Chapter three: Seperate Singularity
Location: Mount Lampdragon-White Tiger Village (Flashback)
(Notes: This chapter contains some slight yaoi implications. Don't hate me for it; I just like boy/boy relationships.)
---
It's already been a week since Grey and Joshua died and still the memories are etched into my head. Staring into their faces that were brutally disfigured sent chills running repeatedly up and down my back. Maybe it was my fault that they died. Fumi could have taken care of himself better without my help and maybe Grey and Joshua would have been alive if I helped them instead.
Brother Gijimu always said: [It's impossible to forget the past... All we can do is try.] He's right, I s'ppose... But it's so hard to forget something that you know involves you...
We fight, all of us. We know that we might not make it back and we know that we're risking our lives to keep going like this. Every time we rob an official carriage, we put all our lives at risk. The lives of those who fight and the lives of those who don't.
"Are you okay, big brother Koyu?" It's lil' sister Yuki... I'm happy that at least I've got someone taking good care of me while I can't fight. Brother Gijimu doesn't seem too interested in fighting or stealing for a while now and I'm happy for that.
But he just doesn't seem the same... Something about Bro is so different... I don't know if it's because he doesn't want to steal or anything. Maybe sister Lo Wen's been giving it to him more often than usual, but I don't want to think about it.
"Yeah, I'm okay Yuki... Thanks for asking. How's brother Fumi?" After two more deaths, I think he's taken too much stress... He cares so much for everyone, I think even more so than Brother Gijimu himself. And every time someone else dies, he takes the blame. He always says that it's his entire fault. That he wasn't there for them... That he wasn't strong enough...
It's never his fault... But he won't listen... And he won't accept something he believes is a lie.
"Brother Fumi is training, training at dragon falls! He's been there training all week long. Brother Fumi says that, when you're okay, he wants you to go there and talk to him. I have to go now Brother Koyu; mother says I have to be home early. Bye now!" Weird isn't it? Yuki is only eight years old but she has to work as a doctor with her mom. She sees people dying and bleeding almost everyday and she still seems to be okay.
She's just like me... She's seen blood ever since her birth that it seems so normal to her. Like it's a natural thing for someone to be cleaved or stabbed...
Like it's only natural for your friends to disappear, covered in a pool of their own red liquid.
"Brother Fumi..."
***
The bandit boy walks across White Tiger Village, his body shirtless except for the bandages that blanketed his right shoulder. It's always the same after somebody dies... Fumi always goes behind the great Dragon falls and there he trains... Until he believes that he can protect everyone. When he thinks that he can be their brother again...
And yes, he's there again; beating whatever he can out of a huge tree. His bandaged fists and shins are ripped but yet he trains harder and harder; the bark of the tree peeling off due to the excessive beating that he's been delivering. His fists bleed and his lifeblood trickles down his arms.
Why does he kill himself for this?
"Fumi... Please, stop. I'm here already..." Koyu says weakly, ashamed that he can't even ease the pain that Fumi feels within him.
"Lil' bro Koyu... You... You're okay..." The older boy wheezes as he clutches his knees; sweat dripping from his brow like morning dew from leaves. He sits down and pulls some bandages out from his pocket, preparing to dress his wounds.
"Fumi... Please, don't push yourself like this. I don't think..." Koyu pauses, his own voice beginning to lose it's strength at the memories. "I don't think that Joshua, Grey or any of our friends would want to see you do this..." Fumi looks up at Koyu, his bandaging coming to a quick halt.
"No. I know that it's my fault. I'm supposed to be the leader when Gijimu isn't around and every time we fight... People die. People close to me... People that I can't protect... That's why I must become stronger."
"Don't blame..." Koyu's sentence was cut short by the anger inside of the other.
"What? Don't blame myself? Then whose fault is it?! Would they have died if I were there to help them? When I wasn't too busy with anything else? Our brothers are my first priority and I turn the thrill of killing into that. I value the death of my enemies more than I value their lives and I'm at fault for that... I always am..." He turns his eyes to the floor and cries. The blood on his hands is nothing compared to the inner pain he feels. The pain he feels for the community... His Family... For the Lampdragon bandits.
I know you Fumi, you never placed killing above your brothers... But why won't you listen to me?
"Koyu... I want you... to become strong. I don't think I can protect everyone, and maybe... I might not be able to protect you." All that remained was silence.
"Please... become strong for your sake... and for mine." Fumi finished up his bandaging and stood up, limping slightly because of his wounded legs. He stood in front of Koyu, their four-year age difference making him almost two heads taller than the younger boy. His hands brought Koyu's face closer to his and his lips weakly kissed Koyu's... Both of them share similar wounds... Wounds embedded deep.
...Both wounded souls...
Why does he kill himself for this? Simply for all those who have been killed already.
***
The night sky was brilliantly clear and the stars seemed to twinkle even brighter tonight. Fumi gazed up at the moon while all that Koyu did was gaze into Fumi's eyes.
"Big brother... you're eyes are so beautiful. Did anyone ever tell you that?" Fumi smiled. He was happy with Koyu and he knew Koyu was happy with him. Gijimu didn't approve of how he felt towards the small boy but neither did he stop him from being himself. He knew that Fumi liked other men from day one but he never expected him to fall head over heels for someone so young.
"Thank you, Koyu." A sweet silence over took the two, as they lay underneath the stars, both of them as naked as how nature made them, minus the cloth bandages. Koyu's arm was draped over Fumi's chest and he could feel Fumi's deep and calm breathing. He watches Fumi's chest rise and fall with every breath and he thought about all that's happened ever since he started to fight.
"How long has it been, Koyu? About five years, right?" He sighs and turns his attention to the small boy whose head was resting on his shoulder.
"That's been five years of fighting for you and nine years of fighting for me. Has it been that long?" Fumi smiles. It's been so long since he raised a weapon against anyone in battle. It's been so long that the memories of their first kill disappearing like an unwanted memory.
"I remember being just a little boy back then; so carefree and never thinking about my own safety. All I did was play all day long with the other kids..." His eyes, they are the eyes of one who reminisces about things that he felt mattered the most, holding the same sadness that he always carried with him...
But they were far too young to reminisce. Youths thrust into the lives of adults.
"But when the Tinto soldiers came to the village to kill all the bandits... That was my first time, my first time to witness a man dying. To witness blood gushing out of a wound as the victim struggled to fight back, only to drop dead at his opponent's feet. It was also then that I had to pick up my first weapon... And to take my first life." Tears well up in those sea-green eyes of his. Both of us were the same... We were taken in by the bandits as children and now walk down the same path of warriors that came before us.
"A soldier was there, standing over the body of my sister that he himself had killed. I was shocked at first, but soon felt this pulse, this angry throb in my mind. I picked up a small kitchen knife that I saw on a table... And plunged it deep into his back. I didn't know why, but I pulled it out afterwards... His blood freely trickling down from the open wound." Those tears now slowly trickle down the sides of his face as he held Koyu's hands in a soft yet firm grip.
Wasn't it like this when you're caught in fighting? Isn't it always the people that weren't supposed to fight the ones to wield the most dangerous weapons? In war, the ones who suffer the most are the ones not involved...
"That's why... That's why I wanted to become stronger. There are people I must protect. Not just family... not just Mount Lampdragon... But for everyone that doesn't deserve to be abused. Maybe I'm being a little dreamy, maybe this idea is too cliché but I don't want anyone to feel the pain I felt when she died..."
And now, his eyes clenched shut, his tears now becoming a heart-rending sob. He cries because he remembers everything that he's been through. And everything everyone else has been through.
And no one else does...
I can't help him. None of us can... He has to bear this kind of pain for his entire life and he can't even find a single shred of condolence in anything...
"I'm so sorry Koyu; I cried again..." The young boy smiles back at Fumi, a weak, gentle smile. They stare at one another's eyes for what seemed like forever, never blinking... Never breathing... As if they were unconsciously caressing one another's heart and soul. Caressing without hands, without body... Above the casings of flesh and into the levels of the soul.
Purely metaphysical. And completely pure.
Fumi blinked and brushed his hands through Koyu's messy and oftentimes, unkempt hair; breaking the monotony and the trance that they were mutually in.
"We'd better go back, Koyu; It's already late. They're probably worried sick about you and me." Fumi sat up, his eyes completely affixed on the brilliant crescent moon that hovered high above them. The clouds floated by on gentle breezes and the stars shined on throughout the clear, deep blue sky. Koyu stood up, his unabashed, naked body standing there, covered only by white cloth bandages around his shoulders. The wind blew between his bare legs, the grass tickling his young skin. He held out one hand, and picked Fumi up without any signs of difficulty other than a weak pulse in his shoulder. The two walked towards the piled up clothing that lay hidden underneath some grass and trees and took their time in dressing up. Fumi then adjusted his bandages and placed one arm around Koyu's shoulders and they walked on like that.... Like two people that truly understood the way one another felt... And the way one another felt about love.
"I love you Koyu. I always will." Fumi said as he kissed Koyu on his head while in return, Koyu squeezed Fumi closer to him.
"I'll always love you, brother Fumi... I always will."
They were the same in a way, even though their faces weren't. They were so far apart yet at the same time, living the same dream. How could two people dream a dream that they never dreamt? They had feelings for one another like no one else and yet, they knew that it wasn't right. Indecisions can come later however, all that mattered was one another.
And so the two continued back to the village... The beautiful moon and stars lighting back a path home.
- End chapter three -
Location: Mount Lampdragon-White Tiger Village (Flashback)
(Notes: This chapter contains some slight yaoi implications. Don't hate me for it; I just like boy/boy relationships.)
---
It's already been a week since Grey and Joshua died and still the memories are etched into my head. Staring into their faces that were brutally disfigured sent chills running repeatedly up and down my back. Maybe it was my fault that they died. Fumi could have taken care of himself better without my help and maybe Grey and Joshua would have been alive if I helped them instead.
Brother Gijimu always said: [It's impossible to forget the past... All we can do is try.] He's right, I s'ppose... But it's so hard to forget something that you know involves you...
We fight, all of us. We know that we might not make it back and we know that we're risking our lives to keep going like this. Every time we rob an official carriage, we put all our lives at risk. The lives of those who fight and the lives of those who don't.
"Are you okay, big brother Koyu?" It's lil' sister Yuki... I'm happy that at least I've got someone taking good care of me while I can't fight. Brother Gijimu doesn't seem too interested in fighting or stealing for a while now and I'm happy for that.
But he just doesn't seem the same... Something about Bro is so different... I don't know if it's because he doesn't want to steal or anything. Maybe sister Lo Wen's been giving it to him more often than usual, but I don't want to think about it.
"Yeah, I'm okay Yuki... Thanks for asking. How's brother Fumi?" After two more deaths, I think he's taken too much stress... He cares so much for everyone, I think even more so than Brother Gijimu himself. And every time someone else dies, he takes the blame. He always says that it's his entire fault. That he wasn't there for them... That he wasn't strong enough...
It's never his fault... But he won't listen... And he won't accept something he believes is a lie.
"Brother Fumi is training, training at dragon falls! He's been there training all week long. Brother Fumi says that, when you're okay, he wants you to go there and talk to him. I have to go now Brother Koyu; mother says I have to be home early. Bye now!" Weird isn't it? Yuki is only eight years old but she has to work as a doctor with her mom. She sees people dying and bleeding almost everyday and she still seems to be okay.
She's just like me... She's seen blood ever since her birth that it seems so normal to her. Like it's a natural thing for someone to be cleaved or stabbed...
Like it's only natural for your friends to disappear, covered in a pool of their own red liquid.
"Brother Fumi..."
***
The bandit boy walks across White Tiger Village, his body shirtless except for the bandages that blanketed his right shoulder. It's always the same after somebody dies... Fumi always goes behind the great Dragon falls and there he trains... Until he believes that he can protect everyone. When he thinks that he can be their brother again...
And yes, he's there again; beating whatever he can out of a huge tree. His bandaged fists and shins are ripped but yet he trains harder and harder; the bark of the tree peeling off due to the excessive beating that he's been delivering. His fists bleed and his lifeblood trickles down his arms.
Why does he kill himself for this?
"Fumi... Please, stop. I'm here already..." Koyu says weakly, ashamed that he can't even ease the pain that Fumi feels within him.
"Lil' bro Koyu... You... You're okay..." The older boy wheezes as he clutches his knees; sweat dripping from his brow like morning dew from leaves. He sits down and pulls some bandages out from his pocket, preparing to dress his wounds.
"Fumi... Please, don't push yourself like this. I don't think..." Koyu pauses, his own voice beginning to lose it's strength at the memories. "I don't think that Joshua, Grey or any of our friends would want to see you do this..." Fumi looks up at Koyu, his bandaging coming to a quick halt.
"No. I know that it's my fault. I'm supposed to be the leader when Gijimu isn't around and every time we fight... People die. People close to me... People that I can't protect... That's why I must become stronger."
"Don't blame..." Koyu's sentence was cut short by the anger inside of the other.
"What? Don't blame myself? Then whose fault is it?! Would they have died if I were there to help them? When I wasn't too busy with anything else? Our brothers are my first priority and I turn the thrill of killing into that. I value the death of my enemies more than I value their lives and I'm at fault for that... I always am..." He turns his eyes to the floor and cries. The blood on his hands is nothing compared to the inner pain he feels. The pain he feels for the community... His Family... For the Lampdragon bandits.
I know you Fumi, you never placed killing above your brothers... But why won't you listen to me?
"Koyu... I want you... to become strong. I don't think I can protect everyone, and maybe... I might not be able to protect you." All that remained was silence.
"Please... become strong for your sake... and for mine." Fumi finished up his bandaging and stood up, limping slightly because of his wounded legs. He stood in front of Koyu, their four-year age difference making him almost two heads taller than the younger boy. His hands brought Koyu's face closer to his and his lips weakly kissed Koyu's... Both of them share similar wounds... Wounds embedded deep.
...Both wounded souls...
Why does he kill himself for this? Simply for all those who have been killed already.
***
The night sky was brilliantly clear and the stars seemed to twinkle even brighter tonight. Fumi gazed up at the moon while all that Koyu did was gaze into Fumi's eyes.
"Big brother... you're eyes are so beautiful. Did anyone ever tell you that?" Fumi smiled. He was happy with Koyu and he knew Koyu was happy with him. Gijimu didn't approve of how he felt towards the small boy but neither did he stop him from being himself. He knew that Fumi liked other men from day one but he never expected him to fall head over heels for someone so young.
"Thank you, Koyu." A sweet silence over took the two, as they lay underneath the stars, both of them as naked as how nature made them, minus the cloth bandages. Koyu's arm was draped over Fumi's chest and he could feel Fumi's deep and calm breathing. He watches Fumi's chest rise and fall with every breath and he thought about all that's happened ever since he started to fight.
"How long has it been, Koyu? About five years, right?" He sighs and turns his attention to the small boy whose head was resting on his shoulder.
"That's been five years of fighting for you and nine years of fighting for me. Has it been that long?" Fumi smiles. It's been so long since he raised a weapon against anyone in battle. It's been so long that the memories of their first kill disappearing like an unwanted memory.
"I remember being just a little boy back then; so carefree and never thinking about my own safety. All I did was play all day long with the other kids..." His eyes, they are the eyes of one who reminisces about things that he felt mattered the most, holding the same sadness that he always carried with him...
But they were far too young to reminisce. Youths thrust into the lives of adults.
"But when the Tinto soldiers came to the village to kill all the bandits... That was my first time, my first time to witness a man dying. To witness blood gushing out of a wound as the victim struggled to fight back, only to drop dead at his opponent's feet. It was also then that I had to pick up my first weapon... And to take my first life." Tears well up in those sea-green eyes of his. Both of us were the same... We were taken in by the bandits as children and now walk down the same path of warriors that came before us.
"A soldier was there, standing over the body of my sister that he himself had killed. I was shocked at first, but soon felt this pulse, this angry throb in my mind. I picked up a small kitchen knife that I saw on a table... And plunged it deep into his back. I didn't know why, but I pulled it out afterwards... His blood freely trickling down from the open wound." Those tears now slowly trickle down the sides of his face as he held Koyu's hands in a soft yet firm grip.
Wasn't it like this when you're caught in fighting? Isn't it always the people that weren't supposed to fight the ones to wield the most dangerous weapons? In war, the ones who suffer the most are the ones not involved...
"That's why... That's why I wanted to become stronger. There are people I must protect. Not just family... not just Mount Lampdragon... But for everyone that doesn't deserve to be abused. Maybe I'm being a little dreamy, maybe this idea is too cliché but I don't want anyone to feel the pain I felt when she died..."
And now, his eyes clenched shut, his tears now becoming a heart-rending sob. He cries because he remembers everything that he's been through. And everything everyone else has been through.
And no one else does...
I can't help him. None of us can... He has to bear this kind of pain for his entire life and he can't even find a single shred of condolence in anything...
"I'm so sorry Koyu; I cried again..." The young boy smiles back at Fumi, a weak, gentle smile. They stare at one another's eyes for what seemed like forever, never blinking... Never breathing... As if they were unconsciously caressing one another's heart and soul. Caressing without hands, without body... Above the casings of flesh and into the levels of the soul.
Purely metaphysical. And completely pure.
Fumi blinked and brushed his hands through Koyu's messy and oftentimes, unkempt hair; breaking the monotony and the trance that they were mutually in.
"We'd better go back, Koyu; It's already late. They're probably worried sick about you and me." Fumi sat up, his eyes completely affixed on the brilliant crescent moon that hovered high above them. The clouds floated by on gentle breezes and the stars shined on throughout the clear, deep blue sky. Koyu stood up, his unabashed, naked body standing there, covered only by white cloth bandages around his shoulders. The wind blew between his bare legs, the grass tickling his young skin. He held out one hand, and picked Fumi up without any signs of difficulty other than a weak pulse in his shoulder. The two walked towards the piled up clothing that lay hidden underneath some grass and trees and took their time in dressing up. Fumi then adjusted his bandages and placed one arm around Koyu's shoulders and they walked on like that.... Like two people that truly understood the way one another felt... And the way one another felt about love.
"I love you Koyu. I always will." Fumi said as he kissed Koyu on his head while in return, Koyu squeezed Fumi closer to him.
"I'll always love you, brother Fumi... I always will."
They were the same in a way, even though their faces weren't. They were so far apart yet at the same time, living the same dream. How could two people dream a dream that they never dreamt? They had feelings for one another like no one else and yet, they knew that it wasn't right. Indecisions can come later however, all that mattered was one another.
And so the two continued back to the village... The beautiful moon and stars lighting back a path home.
- End chapter three -