Title: So You Wanna Date A Duck?
Author(s): RnbwRvrGrl (Sparkle) and Digital Tempest
Rating: PG-13, we guess
Summary: Two very bored authors bring you an odd fic that came from an MSN messenger conversation. It's odd, extremely odd. You have been properly warned. ^_^
Authors' Notes: Don't kill us we were just having fun. Flame if you must but Flames toast s'mores!
-x-
*Tempest and Sparkle are seen sitting on the couch. Tempest is chomping on ice while Sparkle is glaring at her.*
Sparkle: Do you really have to do that?
Tempest: Do what? *chomps loudly on ice*
Sparkle: *annoyed* THAT!!
Tempest: No, I don't have to do it. *continues to chomp loudly* But I want to.
Sparkle: Okay, Okay. We have a guest coming. Can't you be a little courteous?
Tempest: Who is it?
Sparkle: Delia.
Tempest: *sits straight up* DELIA?
-As if on cue, Delia (GryffindorSweety) waltzes through the door.-
Delia: Hello, my wonderful friends and thanks for inviting me to join you.
Tempest: I thought you were on a Harry Potter kick now. *surprised*
Delia: I am, I'm here for to become Draco Malfoy's love slave, right? Sparkle said so. So, where's Draco? He's suppose to be here right? Where is he? Huh? Huh? Huh?
-Both girls look at Sparkle who's slowly inching her way towards the door-
Tempest: Delia this fic is called 'So You Wanna Date a Duck', not 'So You Wanna Date A Harry Potter Guy… Person' *all three girls' eyes light up with an idea* Besides, everyone knows Draco wants Snape in the worst way.
Delia: HOW DARE YOU TAINT THE GOOD NAME OF MY SECRET LOVER! *turns to Sparkle* I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! *shakes a fist*
Sparkle: He's not so secret if you tell everyone about it.
Delia: Oh right…
Tempest: *claps hand* Alright, shouldn't it be time to bring out the guy… Today's interviewee should be… Charlie
Sparkle: *says at the same time* Ken.
Tempest: *deadpan* How in the world did you get Ken? You said we were going in alphabetical order by first names.
Sparkle: I changed my mind. We're going in alphabetical order by last names, starting with the letters at the end of the alphabet first. Ken's last name is Wu. So he's next.
Delia: *whispers to Tempest* She's rigged it hasn't she?
Tempest: *nods*
Sparkle: I can still hear you! Ken Wu, Charlie Conway, does it matter who goes first?
Delia: Who in the blue hell is Ken Wu? And who in the hell is Charlie?
Tempest: *says to Sparkle* You would have invite someone who doesn't know what The Might Ducks is, wouldn't you?
Delia: DUCKIES! *squeals happily* I LIKE DUCKIES!
Tempest: Boy, it's going to be a long chapter. I wonder if it's too late for me to quit.
Sparkle: They're not actual ducks, Delia. They're boys, and we've taken it upon ourselves --
Tempest: She's taken it upon herself. I was kidnapped.
Sparkle: *frowns at Tempest* AS I WAS SAYING, we've taken it upon ourselves to find them dates.
Delia: She's gone mad, hasn't she?
Tempest: 'fraid so.
Delia: I thought so.
Tempest: They play hockey.
Delia: *wrinkles nose* But that's a muggle sport
Tempest: o_O;; Someone save me… please…
Sparkle: You sit on that couch okay, Delia. We have to make the boy comfortable between us here on this sofa.
Delia: What the hell is she talking about?
Tempest: Please, ask no questions, and we'll get out of this madhouse soon. Just be bitter and cynical like me, and we'll get out of here even faster.
Sparkle: ON WITH THE BOY!
-Ken walks into the room uncertainly, and Sparkles runs up to him and hugs him tightly.-
Ken: …
Delia: You're cutting the oxygen off to his brain!
Sparkle: *lets go of Ken* I love you. I made you a sweater.
Delia and Tempest: A SWEATER?
-Sparkle produces a badly knitted sweater from behind the couch and beams proudly.-
Sparkle: Here I made this for you. It's even got your name on it. *hands Ken the sweater*
Ken: …thanks… I think.
Tempest: *snickers* Burn it as soon as possible.
Sparkle: Hey! I worked hard on that.
Tempest: Have a seat, so we can get down to business. I'm hungry as heck, and I want to get out of delirium soon.
-Ken sits in between Sparkle and Tempest. He looks slightly scared.-
Delia: You're pretty. *jumps in Ken's lap* Can I take him home with me?
Ken:…
Delia: You don't talk much do ya? *huggles Ken* Well, that's okay. I like my men dumb and quiet.
Tempest: *pushes Delia onto the floor* Stop it. You're scaring him.
Delia: You two scared him first. *glomps to Ken's leg* It's okay, I'll protect you.
Tempest: *says to ken* Don't mind her. We don't let her out the kennel much.
Sparkle: Let's get on with the questions. Ken, what kind of woman do you prefer?
Ken: *opens mouth to say something but is cut off by Delia*
Delia: ME! HE LIKES ME! I'M THE IDEA WOMAN.
Tempest, Sparkle, and Ken: o_O;;
Tempest: Delia will you let the boy say something??
Delia: Oh right…
Sparkle: Go ahead Kenny. The madwoman will be quiet only for a few seconds.
Ken: I like…
Delia: *screams* ME, THAT'S 100% ME!
Ken: *ignores Delia* girls who like to have fun, but she doesn't have to be a daredevil or anything. I don't like girls who are too serious, you know.
Delia: HEY THAT'S ME! *waves hands frantically*
Ken: Is she on medication?
Sparkle: I don't know, but she should be.
Delia: The doctor says we're okay.
Ken: We?
Delia: Yeah, me and my other personality. *begins to wiggle as Tempest pulls her off Ken*
Ken: *whimpers* Is the crazy person going to hurt me?
Sparkle: *half-heartedly* No, of course not! We'd never let her do that.
Delia: *knocks Tempest over and runs toward Ken*
-Delia chases Ken around the couch while Sparkle checks on Tempest-
Tempest: I hate this job. I'm always getting hit.
Sparkle: We're not going to get any interviewing done are we?
Tempest: No… wait… *eyes light up* I think I have a plan.
-Tempest uses the magical power of the keyboard to make Tom Felton aka. Movie!Draco fall out of the sky and land on the couch-
Tom: Where am I?
Delia: *facefaults* DRACO!!!
Tom: o_O;; No, I'm Tom Felton. Draco is a character I play in a movie.
Delia: DRACO I LOVE YOU! *squees as she jumps on Tom Felton*
Tom: HELP! HELP!
Delia: *plants kisses on his face* We're going to get married, and we're going to have a million kids, and we're going to kick Harry's ass, and we're going to live happily ever after.
Sparkle: You shouldn't have done that.
Tempest: *sigh* You're right. *types more on the magical keyboard and Tom disappears out of Delia's arms.*
Delia: *Hayan!* WHERE DID HE GO? *cries, and then spots ken trying to make a break for it.* HEY YOU!
Sparkle: *jumps on Delia and Tempest produces the magical duct tape* We're going to have to tie you down missy.
-They drag Delia over to the chair and duct tape her to it.-
Sparkle, Tempest, and Ken: *phew*
Sparkle: Let's get on with this interview.
Delia: mphffff!!
-Everyone ignores Delia.-
Tempest: So Ken, tell us a little more about your dream woman.
Ken: Well, she's gotta be the type who enjoys doing something sporty like rollerblading, but she also enjoys doing something classy. I'm not too picky on looks at long as she's decent and has boobs.
Tempest: *thwaps Ken for saying boobs* You watch your mouth, young man. This is a family show… eh… who am I kidding?
Ken: … *cowers away from the evil Tempest*
Sparkle: What is it with guys and boobs?
Tempest: I don't know. I guess they're fun to look at.
-Everyone's oblivious of Delia's who's chewed through her bindings. She runs across the room, snatches Ken up with a maniacal laugh, and disappears into
the night.-
Sparkle: Did we just lose Ken?
Tempest: I think we did, and we didn't even get to get to get in depth. Poor, kid, couldn't even get a word out of his mouth for that hussy.
Sparkle: I shouldn't have invited her, should I?
Tempest: You know she's obsessive-compulsive. What do you think?
Sparkle: Man, we lost Ken.
Tempest: You just said that. =\
Sparkle: Since she kidnapped him, does that mean he's not available?
Tempest: It would look that way.
Sparkle: *beams* See, I told you it would work.
Tempest: *nonplussed* But it wasn't mutual. Oh well, you didn't say it had to be mutual. I wonder how Adam's doing.
-cut scene to Adam struggling in the trunk of Sparkle's car.-
Sparkle: He's okay. I hear he's found him someone real nice.
Tempest: Well isn't that special. Is it a guy I know?
Sparkle: It's not a guy you know, but you them. *smiles evilly*
Tempest: Who are we interviewing next? Dean Portman?*says in a hopeful voice*
Sparkle: *cast Tempest a knowing look* I don't know, but I know I won't be inviting Delia. We might have to go get Ken back.
Tempest: I can't believe kidnapped the kid. We didn't even get a chance to talk to him. Maybe it will be up to use to go rescue him. Next time, invite someone a little more saner.
Sparkle: Like who? We're all mad here.
Tempest: *sings* We're all crazy, and we're…
*
Will the ambiguously weird duo ever get Ken back? And who's their next victim? Find out at the same bat time in the same bat place!