Summary: Qui-Gon gets a row with George Lucas…
Rating: G
Disclaimer: none of this really belongs to me, it's all George Lucas' (except for the other persons mentioned, who do all really exsist…)
Author: Anne Zwarts
Obi-Wan: I've got a bad feeling about this.
Qui-Gon: I don't sense anything unusual.
Obi-Wan: It's not about this mission master, it's something elsewhere, illusive...
Qui-Gon: Don't centre on your anxieties Obi-Wan. Keep your concentration here and now where they belong.
Obi-Wan: But master Yoda said, that...
Qui-Gon: I don't care what Yoda said! Yoda is just an old guy who thinks he's sóóó great... with his almost 20.000 midi-chlorians, but Anakin has more!!! If I say to you, (Qui-Gon almost stands on Obi-Wan's toes, and his nose is touching Obi-Wan's) that you have to keep your concentration here and now you MUST do that, do you understand???? I am a boxing champion and I am...
George Lucas: CUT!!! CUT!!!
Qui-Gon: What?
George Lucas: I said CUT!!! CUT!!!, that means you have to cut....
Qui-Gon: Why???
George Lucas: Because of your behaviour!
Qui-Gon: MY behaviour??? What's wrong with that? Ewan began to speak about Yoda. Who IS Yoda??? Isn't it that old, little guy from Episode V ????? What do I have to deal with him???
George Lucas: HERE! Read the script! If you once, just only once say something that is NOT in the script, you're fired!!! Do you understand??!
Qui-Gon: Well......
George Lucas: Do you understand???!!
Qui-Gon: But master Yoda said...
George Lucas: Very well Liam, that's in the script, congratulations, but the problem is...
Qui-Gon: There is NO problem!!!
George Lucas: There sure is!!! It isn't your text! It's Ewan's text!
Qui-Gon: Hah! You can't fire me, there is no replacement for m-
Obi-Wan: There is!!! There is!!!! It's a guy from Holland, wait, I've got him on the phone.... Hello?
Fred: Hi!!!
Obi-Wan: Hello Fred, how are you?
Fred: Fine, thanks, but, what was it you called me?
Obi-Wan: Liam is just fired by George Lu.....
Qui-Gon: THAT'S NOT THUE!!!
George Lucas: Ah, shut up, will ya?
(Liam gets a piece of tape over his mouth, to shut him up…)
Obi-Wan: Well, if I said, Liam is just fired...
Qui-Gon: Hpfgrpff....
Obi-Wan: And now we need a replacement, and I've heard from two girls from Holland you just look like Liam...
Fred: Of course I do! I'm good, you know! Were that Linda and Anne who told you that? They are just
great! Well, if you know, I'm a teacher and....
George Lucas: Yeah yeah, we know! We have a very big file from you, from what you have done in your life. That's very much, you've worked in a factory, you have worked at a school...
Fred: I still do!!!
George Lucas: Alright, alright! I hope you can act, because you have to be Qui-Gon in Episode I. And I hope you're not as egoistic as Liam is...
Fred: Of course not! But I really can act very good, and I'm a good teacher too, and I can play football very good and I am fitnessing a lot, and did I tell you I am a good football player?
George Lucas: Great Ewan, that's the type of guy Liam is, let's get Liam back, we will have the same trouble as we have now with Liam...
Fred: But...... But...... -tuut- -tuut- -tuut- -tuut-
Obi-Wan: Hello??? Fred?? Are you still there???
George Lucas: No, of course he isn't! And besides: he is from the Dark Side, he's useless as Qui-Gon... And now let Liam go...
Qui-Gon: (released from his tape): Argh!!!! I'll pay it back to you two!!! Here take this!!! And this!!!
Obi-Wan: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
George Lucas: Great! now we have to find a replacement for Ewan...