And so it was indeed--Prot, played by and looking like Kevin Spacey in the movie K-Pax. ((Brief background info: the characters of Tara and Phoebe--inspired by the real life beings of Tea and Phoebe--are fierce admirers of Kevin Spacey and his work, thus making this experience life-altering and heavenly. Back to the show.))
Therefore, life-altered and feeling heavenly, the two girls passed out for lack of a better reaction.
When they awoke about half an hour later, they found themselves laying in spider-web hammocks (made by Spider-man before he left) just opposite eachother in the outer forest. In a clearing a few yards away, they could see all the Family gathered around in a circle with a speaker in the middle whom they didn't even have to guess was.
"Well," said Phoebe, stretching and easing out of the hammock, "I suppose we should go and greet our new guest."
"Indeed," replied Tara, coming to her senses. "Our NEW guest. Ahhh."
When they approached the crowd, they could hear Prot giving everyone a detailed description of his home planet, K-Pax. Everyone, the students from Hogwarts especially, was asking all sorts of questions, all of which Prot answered quite easily. Everyone was transfixed with the seemingly normal being speaking to them, and he seemed quite nonchalant to all the different creatures.
"Ah! Our friends are back!" he said warmly, addressing Phoebe and Tara who dreamily moved to the middle to greet him.
"I'm Phoebe," said Phoebe.
"And I'm Tara," said Tara.
"And we're so happy you could join us, Prot!" said Phoebe and Tara.
Then Prot gave them a short, but enchanting recap of all that had happened while they lay unconscious. The girls noticed as well that Ewan and Legolas stood next to each other with no hard feelings. Christian and Satine also stood next to eachother without resentment, as did Aragorn and Pippin. It just warmed the cockles of Tara and Phoebe's hearts to see this. (Although they did actually sometimes enjoy all the squabbling.)
"I have some things to discuss with you," said Prot after a while.
"Oh?" said Phoebe.
"Yes, it concerns the former members of your Family--Zidler and Toulouse--I believe?"
"Oh yeah!" said Tara suddenly. "Those guys have been missing for ages!"
"Yes, well it seems they ran off with Spider-man and Chickie, stuffing themselves in the trunk when no one was looking."
"Oh. Heh."
"At any rate, I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that they're safely in Australia, nowhere near their real-life counterparts....or Russell Crowe."
"Well that's a relief," said Phoebe.
"Hey I wouldn't mind Rusty's autograph," confessed Tara.
"There is a problem, however." Prot looked cautious.
"What's wrong?" asked Tara, realizing that everyone was watching the three of them talk without so much as a flickering eyelash.
"How come we can never get them to listen to US like this?" grumbled Phoebe under her breath.
"It's the power of Spacey, baby," replied Tara.
"Spacey?" Prot said curiously, obviously overhearing.
"Uh, yes," Tara replied, uncertainly.
"Well I have come to discuss an issue of 'space,' but most likely you are refering to my actor-part; a man by the name of Kevin Spacey?"
The girls gasped. "Wow! How do you know that?"
"Well I know lots of things," he replied with a smile, taking out of his pocket a pretty used-up pencil and a small notepad. He began to scribble some notes.
"Amazing," said Phoebe appreciatively, "we just can't get the others to see the importance of them not being found. They don't seem to realize that there's a twin out there for them all, and how weird and chaotic it would be if they found eachother!" She quickly glanced at Obi-Wan, Ewan McGregor, and Christian who all stood next to eachother without a problem. "Well, except for them," she added.
"Indeed," said Prot distantly as he continued to scrawl notes. "Well I come bearing a new Task."
"A new Task!" exclaimed Tara.
"Yes. By the way," Prot shuffled, glancing around, "which one of you has my hankie?"
"Oh, me," said Phoebe, slipping the cloth out of her bra. "Here you go. It's been very helpful."
"Excellent," said Prot, stuffing it into his pants. "I put it here to take my place because I knew I wouldn't make the Sorting."
"Ah," said Tara, confused. "So, Prot... why are they all here? I mean, how did they get out of their films?"
"I can't answer that," Prot responded. "But I can tell you how to deal with it."
"Is this our 'Task'?" asked Phoebe.
"Yes," he replied. "The reason they popped out of their films is simply some inevitable cosmic fluke." At this he paused, looking at them squarely. "Are you familiar with The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy?"
"Oh yes!!" exclaimed Phoebe, though Tara went kinda quiet and bashful that she was behind the times in that area.
"Well then you won't be surprised by how much sense it doesn't make," Prot continued. "You're well prepared. Anyway, you're given a vital Task, but only you two specifically can handle it."
"Why?"
"Because no one in the world has seen or become obsessed with as many great movies as you have."
The girls blushed.
"Geez, I never thought that watching Lord of the Rings twenty times in one pop could bring me so much trouble," said Tara.
"And I never thought that watching Moulin Rouge in rewind, and then a few times with subtitles, and then a few times in rewind with subtitles would bring ME so much trouble," confessed Phoebe.
"Right. Well whatever the case, you are charged with a very important mission. You have to return these characters safely to their films!" Prot looked urgent, and then.. not really.
"What?! How!" said Phoebe, stunned.
"Yeah! Why? Where? When?!" demanded Tara, looking outraged. "We don't want them to leave!"
"Now don't get so wired," said Prot assuringly, "you don't have to depart from them at all! Once you figure out how to return them to their homes, you can go and visit them in their worlds any time you want."
"REALLY?!"
"Yes, really. If you want to visit Hogwarts school of Magic, you can just jump right in! If you would like to see up-close Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon battling it out with Darth Maul, it will be possible. If you want to join the Fellowship of the Ring, you can."
The girls were beside themselves with joy.
"But I must warn you," continued Prot regretfully, "that it will be some time before this is accomplished."
The girls deflated somewhat.
"There is a Task within this Task," he continued. "You know the three that have been missing since the beginning?"
"Saruman, Dr. Frank, and the Green Goblin?"
"Yes. They have been conspiring and planning an attack on mankind."
"Oh my god!" shrieked Tara, running around the circle in a panic. Only when Prot rested a hand gently on her shoulder did she stop and almost melt. Almost, now. Not entirely.
"It will be okay," he whispered softly.
The girls went all tingly.
"How are they going to attack?" asked Phoebe.
"When?" asked Tara.
"How?" asked Phoebe.
"Where?" asked Tara.
Prot just looked at them behind his dark glasses, amused.
"It's like this girls," he said good-naturedly, "I can't tell you any of that, only that you will prevail. It's your destiny! What you were meant to do!"
The girls got all proud and puffy-chested.
"I only came here to warn you, but I must go soon," Prot said, with some reluctance.
"AWwwWWwWW!"
"I know, I know," he lamented, "but duty calls. Hey.... you got any fruit?"
Everyone but Phoebe and Tara looked confused by the question.
"Hey Prot," said Tara a bit shyly, "is there any way that we can, you know... pop into the movie K-Pax?"
Prot just smiled a toothy smile, his eyebrows lifting over his glasses in a gesture of amusement.
"Excuse me, I have beam of light to catch," he said, and hopping into a particularly small splotch of the fading sunlight, he disappeared completely.
Everyone looked astonished, except for Phoebe and Tara, who looked ready to burst.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!" Phoebe screamed suddenly.
"Whoo!! I know! KEVIN SPACEY!" Tara cheered, shaking her booty in some weird, inhuman dance.
Phoebe paused to watch Tara distort herself, then yelled, "NO! NOT THAT! We have to defeat the bad guys, Tara! *US*! That's ME and YOU! How WRONG is that?"
"Why is that so wrong?!"
"Because.... WE ARE IDIOTS! We can't be given this responsibility. It's huge!"
Christian shuffled.
"Not you," remarked Phoebe.
"What responsibility?" replied Tara. "Sounds like fun to me!"
"Well," said Phoebe, "at least ONE of us is the idiot."
Tara just continued wriggling around, eyes all glossy, obviously not catching Phoebe's sarcasm.
Just then Prot suddenly reappeared, scaring the bejeezus out of everyone.
"You're back!!" they squealed, all running to hug him.
"No, no!" said Prot hurriedly, "I have to leave again! I just came back because I forgot to tell you something important... what's wrong, Tara?"
Tara paused from her version of the Funky Chicken-Monkey-Quail Dance. "I'm dancing!" she exclaimed proudly.
"Oh," replied Prot, lifting a brow. "Dancing? Right."
Phoebe snickered.
"Anyway," he continued, "what I came back to say was that you two have new names!"
"New names?"
"Yes! Also, if you like, you can rename all the other people here as well. But that might get confusing for our readers." Prot motioned toward you who are reading this now.
"That's true," agreed Phoebe. ((Everyone pauses to look through your moniter and wave.))
"But it is no longer safe for you to use your real names," Prot continued importantly.
"Who says?"
"The higher powers of the universe over which none has control!"
"Oh."
"Also," Prot added with more urgence, "make sure to stay away from any waterhoses and sprinklers."
The girls nodded comprehendingly, but everyone else looked even more confused.
"So what kind of names?" inquired Phoebe. "Do we get to pick them?"
"No; here they are"--at this point he tossed them a sheet of paper from his notebook--"I have to go, I'm extremely late!"
"Late for what?" asked Tara, trying to keep him there as long as possible.
"Well this situation that's happening here with you all," he said, motioning toward the firmly-made circle of *movie* characters, "is also happening at this exact moment in another place!"
"Oh! Where? Who are the other characters?" inquired Phoebe excitedly.
"I don't have an entire report just yet," Prot admitted, "but so far I've seen people like Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas, and the narrator from Fight Club--oh, and also I glimpsed Austin Powers!"
"Hmm." Phoebe wondered about all this. "Where is this all happening?"
"I can't talk! I must go! Take care of yourselves! REMEMBER MAXIMUS!"
And all too quickly, Prot was gone for good.
Everyone was in a state of wonderment, none more so than the girls.
"Remember Maximus?" repeated Phoebe, confused. ((Maximus--yes, the one from Gladiator--was killed by Commodus in an unfortunate incident with a Twix bar in one of the earlier chapters of this story. After he died, he levitated off the ground and mysteriously disappeared out of thin air. No one knows why.))
"How could we forget?" grumbled Tara.
"I wonder what he means by that."
"Yeah so do I, but he said we'd figure it out when the time comes.. so don't worry."
"Hm. Tara.. I'm worried."
"SO let's have a look," said Tara hastily, picking up the piece of paper Prot had thrown to them. She turned it upside-down, sideways, upside-down, completely over, then upside-down again before Phoebe got fed up and took it.
"It goes like this," Phoebe grumbled, turning it right-ways. "Hmm.. Okay.. I see a grocery list here." She squinted, trying to read the tiny handwriting. "Ah! Bananas, kiwi, new pencil, strawberries, orange peelings.."
"Orange peelings?" said Tara curiously.
"Yes."
"What about the orange?"
"Who knows, man? Ah, here it is! Our new names are..."
And she dropped the paper in an immense fit of giggling. Tara lifted the sheet, narrowing her eyes to read it, then suddenly she too was in an uncontrollable state of snickerage.
"Well, what are they?" asked Gandalf impatiently, taking the piece of paper and reading it aloud. "Tara's new name is Bored Teafect... and Phoebe's new name is Zaphoeb Pheeblebrox. Hm, seems discreet to me. What's so funny about that?"
But the girls were busy slapping their thighs in wheeze-filled laughter.
"Ooookay," said Gandalf, looking at them like they were nuts.... which they are. "Now the rest of you! Back to work! We can do nothing more here than wait for it to come to us. We will defeat EVIL!" (The crowd 'hurrahs!') So let's move along! Chop chop!"
And Gandalf patted a few people on the bottoms to speed them along, leaving the girls to their snorting contest.
Therefore, life-altered and feeling heavenly, the two girls passed out for lack of a better reaction.
When they awoke about half an hour later, they found themselves laying in spider-web hammocks (made by Spider-man before he left) just opposite eachother in the outer forest. In a clearing a few yards away, they could see all the Family gathered around in a circle with a speaker in the middle whom they didn't even have to guess was.
"Well," said Phoebe, stretching and easing out of the hammock, "I suppose we should go and greet our new guest."
"Indeed," replied Tara, coming to her senses. "Our NEW guest. Ahhh."
When they approached the crowd, they could hear Prot giving everyone a detailed description of his home planet, K-Pax. Everyone, the students from Hogwarts especially, was asking all sorts of questions, all of which Prot answered quite easily. Everyone was transfixed with the seemingly normal being speaking to them, and he seemed quite nonchalant to all the different creatures.
"Ah! Our friends are back!" he said warmly, addressing Phoebe and Tara who dreamily moved to the middle to greet him.
"I'm Phoebe," said Phoebe.
"And I'm Tara," said Tara.
"And we're so happy you could join us, Prot!" said Phoebe and Tara.
Then Prot gave them a short, but enchanting recap of all that had happened while they lay unconscious. The girls noticed as well that Ewan and Legolas stood next to each other with no hard feelings. Christian and Satine also stood next to eachother without resentment, as did Aragorn and Pippin. It just warmed the cockles of Tara and Phoebe's hearts to see this. (Although they did actually sometimes enjoy all the squabbling.)
"I have some things to discuss with you," said Prot after a while.
"Oh?" said Phoebe.
"Yes, it concerns the former members of your Family--Zidler and Toulouse--I believe?"
"Oh yeah!" said Tara suddenly. "Those guys have been missing for ages!"
"Yes, well it seems they ran off with Spider-man and Chickie, stuffing themselves in the trunk when no one was looking."
"Oh. Heh."
"At any rate, I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that they're safely in Australia, nowhere near their real-life counterparts....or Russell Crowe."
"Well that's a relief," said Phoebe.
"Hey I wouldn't mind Rusty's autograph," confessed Tara.
"There is a problem, however." Prot looked cautious.
"What's wrong?" asked Tara, realizing that everyone was watching the three of them talk without so much as a flickering eyelash.
"How come we can never get them to listen to US like this?" grumbled Phoebe under her breath.
"It's the power of Spacey, baby," replied Tara.
"Spacey?" Prot said curiously, obviously overhearing.
"Uh, yes," Tara replied, uncertainly.
"Well I have come to discuss an issue of 'space,' but most likely you are refering to my actor-part; a man by the name of Kevin Spacey?"
The girls gasped. "Wow! How do you know that?"
"Well I know lots of things," he replied with a smile, taking out of his pocket a pretty used-up pencil and a small notepad. He began to scribble some notes.
"Amazing," said Phoebe appreciatively, "we just can't get the others to see the importance of them not being found. They don't seem to realize that there's a twin out there for them all, and how weird and chaotic it would be if they found eachother!" She quickly glanced at Obi-Wan, Ewan McGregor, and Christian who all stood next to eachother without a problem. "Well, except for them," she added.
"Indeed," said Prot distantly as he continued to scrawl notes. "Well I come bearing a new Task."
"A new Task!" exclaimed Tara.
"Yes. By the way," Prot shuffled, glancing around, "which one of you has my hankie?"
"Oh, me," said Phoebe, slipping the cloth out of her bra. "Here you go. It's been very helpful."
"Excellent," said Prot, stuffing it into his pants. "I put it here to take my place because I knew I wouldn't make the Sorting."
"Ah," said Tara, confused. "So, Prot... why are they all here? I mean, how did they get out of their films?"
"I can't answer that," Prot responded. "But I can tell you how to deal with it."
"Is this our 'Task'?" asked Phoebe.
"Yes," he replied. "The reason they popped out of their films is simply some inevitable cosmic fluke." At this he paused, looking at them squarely. "Are you familiar with The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy?"
"Oh yes!!" exclaimed Phoebe, though Tara went kinda quiet and bashful that she was behind the times in that area.
"Well then you won't be surprised by how much sense it doesn't make," Prot continued. "You're well prepared. Anyway, you're given a vital Task, but only you two specifically can handle it."
"Why?"
"Because no one in the world has seen or become obsessed with as many great movies as you have."
The girls blushed.
"Geez, I never thought that watching Lord of the Rings twenty times in one pop could bring me so much trouble," said Tara.
"And I never thought that watching Moulin Rouge in rewind, and then a few times with subtitles, and then a few times in rewind with subtitles would bring ME so much trouble," confessed Phoebe.
"Right. Well whatever the case, you are charged with a very important mission. You have to return these characters safely to their films!" Prot looked urgent, and then.. not really.
"What?! How!" said Phoebe, stunned.
"Yeah! Why? Where? When?!" demanded Tara, looking outraged. "We don't want them to leave!"
"Now don't get so wired," said Prot assuringly, "you don't have to depart from them at all! Once you figure out how to return them to their homes, you can go and visit them in their worlds any time you want."
"REALLY?!"
"Yes, really. If you want to visit Hogwarts school of Magic, you can just jump right in! If you would like to see up-close Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon battling it out with Darth Maul, it will be possible. If you want to join the Fellowship of the Ring, you can."
The girls were beside themselves with joy.
"But I must warn you," continued Prot regretfully, "that it will be some time before this is accomplished."
The girls deflated somewhat.
"There is a Task within this Task," he continued. "You know the three that have been missing since the beginning?"
"Saruman, Dr. Frank, and the Green Goblin?"
"Yes. They have been conspiring and planning an attack on mankind."
"Oh my god!" shrieked Tara, running around the circle in a panic. Only when Prot rested a hand gently on her shoulder did she stop and almost melt. Almost, now. Not entirely.
"It will be okay," he whispered softly.
The girls went all tingly.
"How are they going to attack?" asked Phoebe.
"When?" asked Tara.
"How?" asked Phoebe.
"Where?" asked Tara.
Prot just looked at them behind his dark glasses, amused.
"It's like this girls," he said good-naturedly, "I can't tell you any of that, only that you will prevail. It's your destiny! What you were meant to do!"
The girls got all proud and puffy-chested.
"I only came here to warn you, but I must go soon," Prot said, with some reluctance.
"AWwwWWwWW!"
"I know, I know," he lamented, "but duty calls. Hey.... you got any fruit?"
Everyone but Phoebe and Tara looked confused by the question.
"Hey Prot," said Tara a bit shyly, "is there any way that we can, you know... pop into the movie K-Pax?"
Prot just smiled a toothy smile, his eyebrows lifting over his glasses in a gesture of amusement.
"Excuse me, I have beam of light to catch," he said, and hopping into a particularly small splotch of the fading sunlight, he disappeared completely.
Everyone looked astonished, except for Phoebe and Tara, who looked ready to burst.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!" Phoebe screamed suddenly.
"Whoo!! I know! KEVIN SPACEY!" Tara cheered, shaking her booty in some weird, inhuman dance.
Phoebe paused to watch Tara distort herself, then yelled, "NO! NOT THAT! We have to defeat the bad guys, Tara! *US*! That's ME and YOU! How WRONG is that?"
"Why is that so wrong?!"
"Because.... WE ARE IDIOTS! We can't be given this responsibility. It's huge!"
Christian shuffled.
"Not you," remarked Phoebe.
"What responsibility?" replied Tara. "Sounds like fun to me!"
"Well," said Phoebe, "at least ONE of us is the idiot."
Tara just continued wriggling around, eyes all glossy, obviously not catching Phoebe's sarcasm.
Just then Prot suddenly reappeared, scaring the bejeezus out of everyone.
"You're back!!" they squealed, all running to hug him.
"No, no!" said Prot hurriedly, "I have to leave again! I just came back because I forgot to tell you something important... what's wrong, Tara?"
Tara paused from her version of the Funky Chicken-Monkey-Quail Dance. "I'm dancing!" she exclaimed proudly.
"Oh," replied Prot, lifting a brow. "Dancing? Right."
Phoebe snickered.
"Anyway," he continued, "what I came back to say was that you two have new names!"
"New names?"
"Yes! Also, if you like, you can rename all the other people here as well. But that might get confusing for our readers." Prot motioned toward you who are reading this now.
"That's true," agreed Phoebe. ((Everyone pauses to look through your moniter and wave.))
"But it is no longer safe for you to use your real names," Prot continued importantly.
"Who says?"
"The higher powers of the universe over which none has control!"
"Oh."
"Also," Prot added with more urgence, "make sure to stay away from any waterhoses and sprinklers."
The girls nodded comprehendingly, but everyone else looked even more confused.
"So what kind of names?" inquired Phoebe. "Do we get to pick them?"
"No; here they are"--at this point he tossed them a sheet of paper from his notebook--"I have to go, I'm extremely late!"
"Late for what?" asked Tara, trying to keep him there as long as possible.
"Well this situation that's happening here with you all," he said, motioning toward the firmly-made circle of *movie* characters, "is also happening at this exact moment in another place!"
"Oh! Where? Who are the other characters?" inquired Phoebe excitedly.
"I don't have an entire report just yet," Prot admitted, "but so far I've seen people like Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas, and the narrator from Fight Club--oh, and also I glimpsed Austin Powers!"
"Hmm." Phoebe wondered about all this. "Where is this all happening?"
"I can't talk! I must go! Take care of yourselves! REMEMBER MAXIMUS!"
And all too quickly, Prot was gone for good.
Everyone was in a state of wonderment, none more so than the girls.
"Remember Maximus?" repeated Phoebe, confused. ((Maximus--yes, the one from Gladiator--was killed by Commodus in an unfortunate incident with a Twix bar in one of the earlier chapters of this story. After he died, he levitated off the ground and mysteriously disappeared out of thin air. No one knows why.))
"How could we forget?" grumbled Tara.
"I wonder what he means by that."
"Yeah so do I, but he said we'd figure it out when the time comes.. so don't worry."
"Hm. Tara.. I'm worried."
"SO let's have a look," said Tara hastily, picking up the piece of paper Prot had thrown to them. She turned it upside-down, sideways, upside-down, completely over, then upside-down again before Phoebe got fed up and took it.
"It goes like this," Phoebe grumbled, turning it right-ways. "Hmm.. Okay.. I see a grocery list here." She squinted, trying to read the tiny handwriting. "Ah! Bananas, kiwi, new pencil, strawberries, orange peelings.."
"Orange peelings?" said Tara curiously.
"Yes."
"What about the orange?"
"Who knows, man? Ah, here it is! Our new names are..."
And she dropped the paper in an immense fit of giggling. Tara lifted the sheet, narrowing her eyes to read it, then suddenly she too was in an uncontrollable state of snickerage.
"Well, what are they?" asked Gandalf impatiently, taking the piece of paper and reading it aloud. "Tara's new name is Bored Teafect... and Phoebe's new name is Zaphoeb Pheeblebrox. Hm, seems discreet to me. What's so funny about that?"
But the girls were busy slapping their thighs in wheeze-filled laughter.
"Ooookay," said Gandalf, looking at them like they were nuts.... which they are. "Now the rest of you! Back to work! We can do nothing more here than wait for it to come to us. We will defeat EVIL!" (The crowd 'hurrahs!') So let's move along! Chop chop!"
And Gandalf patted a few people on the bottoms to speed them along, leaving the girls to their snorting contest.