Chapter 4: Classes
Walking around in the corridors on a Saturday afternoon couldn't get any more boring. For the past hour James had wandered the halls, finally deciding to cut his exploration short when he accidentally stepped into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Although before that, he did have a fun time when he found a room filled with falling gold coins (Professor Kettleburn must have stowed leprechauns away for Care of Magical Creatures). He had picked up a bag of it, deciding to trick Sirius when he paid him back in leprechaun gold.
He had also discovered a room hidden behind a purple velvet tapestry; there was a hippocampus etched into the wall that asked for the password. Answering "Marauders," after a few other names, the hippocampus split in half (one part fish, the other lion) and a locked door revealed itself behind it. James had a harder time with this, because the lock didn't spring open when he did the Alohomora Charm, nor when he used a bent paper clip. He had to use a tricky spell that he read once in a book in the middle of a Charms assignment. When the door opened, the only contents of the room were a dusty couch in the corner and a thick book with a blue six-point star shimmering in the middle of the front cover. He decided to leave it untouched.
As he was strolling through the Transfiguration corridor, a classroom door burst open and Peeves glided out, carrying a bottle of unidentifiable liquid. A wide grin spread on his face as he spotted James, but not in the way you might seem to think.
"Hey, Peeves," James greeted. "Whaddaya have over there?"
"Long time no see, Potter," Peeves cackled in a buddy-to-buddy way. He swooped down next to James. "Heard what you did to slimy Snape. Best thing to do at a time like this, best thing." His eyes sparkled maliciously as he shook the bottle in his hand.
"What're you going to do with that?" James asked uncertainly.
Peeves cackled again, sounding much more like his usual self. "Taking your lead, Jamsie. Those Slytherins've got a right nasty temper. Should be fun to pull a nice trick on 'em."
"Well, good for you," James said as they walked (Peeves glided) down the hall. "But what is that thing for anyway?"
"Oh, this? Just a nice formula made of stinkweed, essence of rafflesia, skunk juice and the bottled stench of a moldy old sock. Smelly, of course," Peeves snickered. "Good for perfume, this is. Should give stinky Slytherins the urge to take a good long bath."
James looked interested. "Where'd you get all that stuff? I'll be needing it for my potion."
Peeves somersaulted in the air and dangled the bottle in front of James's face. "Top secret, that is. You wouldn't find it anywhere in Hogsmeade. But I would give you some if you behave like a good boy."
"And your standards of good are equivalent to wreaking as much havoc as you could in every possible second. I could do that." James rolled his eyes.
"Fine then. I'll give it to you, but it'll make you stink for days," Peeves said gleefully. "You should save the smell in a jar and let it out during class. That'll be fun!!!" (Peeves sure is acting weird in this scene.)
"I'll think about it," James said. He waved as Peeves glided away and attacked a group of second-years that were coming out of the library.
Shrugging, James turned to head back to Gryffindor Tower.
*****
Peter eyed the tipsy Fat Lady nervously.
"Hic! Password?" she asked, the words coming out in a sluggish voice.
"Twiddlethumbs," Peter replied tonelessly, and she swung forward to admit him. He climbed into the portrait hole, and a blast of noise reached his ears.
It took a few moments to register what he was seeing (and hearing). A dozen or so fireworks were jetting around the common room, like small, flying Blast-ended Skrewts. He dodged one just in time and the firework whizzed past into the hallway, disappearing around the corner and spurting a jet of sparks behind it as it passed.
"Butterbeer! Hic! More sugar!"
"We've run out of it, I think Remus went to get some more from the kitchens…"
"Wheeee! Bluebell bubble attack!"
"You're such a delicate boy…"
"Watch ou--! Oh, so that's what happens when Droobles Best Blowing Gum explodes in your face."
"But the ad said they refused to pop for days!"
Boom! "Exploding Snap, anyone?"
"Who'd want to do that with eleven firecrackers on the loose?"
"Sirius said he was going to light some more…"
"Of an emotional landslide…"
"Who wants more Cockroach Cluster?"
"Yechhh, can't believe you actually ate that."
"Go baby, go, go! Oh, we're right behind you…"
"You okay, Lionel?"
"Ugh, I think that was fertilizer flavor…"
More chatter, more screams, more demands and more we-hate-gay song lyrics erupted from different groups as Peter walked past his fellow Gryffindors. What was wrong with these people? Did they suddenly all go psycho in one night?
Peter almost tripped on a third-year girl who was playing Spin the Bottle with the rest of her demented friends. They were all giggly and looked like they had one too many bottles of beer.
"So, Peter, care to join in the fun?" a cheery (yet slightly slurred) voice said behind him. He jumped, turned around and saw, with a relieved sigh, that it was only Martin Kimball.
"Yeah, I didn't know there was a party. What are you guys celebrating, anyway?"
Martin laughed. Peter took a step back, even a fourteen-year-old who drunk too much butterbeer would terrify the wits out of him. "You don't know, man? Snape practically transformed into an ugly looking--"
"Why, hello, Peter. Would you like to have some butterbeer?" Remus held out a foaming tankard, smiling. He didn't look unstable at all.
"Th-thanks," Peter said gratefully, taking a swig.
"As I was saying," Martin said, glaring at Remus, "In the Great Hall--"
"I think Peter would like the short version, Martin," Remus interrupted dryly. "Come on, Pete. Let's sit down somewhere and talk."
Remus steered him toward the plush armchairs by the fireplace where Lily and Chase Tarlise were deep in conversation. Sirius was crouched behind Lily's chair, listening in.
"Hey Lily, Chase," Remus said. The two girls stopped talking and looked at him. "And Sirius."
Lily raised her eyebrows and glared at Sirius. She kicked him in the shins.
"Ow! Vicious and brutal," he complained, reaching for his wand and performing an anti-pain spell.
"That's because you're a nosy, eavesdropping bastard," Lily snarled at him.
"I didn't hear anything interesting, anyway," Sirius said. "Just boring talk on the new Charms curriculum and even more boring talk about make-up. Dull."
"Well, we didn't force you to it. Now you're whining about doing things with your own free will." Lily plopped back down on the chair.
"Why don't you just tell me what you and Celes were fighting about?" Sirius huffed, sitting down on the chair opposite her.
"Why don't you just mind your own damned business?" Lily countered.
"You're just mad about the James crack."
"And is it my fault that you keep teasing me about it?"
"If you didn't like him in more-than-platonic terms, then you wouldn't be as defensive as you are now."
"I don't like talking about relationships with my best friend. God, is that so wrong?" Lily said.
"Okay, okay, we won't tease you about it anymore. Scout's honor."
"You're not a scout," Chase cut in, sipping her sherry.
"You didn't have to point it out," said Sirius, exasperated. Then his eyes lit up. "Hey, I know! Why don't you just tell me what they fought about? You're Lily's best friend and Celeste's twin, so they must have told you or you must've heard them fighting--"
"You never did tell me why you and Celes have different last names," Remus added.
"Maybe tomorrow. I don't feel like retelling it today," Chase said, rolling her eyes.
"So what did they fight about?" Sirius prompted her.
"That's their deal, I don't want to blab about their personal business," Chase refused. "If you can't get one of them to spill it, then that's your problem."
Sirius sighed. His eyes landed on Peter. "Decided to come out of hiding, didn't you?" he said in a not quite biting voice, probably because of the number of people present. Remus shot him a warning glance.
"I-I don't know what you're talking about," Peter said nonchalantly.
"Where've you been since four in the morning anyway? Trying to get some nonexistent work done in the library? Or purposefully avoiding your friends?" Sirius said, putting more stress on the word 'friends.'
"O-of course not!" Peter stammered back. "I was just…researching a bunch of stuff for our next practical joke. But I don't remember you telling me about the one you pulled on Snape." He frowned.
Sirius stared him down. "If you stuck around long enough to hear about it, then I doubt we would have left you out. Besides, weren't you planning to be a prefect next year? Is that why you spent the last eight hours in the library? Or maybe you're practicing your teacher's pet act, like telling on us about that fight on the Hogwarts Express," he said in a cold voice. The portrait hole opened and James entered the room.
"What's up, you guys?" he asked. He tentatively looked over at Lily, who scowled defiantly back. James averted his gaze and looked at Peter. "Hey, Pete."
"Hello, James," Peter squeaked. Probably one of the people he feared most was Sirius, since he was so tall and could be menacing when he wanted to. But James, though equally brilliant, was nicer and more considerate than his best friend.
Peter saw Sirius give James a look. James shrugged.
"Done anything productive in the last fifteen minutes, Jamie?" Sirius said.
"Oh….yeah! Peeves said he'd give me the stuff for my potion. All the ingredients certainly wouldn't be found in the Hogsmeade Apothecary," he pointed out.
"Peeves? Peeves the Poltergeist?" Remus said in amazement. "You didn't just say that he'll give you that stuff?"
Lily huffed. "Yeah, he'll give it all right. In the form of Reeking Repellant."
"Since when have you and Peeves been buddies?" Peter asked.
James frowned. "I dunno. Maybe it was because he always saw Sirius and me causing trouble, so he decided to be our friend or something. Why? What's wrong with that?"
"Not much. Consider yourself lucky that you won't be two walking water-balloon targets for the rest of your school life," Chase commented.
"That's a relief," Sirius said sarcastically. He glanced at his watch. "One and a half hour till lunch. Come on Jamie boy, I need to show you the list of ingredients." The two of them headed toward the boys' dormitory.
Peter stared around at the ones who remained. "So, fill me in on this gay Snape stuff."
*****
Monday came faster than they thought. The weather was so bad that the only thing the marauders felt like doing was sleeping in. Of course, they couldn't though. That didn't mean they didn't try.
"James, wake up! It's 8:45…fifteen minutes until the start of Herbology! Hurry!" Peter squeaked loudly, shaking the black-haired boy hard. The only result he got was a mumbled "Three more minutes, mum."
Peter sighed and moved on to Remus. He did the same thing, but with no success either. "Remus, it's midnight and there's a full moon!!! Wake up or you're going to attack us all--" he screamed in Remus's ear, and he woke up with a start.
"What? It's midnight already? But--where's Madame Pomfrey? What are you doing? Get out of my way, I'm going to transform any minute…" Remus pushed back the hangings on his bed and looked out the window. "Hey, it's morning!"
"Yes it is, get dressed or we'll be late for class!" Peter said impatiently. "Wait--don't do that, wake up Sirius and James. I'm going to have breakfast." He grabbed his bag and went out of the dormitory, leaving Remus with the heaviest sleepers in Britain.
"I can't wake them up by myself!" Remus yelled after him, but he was gone. Remus sighed. Pulling on his robes, he hurriedly grabbed his wand and shouted "Aquaeus!"
A bucket of water suddenly appeared above Sirius, and with another wave of Remus's wand, it flipped over drenched Sirius with ice-cold liquid. Sirius yelled and jumped from his bed, getting ready to punch whoever did the crime. "Wh-who the b-bloody h-h-hell did that?!" he chattered, looking wildly around the room for the person who dared disturb his beauty sleep.
"Me, you dozing dummy. Wake James up, and you'd better step on it," Remus said, jamming his hat on his head. "See ya!" He was gone.
"Some Monday morning," Sirius grumbled, pulling his socks and shoes on. He glanced at James, still snoring on the bed. "And what are you dozing about? Wake up, James!" James just turned over on the bed.
Sirius strode across the room next to James's bed. "Hel-lo-o! Wake up, sleeping monstrosity! That's not fair!" He shook James, but to no avail, just like Peter. Punching, drenching, and sparks were useless, as he attempted them all in failure.
Glancing at his watch, he saw that it was three minutes before Herbology. "Holy--Just wake up already, dammit!" Sirius cried, and when he only received a wheeze in return, he jumped on the bed and stepped on James's chest. "Wake--up--we're--going--to--be--late--!" he said, jumping each time he spoke a word. Just when he thought he should just leave him there, James grabbed his ankles and threw him off.
"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!" James shouted furiously at him.
Sirius tapped his watch. "Three minutes, Jamie boy. Rem told me to step on it."
James glanced down at the shoe marks on his nightshirt. "You didn't have to take that phrase literally," he mumbled, jumping off his bed and changing into his robes.
"What are you talking abou--oh. Well, it was the only way to wake you up," Sirius explained with a shrug. He dug around his trunk for his morning-class books, Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures. "Come on, hurry up!"
"What do you think I'm trying to do?" James asked sardonically. He fetched his own books and the two of them hurried past the dormitory and the deserted common room.
*****
Five minutes later they slid next to Remus, Lily and Peter in Greenhouse Five, uttering a quick apology to Professor Sprout. The three of them were trying to feed a Biscupiflow plant, a fanged shrub that wouldn't have been out of place in Hagrid's garden. An assortment of insects and smaller plants were littered around their tray.
"Your robes are back-to-front, James. Didn't you even shower, at least?" Lily said incredulously, wrestling the Biscupiflow into another pot.
"Gee, thanks for your concern, Lil," James deadpanned as Magnus Tristan of Ravenclaw handed him a Biscupiflow.
Professor Sprout strolled over to their tray. "No talking, you two! Handling Biscupiflows is a very serious matter, an unattended plant can easily attack. Their poisonous fangs can put you out for days, if not weeks." She said the last sentence out loud to the class. "Yes, but their roots make a very powerful ingredient in potions and quite a number of medicines. Would anybody care to tell me certain uses of this plant?" She walked away from the marauders as Celeste Schoharie recited the answer.
"What's our schedule after lunch?" James whispered, glancing at Professor Sprout. His and Sirius's Biscupiflow lashed at them viciously.
Remus checked his schedule. "Defense Against the Dark Arts, History of Magic and Arithmancy for me," he read.
Sirius cramped a large lotus into the Biscupiflow's mouth. "I have Ancient Runes that time. So do James and Lily," he told them.
"Peter has a free period after History of Magic, doesn't he?" James said. "How come you didn't take three extra subjects for this year, Pete?"
Peter knocked away his Biscupiflow's groping vines. "Arithmancy makes me dizzy," he answered.
"Yeah, you always did seem out of it during the afternoon sessions," Remus agreed as he sprinkled his plant's open mouth with sesame seeds.
"Then that means we'll have Divination tomorrow," Lily groaned. "Trelawney's going to bore us to death again…"
"No, that's Professor Binns's call," Sirius corrected. "Trelawney's going to waste away her life in a bunch of crackpot junk in that tower of hers. Real life doesn't ask for crystal balls and perfume-overdosed attics."
"Wise words from an Astronomy god," Remus chuckled. "Speaking of Astronomy, what day are we going to have that one?"
"I think they moved it to Thursday," Peter said. He was running out of things to feed to his Biscupiflow and had to move away several feet so that it couldn't bite him.
They worked throughout the rest of the class. In the end, a Ravenclaw girl, Hilary Duncan, got bitten on the arm and was sent to the hospital wing; Peter almost suffocated when his and Lily's Biscupiflow wrapped its thick long vines around him; Chase Tarlise narrowly escaped two Venomous Tentaculas that tried to assault her at once; and Celeste, who hadn't been as lucky, ended up with a deep gash in her right arm. Professor Sprout had taken her and Hilary to Madame Pomfrey and dismissed the class ten minutes earlier.
Still, there was no time to spare, today's lesson in Care of Magical Creatures was to take place near the Forbidden Forest, and was a good distance away from the greenhouses. The whole class arrived there with red faces, having climbed over a series of small hills along the way. The Hufflepuffs stood chatting and leaning on the fence surrounding a paddock.
Professor Kettleburn wasn't there yet, so they had a moment to catch their breath. There was absolutely nothing in the stretch of grass inside the fence, except for a few dozen glowing flying things, quite similar to the fireflies one sees at night. The only difference was that they flashed from blue to lavender to pink every now and then, and their antennae were long, springy stuff with deviant shapes on the ends.
"Good morning, class. I'm sorry for the holdup, just went by to the hospital wing…" Professor Kettleburn said to them. His whole right leg was covered in bandages, and a green liquid stained the white cloth.
"What's that green stuff on your leg, Professor?" Sirius asked innocently.
Kettleburn looked down at his leg. "Oh this? Just a nasty encounter with Professor Sprout's giant Tentacula in Greenhouse Seven… I was going to get some Mandrakes for a Petrified creature," he explained. He stroked his beard. "Creatures, actually. It was extremely lucky that I caught some in the last week of the summer break."
"So…where are the creatures, Professor?" Lily asked impatiently. The whole class nodded in agreement.
"Ah yes, the creatures." With a wave of his wand, Professor Kettleburn conjured two crates that landed safely onto the damp grass. It was a huge relief that the rain had stopped in the last half hour of Herbology, or they would've cursed the weather gods or whoever gave them the schedule, at least. The professor opened the crates and beckoned the class to come closer.
The students crept forward uncertainly. In their last lesson, Professor Kettleburn had brought in animals that looked like mutated salamanders that breathed fire. It wasn't like any of their usual lessons. Kettleburn had told them that they were going to encounter more dangerous creatures from fourth year up, and that they had to be prepared.
"Prepared, my foot," Sirius had muttered as he came out of the hospital wing with a shiny burn on his back. A particularly large fire-breathing monster had attacked him from behind.
"Kettleburn must have taken a leaf out of Hagrid's book," Lily groaned, rubbing ointment on her injury.
"He's always wrestling with fanged, horned-tongued brutes, and look what it gave to him. One ripped arm, two broken legs, a twisted ankle, and I'm pretty sure St. Mungo's Hospital had put him in once with a head contusion. And he calls it fun and work," James had remarked in disgust. Back then, he was the only one in Gryffindor third year who had come out of the lesson unscathed.
Back to the present, Professor Kettleburn had let out a few round creatures with silvery, moist skin and white bellies that had blue spiraling lines toward the center. Their eyes were big and varied in color, and they had two clawed feet and a horn on their foreheads. They had a long, thin tail with a few pointy crystals on the tip.
"Dridiones," Kettleburn said to the class. "Very speedy and sensitive. One faint noise in the quiet of the forest and they flee like deer. Needs a good Petrify Curse to capture one. Go on, get one for yourself and we'll climb into the paddock."
The class gingerly picked up their individual dridiones. At first sight, their skin looked wet and slimy, but when touched it felt quite dry. Climbing over the fence, they settled their creature on the grass.
"Now, the first thing you've got to know about dridiones are that they're shy. Don't shout or yell at them, no matter what. It's extremely hard to spot one in the forest, even if that is their natural habitat. These ones are a little confused after being Petrified, so it calms them a bit. They have a strange connection with these here prismatic insects. Your assignment is to find out why the two species are connected, and write your observations in a table. I'll give you time for the rest of the week to observe your dridione, for today, we'll just see and try to figure out their correlation."
He let the class wander around different corners of the paddock, and it gave the marauders time to escape into an area of their own.
"The crystals on the tips of their tails have magical properties. If you feed them the wrong food, a beam of rainbow-colored light will emit from their tail and head for your direction. Studies show that this beam is so far unblockable by any spell and can lead to dangerous complications. Much to the misfortune of many trained wizards…"
"I say we just let the dridiones eat the psychedelic flies and the task's as good as done," Sirius confirmed, looking up at all the flies and trying to catch one.
"Yeah, but I doubt Kettleburn will give you a perfect 10 if your dridione eats one of his rare specimens," James said with a smirk.
"You wouldn't exactly call this lot rare, could you?" Remus said, waving his hand at the bug-infested field. His dridione was looking up at him in a suspicious way.
As Professor Kettleburn walked past, they heard him go on with the lecture. "Dridiones have a special ability that can sense what other creatures feel. They can also identify if there is a creature in disguise, a very useful ability in case any of their predators are lurking nearby camouflaged. Some of these are…" He droned on and on.
Sirius groaned. "This is so boring. We could get started with your potion, James, or do a prank or something. Anything to get away from Kettleburn's sibilant droning on mimicry and disguise--"
"How'd you think he'll react if I feed my dridione one of your inventions?" Remus asked with interest.
"It'll probably zap you or something…"
"Oh, yeah."
"Ask Lil to do it, the dridione'll do her a favor and might make her face look decent if it zaps her--" James started.
"Maybe you should consider yourself first, James," Lily snapped.
"Hey, it was only a suggestion," James said, holding up his hands. "Come on, feed it Sirius's pus-blob thingy--"
"It took me a month to make that!" Sirius protested.
"If you threw it at James's face, then maybe that'll make him look more--"
"None of you are going to touch it until I let it loose in the Slytherin common room," Sirius interrupted.
"Why don't you just let it out right here, and the class will be more interesting," Remus said sarcastically.
Sirius's eyes lit up. "Hey, good idea! Wait, I put it in my bag somewhere…" He took out a thin, long metal box that occupied most of his bag.
"So that was what was in there, I thought you were going to give Celeste a present," James said.
"Shut up!" Sirius shushed him, eyeing Chase and Celeste who were only a few feet away.
"Honestly, Sirius, I don't see the two of you together," Remus commented.
"And why is that?" Sirius said with narrowed eyes. His four friends had always known of his longtime crush on Chase's twin.
"You two are too different," Remus countered.
"How so?"
"Like…she's studious, and you're not," James chimed in.
"I can be like that if I wanted to. Besides, didn't I make top marks in Astronomy and Ancient Runes last year?" Sirius argued.
"Three straight years in Astronomy, yeah," James agreed. "But we tied in Ancient Runes, remember?"
"See? Then we're both smart," Sirius said.
"No, you're not. We meant studious as in serious in studying. You, on the other hand, consider using the Wingardium Leviosa spell on Flitwick instead of the pillow an excellent job. Besides, you never study for Astronomy. It's in your genes to be good at it," Lily pointed out.
Sirius was about to say something, but Peter cut him off. "I've heard Celeste likes those earnest, stable types. She's not into guys that attract a lot of attention."
James let out a snort. "Sirius? Earnest?"
"You must have heard wrong, Peter," Sirius said icily. "And whatever you guys say, I do still stand a chance. Opposites attract, right? Look at Lily and James. Once the Christmas dance lets out, you'll see them waltzing off on the dance floor…"
"You and Celes getting together has as much chance as me and Lily, so in other words, there's absolutely no probability," James said, stressing the last three words. He looked toward the twins' direction, and his eyes lit up. "Hey, I know! Why don't you just go for Chase? They're twins, so they're practically the same!"
"Great idea, James!" Remus conceded. "Why don't you try it out, Sirius?"
"No!" Sirius shook his head. "There are a lot of differences between the two of them. Like Celeste has paler blue eyes and long, silky hair--" He trailed off, his eyes glazing over in a dreamy expression.
"Which is the same for Chase, except for the fact that she cut her hair shorter since she plays Quidditch," Peter pointed out.
"And she's more, how do you say this…graceful. Her movements are much more captivating than Chase's--"
"Because she's the one you always stare at, not Chase. Get a grip, Sirius," Lily said.
Chase and Celeste laughed in the distance. "I don't get you, Sirius. One of them's basically a clone, aside from the eyes. Even their laugh is alike," said Remus.
"You don't understand. She's got more flair, more--"
"Sex appeal," James said with a smirk.
"Exactly. Which makes the two of them totally different--"
"Boys, I don't see you observing your dridiones," Professor Kettleburn called out.
"Sorry, Professor," James apologized. He looked back at his dridione and pretended to be totally engrossed in it, then checked behind him before talking to Sirius again. "Come on, guys, let's take a bet," he said, his face breaking into a grin. "Five Galleons for me that Sirius will be turned down by Celeste Schoharie the moment he asks her to a dance."
"You're on," Remus said. "I bet…let's see, six Galleons, fifteen Sickles and four Knuts that he'll be moping for a week, shut out in the dormitory before accepting the fact that he's busted."
Sirius scowled at them. "Thanks for the moral support. And I call you my friends."
"No problem," James replied. "What's your bet, Lil? What about you, Pete?"
Peter thought for a moment. "Okay. I bet the same thing James did, four Galleons and thirteen Sickles."
Lily grinned. "I bet that Celeste will accept Sirius's invitation. If she says no, then I'll pay all you guys double, and vice versa," she said confidently.
"Thank you, Lil!" Sirius exclaimed. He jumped up to hug his friend. "At least I've still got a real friend, unlike these three," he said with a glare in their direction.
"Actually, I was planning on telling her to just say yes so that I'll get a whole lot of money," Lily said with a smirk. Sirius instantly broke the hug.
"No fair!" James and Peter said at the same time.
"Isn't that called emotional blackmail or something?" Remus said with a frown.
"I knew it. Money-greedy traitor," Sirius mumbled, shuffling away from her.
"It's called friendship. Too bad for you," Lily said sweetly.
"If you're going to do that, then forget the bet," James huffed.
"Awww, Jamie boy's a wuss," Lily drawled. "Coward, chicken, scaredy-cat--"
"I am not any of those things!" James hissed. Professor Kettleburn might hear them. His dridione's eyes flashed green.
"Don't call the bet off, then," Lily replied.
"That's cheating, and you know it, Lily Evans!" James said, raising his voice. His conscience had stopped nagging him. Who the hell would care, anyway? The class was almost over.
Sirius sighed. "Maybe I shouldn't just ask her to the ball so you guys would shut up and ridicule me to my face," he said angrily.
Remus patted him on the back. "Well, you know what they say, Sirius," he said seriously. "Love's the ultimate gamble." The four of them (Sirius excluded, of course) burst out laughing.
"Ha ha. I'm so glad that my problems are so laughable," Sirius said sarcastically.
"Yep. You should be grateful," James guffawed.
Sirius glowered.
"Class dismissed!" Professor Kettleburn announced. The others cheered and headed back to the castle for lunch.
*****
After three (two for Peter) mind-numbing classes, and a satisfying dinner, the marauders reached the Gryffindor common room at last. Of course, for each respective person, at least one of the classes was interesting. Remus, for example, earned Gryffindor twenty points in DADA for answering four consecutive questions about curses correctly. (Unfortunately Sirius was deducted the same number of points, after he used the Boomerang Hex on his DADA book and it went for their professor.) Lily and James, who were very good in History of Magic, earned fifteen points each. (Unfortunately Sirius lost Gryffindor thirty points in the same class, because Professor Binns was in a bad mood that afternoon and deducted points from people who fell asleep in his class. Sirius was the first one whose face dropped flat on the desk.) Remus was glad when Arithmancy came, he couldn't stand another hour and a half wherein Sirius would take back the points he earned. During the five minutes before Ancient Runes started, one of Professor McGonagall's badgers that was recently used in her sixth-year class escaped and turned into a book, and James performed a difficult spell to transform it back into its true form. Professor McGonagall rewarded him thirty points (which, of course, Sirius took away after he hexed Avery in the same hall. Sirius was provoked but had a talent of making it look like he was the one who started it, so it cost him thirty points again. All in all, Sirius lost eighty points for Gryffindor that day.).
"Eighty points, Sirius. God, can't you sit still long enough for us to actually see our hourglass with some sand in it?" James said in exasperation as they climbed up the stairs.
Sirius shook his head. "Hey, it wasn't my fault that McGonagall favors Slytherins more than those from her own House," he protested. "I swear, Ridgewood must've put some sort of potion in her tea so that her brain would be all fuzzy."
Peter panted as they entered the dormitory. "Look at the bright side. At least he only lost the points that you earned, if it happened when you didn't get any points, Gryffindor would be behind Hufflepuff," he pointed out.
"I wouldn't stand the shame," said Remus. "Being behind Hufflepuff…"
"Don't think like that," Sirius snapped. "Fine. If it makes you so despondent, then I'll recover the lost points tomorrow." They reached their dormitory and he opened the door for them.
"That is, if you don't lose points on Wednesday…" James trailed off as he entered the room, walking behind Sirius.
"Wednesday!" Remus said suddenly, slapping a hand to his forehead.
"What about it?" Peter asked disinterestedly.
"We have detention then," Remus explained. James groaned and Sirius scowled (at Peter).
"Oh. I see," Peter said, carefully avoiding Sirius's heavy glare. "Well, time to hit the sheets--"
"Aren't you going to do your homework?" James asked.
Peter waved a hand in a dismissive way. "I did it when you guys had your extra class."
"Lucky. I still have to finish a three-foot essay on where to find Alarmaic Runes in the Middle East, thanks to Sirius," James said, looking pointedly at his best friend.
"It's always me, isn't it?" Sirius said sarcastically.
"Yes, it is," Remus said reverently.
"Don't forget, I have to do that one too," Sirius reminded James.
"And so does Lily," James replied. "I bet we'll be up all night making that essay. There's over five thousand pages in our book…"
"Then look in the table of contents!" Sirius retorted. "Jeez, you should use your CS."
"CS?" James looked puzzled.
"Colossal Stupidity," Remus said with a yawn.
"No, you nitwits! Common sense," Sirius said. "Honestly, do I always have to spell it out for you?"
"Yep. That's because they have CS," Peter said with a laugh. He climbed into bed and drew the sheets up to his chin. ""Night, you guys," he said.
"Wait a minute," James said. "Where's your stuffed rabbit? Carrot?"
Remus snorted. "You mean, he still keeps that ratty old thing?"
"He's not a ratty old thing," Peter protested.
"It probably looked like something fit for the trash bin for his mom, so she must've threw it out," Sirius said.
"Don't call him 'it!' He's got a name too, he's Carrot, and if he heard you, you'll hurt his feelings--"
His three friends laughed. "Hurt its feelings?" the three of them said in unison.
"Rubbish like that? Have feelings?" Sirius said, his voice a mixture of pity and amusement.
"Now, you're going too far, Pete," Remus laughed.
James patted him on the back. "It's okay, Pete. You'll grow out of the little boy phase soon. See? You already let go of that bunny thing--"
"He's not just a thing!" Peter shouted. "He's Carrot, and he's not here 'cause mummy sewed his ears back for me! She's going to send him back in the owl post any day now--"
"No amount of mending and darning could turn that rag toy into a cuddly stuffed animal," Sirius sniggered.
"Just stop it!" Peter yelled, turning over on his stomach and covering his ears with his pillow.
The door creaked open. "What's going on?" said Martin. "I heard you yelling."
"Don't worry, Mart," Sirius said. "Those were just the calls of an insane wild cat that claims a dead, rotting hare."
Martin looked at him skeptically. "What's he talking about?" he asked Remus.
"Oh, you know Sirius," Remus answered casually. "He's got CS."
"CS?"
"Never mind."
Martin shook his head. "You guys are weird. I'm going to bed."
"Best idea I've heard you say all day," Sirius said cynically as he walked past to collect a few rolls of parchment and a new bottle of ink from his trunk.
"Aren't you going to do your homework?" James asked, dumbfounded.
Martin yawned. "Did it right after History of Magic." He stretched his arms and jumped onto his bed. "Now, if you're not going to go to sleep, leave us be," he added, gesturing at Peter. He still had the pillow over his head, but they could hear loud snores emanating from underneath it.
"Yes sir," James answered, raising his hand up to his forehead in mock salute. "May you rest in peace."
"Shut up," Martin yawned. He flipped onto his other side, his back facing the marauders.
"Good night to you too," Remus said.
His only answer was a snore.
James shrugged. "I know when we're not wanted," he said dryly. "Let's go."
"Best idea I've heard you say all day," Sirius told him automatically. They swept out of the room, down the stairs and into the almost empty common room. Lily wasn't there yet.
"You already said that," James reminded.
"When have I said it to you before?" Sirius countered.
"You said it to Martin, you dolt," James said, smacking the side of Sirius's head. He and Remus laughed.
"Ow! You know Jamie, even when you say that you would never get too close to Lily, I don't think you're telling the truth." James stopped laughing at once.
"Why do you think that?" James asked, folding his arms.
"I mean, you're starting to act just like her, lamebrain," Sirius said. "You know, hitting me, talking to others in a harsher-than-thou way--"
"I have not been talking to others in a harsher-than-thou way," James said. "Don't you remember? That's your and Lil's department, so if ever I have picked it up from one of you, it would be you, Sirius, not Lily, because as my best friend you're with me more times than--"
"All right, all right, stop blubbering already," Sirius interrupted. He glanced at Remus. "See what love can do to people, Rem?"
Remus shook his head amusedly. "Tragic."
"Whatever you guys say, I'm not going to listen to you," James said. He ran off ahead of them.
"He's in denial," Sirius said.
"Poor guy," Remus said at the same time. Both of them laughed.