Chapter Eight: Love is...
Location: Tigermouth Village (Flashback)
(Don't mess with me people! I'm warning you guys, don't mess with me! You just might get me mushier than I am now... And you wouldn't like it if I become mushy... =\ And by the way, if you think this chapter's a little confusing, don't think it's just you... Even I got confused!)
---
Eerily, he found that the day seemed to move on now in total monotony. There was nothing new; nothing exciting that brought his blood to a boil. Rather, he was here, tilling soil for planting for some other guy that he didn't even know the name of. He was hired help.... How degrading, he thought. Even eerier, this wasn't the way he was thinking several days back.
He thought he was happy here, instead he found out that he was more comfortable with the idea of having something really blunt embedded in the front of his forehead. Why was he bore so quickly? no, an even better question would be, why was he bored at all?
He was happy before, being a simple boy doing simple work for simple people. What was there for him to do? He didn't want any more complications in his life. He didn't want to have to put himself in perpetual danger for God knows what reason! He should be content with what was happening now but he just wasn't! Life was beginning to drag into a very sad state...
He wipes his brow with his forearm, sweat dripping in heavy portions. He looks around, absorbing into his head the bland scenery of such a simple town.
What was there to take in anyway? What once started off as just being boring was now beginning to get insanely irritating...
But did he have any choice in the matter? There was none at all, right? So he took the hoe in hand once more, and began his repetitive job yet again...
Lift... Then drop.
* * * * *
It was about noon time already and he was happy that the city of Greenhill was just over the horizon. Soon enough he was going to become an expert at using runes and maybe then he could die happy, knowing that at least he's fulfilled one dream from his unbelievably long list of want-to-do's.
And besides, he had more than one incentive to hurry up to get to Greenhill. This heat was blistering!
* * * * *
He hacked the piece of wood into two clean pieces, both flying far away in opposite directions. To his left and to his right, there were two stacks of misarranged firewood, half from the fact that he wasn't really concentrating and half at the discomfort of the seething sunlight. It was an absurdly hot day and he wasn't even sure as to why he even went out to chop down trees. Getting away from boredom was nothing compared to his desire to get away from the heat...
But he had other reasons, more strange reasons to get out of the inn. One of it was Lo Wen.
He wasn't doubting his wife, by the bottles that she threw at him, he wasn't doubting her! He was thinking more of why he had ever taken her as his bride and why she even thought of taking a slob like him for a husband. He wasn't the best looking guy in Lampdragon and he definitely wasn't the wittiest but still, the two of them got married and were legally and religiously one body. And why did he take Lo Wen, the legendary man killer? (He had always wondered why they called her that and after the honeymoon, he realized that there were so many reasons...) When did the two of them realize that they wanted one another?
More importantly...
What ever got into their heads when they said that they wanted to marry? They must have been drunk when they thought of that. Yeah, being drunk and saying crazy things seemed like what they would do... yeah, that's it, Alcohol.... Good ol' Alcohol must've done its job once again...
He swung again, this time missing the log standing upright. Strange... He didn't even take a sip of ale since yesterday...
* * * * *
"It is soooooo hot..." Koyu moaned as he sat, tired, under a huge tree that served as his only form of protection from that stupid burning ball in the sky. His skin was getting noticeably darker and he was beginning to get really sick of having to go out in this heat day after day after day. It was beginning to become a pretty redundant routine...
He smiled a bit, wiped his brow again, and leaned forward, his head hanging limply on his neck. "I wanna go somewhere else... Maybe if I just go around the world in random directions, I'll bump into Fumi again..." What a crazy idea, he realized. The world was too big for searching and ultimately makes the saying "A needle in a haystack" an outrageous understatement.
Come to think of it... Why did he love Fumi so much anyway? What was it about this young man that he liked so much? Why would he, an immature boy of thirteen, fall head over heels for this thieving, lanky boy of seventeen? What was it that attracted him in the first place? He can't even remember the first time they realized that they did indeed love each other, much less the reason for loving him the way he did!
Who knows when loves starts?
More than friends but not yet lovers. A delicate friendship that walks on a very thin line made by two hearts. A line that has to stop at one point...
Ultimately, the line stopped and then they knew that there was no more room for 'Just friends.' They weren't just 'friends', they were so much more than that and in a way that it startled even the two of them. Why love someone so much for no reason at all? There has to be a reason why that line stopped, but he just couldn't tell what it was...
Who indeed knows when love starts?
* * * * *
An hour after the last time he even tried to chop a piece of wood.
A very long hour spent playing a crazy game against boredom. Boredom was a very, very good player... But the mind of a tired person is better...
"Come to think of it... Why _did_ Lo Wen choose me? She never liked any man before and for heavens sake, I don't think that the thought of marriage ever even knocked on her stubborn head at least once!" Somehow, he knew that he should be thankful that he was married to a woman like her. She was different and she didn't demand to be taken care of. She could take care of herself better than anyone else could. (Lucky for him. Gijimu wasn't all that responsible when caring for a woman's feelings.) But there were times when he also thought that a simpler, more womanly woman would suit his tastes more. (If Lo Wen heard that, he'd be kissing his own ass from today on!) But he was already married to her and there was no possible way to revoke a marriage other than to kill your spouse.
Lo Wen would probably kill him before he even got the idea.
"Love is crazy." He said to himself as he looked up at the blue sky from beneath the trees.
Who else thinks love is a crazy thing?
* * * * *
And now, it's all dark. The hours have droned by and now I'm here, walking home from the fields. The sun's all blotted out by the mountains in the distance and the faint glitter of the moon is seen in the sky.
Sound; all gone already. A silence, one that does not evocate a sense of eeriness, rather, it is a silence that seems to calm yet seems to awaken things that I've never noticed in myself.
It's times like this that I remember that there are other things in the workings of a mans heartstrings other than love.
When the sun is gone and all the sound isn't even making it's self known, that's when it strikes. When you know that there's nothing left but to sleep and wake up to a new day... When you lie on your bed, clutching your cold blanket and trying vainly to sleep...
That's when that thing called 'loneliness' comes. No, it doesn't come in the way we think it does. Loneliness is a part of human existence. It's always been there and it will always stay there and wait for the right time to remind you that you are still only one person against an entire world. Always ready to jerk you back from your lofty dreams of finding someone perfect for you...
I can't understand this feeling... Loneliness is even more complex than love itself. Or is loneliness just love that was never fulfilled? Do we love and in turn fall into loneliness because we try so hard to show emotions that were best left alone?
Is loneliness the unbridled ramifications of a sad, mislead heart?
Am I the only one who feels it? Am I the only one who knows that he's alone? I may be a boy but I'm still human... And humans are a generally imperfect race.
Why do men seek women and why do women seek men?
So many questions yet no one tries to answer. No one understands me and no one understands my questions. No one really has the answers...
How lonely...
And now all I do is walk silently, my own quiet self adding up to the overwhelming lonely lack of sound all around me. I can't think straight anymore... I don't want to think about love anymore... He's gone and he's probably never going to show himself up ever again...
How lonely indeed...
"Love is to feel empty..." He said silently, almost like that of a ghost's whisper from afar.
---
All that I see around me are just walls. I know what walls are for. They're used to keep things out of a specific space. I know what I need to know and I know what everyone else does. But does that mean I don't have to understand that gut sensation we all have to undergo at least once in our lives?
It's been another day of nothing. There's nothing really to look forward to anymore. The magic of everyday no longer exists and now every time I wake up... I seem to feel heavier and heavier. My feet don't want to move and my body resists what my mind tells it to do. Monotony, monotony, monotony...
Those fun times I had with that crazy boy were gone, faded into the bleak shadow of ones own memory. There were no more moments that were unexpected. Moments when he would suddenly jump at me from behind with the skill of royal assassins, always making me jump high into the air whenever he did so. No more times when we would relish in the feeling of a passionate kiss, when we would lose ourselves in the feeling of being in one another's arms and rolling on the grass, bodies clasping one another like there was going to be no tomorrow...
Maybe there was no tomorrow then. Maybe, at least, for Fumi and maybe for myself as well.
A cruel world works with cruel fate...
Why does it always have to rain on me?
Maybe tomorrow... Maybe tomorrow... Maybe tomorrow...
Maybe it'll be different. Maybe he'd be there, waiting for me, ready to embrace me the way he did before.
I laugh at myself. I seem to have not realized my predicament. I finally understood what love is.
Love is a bitch.
Love is...
-- End chapter eight --
Location: Tigermouth Village (Flashback)
(Don't mess with me people! I'm warning you guys, don't mess with me! You just might get me mushier than I am now... And you wouldn't like it if I become mushy... =\ And by the way, if you think this chapter's a little confusing, don't think it's just you... Even I got confused!)
---
Eerily, he found that the day seemed to move on now in total monotony. There was nothing new; nothing exciting that brought his blood to a boil. Rather, he was here, tilling soil for planting for some other guy that he didn't even know the name of. He was hired help.... How degrading, he thought. Even eerier, this wasn't the way he was thinking several days back.
He thought he was happy here, instead he found out that he was more comfortable with the idea of having something really blunt embedded in the front of his forehead. Why was he bore so quickly? no, an even better question would be, why was he bored at all?
He was happy before, being a simple boy doing simple work for simple people. What was there for him to do? He didn't want any more complications in his life. He didn't want to have to put himself in perpetual danger for God knows what reason! He should be content with what was happening now but he just wasn't! Life was beginning to drag into a very sad state...
He wipes his brow with his forearm, sweat dripping in heavy portions. He looks around, absorbing into his head the bland scenery of such a simple town.
What was there to take in anyway? What once started off as just being boring was now beginning to get insanely irritating...
But did he have any choice in the matter? There was none at all, right? So he took the hoe in hand once more, and began his repetitive job yet again...
Lift... Then drop.
* * * * *
It was about noon time already and he was happy that the city of Greenhill was just over the horizon. Soon enough he was going to become an expert at using runes and maybe then he could die happy, knowing that at least he's fulfilled one dream from his unbelievably long list of want-to-do's.
And besides, he had more than one incentive to hurry up to get to Greenhill. This heat was blistering!
* * * * *
He hacked the piece of wood into two clean pieces, both flying far away in opposite directions. To his left and to his right, there were two stacks of misarranged firewood, half from the fact that he wasn't really concentrating and half at the discomfort of the seething sunlight. It was an absurdly hot day and he wasn't even sure as to why he even went out to chop down trees. Getting away from boredom was nothing compared to his desire to get away from the heat...
But he had other reasons, more strange reasons to get out of the inn. One of it was Lo Wen.
He wasn't doubting his wife, by the bottles that she threw at him, he wasn't doubting her! He was thinking more of why he had ever taken her as his bride and why she even thought of taking a slob like him for a husband. He wasn't the best looking guy in Lampdragon and he definitely wasn't the wittiest but still, the two of them got married and were legally and religiously one body. And why did he take Lo Wen, the legendary man killer? (He had always wondered why they called her that and after the honeymoon, he realized that there were so many reasons...) When did the two of them realize that they wanted one another?
More importantly...
What ever got into their heads when they said that they wanted to marry? They must have been drunk when they thought of that. Yeah, being drunk and saying crazy things seemed like what they would do... yeah, that's it, Alcohol.... Good ol' Alcohol must've done its job once again...
He swung again, this time missing the log standing upright. Strange... He didn't even take a sip of ale since yesterday...
* * * * *
"It is soooooo hot..." Koyu moaned as he sat, tired, under a huge tree that served as his only form of protection from that stupid burning ball in the sky. His skin was getting noticeably darker and he was beginning to get really sick of having to go out in this heat day after day after day. It was beginning to become a pretty redundant routine...
He smiled a bit, wiped his brow again, and leaned forward, his head hanging limply on his neck. "I wanna go somewhere else... Maybe if I just go around the world in random directions, I'll bump into Fumi again..." What a crazy idea, he realized. The world was too big for searching and ultimately makes the saying "A needle in a haystack" an outrageous understatement.
Come to think of it... Why did he love Fumi so much anyway? What was it about this young man that he liked so much? Why would he, an immature boy of thirteen, fall head over heels for this thieving, lanky boy of seventeen? What was it that attracted him in the first place? He can't even remember the first time they realized that they did indeed love each other, much less the reason for loving him the way he did!
Who knows when loves starts?
More than friends but not yet lovers. A delicate friendship that walks on a very thin line made by two hearts. A line that has to stop at one point...
Ultimately, the line stopped and then they knew that there was no more room for 'Just friends.' They weren't just 'friends', they were so much more than that and in a way that it startled even the two of them. Why love someone so much for no reason at all? There has to be a reason why that line stopped, but he just couldn't tell what it was...
Who indeed knows when love starts?
* * * * *
An hour after the last time he even tried to chop a piece of wood.
A very long hour spent playing a crazy game against boredom. Boredom was a very, very good player... But the mind of a tired person is better...
"Come to think of it... Why _did_ Lo Wen choose me? She never liked any man before and for heavens sake, I don't think that the thought of marriage ever even knocked on her stubborn head at least once!" Somehow, he knew that he should be thankful that he was married to a woman like her. She was different and she didn't demand to be taken care of. She could take care of herself better than anyone else could. (Lucky for him. Gijimu wasn't all that responsible when caring for a woman's feelings.) But there were times when he also thought that a simpler, more womanly woman would suit his tastes more. (If Lo Wen heard that, he'd be kissing his own ass from today on!) But he was already married to her and there was no possible way to revoke a marriage other than to kill your spouse.
Lo Wen would probably kill him before he even got the idea.
"Love is crazy." He said to himself as he looked up at the blue sky from beneath the trees.
Who else thinks love is a crazy thing?
* * * * *
And now, it's all dark. The hours have droned by and now I'm here, walking home from the fields. The sun's all blotted out by the mountains in the distance and the faint glitter of the moon is seen in the sky.
Sound; all gone already. A silence, one that does not evocate a sense of eeriness, rather, it is a silence that seems to calm yet seems to awaken things that I've never noticed in myself.
It's times like this that I remember that there are other things in the workings of a mans heartstrings other than love.
When the sun is gone and all the sound isn't even making it's self known, that's when it strikes. When you know that there's nothing left but to sleep and wake up to a new day... When you lie on your bed, clutching your cold blanket and trying vainly to sleep...
That's when that thing called 'loneliness' comes. No, it doesn't come in the way we think it does. Loneliness is a part of human existence. It's always been there and it will always stay there and wait for the right time to remind you that you are still only one person against an entire world. Always ready to jerk you back from your lofty dreams of finding someone perfect for you...
I can't understand this feeling... Loneliness is even more complex than love itself. Or is loneliness just love that was never fulfilled? Do we love and in turn fall into loneliness because we try so hard to show emotions that were best left alone?
Is loneliness the unbridled ramifications of a sad, mislead heart?
Am I the only one who feels it? Am I the only one who knows that he's alone? I may be a boy but I'm still human... And humans are a generally imperfect race.
Why do men seek women and why do women seek men?
So many questions yet no one tries to answer. No one understands me and no one understands my questions. No one really has the answers...
How lonely...
And now all I do is walk silently, my own quiet self adding up to the overwhelming lonely lack of sound all around me. I can't think straight anymore... I don't want to think about love anymore... He's gone and he's probably never going to show himself up ever again...
How lonely indeed...
"Love is to feel empty..." He said silently, almost like that of a ghost's whisper from afar.
---
All that I see around me are just walls. I know what walls are for. They're used to keep things out of a specific space. I know what I need to know and I know what everyone else does. But does that mean I don't have to understand that gut sensation we all have to undergo at least once in our lives?
It's been another day of nothing. There's nothing really to look forward to anymore. The magic of everyday no longer exists and now every time I wake up... I seem to feel heavier and heavier. My feet don't want to move and my body resists what my mind tells it to do. Monotony, monotony, monotony...
Those fun times I had with that crazy boy were gone, faded into the bleak shadow of ones own memory. There were no more moments that were unexpected. Moments when he would suddenly jump at me from behind with the skill of royal assassins, always making me jump high into the air whenever he did so. No more times when we would relish in the feeling of a passionate kiss, when we would lose ourselves in the feeling of being in one another's arms and rolling on the grass, bodies clasping one another like there was going to be no tomorrow...
Maybe there was no tomorrow then. Maybe, at least, for Fumi and maybe for myself as well.
A cruel world works with cruel fate...
Why does it always have to rain on me?
Maybe tomorrow... Maybe tomorrow... Maybe tomorrow...
Maybe it'll be different. Maybe he'd be there, waiting for me, ready to embrace me the way he did before.
I laugh at myself. I seem to have not realized my predicament. I finally understood what love is.
Love is a bitch.
Love is...
-- End chapter eight --