Author: Amaryllis Sweetwater
Title: I Shall Carry a Light For Thee, Always, My Love!
Overall Rating: R (not really all that R, either)
Chapter Ratings: One, two, and three are G. Four is R. Four chapters total.
Summary: This is a modification on the traditional tale of Jack and the Lantern, the origin of our modern day Jack O Lanterns.
Characters: Pairing between Merry and Pippin (Rach's version is (of course) a good old fashioned no sex hobbit story [hey, I try to corrupt her but she resists])
Genre: Romance, drama
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. I make no money from my writing about them. I'm not crazy, I just love hobbits.
Author's Notes: This is not the original Chapter 4. I had 3 "comments" about the explicity in the original being posted here on fanfiction.net. Seeing how I've already been banned once, I decided discretion is in order. I reduced this chapter to appease those with offended sensiblities. If you would like to see the original Chapter 4, email me or visit Merry_Piplovers or Nindaiwe or Whether Or No. I will not post on fanfiction's Adult Site because the pop up ads and the emails are REALLY nasty. Yeah, I'm a hypocrit that way, but I don't like to see ladies naked bossums flashed at me at the rate of 4 per second.

********************** Chapter 4 ***************************************************

At the end of the retelling, Pippin looked up from where he lay face down, snuggled into the bed with an arm draped over Merry's chest.

"Was that a good choice Pippin? The one about the monster, the darkness, the hero, and the cat?" Merry gently moved so Pippin could settle in more comfortably by his side.

"Yes, but don't forget about his beloved. The one he rescued." Pippin added propping himself up on one elbow.

"Right. There was that. Do you like love stories then? Is that how you see this one? I always thought of it as the dashing young hero being, well, the... hero, I guess. Not really a love story"

"How could he have been a hero if he didn't save his lover from the demon? There wouldn't be any story without it."

"Hmmm... I guess you're right about that."

"I like that. The hero being bold and brave and notable. Risking his life for someone else. It's a noble thing to do." Pippin lay back down with his face on his crossed arms turned so he could still look at Merry.

"Are you going to be a hero someday?" Merry rolled to his side so he faced Pippin.

"Me?!?! When butter freezes in July! No, I'm not cut out to be a hero." Pippin turned his face to the wall and after a second turned it back again. "But you are, Merry"

"I doubt that. I really do. I'm not the maiden rescuing type. There isn't a maid in this Shire right now who'd I'd risk the Demon of Darkness to go rescue." Flopping over onto his back and staring at the ceiling Merry had an odd sensation in his belly. Something that unsettled him. He knew he was right and he felt saying it out loud was somehow admitting he was a coward or a cad or some such thing. But he wasn't. He knew he could be brave. But he knew he was right. He wouldn't risk his life, his soul, for just anyone.

"Oh, you're just saying that. I think, in your heart of hearts, if you were faced with the choice of saving someone's life and risking yours, you'd make the sacrifice."

"You're mistaken there, you neep! I don't think there's anyone who could get me to go after the Demon of Darkness..." As he said this he caught the look in Pippin's eyes. His heart stopped. "... No one..." With a resounding thump, it restarted and Merry drew in a sharp breath as Pippin unconsciencely licked his lower lip. All the while Pippin stared at Merry. Merry's eyes grew wider yet as his view of the world narrowed until all he saw were the dilated pupils of his cousin's eyes. It's just a trick of the light, his brain reasoned... they're not pools of liquid meadow grass. That's not adoration, it's just ... it's just ...

"I wish I were a lass." Pippin sighed, more a breath than any rightful words.

"Why would you say that?" Merry's whisper asked in return.

"So someone could come rescue me. Chase away the ogre. Keep a light burning for me to see in the interminable darkness of my dreams. I need to be rescued and held and kissed and looked at with intense desire. Like the maid in Uncle Bilbo's story. That's why I want to be a lass." Pippin's unfocused stare frightened Merry.

More importantly, Pippin's unspoken words scared the wits out of Merry. It was the look that said it all. Merry couldn't breath nor could he look away. He was petrified he'd blurt out something foolish, something he would rue. His fears were firmly grounded as he found himself saying before he could stop himself, "I'd rescue you Pip. I'd not let you languish and wither in the clutches of an evil demon. I would carry a lantern and search the earth above and below for you..." To his utter amazement, he meant them.

"Yes, but I want the desire and the kisses, too" came the words softly spoken by one who knows what he wants and realizes he will never have it.

"I'd give you that, too, if they were truly your wont." Now Merry was in deeper than he'd meant to go and he was sinking faster than he could control. He'd only intended to comfort his cousin. To warm him, give him a surcease to his nightmares. Not fall into the gentle embrace of another. Not find his pulse quicken when he looked into his cousin's eyes. And certainly not experience this fluttering, deep warming in his belly that was at the same time delightful and yet terrifying.

Pippin, to his credit did nothing. He had heard Merry's confession and had understood, though he himself was still untried in the ways of relationships. He had felt Merry's arms tighten their embrace so their lower bodies were pressed together while Merry valiantly tried to keep himself at half an arm's length. But Pippin burned. Burned like the fire now roaring in the fire place throwing heat clear out to the center of the room. Pippin suddenly was sweating and had to throw back the coverlet. As he sat up, disentangling himself from Merry's arms, he pushed the two coverlets off his legs, leaving just the blankets.

Merry was unsure of what was to come next, but he knew if he didn't get out of Pippin's bed soon, then he'd regret it. Still, he couldn't make himself move. He lay there, on his back, staring up at his cousin, who, in his turn, sat looking down at him. It was admiration. And desire. Merry could not stop himself from pulling the blankets up and urging Pippin to lay back down.

They stayed like that, settled side by side, staring at each other, not touching, breathing in alternating breaths. One would breath out and the other would breath in. It was as if they were living on each others' air. It was the closest either dared to move. The fire slowly burned down from it's initial hot flames to a comfortable warmness. The light in the room dimmed accordingly and the two hobbits still lay together longing and wanting, but not moving.

"Why the dreams, Pippin? What's happened?" Merry finally broke the silence. Though he longed to do so, he resisted touching his cousin for fear he would not be able to stop at just a touch.

"I don't know. I truly don't. Sometimes when I fall asleep, I just keep falling. It's always dark and some THING waits for me. It creeps behind me no matter my path or purpose." Pippin shook his head, closing his eyes as if to dispel the thoughts.

Merry's heart clenched when he saw the worry lines on Pippin's brow. He couldn't fathom a fear so great as to cause a reoccurring nightmare. Certainly not in his little cousin. "Surely you've some idea? I mean, Pip! You of all hobbits have not a care, not a worry!"

"Ach!" Pippin's eyes flew open and narrowed as he scowled at Merry. "What makes you think that?! I've many a concern... it's not all cream and berries you know, being son of the Thain!" Pippin riled at Merry's implication. Why did everyone think he had the easy life? His sisters constantly reminded him of his position as baby in the family, not letting him make decisions, treating him as if he were still 15 years old. But his parents, especially his father expected him to act the adult now that he was nearing his majority. Pippin felt ill prepared and at a loss for his entry into hobbit society in a few years. His position in the family was a conundrum, baby and leader. He was torn in two and hated every moment of it.

Merry saw the anguish in Pippin's eyes and dared to brush the curls away from those bottomless green eyes. Pippin jerked back at the touch, surprised and infuriated.

"Don't treat me like a baby, Merry! I hate it!!!"

"I wasn't ... it wasn't meant... Oi, Pip, you're stubborn!" Merry sighed and moved away slightly to give them both some room. "I want to understand, tell me."

"You won't understand. You're an Only. You've no sisters. Your family didn't have to wait through three other births before their heir came along. They've always known there would be a Master of Buckland in the family as soon as the first child was born. They didn't have to try for more. You're lucky. You're the first born and the only born and the heir and everyone has always treated you as such. *I* am the *special* one. *I* am the baby, the darling, the Little One. My family loves to spoil children. We capitalize in that arena. But now that I'm nearly 33, I am the hope of the family, I am the son, I am the heir. Try that on for size and tell me if the coat's not too big to fill and too small to fit? I am NOT prepared for this job and I do NOT want it."

Though Merry had not an inkling of why Pippin hated the idea of being Thain, he could understand something was tearing at his friend. Merry indeed had been prepared for his role as Master of Buckland. There was never any doubt about his future. It suddenly occurred to him, however, the entire Shire in fact had dealt Pippin a misleading hand. He'd been encouraged by everyone to play and be silly. It was the role of the youngest Took. Everyone expected him to be a jester and a clown. This was true in generations past, but this generation, the youngest Took was the only heir. No other male children had been born into the immediate family except Merry. Saradoc, his father, claimed him as a Brandybuck so his mother couldn't very well claim him to be Thain. Well, actually it could happen, but the Took, Uncle Paladin, now had an heir, so it was out of the question. Paladin's son would inherit and that son was currently suffering nightmares because of the stress. No one realized just what turmoil they'd created by treating Pippin as the baby his entire life and then expecting him to straighten up and behave the adult in just a few short years. It was hard on Pippin. Nonetheless, it could be done.

"You ARE right. I don't understand how you don't want to be Thain. It's a tremendous honour. Yes, I've been born and bred to be Master of the Eastern Shire. But it's no bed of petunias on my side of the Brandywine either Pippin. Still, though, there are a good many benefits to our positions. I do understand it's not as if you've had a lot of guidance. We've all been remiss in leaving you in the dark to flounder and struggle." Merry moved a little closer when he saw Pippin nod with a look of vindication. "It seems we've both got our worries and cares. But we've got each other, too. You'll see, we'll have fun once we both inherit. I won't let you fail."

"Merry, it's not about me failing. It's about me not knowing what's expected." They were two different personalities not communicating on the same level. It was frustrating for both of them.

Puzzled, and realizing that he was upsetting Pippin more than he was calming him, Merry tried very hard to understand just what irked his cousin so.

"I'm afraid, Merry. I'm afraid of doing something wrong and being thrown to the wolves."

"Oi, now THAT's a silly thought!"

"YOU don't have Pimpernel, Vinca and Pearl as sisters! You just try to do something on your own with your own ideas and suffer under their scrutiny! They'll not miss a chance to announce to the world just where and how I bungle any effort at seriousness. Well, Pearl's nice enough most of the time and Vinca leaves me alone, but oi! That Pimpernel is a terror. She so officious and demanding. I think she'd make a GREAT Thain. And it's not as if my da helps much, though I don't think he means ill. His sisters were all younger. I don't think he understands. You know, he's a lot more like you than like me..."

Merry smiled at the thought of being compared to boisterous, out-spoken Uncle Paladin. No, Pippin was Paladin's son, that much was obvious. Though Merry was beginning to understand being last born probably did have it's woes and troubles. Who would have thought The Demon of Darkness was named Pimpernel? In all actuality, the Demon of Darkness probably came in the guise of many a demanding hobbit to poor Pip. Oh, how he wanted to take him up in his arms and smooth away the worries. Merry'd had a pain of sorts growing in his chest these past few months since he realized Pippin was having nightmares. He so wanted to just brush them away. Merry wanted more than anything right now to make all Pippin's fears melt. But he knew if he voiced this, Pippin would think Merry was coddling him. He hurt to his quick thinking Pippin would rebuff any aid. And he burned with a desire to make things right. It was the only thing he honestly felt he must do with his life. Make Pippin happy.

Since he had held his cousin earlier that night and felt the tension of the lurid dream fade, a fierce feeling began to build in Merry. It was his duty to protect Pippin. Wisely, he understood protecting did not mean sheltering. Somehow, some way, he'd have to figure out what Pippin needed to survive, grow up and still be his carefree, happy-go-lucky self. What Merry needed would have to wait.

"I'm not sure how I can do it, but I promise you, Peregrin Took, I'll not let anyone get to you while I've got a breath in my body, of that you can be most assured!" Merry swore adamantly. "You'll have to make your mistakes and flounder in the darkness on your own. I can't do that for you. But I'll be there, holding a lantern to show you the way."

Deep inside, Pippin knew, without a doubt, Merry meant every word he said. Merry would help him. It's was exactly the way he'd dreamed. He smiled briefly, faintly satisfied he wasn't alone. Looking up at Merry, Pippin almost gasped aloud. A shock ran through him from his head to his feet. Merry was staring at him with a look that could only say "possession". It was a look that thrilled Pippin beyond his wildest thoughts.

They both fell to silence again, not knowing where to go with the conversation and both fearing any touch would bring about something they were certain wasn't proper hobbit behavior.

"Oi, how I WISH I was a lass. Then you'd kiss me and we'd be over this silly interlude!" Pippin lamented. That was all it took for Merry to make up his mind.

"Damn me to the Darkness, I don't care if you're not a lass" he whispered as he worked his arms about Pippin's chest and drew him close, this time not trying to keep half an arm's length apart. The kiss was sweet. Sweet and soft. Pippin was a very willing pupil. Merry pushed his top leg in-between Pippin's and edged his hip up to Pippin's thigh. Much more experienced, though only with lasses, Merry knew what he wanted and was willing to see if this worked the same way. It did. He felt the satisfying heat move from the fluttering in his belly to tighten his groin. He shifted to straighten out his hardening member.

Pippin groaned and gasped, grabbing at Merry with a jerk. He buried his face in Merry's nightshirt and waited, tense, unmoving, not knowing what to do but understanding Merry did and would soon enlighten him.

Merry took his cue that Pippin accepted his lead and softly nudged Pippin's upper leg back and away. With a gentle push, he rolled Pippin onto his back and eased himself on top. He was now laying flush out on top of Pippin, his full weight on the slighter lad. Merry moved to support some of his weight on his own arms.

Pippin feared he'd made some errant move and Merry was making to leave. "Don't go Merry! Don't leave me."

"Oh, I don't think you'll get me to leave anytime soon *now* sweetling." Merry laughed warmly and moved his hips to edge himself down just a bit so he could get both his knees to the bed between Pippin's. With a little effort he managed to get some leverage with his legs and slowly spread Pippin's further apart as their groins met. It felt as if he was standing next to the ferrier's fire! Looking down at those liquid meadow grass eyes, .... yes, they *were* liquid meadow grass, the burning in his belly moved to a searing in his chest. His heart was hammering so loud he was sure Frodo could hear it in the next room. Pippin was breathing hard and fast drawing Merry's attention from eyes to lips. What happened next was the natural next step in all of Merry's previous sexual encounters, he leaned in and kissed those lips, opening them with a gentle nudge of his tongue, causing his own hips to buck in response.

What happened next was NOT the normal progression of any of Merry's earlier seductions. He fell in love. Madly, helplessly, hopelessly, and passionately in love. But then, if he'd thought about it, he'd been in love all along, he just hadn't realized it until he bestowed that kiss.

By this time, Pippin had started shaking violently. If this HAD been any other come togethering, Merry wouldn't have been able to stop. He was young and male and hence a sexual creature and once started found it incredibly difficult to think with anything other than his pelvis until his needs were satisfied. But Pippin's shaking upset him. And he cared deeply about his love. More than anyone. He'd fight the monsters and darkness for his Pippin. He could certainly stop his own lust to appease whatever fears were crowding him. Merry stopped and made to pull away.

"Why stop?!? Oh, don't stop... don't leave me Merry, don't stop!" gasped Pippin, who still shook uncontrollably underneath Merry.

"You're shaking, Sweet. I don't want to push you into anything..."

"PUSH --stars in the skies-- PUSH, Meriadoc!!! Don't you dare stop now!" Pippin whispered fiercely at Merry as he pulled himself up with his arms locked around Merry's neck. When Merry did not make to move away or come closer, Pippin wrapped his legs about Merry's waist, effectively lifting himself clear off the bed.

Merry sank down crushing Pippin beneath him and shoved firmly, grinding their groins together and eliciting a growl from himself and a yelp from Pippin. The yelp caused him to pause again.

"PLEASE, Merry, PLEASE! What must I do to get you to continue?!?" begged the nearly hysterical younger lad.

"Nothing ... " Merry rocked. "Nothing ..." with another gentle shove. Merry kept up a practiced rhythm that pushed Pippin close to release in a very short time.

"oh - oh - oh - oh - oh - no - no - no - no - no" Pippin could say nothing coherent. He was babbling. Merry kissed him again to stop the prattle. It felt wonderful, better than any lass he'd been with. He felt Pippin's legs tense and tighten about him. He stopped abruptly, not wishing this to be over so soon.

Pippin urged him on, crying out into the kiss and trying to grind his hips to hasten his own release.

Merry broke off and chided, "not so quick, not so quick. I'm not ready yet." Settling himself heavily on top to force Pippin down beneath him, Merry sat astride Pippin's lap.

"Oi! I'm going to scream if you stop now!" Pippin threatened.

"No, you won't. Because I'm going to teach you to kiss..." and true to his word, Merry began a lesson in the finer arts of kissing. Either he'd been a much more experienced youngster or he'd forgotten his first time. Merry was not prepared for Pippin's urgent buck and exclamation as the younger hobbit exploded during the second deep kiss. Embarrassed and ashamed, Pippin rolled over and away to face the wall.

Merry would have none of it. "Don't say you're sorry, Pip. It's to be expected. Didn't you enjoy it?"

"But I wanted to last as long as you! I didn't want it to end..." Pippin stayed facing the wall.

Merry laughed out loud and snuggled up behind Pippin. He lifted Pippin's nightshirt up and away. Pippin thought it was kind of Merry to get the sticky mess away from his front until he realized just what Merry was doing. With a jittery sigh of anticipation, he settled back allowing Merry to gentle him with soft touches and whispered kisses.

Merry hoped beyond hope he wasn't making a mistake, hoping Pippin wouldn't hate him for this, that he wouldn't hate himself and perhaps, if it all worked out, they'd be able to do this again, very soon. He quite effectively took Pippin's mind off any darkness and bogies. He finally felt Pippin go rigid and jerk hard, once, twice. He breathed a soft sigh and snuggled in even closer.

They woke with the dawn. Wrapped in each other and their blankets with the coverlets on the floor.

The moment was awkward for both of them. Merry spoke first, timidly, "Pip?" Timidity was something he did not carry well. "Pippin. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to rush you last night. I was out of line."

Pippin looked up from his nest in Merry's arms, dismayed. He'd not felt anything was wrong or rushed or ... amiss. Now here was Merry, his Merry, ... well, he thought His Merry, acting contrite and saying things got out of hand. He swallowed hard. "Think nothing of it, cousin" was the best he could do considering his new wonderful light filled world was falling apart. But he couldn't help himself from adding, in a very small voice, "I guess I hoped too much that you could be my hero, rescue me and love me, too."

"Pip! I ... I ... I AM your hero!" Merry tried to recover any good grace he might still have by not denying his cousin this truth despite the automatic social fears threatening to overwhelm him. "I'll keep the boogies away. I told you I'd do that!" Why did he have to muck up things so badly? After his realization last night he wanted to be Pippin's Jack of the Lantern, to keep away the dark, to bring him to safety. Merry was ever so confused. He knew it was allowed to feel protective over one's younger cousins, to want to keep them from harm, to be best friends but the other part, the adoration from Pip, the desire from himself, the ... the ... sex. THAT wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't allowed. How did he tell his cousin this and still let him know he'd no need for those nightmares anymore because his Merry would keep a light for him, he'd be there always? Oh, dash it all! Why did he have to fall in love?!?

Pippin smiled wanly. He understood. Merry was embarrassed by the sex. Pippin said as much and then apologized himself. He'd not lead Merry to that again if Merry'd promise to still be his friend and to hold him occasionally when Pippin needed it.

"Oh, my sweet, I'm not so sure I can promise to hold you without kissing you" Merry finally admitted while looking into those liquid meadow grass eyes. Curse his body, he already felt the response in his belly the look of Pippin's forlorn angst engendered.

"Then kiss me. And keep me from the monsters. And be the one to carry a light for me."

And with that, Merry kissed him, sealing his fate and his love for all time.

------ The End