Chapter 7: Quidditch Practice

Surprisingly, they didn't go anywhere farther than the field that night. The group decided to just "settle down" and keep a lookout in case Apollyon Pringle was lurking nearby. They had, once, saw his trusty cat, "Precious," a rust-colored feline that had sharp eyes and was much nosier than her master. At that moment they dropped their spells for a while and scrubbed at the bleachers manually. Precious watched them for a while before meowing in approval.

After she had gone (with the bleachers sparkling clean), they decided to have a little fun with the Slytherins' side of the stadium. With the knowledge of the upcoming Quidditch match against them, they prepared a "welcome" for the green-clad spectators that would activate when either the Slytherins or the Gryffindors scored a goal.

They were just about done when there was a movement in the shadows. "Done yet, children?" the kindly yet suspicious voice of Apollyon Pringle called from a few yards away.

The marauders hid their wands behind their backs as they faced him, but the telltale sparks that were hovering above the Slytherins' bleachers gave Pringle a hint.

"Been using magic in cleaning the bleachers, have you? My, my, and they said detention would set young ones straight! But there's no telling what the younger generation would be up to." Pringle leaned on his cane, and Precious ran around his legs.

"We haven't been using magic on the bleachers! Ask Precious, she saw us a while ago," Remus said, trying to save face.

Pringle stroked his chin. "Hmmm…" Precious meowed and looked up at him. Pringle started "talking" to her in the form of weird noises and clicks of his tongue. Strangely enough, they seemed to understand each other.

He turned to face them. "Precious has been telling me that you were indeed finishing up when she checked on you," he informed them. "But," he continued when they breathed sighs of relief, "that was over an hour ago. You couldn't possibly finish up all these bleachers in half an hour, can you?" he asked slyly.

None spoke. "Not without magic, I daresay. Now, I wouldn't want to report you, again, so to speak, but a job's a job. Professor McGonagall said."

And he shuffled away with Precious, head and tail high.

The marauders looked at one another. "Obliviate!" all four of them yelled, pointing their wands at Pringle and Precious.

The cat instantly fell face first onto the grass; Pringle sat down next to her, Indian-style.

"Mr. Pringle?" James called. No answer. The four cautiously stepped up to the old caretaker, and Sirius poked him hard in the back.

Pringle turned his head at them, his eyes out of focus. "My, what angels you all are! Better watch out for those darn older kids, not many of you escape on Holy Innocents' Day."

Lily raised an eyebrow at him. "If the words 'angels' and holy innocents' came out of his mouth, then just shoot me," she whispered.

Sirius clapped. "Good! With what?"

"With a gun, of course!" she said.

"What's a gun?" the three boys said together.

Lily just looked at them as if they were preschoolers that still didn't learn their ABC's.

"Oh," James said, recognition dawning in his eyes. "Muggle-talk."

Remus and Sirius nodded. "Ah, yes. Those fascinating contraptions!" Sirius said with mock wonder. "What's a gun?" he asked again.

Lily sighed. "It's a weapon that Muggles use to kill," she said impatiently. "How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Oh, you mean that thing that spurts fire when you put--what d'you call it?--gas in it?" Sirius said.

Lily sighed again. "No, that one's called a flamethrower, dimwit. You put bullets in a gun, not gas."

"Okay. Now I get it. You put bulpellets or whatever in it and then it spouts fire?"

"NO!" Lily shouted. "I don't even know what caused you to ask about guns in the first place…"

James nodded. "Sure you did. First we put a Memory Charm on Pringle and he said we were holy innocents--"

"Then you said if he said that, we should just shoot you," Remus chimed in.

"And then I asked, 'With what?' And then you said, 'With a gun of course!' And then the three of us asked--" Sirius continued.

"Stop, you're saying it all over again!" Lily said frantically.

"Then what is a gun?" Sirius pressed.

"You're better off not knowing," Lily answered.

"What if a Muggle stuck a gun at me, and I didn't know what it was, and he shot me and killed me?"

"Then hex him with your damned wand, if you actually have the brains to use it, for goodness' sake!" Lily snapped. "Now, shut up and let's get back to the tower. If you want to learn anything about Muggle apparatuses then quit Divination and go to Muggle Studies."

"Who needs to study about Muggles if we could just ask you?" James asked.

"Nobody, because I won't give one hell answer to any questions from the likes of you," Lily replied.

"But not all people have the likes of me," James insisted.

"Yes they do."

"Who, then, for that matter?"

"Sirius and Remus, for one."

"For two," Remus corrected.

"Or you could say, 'Sirius, for one,' and 'Remus, for another'." Sirius supplied.

"Thanks for the grammar check," Lily shot at them.

"Don't mention it," both of them countered.

"Gladly," Lily retorted.

She went on ahead of them and disappeared around the corner. The three soon-to-be Animagi looked at one another. Then Sirius finally asked, "Do you get the feeling she always wins this kind of repartee against the three of us?"

"That's a mystery that only girls know the answer of, I guess," James answered with a shrug.

"We know when we're beaten," said Remus.

*****

Three weeks, thirty-six detentions and one hundred twenty pranks later, Sirius and James were at a Quidditch practice and preparing for the big game against Slytherin on Saturday…

"Roll call!" The voice of Mark Conroy, the captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, rang throughout the stadium. "Say present when your name is called."

"If I said present, would you give me a present, Mark?" Sirius called from a few yards away.

"No, I won't, Sirius, so shut up, be serious, and quit it with all the philosophies. Just concentrate on hitting the Bludgers at the opposing team, okay?" answered Mark in an exasperated tone.

Sirius did a dive and swerved across Erin Sinclair to get next to James. James smiled. "Tough luck, Sirius."

Sirius just scowled. "After countless times of leading our team to victory--"

"That was James, not you," Chase said as she zoomed by clutching the Quaffle.

"Thank you," James responded, bowing his head once, but Chase couldn't possibly hear him at the speed she was flying.

"As I was saying," Sirius continued. "After--"

"Sirius! Sirius Black! Why aren't you saying 'present'?" Mark bellowed way below.

Sirius turned his broom upside-down. "Well, what's the use of your stupid roll call?" he shouted back, a little dizzy as the world turned topsy-turvy. "You already know I'm here!"

He couldn't see how Mark was reacting, but he figured that Mark chose to ignore him. Mark clapped his hands and the team assembled on the grass in the middle of the field.

"Okay, boys," Mark told them as they huddled around the strategy clipboard.

"Boys and girls," Dione Ulysses corrected.

"Men and women," Keith Gene added.

Mark rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Now, the match is three days away, but we still lack a bit of technique. I reckon offense is at its best--" James, Chase and Keith smirked at one another-- "But defense…now, that's another story."

Dione scowled. "How do you expect me to do a good job if Sirius keeps hitting the Bludgers at me?" she complained.

Sirius glared at her. "Well, if you're such a high-and-mighty seventh year, then why don't you just hit it right back?" he retorted.

"Calm down, Sirius," Mark said sternly. "Don't blame others for your own faults--"

"You just don't want to say that it was your girlfriend's fault," Sirius said sulkily.

"Sirius," Mark said threateningly, though Dione blushed and looked away.

James slapped Mark on the back. "Best of luck to you, captain," he said seriously.

"I didn't know there were any budding romances here in our team," Chase wondered aloud.

"You think too much, Chase," Keith remarked in a bored tone.

"At least I'm still capable of thinking," Chase shot back at him.

"Are you implying that I'm dumb?" Keith said, narrowing his eyes.

"No, I'm implying that you're a nitwit," Chase replied.

"Oh yeah? Then you're a simpleton!" Keith said, crossing his arms.

"If I'm a simpleton, then simpletons get straight A's in class," Chase responded. "You'd probably flip cartwheels if you saw your name on the honor roll," she added. "Whatever the case, I'm more intellectual--"

"Shut up!" Keith yelled at her.

"Ooh, excellent comeback," Chase said in a calm but amused voice. "Why don't you try something more sophisticated, like, 'I know you are, but what am I?'"

"All right, team! Mount your brooms!" Mark shouted.

Keith stared daggers at Chase but only got a smirk in return. As Chase mounted her Silver Arrow, Keith shouted furiously after her, "I wish you'd start acting a little bit more mature and feminine, like your sister!"

Chase flew a few feet in the air and shot her broom directly above Keith. She leaned over the side and asked, "Was that an insult or a compliment?" Then she zoomed off upward and did a spinning dive, catching the ball that Mark dropped.

"Don't plunge so recklessly next time, Chase," Mark advised her.

Chase glanced at Keith. "You don't have to tell me that. Why don't you teach it to people who can't control their dives?"

Sirius and James chuckled, and the rest were trying hard not to look at Keith, but Keith just pouted and flew farther away. But Sirius and James flew next to him and started picking on him. James pretended to be searching for the Snitch.

"Hey, James, remember the game last year when Burleigh fumbled the Quaffle and Keith dived after it?" Sirius began, starting to chuckle.

James pretended to think for a moment. "Oh, yeah! You mean the time when--"

"Aren't you guys supposed to practice? Why aren't you looking for the Snitch?" said Keith in an annoyed tone.

James waved his hand dismissively. "I am looking for the Snitch. I'm just talking to you two at the same time."

"Then why don't you look for it somewhere higher up and leave me alone?" Keith asked irritably.

The marauder-Quidditch players ignored him. "Then Keith plunged faster and faster to catch up to the ball, but Preston swung a Bludger at him and it hit him square on the nose!" Sirius sniggered.

James chortled. "Ha ha! And blood was overflowing from it, and he was flying so fast. Then the wind changed and the red stuff splattered him all over his face--"

"Will you guys shut up?!" Keith yelled, trying to fly away from them. Sirius blocked his path.

"After that, he didn't see Gwyn Tavia twenty feet below him--I think Dione hit a Bludger at her," Sirius continued with a mad grin on his face.

"Yeah, and Tavia saw him and fled downward, but he was going too fast and he crashed on top of her and they both fell off their brooms!" James carried on.

"You remember what happened next, didn't you?" Sirius asked him, starting to laugh out loud again.

"How could I forget that? When we flew in to check if he was alright, we found his face buried in Tavia's big BOOBS!!!" James finished, and they both laughed so hard that they almost fell off their brooms.

"Stop it!!! Will you two just SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP?!!" Keith was yelling so hard that the whole stadium could hear. His face was beet red, but the two knew that it wasn't from shouting so loud.

Mark and Chase flew toward them. Their captain wore a concerned expression on his face but Chase looked like she was ready to laugh any second.

"What's going on here? Sirius, why didn't you hit that Bludger when Dione was on the other side of the field wrestling with the other one?"

By the looks on James's and Sirius's faces, Chase could confirm what made Keith explode like that. She snickered and said, "I think they were just remembering old times, weren't you, Sirius?"

Sirius only grinned his manic grin, causing Chase to double over with laughter. "Double over" as in falling off her broom, catching the handle by a single hand and swing back to position, all in a smooth movement.

"And that is what all of you should do when a Bludger causes you to dismount," Mark said proudly.

"Don't turn everything we do into a Quidditch lesson," Sirius said with a yawn.

"Excuse me, but I don't see you deserving any right to be corrected, Sirius," Mark replied sharply. "Now, all of you get back to your positions, and not another word unless it's got something to do with Quidditch!"

"But what we were talking about did have something to do with Quidditch," Sirius protested.

James sniggered again. "Yeah, we were talking about Keith's big fall on top of Tavia--"

"Shut UP!!!" Keith shouted.

Sirius whistled. "Talk about hot and heavy," he teased with a smirk, then escaped from a fuming Keith with the excuse of hitting a Bludger on the other end of the field.

"That's not funny, Sirius!!!" he yelled after him. Sirius turned around (still flying dangerously fast without looking where he was going), stuck his tongue out and lowered his eyelid.

"Very attractive," Chase said dryly before following suit toward their other teammates.

Shrugging, James tailed after her, if not only for the reason of getting away from their captain and a very furious Chaser that was the youngest in the team.

When he reached the (not quite) cluster of teammates, he was just in time in swerving to the right before a Bludger could come into contact with his face. "SIRIUS!"

"Darn," Sirius said, snapping his fingers in a disappointed way. "I thought I timed it right."

"Well, you timed wrong," James answered, just about ready to knock Sirius off his broom.

Sirius thought for a moment. "If I knocked you off your broom, would I be the best Quidditch player on this team?"

"Do you mean to say that I'm the star player of the team?" James asked, looking impressive.

"You wouldn't want to say that in front of the leader of the pack," Chase said.

"Or at least within earshot," muttered Erin as Mark came back with Keith trailing behind.

Mark was frowning. "What do you think you're doing?" he said in his I'm-the-boss-around-here-so-you-kiddies-listen-to-me voice.

"Um, I think it would be convenient if you actually said who you're addressing that statement to," Chase quipped.

"Be serious, Chase," Dione said in an annoyed voice.

"I think not," Chase replied.

"This isn't the time for jokes," Erin warned her.

"Excuse me, but I think I have the right to choose which person I want to impersonate, too," Chase scoffed.

Dione rolled her eyes. "I meant be s-e-r-i-o-u-s serious not Sirius."

"I purposely meant what I said. Can't you tell a quip when you hear one?" Chase answered in annoyance.

"Yeah, well maybe you purposely meant what you said to me a while ago," said Keith angrily.

Chase looked at him blankly. "What line was that? Oh yeah, it's all coming back to me… Well, if you put it that way, yes, I did mean what I said about you being a nitwi--"

"See? She should be suspended for intentional impertinent insulting to her fellow teammates!" Keith complained to Mark, pointing at Chase.

"III of misconduct?" said Erin with a blank look.

"Is there any insult that isn't impertinent?" James asked matter-of-factly.

Mark sighed. "Quit the side comments, Chase."

"Cease your boorishness," Dione added.

"If you just said I was boorish, you're begging for a fat lip," Chase retorted. Dione fell silent.

Mark flung his arms upward, causing his Thundershock to wobble a bit at the loss of balance. "Please? Can't a captain give a lecture in peace?" he asked to no one in particular.

"So this is a lecture," Erin said.

"And as I said before I was rudely interrupted, do you mind telling us who goofed?" Chase pressed.

"Sirius and James, obviously!" Keith said in a tone of mixed impatience and ire.

"Yes, Sirius and James. See, like Chase, you two are one warning away from being suspended--"

"What for?" Sirius, James and Chase demanded as one.

"As Keith reported, you three have violated the rule of Excessive Discourtesy to a Teammate--"

Erin yawned. "Wait. You're not going to say that up here, are you?" she asked, gesturing at their current location, sixty feet higher than the ground.

"No, he's not, so we'd better settle this in the locker room," Chase answered wearily before Mark could say anything.

Mark gave her a beady-eyed look, much like the one Professor McGonagall gave to the marauders when they pulled a prank in her classroom. "I was under the impression that I'm in charge here, Tarlise."

Chase shrugged her shoulders. "Oh, I forgive you. Everybody dreams some time or other," she deadpanned.

"Can we just go down?" Erin asked in a bored voice. Without waiting for an answer, she flew down in the direction of the lockers.

"Can't argue with that option." Chase trailed after her.

"Hey, wait for me!" yelled Keith.

Chase looked back and yelled, "Careful now, wouldn't want to land on Erin's bosom, would you?"

A vague shout from down below said, "I heard that!"

From above Chase came, "Shut up! Mark, give her a third warning!"

Keith sped after Chase, gaining speed with each second. Just as Chase was going to hit the ground, she pulled out, swerving away from one of the Quidditch goal posts. Keith started to pull out too, but he timed wrong and fell off his broom, hitting the ground with the side of his left arm.

Mark and Dione landed next to him. "Are you alright, Keith?" Mark asked in a concerned voice, just as Chase came back to see if Keith got hurt.

Keith groaned in reply. Mark carefully moved him so that he could lie on his back.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Dione, a fearful expression on her face.

Mark shook his head, looking worried. "He's unconscious. We'd better take him to Madame Pomfrey."

James and Sirius sped toward them. "Is it serious?" James inquired with the same note of concern.

"I told him to be careful," Chase spoke up. "C'mon, his arm's not gonna get any better if we just stand here."

The rest of the team nodded. Erin came running downfield, her broom over her shoulder. "What happened?" she panted.

"Don't worry, he was five feet above the ground when he fell. Shouldn't be too serious, but we're going to Madame Pomfrey to check him out," Sirius reported.

"That's a relief," Erin replied. "We wouldn't need to find a replacement in two days," she said as Mark took out his wand, uttered a spell, and levitated Keith's rigid body about two feet from the ground. Dione and Mark walked on either side of him as he floated toward the bleachers.

The four players left behind walked back to the Gryffindor Tower together. Their choice of topic, of course, was focused on Keith's fall.

"You shouldn't have teased him while he was diving, Chase," James was saying.

Chase raised her eyebrows. "What rational explanation is connected to that?"

"Well, for one thing, you know how he hates it when you taunt him, so that puts his concentration on the line. At the speed he was going, he couldn't have pulled out of the dive in time. You made him lose control of the situation," James finished in a matter-of-fact tone.

"It's his fault that he can't handle a joke. Besides, I warned him not to do that. Didn't I say that he was inexperienced in diving?"

Sirius spoke for James. "Nah, not directly," he piped up.

Chase rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but Keith always says I'm implying it. So he should know."

"Still, there's no use arguing about it. Madame Pomfrey can fix fractures in a second, so he'll probably be fine," Erin pointed out as they passed by the Whomping Willow. Some twisted magic by Professor Sprout must have made it grow full-size in less than four years.

"We would've been better off without him on the team, anyhow," Chase commented. "His passes suck, he can barely intercept the ball when it's right in his face, and his shots don't even graze the goals when he's two feet away from them. It's better if we just recruit another Chaser."

"Don't be harsh," Erin said with a smile. "You've got to give him some time. Remember, Mark said he had talent that's waiting to burst out--"

"If you ask me, it's waiting too long," Chase remarked before Erin could finish. Erin shrugged.

"Maybe he's fit to be in another role," James suggested. "Obviously, he can't be a Seeker by the way he dives--"

"He can't possibly be a Keeper because of his inexperience," Erin continued.

"And he definitely can't be a Beater because he's virtually terrified of the Bludgers," Sirius ended.

"And that leaves nothing at all," James said.

Chase's eyes lit up. "I know! I've got the best thing he could do in the Quidditch field--"

"What?" the other three said eagerly.

"Commentating."

*****

The four of them reached the Fat Lady's portrait. "Commentating? That's not even a position!" Erin exclaimed.

"But that's what he's good for. He's got a big mouth for anything Quidditch even if he doesn't play very well, and he's certainly unbiased enough. Unless if we're playing the Slytherins," Chase said.

"Yeah, I can see it," Sirius nodded. "And he knows all the rules and stuff, and how the game works, and all our commentators in the past mix up the different fouls. Twiddlethumbs."

James climbed through the portrait hole first. "Who cares if the commentators mix up the fouls?"

"And they also don't name my techniques properly," Sirius added in an irate tone. "Like the time Dexter Myvany said that I did a good job smashing Zacharis's nose instead of 'Sirius performed an outstanding hit with his remarkable Lightning Blow technique, knocking Zacharis off his broom and forcing him to give up the Slytherin's possession of the Quaffle." He followed James inside, then Chase and Erin.

James laughed. "Extreme commentating specialization, that is," he chortled.

The common room was deserted, and they remembered that it was dinner time.

"Here's where the kids split," said Chase. "I've gotta take a shower before dinner. Maybe I can ask Celes to sneak a plate of barbecue and buttered vegetables up here later."

"Hey, don't let your sister get in trouble," Sirius protested.

"Like you'd make a difference," Chase shot back. "Nobody ever asked you where you got food when you chucked a lot from the kitchen."

"If you're so smart, then why don't you go to the kitchen yourself?"

"Because I'm tired, and that's the reason I wanted my sis to bring food up in the first place! Now, if you don't have any more obvious-answer questions for me, I must bid you all adieu," she said, waving them away as she climbed up the girls' staircase.

"Whatever you say," Sirius called, rolling his eyes. "Let's go, Jamie boy. I'm starving."

"Hey, Chase!" James shouted from the foot of the stairs.

Chase looked back. "What?"

"You're getting more like your sister everyday," he said.

Chase shrugged. "Really." It wasn't a question.

"Aren't you afraid that you'll become all prissy and vain like she is?" Erin asked.

"Hey, she's not at all like that!" Sirius protested.

"Don't hold your breath. I'm not going to spend two hours on makeup every morning yet," Chase reassured sarcastically. She continued up the stairs, disappearing from view.

James and Sirius climbed out of the portrait hole again. "What would you do if Chase started acting like Celeste?" James asked him.

"Oh, I wouldn't mind it that much. Unless she suddenly resigns from the team and dresses fancily, that is," Sirius responded.

James shook his head. "No, I meant, who would you choose over the two of them?"

"Celeste, of course!"

James breathed a sigh of relief. "Whew. That's a relief."

Sirius stopped short. "Wait a minute. Are you saying that you have a thing for Chase Tarlise?" he asked in disbelief.

Shrugging, James answered, "Dunno yet. What would you say if I said yes?"

"No way." Sirius shook his head. "I mean, she doesn't count as one."

"Count as one what?"

"A girl, of course," Sirius said, looking annoyed.

James laughed. "She is too a girl," he told him. "I mean, look around you! Can't you see guys staring at her whenever she passes by? Or when February 14 rolls around, she gets a ton of gifts from secret admirers?"

"Yeah, she is a girl, but her attitude makes it hard to believe. Look, even her name is a boy's name. And her main emotion is sarcasm, and when she and Celeste walk together she strolls confidently in an athlete's way while Celeste looks so graceful and elegant." Sirius counted off the reasons on his fingers.

"Maybe that's because your eyes are glued to Celeste and you don't take any notice to Chase. Besides, compared to Celeste, Chase is, no doubt about it, cool. Celeste's one of those stereotypical types who only cares about her looks and being perfect at everything," James argued.

Sirius thought for a moment. "But I thought you liked Lily," he said finally. "What made you change your mind?"

James scowled at him. "I told you, I never like liked Lily in the first place. You were the one who started saying all that stuff, remember?"

"I just can't picture you and Chase Tarlise together," said Sirius.

"Why not?" was James's reply.

"Just because."

"Come to think about it, I don't see you and Celeste together either."

"Why not?"

James smirked. "Just because."

Sirius glowered at him. "Thanks a lot."

"You may mention it when I owe you something," James said solemnly as they reached the entrance of the Great Hall.

"Some friend you are." Sirius sat down on his usual seat, James opposite him. Lily and Remus sat beside each respectively.

Remus was already finishing up. "What took you so long? We weren't able to sneak into the Slytherin Tower and hang all their underwear on the roof." He said the last sentence in a whisper.

James sighed. "Let's just say it's pre-game jitters courtesy of certain members of the team."

Remus grabbed a pear from the nearby fruit basket and munched on it. "Uh-huh. So how'd it go?"

James and Sirius looked at each other. "Enlightening," Sirius said finally. "Let's leave it at that."

Remus looked at Lily and she shrugged. "Translation: It was boring beyond belief?" she guessed.

"Nah. Actually Keith Gene fell off his broomstick in the end, but it's a long story," James related.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh, sure. You do know how to tell a tale in chronological order, don't you? Like, you actually start with the beginning and not the other way around?"

"Sorry, but my brain isn't functioning in the logical mode. It's invaded with Quidditch cells until after the game," James said wryly.

"Whatever you say. Best of luck to you on the exam in Transfiguration tomorrow, then. You'll probably need it when you're temporarily demented," Lily commented, standing up and starting to walk away.

"I didn't say I was insane!" James shouted after her. She held up a hand and didn't look back.

When he sat back down, he saw that Remus was laughing.

"Watch it, Rem, you wouldn't want to anger a deranged Seeker. Things could get nasty," Sirius quipped.

"That's not funny at all, guys," James said crossly. Then he leaned closer so only Sirius could hear. "This is why I like Chase better than Lil," he said in a low voice.

"What are you two whispering about?" The two of them looked up and saw Celeste standing there.

"Nothing that concerns you," James replied.

Celeste didn't--or pretended not to--hear the slightly annoyed tone in his voice. She laughed lightly and said," I'm looking for my sister. Do you know where she went off to after Quidditch practice?"

"She said that she'll wait for you in the Tower," Sirius jumped in.

"Yeah, she told for you to sneak food out so that she wouldn't have to come down here to eat," James added.

Celeste sighed. "That sibling of mine…well, I can't just let hr starve herself. Jamie, would you help me carry the food up for her?" she asked him, fluttering her long, mascaraed lashes. Sirius shot James an envious glance.

"Er…I've got to finish up my History of Magic essay tonight. I need all the time I can get," James lied. There was no way he was going to play servant for this girl, no matter how privileged Sirius thought he was. "Sirius has time on his hands, if you need help."

Celeste's smile faded. "I can help you with your essay later, to speed up things," she insisted.

"I'm really sorry, but I think this is one assignment that I need to do by myself," James responded in the kindest and most patient voice he could muster. "So…sorry," he repeated.

Frowning, Celeste stalked off without another word.

"Looks like you got her really pissed," Remus observed.

James shrugged. "Who cares? If I'm lucky, maybe she'll stay mad at me forever and leave me alone," James answered offhandedly.

Sirius didn't look too pleased. "If she's mad at you, then she'll have no reason to hang out with us anymore," he said.

Remus and James shook their heads. "Sirius, if you want Celeste to like you…" Remus began.

"And not to refer to you as 'Lily's friend' or 'James's sidekick'," James couldn't resist adding. Sirius glowered at him.

"You have to make her come here because she wants to see you and not because she wants to see James," Remus finished. "You can't just hang around forever and wait for her to crawl to you," James said.

"Oh, that's right. Pick on me, why don't you, Mr. I'm-too-popular-so-I-always-have-girls-fawning-over-me," Sirius shot at James.

James smirked at the term referred as him. "I wouldn't go that far, but if you put it that way…"

Sirius held up his hand. "Don't say another word."

"Yes, master," James gibed.

Remus looked at something over Sirius's shoulder. "Let's get out of here before the Slytherins find out what I put in their pies," he whispered to them.

As they left the Hall, Sirius's bad mood lifted. "Uh-oh. What did you do now?"

"We-ell, since you and James didn't show, I wandered into the kitchen to get a snack. That was around the time the house elves were cooling the desserts and stuff," Remus narrated. His friends nodded. "I'd just left from a detention for Professor Flitwick. He said that when the Hufflepuff first years practiced the Wingardium Leviosa charm, a boy caused Flitwick to levitate instead of the feather and he knocked him into a cage full of white mice. So he told me to hunt them down and find some way to put them away safely."

Sirius grinned. "Let me guess," he said slyly. "You put the mice in the pies, didn't you?"

Remus shook his head. "Noooo, but I still didn't know what to do with them when I went down to the kitchen. Problem was, they escaped and scared the house-elves out of their wits."

James's eyes lit up. "I get it! They started eating everything in sight, right?"

"Yep," Remus said.

"And they were really full after a few minutes," James said again.

"Yep," nodded Remus.

"You put the droppings in the pies?" James asked incredulously.

"You got it," Remus said, grinning. "Wait a minute…no, I didn't put the droppings in the pies," he said quickly.

"Yeah, right," Sirius scoffed.

"Nope. I remember there was a house elf named Snoozy who was sleeping when all the commotion happened. See, when I caught the mice and all the house elves ran out of the kitchen, he woke up and found the whole place deserted. Then he shook his head, muttering something about the others not doing their work, and he saw me standing there.

"'You is scared other house elves away?' he asked me. I shook my head. I mean, what else are you supposed to say to a cranky house elf?

"Then he moved to the Slytherins' counterpart table in the kitchen and looked around at all the droppings on the floor. He muttered, 'Those naughty ones! They is leaving their works a unattended, they is! Snoozy reports them later.' He picked up a dropping. 'And they is leaving the ingredients all over clean floor! Dirtying up the kitchen, they is. They get a lecture from Snoozy later. Now, Snoozy cants leave all this messy. Snoozy still has to finish the Slytherins' pies…' Then my ears perked up.

"'You know, all that on the floor is chocolate,' I told him. 'And I hear the Slytherins love chocolate. I bet you'll get more praise from the Headmaster if you made all the chocolate pies by yourself.'

"His eyes grew big. 'I likes Professor Dumbledore. He is very kind and patient. Snoozy pleases him!' He started collecting the droppings and sniffed at one. 'But this chocolate smells funny. Yes, Professor Dumbledore would be angry at Snoozy if he makes bad pie. No, this will not do.'

"I stopped him and I said that it smells funny but the Slytherins love that kind of chocolate," Remus continued with a smile. "So he went on and baked all these pies using the droppings as filling. I didn't know what came next, but I bolted before the other elves could come back and tell him I lied."

"Ah, that's why!" Sirius clapped. Then he smiled a twisted smile. "Then we should really run now," he said in a low voice. "Avery and Nott shovel pies in their mouth faster than a meteorite hits earth. They're bound to notice something wrong with the taste, no matter how stupid they are."

The three of them ran all the way to the common room, using all the secret passages that they'd found out about in their third year…well, all the passages that led to Gryffindor Tower, that is.

When they entered the common room, there were only ten or so people scattered throughout it. Celeste, thankfully, was nowhere to be seen. In fact, all the students in the common room consisted only of males.

The marauders approached Emmett Corbin, Cassiopeia Black's boyfriend. "Hiya, Met. D'you know where Cas is?" Sirius asked him.

"Oh, hey," Emmett said, looking startled as he tore his eyes from his complicated rune chart. "I don't exactly know where all of the girls went," he admitted. "But rumor says the faculty is preparing a play. They must've gone over there to inquire about auditions."

"A play?" James asked, looking puzzled. "What's the Hogwarts teaching staff going to do with a lousy play? Isn't that something Muggle schools do?"

Emmett shrugged. "I think the Headmaster is trying it out to hone the acting abilities of some students. I even heard that he's going to start organizing different clubs for the school."

"I hope not," Sirius objected. "Unless he plans to add a joke club to the list."

Emmett laughed. "I doubt he would," he remarked.

"Never mind about clubs. Have you seen Lily Evans going out, too?" Remus asked.

"Lily?" Emmett thought for a moment. "Um…yeah. She was with Chase Tarlise a while ago. I think she was persuading Chase to try out for something. Chase didn't seem to want to play actress, though. I think a sports club would do her better than drama class, don't you?"

"If there isn't going to be a joke club, then I guess a Quidditch club would have to do," Sirius grumbled.

"It's just a rumor," Remus reasoned. "It's not definite yet. We'd better get some sleep and get to the bottom of this tomorrow," he counseled wisely.

James yawned. "No arguments there."

"Weren't you supposed to start that History of Magic essay you were talking about earlier?" Sirius said shrewdly.

"Oh, come on, Sirius, you didn't fall for that, did you? I finished that one a week ago." James climbed up the first few steps up the boys' staircase.

"Maybe you did, but I still haven't done mine," Sirius said sheepishly. "You wouldn't mind if you let me copy about the 1675 war between dwarves and goblins, right?"

James yawned again. "Sure, sure. It's on top of my trunk, under Unfogging the Future. If there's one thing I hate more than crystal gazing, it's astrology."

Sirius perked up. "I finished that one ages ago. You can copy mine if you like."

"Might as well," James answered as he opened the dormitory door. "You owe me after all for the essay, anyway."

Martin and Peter weren't in the room. "Must've gone with the girls," Remus mused aloud.

"I always knew he was a little queer," James commented as they changed into their pj's.

"What about old Pete? He always seems to disappear wherever we are, except in class, of course," Remus asked.

"We don't have time to fathom Peter Pettigrew's whereabouts," Sirius said in a let's-change-the-subject tone.

"I'd hate to interrupt this lovely chat, but I need some serious sleep," James yawned. "Night, and good luck with your homework."

"Who needs luck?" Sirius asked.

"You," Remus answered.

"I still have my CMC chart to finish," Sirius groaned, looking at his list of assignments.

"You can copy mine," Remus offered. "If I can copy your star chart."

"Done deal," Sirius said.

*****

A/N - Somebody asked me why I don't update that fast anymore. Sometimes it just gets boring. After all, this is just something I do in my free time. But there is something you can do if you want me to speed things up a little. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is the pattern:

Author writes the first chapter(s). Readers start to review. Author reads the reviews, becomes happy (or sad, if it's a flame), and either becomes inspired to write the next chapter or decides that the fic sucks and removes it from the site.

So far, I haven't gotten any flames (just one piece of constructive criticism), but I sometimes don't feel like writing. I don't know, maybe it's the fact that few people read my work, so I wonder if it's any good. I mean, how am I supposed to know if only eight people review it? I've written seven chapters, and I'm still wondering. So if you've got the time, give me your opinion.