A/N: Wow, you guys! Thank you *so* much for the incredible feedback. I
can't even tell you how motivating and inspiring it is! It feels so good
to know that people enjoy what I write. Truly - thank you. . . all of you.
Here's Chapter 4. It's really a lead-in to Chapter 5. . . which will contain the Big Confrontation between Rory and Jess. That's when the emotions will fly! In the meantime, here's Chapter 4 - where our beloved Gilmore Girls are struggling to relate to each other.
Chapter 4 - A Pain To Call My Own
When I walk in the door, I see her sitting tensely on the couch, waiting for me. She hasn't turned on any lights, and the living room is covered in the shadows of twilight and weighted down by our own tension.
I should talk to her. Tell her everything. I would have done that two months ago. But the thing is - for as awful as I feel right now - the pain and the heartache are mine. Maybe talking about it would make me feel better. But it would also make my emotions partly hers. And they're not hers. They're mine. They're horrible and twisted and making me sick, but they're mine.
I head for the stairs.
"Rory."
I stop, my back to her.
"Where did you go?"
"Out."
"Where?"
I sigh and turn around. "There aren't many places to go in Stars Hollow, mom. I didn't knock over a liquor store. I didn't steal any lawn gnomes. Why do you need to know my every move?"
"I'm your friend."
I feel slightly guilty because it's true - she's always been my friend.
"I'm your mother."
The guilt I'm feeling is short-lived once she decides to use the age-old, 'I'm your mother' routine.
"I went out."
"Stop it, Rory! You're different! Why is everything different? Go back to how it was before!"
"I don't want to."
"It was better. Easier."
"But it wasn't real. Or maybe it was real, and it's not anymore. I'm different."
"Damn Jess! This is because of him, isn't it?"
"Partly. But not mostly. Mostly it's because of me. You and I - we've been living this strange fantasy, you know that don't you? At some point, I was going to have to grow up and be a different person from you and - "
"You've always been different from me, Rory. You've always been better and smarter and more responsible and - "
"That's part of me," I acknowledge. "But you and grandma and everyone here in Stars Hollow want that to be all of me. And it's not. I'm more than that."
"You're much more than that."
"And I'm less than that, too."
She's scared. I'm drifting away from her. Towards someone else. She doesn't like it.
"It's because of him," she insists.
"Partly," I repeat.
"You need to stay away from him."
My tears come now. Fast. Hot. "Finally, you and Jess agree on something," I sob. Suddenly determined. "It's really too bad that I'm going to disobey you both."
I run up the stairs, fueled by desperation and inspiration. The combination of longing and anger and fear is suffocating, and makes me feel more alive than I ever have before. I know she's hurting. She feels me separating. Even when I dated Dean, I never had to separate from her.
It's different now. More powerful. Overwhelming.
Jess. I have to see Jess. And make him understand.
Here's Chapter 4. It's really a lead-in to Chapter 5. . . which will contain the Big Confrontation between Rory and Jess. That's when the emotions will fly! In the meantime, here's Chapter 4 - where our beloved Gilmore Girls are struggling to relate to each other.
Chapter 4 - A Pain To Call My Own
When I walk in the door, I see her sitting tensely on the couch, waiting for me. She hasn't turned on any lights, and the living room is covered in the shadows of twilight and weighted down by our own tension.
I should talk to her. Tell her everything. I would have done that two months ago. But the thing is - for as awful as I feel right now - the pain and the heartache are mine. Maybe talking about it would make me feel better. But it would also make my emotions partly hers. And they're not hers. They're mine. They're horrible and twisted and making me sick, but they're mine.
I head for the stairs.
"Rory."
I stop, my back to her.
"Where did you go?"
"Out."
"Where?"
I sigh and turn around. "There aren't many places to go in Stars Hollow, mom. I didn't knock over a liquor store. I didn't steal any lawn gnomes. Why do you need to know my every move?"
"I'm your friend."
I feel slightly guilty because it's true - she's always been my friend.
"I'm your mother."
The guilt I'm feeling is short-lived once she decides to use the age-old, 'I'm your mother' routine.
"I went out."
"Stop it, Rory! You're different! Why is everything different? Go back to how it was before!"
"I don't want to."
"It was better. Easier."
"But it wasn't real. Or maybe it was real, and it's not anymore. I'm different."
"Damn Jess! This is because of him, isn't it?"
"Partly. But not mostly. Mostly it's because of me. You and I - we've been living this strange fantasy, you know that don't you? At some point, I was going to have to grow up and be a different person from you and - "
"You've always been different from me, Rory. You've always been better and smarter and more responsible and - "
"That's part of me," I acknowledge. "But you and grandma and everyone here in Stars Hollow want that to be all of me. And it's not. I'm more than that."
"You're much more than that."
"And I'm less than that, too."
She's scared. I'm drifting away from her. Towards someone else. She doesn't like it.
"It's because of him," she insists.
"Partly," I repeat.
"You need to stay away from him."
My tears come now. Fast. Hot. "Finally, you and Jess agree on something," I sob. Suddenly determined. "It's really too bad that I'm going to disobey you both."
I run up the stairs, fueled by desperation and inspiration. The combination of longing and anger and fear is suffocating, and makes me feel more alive than I ever have before. I know she's hurting. She feels me separating. Even when I dated Dean, I never had to separate from her.
It's different now. More powerful. Overwhelming.
Jess. I have to see Jess. And make him understand.