COCKABO FARM - CHAPTER 2
We had nothing to do with the making of F.F.7. This decrepid piece of 'work' is meant purely for non-profit entertainment purposes. Blah, blah, blah, blah. If YOU copy OUR IDEA we will KILL YOU. We have ways...we know people in HIGH places!!!! This page will self-destruct in 10 minutes...so GET READING BITCH!!!
Created by, Restamon, Hippiemon,..... oh and lazymon
Rated-R for the criminally insane
All of a sudden the stable doors burst open again. But this time instead of Yuffie's annoying voice echoing around the room, the sound of cheesy 70`s disco throbbed and pounded between the flimsy barn walls.
Mojo Hojo: YEAH, BABY!!! GROOVY BABY!!!! YEAH, GET DOWN!!!!
Hojo Mojo: EVIL TWIN......YOU'RE HERE!!!
Mojo Hojo: YO!!! MY SOUL BROTHER!!! You didn't start the par-tay without me did you!!! WHASSUP?!!!
Hojo Mojo: I conned these no-hopers into thinking I was breeding F.F.7. Cockabos for profit!!! All the time, I was really tossing off!!! MWHA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!!!!
Mojo Hojo: ALRIGHT!!! Did ya tape it?
Hojo Mojo: YEP!!! Ya can watch it later. I'll also prepare some new matings soon!!!
Barret: THE FUCK YOU ARE! YOU SCREWED UP PAIR OF FUCKERS! I ain't stayin round here fer much longer! C'mon Cloud, we gettin outta here. We gettin offa this train. This train we on don't make no stops!....
Cloud: HUH?!!! Ahh, the music! The disco! THE SOUL TRAIN!!! Yo, Barret my soul brother!!! Get down!!! WOO, HOO!!!
Aeris: OOOH, Cloud! You got it baby! Mmmmmm........COME HERE! LEMME BUMP N GRIND WIT CHA BABY!!!! YEAH! YEAH!
Mojo Hojo: YEAH!!! WHOO YEAH!!! LEMME JOIN! HA , HA, HA STAYIN` ALIVE, STAYIN' ALIVE!!!
Hojo Mojo: ENOUGH!!!! How dare ya turn this music down? There that's it. At last peace and quiet.
Mojo Hojo: O......MAN!!! I was just picking up the vibes man!!!
Hojo Mojo: I thought you wanted to watch this new Cockabo porn flick?
Tifa: The one with us in it?!!!
Hojo Mojo: Pipe down in ya cage you!
Ten minutes later Hojo Mojo placed an untitled cassette into the V.C.R. The sounds of two men jerking off could be heard with the frequent sound of semen splatting against the T.V. screen.
Cloud: Pssssst! How are we gonna get outta here?
????: Mmmmm.......mmmmm.........mmmmmmmm..............mmmmmmmmmmmmm......YESSSSSSS SS.......
Cloud: Who the hell is in the cage next to me?!!!! [pause] is anyone listening?! You bunch of fuckheads you've all gone asleep?!!! So who the fuck......
????: AHHHH......YESSSSSS..........CLOUD.........MMMMMM.....
Cloud: DAMN SEPHIROTH! You playing with your sword again?!!!!
Sephiroth: MMMMMMM......My masamune is sooo long and shiny. Mmmmm.....I.....feel its power.....growing!!!! Mmmmmm!!!! CLOUD!!! AHH AHH AHHH AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THERE SHE BLOWS!!!
Cloud: So you can talk again can you? You're one crazed son of a bitch, Sephiroth but I love ya......HUH?!!!! I mean.....GEEZ.....FUCK! I HATE YA! Ya BIG poof!
Sephiroth: HA, HA, HA! So you wanna get outta here do ya? First of all we'll have to find a way to work together. Start digging a hole into my stable....
Cloud naively agreed. Later.......
Cloud: THERE DONE IT!
Sephiroth scrambled through the hole.
Cloud: WHOA! You're keen to get outta here!....Sephiroth?!!! Why are you looking at me like that? FUCK OFF! LEAVE MY PANTS ALONE! YOU FUCKER! YOU FUCKING TRICKED ME!
Sephiroth: MMMMMM.....MWAHHAHA HAA!
Cloud: OWW!!! Get that thing outta me!!! I'm NOT gay, you poof! I'M NOT GAY!!! O, but your sooooo BIG! HARDER, SEPHIROTH!!! C`MON FUCK ME, YOU BIG MUTHA FUCKER! AHHHHH!
Sephiroth: YES!!!
Cloud: YESS!!!
Barret: HUH? What's that noise?
Barret looked to the stable opposite him.
Barret: CLOUD! You cannot be serious! HOW COULD YOU! You never said! I thought you were really into Aeris?!! At least if you're not gonna fuck her anymore, FUCK ME FIRST!!! FOR CHRIST SAKE, MAN!
Sephiroth: AHHHHH!
Cloud: AHHHHHH!!! Mmmmm. THAT WAS GOOD!!!
Sephiroth: Cloud, YOU ARE ONE GOOD LAY!
Barret: I know I look ilke a BIG ol' butch guy but I like to indulge in homosexual fantasies from time to time. Cloud lemme poke ya some time, ok?
Cloud: I'M, I'M....I'M NOT GAY!
Seohiroth: OH, PUR-LEASE!!! DONT GIVE US THAT CRAP!
Cloud: That, that, that.....was my other side that came out just a few moments ago!
Barret: YEAH, RIGHT! That's about as real as Tifa's tits!
Tifa: WHAT, WHAT WHAT! YOU SAY SOMTHIN BARRET?!!!!
Barret: Ah, no, no, no! I jus' said if we gonna git outta here, we gotta throw some hits....something like that anyway.....
Tifa: OH, GOOD IDEA!!! YEAH, NICE ONE!!!?.....Cloud, what cha doin in Sephiroth's stable?!!!!!
Cloud: Umm.....Er.....ERM....that's it! Sephiroth was lonely so I came...er....I mean dug a hole into his stable to give him company that's all....
Tifa: CAME!? COMPANY?!!!
Cloud: NO! NO! Its NOTHING LIKE THAT! HA.......HA......HA AHEM. He started talking normally and got upset. Y`know started crying.
Sephiroth: WHY YOU LITTLE COCKSUCKER!
Tifa: So....I won't ask why your pants are around your ankles then?
Cloud: DAMN! I jus......
Tifa: Don't worry Cloud....I always suspected. Just don't come near me, okay? You better not let you know who know either. She'll have you quartered and hung up by your neck!
Cloud: Yeah, Aeris probably would.
Aeris: * YAWN* Someone say my name?
Tifa: Yeah, Mary Poppins, I did. Get your ass outta bed! We're movin out as soon as I gotta plan!
Aeris: DUH! Don't ya think I would've already if it weren't for this crappy stable!......PLASTIC BIMBO!
Tifa: CUT THE CRAP! Be serious now....OK? Anyway, I thought you liked fucking Cockabos?
Aeris: LOOK! The only penis accessible to me at the moment is Big Floppy Donkey Dick over there, okay?! So, yeah, I'll admit it...I LIKE BANGING COCKABO'S, ALRIGHT!!?
Tifa: Hmmmmmm.......Riiiiiiiiight...I suggest tomorrow......
Cloud: Hey.....Hey.......Pipe down. I can hear Mojo Hojo and Hojo Mojo talking to eachother! Let's listen in....
Hojo Mojo: Weren't bad was it, Mojo? Although, I would've liked the matings to have been more disgusting. And they're not mating as much as I would've liked either.
Mojo Hojo: It was GOOD! But cha need more of em fucking! What about Sephiroth and Barret? They done any yet?
Hojo Mojo: I don't think their interested. HEY! I know we could drug 'em.... OOOOOOOOH, and get some sex toys!!!! Yes, that would be down right dirty!!!
Mojo Hojo: OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!! Looks like its a visit to the Cockabo Sage tomorrow then!!!
Cloud: That's disgusting....
Cid: I ain't fucking another Cockabo! I want the real thing! I want out!
Tifa: Hmm....If they're leaving the barn tomorrow, we can plan our escape....
Everyone: Agreed.
And so the next morning arose on the plains around the Cockabo farm. The sun was shining, the birds were singing. It was like heaven on earth. But the barn itself was a disgrace, bottles of Evian lay strewn across the floor along with used Kleenex tissues....
Mojo Hojo: YO! YO! Soul brother! My main man! Wake up!
Hojo Mojo: GEEZ, that was a long night. OW! My head! Too much of the strong stuff! OW, GEEZ!
Cid: Strong stuff?!!!! My arse!!!! Getting pissed on bottled water?!!!! The bunch of poofs!!!!
Mojo Hojo: COME ON! Gotta get to Cockabo Sage, Hojo Mojo!!!
Hojo Mojo: Ah, yes! Of course we have!
Hojo Mojo paced the aisle in between the stables to find his semen stained lab coat.
Hojo Mojo: You're up bright and early, Sephiroth. What are you reading?
Sephiroth: I'm just flicking through the latest copy of "Vague". Oh, look doesn't that green silky dress just look fabulous on Tyra Wanks. I soooo envy Kate Moss pasty complexion.
Hojo Mojo: YEEEEEEAH...we're just popping out for a while. I'm gonna bring you home a few pressies!!!! They should make you real excited!!! ^_^;;
Sephiroth: OH, GOODY!!!
Hojo Mojo and Mojo Hojo: BYE, EVERYONE!
Cid: Damn, how the fuck do we open these stable doors?
Tifa: Maybe, I can kick mine down....Hi-Yah! Spinning bird kick! *THUMP* Karate thunderstorm burning lava tornado swift freezing ice earth rage attack!!!!.......DAMN, it didn't do anything!
Aeris: Uh, you guys. Why don't you just open the door like mine...see?
Cid: Do you mean to tell me that ALL the time you could open your door?!!!
Aeris: YEAH! ITS EASY! Just turn the handle like this....
Cid: Our doors are locked on the outside fuckin bimbo! Now get the fuck over here and open up our stables! Dumb Bitch!
Aeris: OH, OKAY CID!!!! Ill do that!!!
Aeris unlocks everyone's doors.
Cid: 'Bout time, whore. Y'know, you gotta start using your head more then your cun......
Aeris: STOP RIGHT THERE!!!
Cid: Oh, come on! Its the truth, ain't it! Fuckin flower girl my arse! How the fuck do ya sell flowers to the fuckin thugs in Midgar? You just a liar! You probably on the streets spreading your legs fer anyone an' anythin' fer 1 gil!
Cloud: That's not true. I bought a flower from her.
Cid: Yeah, she probably only carried them around to mask the smell of that pussy!
Aeris: Boo, Hoo * SOB*. You're such a meany Cid!!!
Cid: Ah, shut it. Y'know its all true! Yer know your a dirty slut! I mean fucking Red XIII! Ugh! Yuk! You probably got rabies as well as pubic lice! Ugh! It's not safe hanging round you! Might catch somethin!!!
Barret: Alright, Cid! Stop the shit slinging! It's gettin on my tits!
Tifa: Lets get outta here! We can ride out on my Cockabo!
Cloud: We can't ride on that thing! Its tits are too BIG! They'll be knocking about in the wind! The poor thing will have two black eyes by the end of the day!
Tifa: HEY!!! That's a great name for my Cockabo!!! "Two Black Eyes". Yeah, Cool!!!
Cloud: We can't ride that thing!
Tifa: Oh, yes we can. Ill just sling its tits over its shoulders for now and tape 'em down! ^_^
Barret: It'll do fer now. When we get to Junon, we'll get someone to give it a breast reduction.
Sephiroth: UMMMM.....Yummy! ^.^ Do you mind if I cook the breasts afterwards? Cockabo breasts are a delicious rarity y'know.
Barret: You can do what da hell you want with them. Hell, you can gut them and make yer mum a nice tea cosy if yer like. I don't give a shit!
So, the group of 7 set out from Cockabo farm, across Midgar marshes and headed towards Junon....
END OF CHAPTER 1
Kal (Restamon) : Hey, hope you liked this retarded piece of fan fiction. ^_^;; Chapter 3 will be up soon. It's BIGGER, BETTER, a load of BULLOCKS and spilling up from a toilet near you soon!!
We had nothing to do with the making of F.F.7. This decrepid piece of 'work' is meant purely for non-profit entertainment purposes. Blah, blah, blah, blah. If YOU copy OUR IDEA we will KILL YOU. We have ways...we know people in HIGH places!!!! This page will self-destruct in 10 minutes...so GET READING BITCH!!!
Created by, Restamon, Hippiemon,..... oh and lazymon
Rated-R for the criminally insane
All of a sudden the stable doors burst open again. But this time instead of Yuffie's annoying voice echoing around the room, the sound of cheesy 70`s disco throbbed and pounded between the flimsy barn walls.
Mojo Hojo: YEAH, BABY!!! GROOVY BABY!!!! YEAH, GET DOWN!!!!
Hojo Mojo: EVIL TWIN......YOU'RE HERE!!!
Mojo Hojo: YO!!! MY SOUL BROTHER!!! You didn't start the par-tay without me did you!!! WHASSUP?!!!
Hojo Mojo: I conned these no-hopers into thinking I was breeding F.F.7. Cockabos for profit!!! All the time, I was really tossing off!!! MWHA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!!!!
Mojo Hojo: ALRIGHT!!! Did ya tape it?
Hojo Mojo: YEP!!! Ya can watch it later. I'll also prepare some new matings soon!!!
Barret: THE FUCK YOU ARE! YOU SCREWED UP PAIR OF FUCKERS! I ain't stayin round here fer much longer! C'mon Cloud, we gettin outta here. We gettin offa this train. This train we on don't make no stops!....
Cloud: HUH?!!! Ahh, the music! The disco! THE SOUL TRAIN!!! Yo, Barret my soul brother!!! Get down!!! WOO, HOO!!!
Aeris: OOOH, Cloud! You got it baby! Mmmmmm........COME HERE! LEMME BUMP N GRIND WIT CHA BABY!!!! YEAH! YEAH!
Mojo Hojo: YEAH!!! WHOO YEAH!!! LEMME JOIN! HA , HA, HA STAYIN` ALIVE, STAYIN' ALIVE!!!
Hojo Mojo: ENOUGH!!!! How dare ya turn this music down? There that's it. At last peace and quiet.
Mojo Hojo: O......MAN!!! I was just picking up the vibes man!!!
Hojo Mojo: I thought you wanted to watch this new Cockabo porn flick?
Tifa: The one with us in it?!!!
Hojo Mojo: Pipe down in ya cage you!
Ten minutes later Hojo Mojo placed an untitled cassette into the V.C.R. The sounds of two men jerking off could be heard with the frequent sound of semen splatting against the T.V. screen.
Cloud: Pssssst! How are we gonna get outta here?
????: Mmmmm.......mmmmm.........mmmmmmmm..............mmmmmmmmmmmmm......YESSSSSSS SS.......
Cloud: Who the hell is in the cage next to me?!!!! [pause] is anyone listening?! You bunch of fuckheads you've all gone asleep?!!! So who the fuck......
????: AHHHH......YESSSSSS..........CLOUD.........MMMMMM.....
Cloud: DAMN SEPHIROTH! You playing with your sword again?!!!!
Sephiroth: MMMMMMM......My masamune is sooo long and shiny. Mmmmm.....I.....feel its power.....growing!!!! Mmmmmm!!!! CLOUD!!! AHH AHH AHHH AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THERE SHE BLOWS!!!
Cloud: So you can talk again can you? You're one crazed son of a bitch, Sephiroth but I love ya......HUH?!!!! I mean.....GEEZ.....FUCK! I HATE YA! Ya BIG poof!
Sephiroth: HA, HA, HA! So you wanna get outta here do ya? First of all we'll have to find a way to work together. Start digging a hole into my stable....
Cloud naively agreed. Later.......
Cloud: THERE DONE IT!
Sephiroth scrambled through the hole.
Cloud: WHOA! You're keen to get outta here!....Sephiroth?!!! Why are you looking at me like that? FUCK OFF! LEAVE MY PANTS ALONE! YOU FUCKER! YOU FUCKING TRICKED ME!
Sephiroth: MMMMMM.....MWAHHAHA HAA!
Cloud: OWW!!! Get that thing outta me!!! I'm NOT gay, you poof! I'M NOT GAY!!! O, but your sooooo BIG! HARDER, SEPHIROTH!!! C`MON FUCK ME, YOU BIG MUTHA FUCKER! AHHHHH!
Sephiroth: YES!!!
Cloud: YESS!!!
Barret: HUH? What's that noise?
Barret looked to the stable opposite him.
Barret: CLOUD! You cannot be serious! HOW COULD YOU! You never said! I thought you were really into Aeris?!! At least if you're not gonna fuck her anymore, FUCK ME FIRST!!! FOR CHRIST SAKE, MAN!
Sephiroth: AHHHHH!
Cloud: AHHHHHH!!! Mmmmm. THAT WAS GOOD!!!
Sephiroth: Cloud, YOU ARE ONE GOOD LAY!
Barret: I know I look ilke a BIG ol' butch guy but I like to indulge in homosexual fantasies from time to time. Cloud lemme poke ya some time, ok?
Cloud: I'M, I'M....I'M NOT GAY!
Seohiroth: OH, PUR-LEASE!!! DONT GIVE US THAT CRAP!
Cloud: That, that, that.....was my other side that came out just a few moments ago!
Barret: YEAH, RIGHT! That's about as real as Tifa's tits!
Tifa: WHAT, WHAT WHAT! YOU SAY SOMTHIN BARRET?!!!!
Barret: Ah, no, no, no! I jus' said if we gonna git outta here, we gotta throw some hits....something like that anyway.....
Tifa: OH, GOOD IDEA!!! YEAH, NICE ONE!!!?.....Cloud, what cha doin in Sephiroth's stable?!!!!!
Cloud: Umm.....Er.....ERM....that's it! Sephiroth was lonely so I came...er....I mean dug a hole into his stable to give him company that's all....
Tifa: CAME!? COMPANY?!!!
Cloud: NO! NO! Its NOTHING LIKE THAT! HA.......HA......HA AHEM. He started talking normally and got upset. Y`know started crying.
Sephiroth: WHY YOU LITTLE COCKSUCKER!
Tifa: So....I won't ask why your pants are around your ankles then?
Cloud: DAMN! I jus......
Tifa: Don't worry Cloud....I always suspected. Just don't come near me, okay? You better not let you know who know either. She'll have you quartered and hung up by your neck!
Cloud: Yeah, Aeris probably would.
Aeris: * YAWN* Someone say my name?
Tifa: Yeah, Mary Poppins, I did. Get your ass outta bed! We're movin out as soon as I gotta plan!
Aeris: DUH! Don't ya think I would've already if it weren't for this crappy stable!......PLASTIC BIMBO!
Tifa: CUT THE CRAP! Be serious now....OK? Anyway, I thought you liked fucking Cockabos?
Aeris: LOOK! The only penis accessible to me at the moment is Big Floppy Donkey Dick over there, okay?! So, yeah, I'll admit it...I LIKE BANGING COCKABO'S, ALRIGHT!!?
Tifa: Hmmmmmm.......Riiiiiiiiight...I suggest tomorrow......
Cloud: Hey.....Hey.......Pipe down. I can hear Mojo Hojo and Hojo Mojo talking to eachother! Let's listen in....
Hojo Mojo: Weren't bad was it, Mojo? Although, I would've liked the matings to have been more disgusting. And they're not mating as much as I would've liked either.
Mojo Hojo: It was GOOD! But cha need more of em fucking! What about Sephiroth and Barret? They done any yet?
Hojo Mojo: I don't think their interested. HEY! I know we could drug 'em.... OOOOOOOOH, and get some sex toys!!!! Yes, that would be down right dirty!!!
Mojo Hojo: OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!! Looks like its a visit to the Cockabo Sage tomorrow then!!!
Cloud: That's disgusting....
Cid: I ain't fucking another Cockabo! I want the real thing! I want out!
Tifa: Hmm....If they're leaving the barn tomorrow, we can plan our escape....
Everyone: Agreed.
And so the next morning arose on the plains around the Cockabo farm. The sun was shining, the birds were singing. It was like heaven on earth. But the barn itself was a disgrace, bottles of Evian lay strewn across the floor along with used Kleenex tissues....
Mojo Hojo: YO! YO! Soul brother! My main man! Wake up!
Hojo Mojo: GEEZ, that was a long night. OW! My head! Too much of the strong stuff! OW, GEEZ!
Cid: Strong stuff?!!!! My arse!!!! Getting pissed on bottled water?!!!! The bunch of poofs!!!!
Mojo Hojo: COME ON! Gotta get to Cockabo Sage, Hojo Mojo!!!
Hojo Mojo: Ah, yes! Of course we have!
Hojo Mojo paced the aisle in between the stables to find his semen stained lab coat.
Hojo Mojo: You're up bright and early, Sephiroth. What are you reading?
Sephiroth: I'm just flicking through the latest copy of "Vague". Oh, look doesn't that green silky dress just look fabulous on Tyra Wanks. I soooo envy Kate Moss pasty complexion.
Hojo Mojo: YEEEEEEAH...we're just popping out for a while. I'm gonna bring you home a few pressies!!!! They should make you real excited!!! ^_^;;
Sephiroth: OH, GOODY!!!
Hojo Mojo and Mojo Hojo: BYE, EVERYONE!
Cid: Damn, how the fuck do we open these stable doors?
Tifa: Maybe, I can kick mine down....Hi-Yah! Spinning bird kick! *THUMP* Karate thunderstorm burning lava tornado swift freezing ice earth rage attack!!!!.......DAMN, it didn't do anything!
Aeris: Uh, you guys. Why don't you just open the door like mine...see?
Cid: Do you mean to tell me that ALL the time you could open your door?!!!
Aeris: YEAH! ITS EASY! Just turn the handle like this....
Cid: Our doors are locked on the outside fuckin bimbo! Now get the fuck over here and open up our stables! Dumb Bitch!
Aeris: OH, OKAY CID!!!! Ill do that!!!
Aeris unlocks everyone's doors.
Cid: 'Bout time, whore. Y'know, you gotta start using your head more then your cun......
Aeris: STOP RIGHT THERE!!!
Cid: Oh, come on! Its the truth, ain't it! Fuckin flower girl my arse! How the fuck do ya sell flowers to the fuckin thugs in Midgar? You just a liar! You probably on the streets spreading your legs fer anyone an' anythin' fer 1 gil!
Cloud: That's not true. I bought a flower from her.
Cid: Yeah, she probably only carried them around to mask the smell of that pussy!
Aeris: Boo, Hoo * SOB*. You're such a meany Cid!!!
Cid: Ah, shut it. Y'know its all true! Yer know your a dirty slut! I mean fucking Red XIII! Ugh! Yuk! You probably got rabies as well as pubic lice! Ugh! It's not safe hanging round you! Might catch somethin!!!
Barret: Alright, Cid! Stop the shit slinging! It's gettin on my tits!
Tifa: Lets get outta here! We can ride out on my Cockabo!
Cloud: We can't ride on that thing! Its tits are too BIG! They'll be knocking about in the wind! The poor thing will have two black eyes by the end of the day!
Tifa: HEY!!! That's a great name for my Cockabo!!! "Two Black Eyes". Yeah, Cool!!!
Cloud: We can't ride that thing!
Tifa: Oh, yes we can. Ill just sling its tits over its shoulders for now and tape 'em down! ^_^
Barret: It'll do fer now. When we get to Junon, we'll get someone to give it a breast reduction.
Sephiroth: UMMMM.....Yummy! ^.^ Do you mind if I cook the breasts afterwards? Cockabo breasts are a delicious rarity y'know.
Barret: You can do what da hell you want with them. Hell, you can gut them and make yer mum a nice tea cosy if yer like. I don't give a shit!
So, the group of 7 set out from Cockabo farm, across Midgar marshes and headed towards Junon....
END OF CHAPTER 1
Kal (Restamon) : Hey, hope you liked this retarded piece of fan fiction. ^_^;; Chapter 3 will be up soon. It's BIGGER, BETTER, a load of BULLOCKS and spilling up from a toilet near you soon!!