Fast Moving Train
song by: Restless Heart
songfic by: NemKess
pairing: Kurama/Hiei
warnings: yaoi, angst, some strong language
archive: sure, I don't have anywhere to put it myself right now
Note: this is AU and takes place before the series.
(She had a long line of lovers
Mostly the gambling kind
I didn't wanna be like the others
And get left behind)
Hiei, Forbidden Child of the Koorime, fire demon, disowned and very nearly murdered at birth and vehement in his vow not to get involved with anyone at all for any reason at all, had a problem.
That problem had a name.
Youko Kurama.
An infuriating creature of finely spun silver fur and golden eyes. Kurama the Beautiful. Kurama the Promiscuous. Kurama the Playful.
Kurama the Heartless.
Kurama, baffling, energetic, cold-blooded, entrancing....
Hiei could think of a million different things to describe the two-legged fox spirit.
A coldly beautiful Youko who had been lover to over half the demon population in the Makai. And the other half were just lining up to be the next.
Kurama who had set his sights on Hiei.
(I heard about her bad reputation
And how she had a heart of stone
How she'd give a man a moment of pleasure
To get what she wants)
It was well known throughout the land that Kurama's favors came with a cost. He never moved on someone for the sheer pleasure of it, or for the sake of some elusive feelings.
The Youko had no feelings.
He went into every affair with his eye on some prize or another. As a thief, he took pride in the fact that he could get anything at all from anyone.
A one of a kind spell book from an ancient wizard, an irreplaceable jewel from a rich lord, a choice piece of a ruler's kingdom.
It was common knowledge.
Kurama made no effort to be subtle or discreet.
And yet...
No one turned him down when they found themselves subject to his undeniable charm.
No one even tried to keep him from his gains.
All considered it a small price to pay to be at the center of his attention and seduction, even if only for a brief moment in time.
(I had a weakness
For her kind of woman
I could never deny
I knew wouldn't never see it coming
until I was lost in her eyes)
Hiei had no idea what he could possibly have that might be of value to the fickle kitsune, but he would not allow himself to be another conquest in the very long line of Kurama's conquests.
For all his fine intentions and vows, the fire demon was very aware of his own weaknesses.
His twin whom he loved even though he hid himself away from her.
His tear gem, the only link to his past he'd kept.
His need to be as powerful as he could be.
His need to prove himself.
.... His need to love and be loved.
Hiei knew, beyond any doubt, that if he allowed himself to fall under the Youko's spell, he wouldn't be able to pull himself back together when Kurama moved on.
For him, sex equated a level of trust and feeling that was beyond him to give casually. And so, he'd stayed out of such entanglements. He remained celibate. It hadn't been too difficult really, only a handful of demons would even consider sleeping with a Forbidden Child. And those were only in it for the whole novelty of the idea. They weren't fixated on it enough to risk getting their heads cut off and went away after it became obvious that Hiei wasn't interested.
Only on rare occasions had he ever been tempted and each had ended badly almost before they'd started.
Each time he'd opened himself, only to be betrayed by those he'd trusted.
He'd left a piece of himself behind each time.
Kurama with his easy charm and crazy persistence had the potential to dig deeper into his heart than anyone else had ever before- and that was even with the complete lack of trust he had for the kitsune.
Hiei shuddered to think of the damage that could be done if he actually allowed himself to be blinded by the promises he saw when he looked into golden eyes.
If only Kurama actually meant them.
(the more I tried to keep her at a distance
the more I became aware
she was breaking down my resistance
til I no longer cared)
He was tired of fighting off Kurama's advances.
He could feel every defense he had crumbling in the face of the immovable determination that the fox had displayed thus far. No amount of protesting or scornful insults had gotten rid of his unwanted pursuer.
The nature of a predator, he supposed.
Hunt and stalk until you catch your prey. Never give up, especially not when you could smell its fear.
Kurama paid no attention to his barriers and cared nothing of the reasons why Hiei pushed him away.
He just kept pushing back.
And Hiei was simply too tired to keep up his resistance. The fire demon wasn't even sure if he cared to resist anymore.
(Tonight I saw a red red rose in the yellow moon
Shining on a silhouette
lying in the shadows of my bedroom
I knew it when we made love
and I couldn't quit calling her name
that I'd been
hit by another fast moving train,
I'd been hit by another
fast moving train)
In a show of some of the greatest stupidity that he'd ever shown in his lifetime, Hiei had decided that the only way to rid himself of the problem was to sate his own lust and Kurama's. Get it out of his system, find out what the fox wanted, give it to him, move on.
Simple.
Hiei knew himself well, but he'd been completely unaware of his own ability to lie to himself.
So much for being aware of his weaknesses.
He'd convinced himself that he could give his body but hold back his heart. That he could give them both what they wanted and still walk away with most of his soul intact.
He wondered if the self-delusional part of his mind came from his mother.
He'd known, as they'd moved together, that he wasn't just having sex. Hiei had only consumated the love that had been growing in his heart. Given it exactly what it needed so that it could escape his rigid control.
And now....
He knew he'd never be able to undo what he'd allowed to happen.
He was in love with Kurama the Heartless
Well, now he was fucked.
(I wondered as I laid there and held her
why can't this be real
why the fear wouldn't let me tell her
how good she made me feel)
'I love you.'
He'd never say it out loud. Not to a fox spirit that would trample on his poor ensnared heart.
'I love you.'
By all the gods and goddesses he'd ever heard of, he wished Kurama could love him in return. He wished that the Youko's heart had been as bound to him as his own was to Kurama.
He wished that Kurama was gentle and caring and loving and his.
That the strength could be tempered with compassion. That the beauty extended beyond the skin to the heart. That the fickleness could be replaced with faithfulness. That the playful, tender lover in the night, could be real in the light of day.
So many wishes...
None of them likely to come true.
(I doubted that she'd even be around
when the morning comes
I waited til she fell asleep to whisper,
baby look what you've done)
Kurama would be gone tomorrow.
He knew it as surely as he knew that the Koorime were cold-hearted bitches.
It's just the way things were.
Maybe he'd leave with the knowledge of exactly what he'd taken from Hiei. Maybe not.
The fire demon wasn't sure he wanted to know.
What he couldn't ignore, couldn't pretend about, was that either way, Kurama would not be there when he awoke.
And neither would his heart.
Because it would be with the beautiful, thieving fox spirit who had stolen it.
'I love you.'
(Tonight I saw a red red rose in the yellow moon
Shining on a silhouette
lying in the shadows of my bedroom
I knew it when we made love
and I couldn't quit calling her name
that I'd been
hit by another fast moving train,
I'd been hit by another
fast moving train)