of his face which made it pretty obvious that he'd been crying a river. There was also some wetness near the crotch of his pants, but Tara decided it was from all the tears falling down, and not because he missed the Port-a-Potty that was a foot away. She pretended not to see the snot on his face, looking around the forest instead of directly at him.
"Well," replied Harry sullenly, "it's just that I have no real friends here."
"What about Leggie?"
"Ever since we got to the forest, he hasn't said a word to me," said Harry, fresh tears forming behind his glasses, "Apparently trees and leaves make better company."
Tara sighed, patting him on the head. "Now, now Harry. Legolas is a wood elf, after all. Have -you- tried talking to a twig yet?"
Harry glared.
"Heheheh, naw I'm just messin' around, geez. Well come on and join us in the Fun Jump."
"No, I can't.."
"Aw, come on.. I just heard Frodo saying that he missed you!"
"Really?" Harry's eyes twinkled.
Tara glanced warily back at the Fun Jump, where Ewan was sitting on Frodo's face while Samwise tried to pry the delirious Scotsman off of his master.
"Um, sure," said Tara quickly, ignoring that particular scene. "Just get up and let's join the fun!"
Harry smiled weakly, scrambling to his feet. Tara cleared her throat matter-of-factly and handed him a napkin, motioning that he wipe his nose. Harry said "oh, thanks!" before smearing the strand of snot across his face, not realizing, as he disposed of the napkin. Tara glared down at him, seeing no point in arguing, and knowing she would never tell a wizard he had boogers on his face, she lead him to the party, reflecting on the time she told Gandalf he had drool on his beard and he angrily lit a firecracker under her arse.
Eventually it came to be that ALL were in the Fun Jump, everyone getting beat up and bruised by everyone else and loving the heck out of it. Everyone except for the still mysteriously absent Zidler and Toulouse.
But finally the time for winding down came to pass.
Christian walked to his tent with Phoebe on his shoulders, drunkenly singing "Lass of Aughrim" together; Gandalf and Satine wobbled unsteadily to their tent; Samwise carried a grim-looking Frodo with Ewan sniggering behind them to a tent; Harry stayed behind to sulk some more; Qui-Gon slapped Commodus across the face for trying to dismember him as they walked to their own tent; Legolas curled himself around the oak; and Tara raced Obi-Wan to their reserved tent, but tripped over a branch and disappeared behind Obi's hysterical giggles. ("Haha! You fell, you silly ho!")
"Damn dirty Jedi," grumbled Tara as she rose to her feet, pulling grass out of her teeth. But then something caught her attention--a pair of claws ramming into her head. She looked up frantically to find an owl hooting and hissing, a letter clamped neatly in its beak. Tara looked around suspiciously, wondering if this was some kind of joke, but the owl at once charged her, its little face determined and impatient. She ducked out of its way, avoiding the loss of her nose to those sharp claws, and hastily snatched the letter.
She stared cautiously at the envelope, which had scrawled on it: "Tara or Phoebe, Pseudo-Forbidden Forest, Middle of Nowhere, USA."
Before opening it, Tara ran to Phoebe and Christian's tent, the owl on her tail hooting and squawking viciously.
"ALRIGHT!" she yelled, as it pecked a map of Hogwarts into her forehead. She ran over to a half-empty bag of Fritos chips, and fed some to the owl who gave her one of those 'it's about time' looks. Then she continued toward her goal.
"Phoebe!! Look!" Tara exclaimed as she tore into the tent. But Phoebe was quite preoccupied; she and Christian galloping all over their sleeping bags (pillows fashioned as buildings) singing 'Elephant Love Medley' to one another.
"We can be herooooooesss," they were singing, "forever and ev---"
"EXCUSE ME!" Tara flung a flashlight between their near-kissing faces.
They stopped quickly to look at her, Christian glaring at this interruption in an "EVIL maharajah"-type way.
"DON'T look at me that way, little boy!" Tara seethed, and his face immediately dropped, and he smiled brightly.
"Coooome what may," he sang softly. Tara just gave him A Look, muttered "suck up," and got all soft. (Christian is, of course, the only person who knows how to get anything he wants from the girls.)
"Errrr, what's that?" asked Phoebe, staring at the crinkled letter in Tara's fist.
"I dunno!" Tara replied, unclenching it excitedly and showing the cover to Pheebs. "It just arrived, via an annoyed and vicious OWL!"
"An owl!?"
"An owl!"
"What's this? What's this! There's magic in the air..."
"What's this! There's--(Christian AHEMs loudly)--ehhhh, anyway. Let's open it!"
So they all huddled and Tara ripped it open like a four-year old at Christmas. The letter appeared to have been written in a hurry and it was very brief, reading: "4 of your shortest friends will be arriving soon."
Phoebe and Tara exchanged funky glances.
"What does it mean?" said Phoebe, in a small voice.
"I... I have NO idea," replied Tara, in a smaller voice. The two looked at eachother in mysterious silence for so long their calves began to cramp.
"You said it came via owl?" piped Christian helpfully, scaring the bejeezus out of everyone. "Well let's see the owl, maybe that will help?"
Figuring Christian wouldn't know didley squat about the Harry Potter books anyway, it wasn't a totally hopeless suggestion. So the three went out to find the feathery deliverer of this message, who was headfirst in a can of nacho cheese Pringles. It's fan-like brown tail and little feet were the only thing they could see.
"Ex.. Excuse me," said Phoebe cautiously, as Tara warned her that this owl was not to be messed with.
The owl removed its head from the container, large yellow eyes peering dryly at them. "Hoot."
"Thanks. We were just wondering if you might be able to tell us more about who sent this letter?" Phoebe asked, feeling sort of stupid for talking to a bird with a cheese mustache on its beak.
"Hoot, hootie, hoot."
"Mmhmm. So nothing at all, not one little det--?"
"HOOT."
"Okay! So if it's thiiiiis private... it must be a message from Albus Dumbledore!"
"Hootie, hoot, hooters," replied the owl finally, bristling his tail, turning his back, and resuming his ambush of the snack table.
"Didn't tell us anything!" said Phoebe stressfully, catching the suspicious look in Tara and Christian's eyes. "What?"
"You were talking to that owl!" said Christian, disbelievingly. "I didn't know you could talk to owls! Why, oh why, didn't you tell me you could talk to owls? I thought we agreed no secrets! Come what may, damnit! I didn't write that song for you just to--"
"Christian, you wrote that song for Satine."
"Well," he said hastily, "You should've told me, that's all I'm saying."
"Listen babe, it's hard to explain," began Phoebe, but she was at once cut off by a loud rustling noise in the trees nearby. Tara, in a panic, grabbed a handful of leaves from the ground and held them over her face as a disguise. Phoebe gave her a ridiculous look, but the according smart remark was cut off by yet another rustling, this one closer. The three backed up carefully, never taking their eyes off the undulating trees in front of them.
"Who's there?" said Phoebe, so lowly that only Tara and Christian could hear her. Tara gave her a painful nudge to say it again. "Who.. Who's there?" she said loudly, making the hostile owl jump and glare. Incredulously, he spat an m&m at her.
There was a brief silence... and then: BAM! Four small figures came tumbling out from nowhere in an immense ruckus. Phoebe and Tara at once jumped on the object closet to them, which happened to be Christian, to whom they clung like monkies on an electric fence, scared out of their wits.
The figure who had fallen closest to them, and on whom three others sat piled, spoke first: "Watch-ett! BLIMEY!"
The girls declawed themselves from the penniless writer, realizing how familiar that voice sounded.......
"It figures!" said another lump, the voice higher in pitch and feminine, but with the same accent as the first. "Trust two men with hairy feet and no sense to lead us in the middle of nowhere! We could have very well done that ourselves, if you please!"
As the dark pile of people shifted, the two other grunting and grumbling voices spoke: "Bless my carrots, where are we?" said one; "Oy, I dun't know!" replied the other, exasperated.
Finally the girls, clinging anxiously to eachother and biting their lips, moved as one toward the pile, who were organizing themselves into individuals. When the strangers finally stood, dusting their cloaks and robes off, the girls could finally see who each was: a large bushy head of hair accompanied by a tall red-topped one emerged, alongside two same-shaped creatures with big feet, curly hair, and chubby bodies.
"Yes, it's them!" hissed Phoebe in pee-your-pants excitement as Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Peregrin Took, and Meriadoc Brandybuck came into the light.
Ewan McGregor at once began to bounce himself all over the Fun Jump like a misplaced ping pong ball; Phoebe and Tara with him, copping all the feels they could manage... off of EWAN, silly. Samwise and Frodo were also in the Jump; Frodo curling up in a ball and so that Samwise could catapult him from one wall to another, both laughing hysterically. Occasionally the girls would fly by the hobbits, Phoebe always giving Samwise a playful smack on the rear, and Tara pulling Frodo's perpetually scraggly hair. When the hobbits tried to get them back for the unwelcome trespasses, the girls would just bounce right over their heads.
Commodus was running around rabidly with a swim noodle, trying to sword fight anyone who was unarmed. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were in the small blow-up pool, their hairy wet legs dangling over the sides, their large swim trunks poofing in and out to allow for some mighty fine peeks. Phoebe would occasionally peek at Obi-Wan to try and see the evasive birthmark, but always he would catch her looking and she'd have to play it off like there was something in her eyes. After a while, of course, there's only so many bees that will fly into one's face. The Jedi were also munching leisurely on slices of pizza, dropping strips of cheese and chunks of sausage in the water, some of which was stuck in Qui-Gon's hair (not that Obi was going to tell him anything). Gandalf and Satine were testing a bowl of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans--Satine giggling profusely at Gandalf's unforunate luck, as he had already found a rotten tomato flavor which he mistook as cherry, the bark from a tree that looked like root beer, and what appeared to be a lemon marangue was actually a dirty toenail. Satine was almost bowled over with tears of laughter until she bit into a rotten-roadkill-skunk bean she thought would be Oreos. Then things weren't so funny anymore, and not even Gandalf would dare give her a kiss once that flavor sunk in. Spider-man and Chickie had already disappeared into one of the many big green tents around the camp, doing..... well.... laundry, of course. Christian was walking and talking alongside Legolas, who was getting teary-eyed as they approached a large oak. At once Legolas jumped forward and began fondling the knots of the tree, whispering secretly, and Christian decided to take his leave, giving the Elf and his new companion a wild look before retreating to the Fun Jump.
Zidler and Toulouse were mysteriously absent. Harry Potter sat quietly by himself at the base of a tree almost as skinny as he was. Tara's eye caught the sad little wizard, and with a final struggle to get out of the Fun Jump (she had to bounce off of Ewan's back, jump from Frodo's shoulders, then tuck underneath a pair of legs she recognized to be Christian's, who was at once pouncing Phoebe), she approached Harry.
"What's up, Pottie?"
He huffed under his arms, which were folded on his knees, and muttered, "I hate it when you call me that."
"Alright, alright, Harry," Tara said grudgingly, "Why so glum?"
Then Harry lifted his head, and Tara could see a little yellowish dribble from his nose, and the puffiness of his face which made it pretty obvious that he'd been crying a river. There was also some wetness near the crotch of his pants, but Tara decided it was from all the tears falling down, and not because he missed the Port-a-Potty that was a foot away. She pretended not to see the snot on his face, looking around the forest instead of directly at him.
"Well," replied Harry sullenly, "it's just that I have no real friends here."
"What about Leggie?"
"Ever since we got to the forest, he hasn't said a word to me," said Harry, fresh tears forming behind his glasses, "Apparently trees and leaves make better company."
Tara sighed, patting him on the head. "Now, now Harry. Legolas is a wood elf, after all. Have -you- tried talking to a twig yet?"
Harry glared.
"Heheheh, naw I'm just messin' around, geez. Well come on and join us in the Fun Jump."
"No, I can't.."
"Aw, come on.. I just heard Frodo saying that he missed you!"
"Really?" Harry's eyes twinkled.
Tara glanced warily back at the Fun Jump, where Ewan was sitting on Frodo's face while Samwise tried to pry the delirious Scotsman off of his master.
"Um, sure," said Tara quickly, ignoring that particular scene. "Just get up and let's join the fun!"
Harry smiled weakly, scrambling to his feet. Tara cleared her throat matter-of-factly and handed him a napkin, motioning that he wipe his nose. Harry said "oh, thanks!" before smearing the strand of snot across his face, not realizing, as he disposed of the napkin. Tara glared down at him, seeing no point in arguing, and knowing she would never tell a wizard he had boogers on his face, she lead him to the party, reflecting on the time she told Gandalf he had drool on his beard and he angrily lit a firecracker under her arse.
Eventually it came to be that ALL were in the Fun Jump, everyone getting beat up and bruised by everyone else and loving the heck out of it. Everyone except for the still mysteriously absent Zidler and Toulouse.
But finally the time for winding down came to pass.
Christian walked to his tent with Phoebe on his shoulders, drunkenly singing "Lass of Aughrim" together; Gandalf and Satine wobbled unsteadily to their tent; Samwise carried a grim-looking Frodo with Ewan sniggering behind them to a tent; Harry stayed behind to sulk some more; Qui-Gon slapped Commodus across the face for trying to dismember him as they walked to their own tent; Legolas curled himself around the oak; and Tara raced Obi-Wan to their reserved tent, but tripped over a branch and disappeared behind Obi's hysterical giggles. ("Haha! You fell, you silly ho!")
"Damn dirty Jedi," grumbled Tara as she rose to her feet, pulling grass out of her teeth. But then something caught her attention--a pair of claws ramming into her head. She looked up frantically to find an owl hooting and hissing, a letter clamped neatly in its beak. Tara looked around suspiciously, wondering if this was some kind of joke, but the owl at once charged her, its little face determined and impatient. She ducked out of its way, avoiding the loss of her nose to those sharp claws, and hastily snatched the letter.
She stared cautiously at the envelope, which had scrawled on it: "Tara or Phoebe, Pseudo-Forbidden Forest, Middle of Nowhere, USA."
Before opening it, Tara ran to Phoebe and Christian's tent, the owl on her tail hooting and squawking viciously.
"ALRIGHT!" she yelled, as it pecked a map of Hogwarts into her forehead. She ran over to a half-empty bag of Fritos chips, and fed some to the owl who gave her one of those 'it's about time' looks. Then she continued toward her goal.
"Phoebe!! Look!" Tara exclaimed as she tore into the tent. But Phoebe was quite preoccupied; she and Christian galloping all over their sleeping bags (pillows fashioned as buildings) singing 'Elephant Love Medley' to one another.
"We can be herooooooesss," they were singing, "forever and ev---"
"EXCUSE ME!" Tara flung a flashlight between their near-kissing faces.
They stopped quickly to look at her, Christian glaring at this interruption in an "EVIL maharajah"-type way.
"DON'T look at me that way, little boy!" Tara seethed, and his face immediately dropped, and he smiled brightly.
"Coooome what may," he sang softly. Tara just gave him A Look, muttered "suck up," and got all soft. (Christian is, of course, the only person who knows how to get anything he wants from the girls.)
"Errrr, what's that?" asked Phoebe, staring at the crinkled letter in Tara's fist.
"I dunno!" Tara replied, unclenching it excitedly and showing the cover to Pheebs. "It just arrived, via an annoyed and vicious OWL!"
"An owl!?"
"An owl!"
"What's this? What's this! There's magic in the air..."
"What's this! There's--(Christian AHEMs loudly)--ehhhh, anyway. Let's open it!"
So they all huddled and Tara ripped it open like a four-year old at Christmas. The letter appeared to have been written in a hurry and it was very brief, reading: "4 of your shortest friends will be arriving soon."
Phoebe and Tara exchanged funky glances.
"What does it mean?" said Phoebe, in a small voice.
"I... I have NO idea," replied Tara, in a smaller voice. The two looked at eachother in mysterious silence for so long their calves began to cramp.
"You said it came via owl?" piped Christian helpfully, scaring the bejeezus out of everyone. "Well let's see the owl, maybe that will help?"
Figuring Christian wouldn't know didley squat about the Harry Potter books anyway, it wasn't a totally hopeless suggestion. So the three went out to find the feathery deliverer of this message, who was headfirst in a can of nacho cheese Pringles. It's fan-like brown tail and little feet were the only thing they could see.
"Ex.. Excuse me," said Phoebe cautiously, as Tara warned her that this owl was not to be messed with.
The owl removed its head from the container, large yellow eyes peering dryly at them. "Hoot."
"Thanks. We were just wondering if you might be able to tell us more about who sent this letter?" Phoebe asked, feeling sort of stupid for talking to a bird with a cheese mustache on its beak.
"Hoot, hootie, hoot."
"Mmhmm. So nothing at all, not one little det--?"
"HOOT."
"Okay! So if it's thiiiiis private... it must be a message from Albus Dumbledore!"
"Hootie, hoot, hooters," replied the owl finally, bristling his tail, turning his back, and resuming his ambush of the snack table.
"Didn't tell us anything!" said Phoebe stressfully, catching the suspicious look in Tara and Christian's eyes. "What?"
"You were talking to that owl!" said Christian, disbelievingly. "I didn't know you could talk to owls! Why, oh why, didn't you tell me you could talk to owls? I thought we agreed no secrets! Come what may, damnit! I didn't write that song for you just to--"
"Christian, you wrote that song for Satine."
"Well," he said hastily, "You should've told me, that's all I'm saying."
"Listen babe, it's hard to explain," began Phoebe, but she was at once cut off by a loud rustling noise in the trees nearby. Tara, in a panic, grabbed a handful of leaves from the ground and held them over her face as a disguise. Phoebe gave her a ridiculous look, but the according smart remark was cut off by yet another rustling, this one closer. The three backed up carefully, never taking their eyes off the undulating trees in front of them.
"Who's there?" said Phoebe, so lowly that only Tara and Christian could hear her. Tara gave her a painful nudge to say it again. "Who.. Who's there?" she said loudly, making the hostile owl jump and glare. Incredulously, he spat an m&m at her.
There was a brief silence... and then: BAM! Four small figures came tumbling out from nowhere in an immense ruckus. Phoebe and Tara at once jumped on the object closet to them, which happened to be Christian, to whom they clung like monkies on an electric fence, scared out of their wits.
The figure who had fallen closest to them, and on whom three others sat piled, spoke first: "Watch-ett! BLIMEY!"
The girls declawed themselves from the penniless writer, realizing how familiar that voice sounded.......
"It figures!" said another lump, the voice higher in pitch and feminine, but with the same accent as the first. "Trust two men with hairy feet and no sense to lead us in the middle of nowhere! We could have very well done that ourselves, if you please!"
As the dark pile of people shifted, the two other grunting and grumbling voices spoke: "Bless my carrots, where are we?" said one; "Oy, I dun't know!" replied the other, exasperated.
Finally the girls, clinging anxiously to eachother and biting their lips, moved as one toward the pile, who were organizing themselves into individuals. When the strangers finally stood, dusting their cloaks and robes off, the girls could finally see who each was: a large bushy head of hair accompanied by a tall red-topped one emerged, alongside two same-shaped creatures with big feet, curly hair, and chubby bodies.
"Yes, it's them!" hissed Phoebe in pee-your-pants excitement as Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Peregrin Took, and Meriadoc Brandybuck came into the light.