Title: So You Wanna Date A Duck?
Author(s): RnbwRvrGrl (Sparkle) and Digital Tempest
Rating: PG-13, we guess
Summary: Two very bored authors bring you an odd fic that came from an MSN messenger conversation. It's odd, extremely odd. You have been properly warned. ^_^
Authors' Notes: Don't kill us we were just having fun. Flame if you must but Flames toast s'mores!
Additional Author's notes from Sparkle: Maybe I should mention that it's mostly me (Sparkle) working on this. Tempest is adamantly working on an outline to a story we're going to write together soonish. I got this from out MSN conversations, and I've made them into this just to give me something to do while she works on that. I said that both of us authored it cause well it comes from our conversations. Hehehe. Yes, it's scary to know we act like this. Okay, that's all. Read on. -- Sparkle
-x-
-Sparkle and Tempest are staring at each other neither saying a word-
Tempest: Why are we staring at each other? Don't we have a show to do? Bring out the next boy and all that hoopla. So, who's next? Is it Dean? Cause I like Dean. *giggles* ^____^
Sparkle: I just can't do it. Poor Ken is gone, and it's all my fault. *tears up*
Tempest: *considers this for a moment* That's true. It is your fault. If you had never invited Draco-obsessed Delia to provide color commentary, then Ken would still be around wouldn't he. Disney's going to be really angry with you for losing Ken.
Sparkle: *says dryly* Thanks for being so caring, friend.
Tempest: Hey, that's what I do best. *shrugs shoulders* So does this mean no Dean right now?
Sparkle: Is that all you care about?
Tempest: Do you want me to tell you the truth or a lie?
Sparkle: *ignores Tempest and says tearfully* I think we should go get Ken. There's no telling what that evil wench is doing to him.
Tempest: I thought's that what you wanted. You should be proud of yourself; you've finally got one of your beloved Ducks paired off. I thought you wanted a girl to sweep him off his feet. *grins mockingly*
Sparkle: I didn't mean literally. *cries*
Tempest: …shoulda specified… *shakes head*
Sparkle: Oh, Tempest *throws on arm around Tempest's shoulders* It's up to use to save him now.
Tempest: Us? ¬.¬; *mutters* Us didn't get Ken Ducknapped by Delia.
Sparkle: *ignore Tempest's remarks* Yes, we must change into our super hero gear and save Ken from certain death.
Tempest: I don't think Delia is going to kill him per se… *chuckles*
Sparkle: What makes you… *Tempest continues to chuckle* I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING AND THAT'S SICK! Besides, this is a PG-13 fic.
Tempest: Damn, my evil plan has been foiled again.
Sparkle: What was that?
Tempest: Oh nothing.
Sparkle: To the Sparkle cave, trusty sidekick.
-A secret door opens and Sparkle starts to run toward it till she realizes Tempest isn't following her-
Tempest: I want to be the hero.
Sparkle: But I'm the hero.
Tempest: No, you're not, and besides Tempest is a cooler superhero name than Sparkle.
Sparkle: *jaw drops* Why I oughta --
Tempest: Well, let's both be the hero.
Sparkle: Okay, I'll be RnbwRvrGrl and you can be Tempest, and together *says in a superhero voice* we are the DIGITAL DIVAS!
Tempest: *smiles knowingly* It took you all night to come up with that, didn't it?
Sparkle: …
-Five minutes later the girls are dressed in uncomfortable spandex suits. Sparkle uncomfortable spandex is multi-color and Tempest's is black.-
Tempest: My GAWD! How are we supposed to save Ken when we can't even save ourselves from the incredible shrinking spandex suits? Who's idea was it to wear spandex anyway?
-Both girls glare at each other-
Sparkle: It wasn't my idea.
Tempest: Well, it sure as hell wasn't my idea, either. *digs spandex out of unmentionable places*
-They hear evil Godlike laughter, but can't find Nick-
Sparkle and Tempest: NICK!!
Nick (O.C.): YES, THIS IS PART OF MY DIABOLICIAL PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. SHRINKING SPANDEX WILL BE YOUR DOWNFALL. FEAR ME. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *coughs, hacks*
Sparkle: He so dies after we save Ken.
Tempest: Agreed. TO THE DIVA MOBILE!
-Tempest and Sparkle run and hop in Tempest's '96 Rav 4, they drive until they see a big castle in the middle of nowhere-
Sparkle: Are you sure this is the right address?
Tempest: *whaps Sparkle* How could you ask something so dumb? Of course, this is the right address.
Sparkle: *looks up at the looming castle* Maybe, we should have called for backup.
Tempest: *winces as she hears Ken scream* What have you gotten us into?
Ken (O.C.): STAY BACK! AHHH!
Tempest: *gulps* I think we should just forget the whole thing.
-Sparkle and Tempest both o_O as they hear Ken yelp again-
Sparkle: B-but we gotta save Kenny.
Tempest: And I'll point out again… WE didn't get Ken into this mess.
Sparkle: I'm not going down alone. If I go down, we both go down.
Delia: *screeches* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA, IS THAT TEMPEST AND SPARKLE I SEE LURKING AT MY CASTLE DOOR? YOU WANT PIECE OF THIS?
-Both girls look at each other and jump back in the Rav 4-
Sparkle: Get the eff outta here… AND FAST!
-drives as fast as they can back at the 'studio'-
Sparkle: Boy, we were almost goners.
Tempest: Tell me about it. Poor Ken.
Sparkle: Do you think those were actual screams of fear? Maybe, we were looking too much into the situation.
Tempest: PG-13 Fic, remember that.
Sparkle: Does Ken really need saving?
Tempest: Didn't sound like it to me… okay, well, maybe just a little. But Delia is mad, we'll need more recruits.
-Both girls ponder-
Sparkle: We'll think about that later. Who do drive insane today… so many choices… so little time…
Tempest: Dean?
Sparkle: *smacks Tempest* Give it a break, dang it.
Tempest: *smacks Sparkle back* But I like Dean.
Sparkle: Okay, okay. I know… Let's do…er… *Tempest looks hopeful* Les Averman, come on down.
Tempest: You really like vexing me don't you. *pouts*
-Averman walks through the door, looking as bewildered as his first two companions had-
Sparkle: Hiya, pal. *pats couch* Here have a seat.
Tempest: ehehehe… you've got red hair… purty…
Averman: ^____^
-Tempest starts tugging on Averman's hair-
Sparkle: *puzzled* Aren't you even going to ask who we are or why you're here?
Averman: Nope.
Tempest: *shrugs* Good enough for me.
Sparkle: Well that isn't good enough for me. That's Tempest, tugging on your hair like a madwoman, and I'm Sparkle. We're here to find you a girlfriend.
Averman: ALRIGHT!
Tempest: Or a boyfriend…
Averman: *deadpan* … are you insinuating something Ms. Tempest?
Tempest: *grins* Not at all, I'm just being realistic.
Sparkle: Don't mind her she gets her kicks out of teasing others as she did my poor Adam. We're going to introduce you to the girls out there in ff.net land. *points beyond the computer screen*
Tempest: She's going to introduce you to the rabid fangurls. I'm here by force cause she keeps writing me into this damn fic. I'm quitting after this chapter. I guaran-damn-tee it.
Sparkle: *smirks* That's what you think.
Tempest: *produces Chinese handcuffs out of nowhere and puts her finger in one side* Here, stick your finger in the other side.
-Averman obeys-
Sparkle: Oi! She's caught her first victim.
-Sparkle watches amused as Averman tries to get his finger out of the Chinese handcuffs-
Tempest: *snickers*
Averman: Hey, I can't get out.
Tempest: That's the point. *snickers more*
Averman: Are we going to have to stay like this forever?
Tempest: (_* Uhhh… I don't think so… My boyfriend doesn't like it when I bring strange men from my fanfics home.
Averman: Damn. ~_~
Sparkle: *shakes head* Let's get down to what we actually came here for. First question, if your date asked you what it was like being a Duck what would you say?
Averman: *still trying to free himself from the evil Tempest* Well, since I'm the best player on the team…*both girls snicker* what? I'd say since I'm the best player on the team it's awesome. *Tempest and Sparkle burst out in fits of laughter*
Tempest: Everyone knows that Dean's the best player on the team *dreamy sigh*
Sparkle: Whatever. Adam is the best damn player on the team.
Averman: Speaking of Adam, is he still alive?
Sparkle: *sweatdrop*
Tempest: He should be. I guess I should call and check on him and see did his lover ever come out about really being a man…
-Cut scène to Adam chained down in Sparkle's living room-
Sparkle: HEY! I resent that!
Tempest: Why? *raises eyebrow* You're not his man lover… are you?
Sparkle: *facefault* OF COURSE NOT! I'm not even a man, and who says Adam's gay besides you anyway? *Averman starts to raise one hand till Sparkle gives him the evil eye* Adam isn't who we're here to talk about. We're here to help Averman.
Tempest: Let's hope you don't get him Ducknapped by some crazed fan girl like you did Ken.
Averman: O_O You got Ken Ducknapped??
Sparkle: That's just a minor technicality *whispers to Tempest* Stop, it you're going to scare him away.
Tempest: I was just stating the facts. We don't want another missing person.
Averman: …
Sparkle: I don't think there's any chance of that happening while you have him connected to your finger.
Tempest: Fair enough, next question… So what's it like being on the same team as Dean? Is he swoon-worthy all the time?
Averman: *_* Why are you asking me that? I don't 'swoon' over Dean.
Tempest: WHAT?! That's blasphemy. *raises her free hand to strike Averman, but Sparkle stops her*
Sparkle: *strained chuckle* She didn't mean to ask that. What she meant to ask was what kind of woman do you prefer?
Averman: There has to be prerequisites? Okay… er… she has to be a laugher cause I tell a lot of jokes… and she has to like hockey… and she can't be mean… well she can be a little mean as long as she has boobs --
Tempest: *thwaps Averman* Is that all you confounded boys care about… Boobs? Jesus, I'm starting to think you all have boob envy.
Sparkle: Oi… the boob issue…
Tempest: I swear they're jealous of our boobs. I'll --
Sparkle: *says quickly before Tempest goes on her tirade* Next question…
Tempest: Where would you take a girl on a first date?
Averman: To a comedy club of course.
Tempest: Thank God, finally, someone who doesn't do the boring dinner and a movie.
Sparkle: *says happily* This has been a totally chaos free (for the most part) chapter. We might get something accomplished.
-Tempest is taunting Averman because he can't escape the Chinese handcuffs*
Tempest: Wanna thumb wrestle?
Averman: Sure…
Tempest and Averman: 1,2,3,4. I declare thumb war *both begin to thumb wrestle with their free hands as if their life depended on it*
Sparkle: The shit I put up with… *sighs* What type of gift would you like to receive from a girl?
Averman: I don't know. Something silly and funny, I suppose. *groans at Tempest pins him for the three count*
Tempest: *sings* I AM THE CHAMPION MY FRIEND! AND I'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING TO THE END… *releases herself and Averman from the Chinese handcuffs as she takes another deep breath to sing.*
Sparkle: *covers her ears and screams in pain* NOOOOOOOO!
-Celestial chorus music plays-
Nick (O.C.): NAY DARE NOT SING EVIL TEMPEST FOR YOU ARE VERY BAD.
-Averman looks up at the ceiling as the celestial chorus sings-
Averman: Is that you God? *folds hands*
Tempest: *annoyed* That's not got God. That's just some annoying boy who keeps popping up in the fic now. *screams at the ceiling* WHEN I FIND YOU NICK, I'M GONNA KEEL YOU!
Averman: O_O b-but that was God there was celestial chorus and everything.
Tempest: That was Nick not God.
Averman: THAT WAS GOD!
Tempest: NICK!
Averman: GOD!
Tempest: NICK!
-This goes on until-
Averman: *folds hands again* Father God, it's me, Averman, and I think you should strike this heathen down for her impudence.
Tempest: HEATHEN! I'LL SHOW YOU A HEATHEN! *the mighty smiting stick descends from the sky* I'M GOING TO SMOTE YOU!
Sparkle: *snatches the stick away from Tempest* Okay, I think we'd better wrap this up cause er…I've got class in the morning, and you two are starting to lose it.
Tempest: *stalks away muttering curse words*
-Wolverine and Gambit falls out the sky-
Sparkle and Averman: o_O;; WHERE THE HELL DID THEY COME FROM?
-They both look accusingly at Tempest who shoves the magical keyboard behind her back-
Tempest: Nice weather we're having. It's raining men, Hallelujah. *nervous chuckle* Too bad, Adam couldn't be here the day it decided to rain men.
Sparkle: *grits her teeth*
-Tempest jumps in Gambit's arms.-
Tempest: Well, hello there. Do you come here often?
Gambit: *deadpan* How we git he'e? Dis ain't w'ere we 'pose to be, mon ami.
Wolverine: I don't know, but *unsheathes claws* we're about to fix the situation.
Sparkle: *screams* Scary man with claws
Averman: *screams louder* Very scary man with very sharp claws
-Averman and Sparkle cling to each other, but Tempest is happily ignorant to the situation as she cuddles Gambit.-
Sparkle: *looks at Averman* You think we should tell him that he's in the wrong place.
Averman: Can you say big, scary claws? *gulps*
Tempest: *sighs* I LOVE YOU. WILL YOU HAVE MY BABIES? BOTH OF YOU! *stares lovingly at Wolverine from Gambit's arms*
Sparkle: *still clinging to Averman, scared wolverine might cut her* I hate to tell you this, but they're very much in the wrong fandom. And not only that, Wolverine looks like he's in eradicate mode.
Tempest: *mocks* He's no match for the rabid, obsessed fangurl and her glomp of doom. *jumps out of Gambits arms and glomps Wolverine* Oh, Wolvie.
Averman: This is really scary. o_O;; Is she always like that?
Sparkle: No, she usually hates everyone. I think someone put something in her water, but don't worry, Averman, I'll make everything right.
Tempest: *continues to glomp wolverine while Gambit sneaks up on her for the attack*
Wolverine: *snarls* I can't feel my arms. Get the [expletive deleted] off of me before I [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted].
Tempest: *glomps for dear life* BUT I LURVE YOU!
Averman: (_* I thought this was a PG-13 Fic.
Sparkle: It is. Everyone out there in ff.net world sees the words 'expletive deleted'. We see the actual words.
Averman: *says dreamily* You're so smart.
Sparkle: Er… right.
-Tempest is now glomping both Gambit and Wolverine-
Sparkle: Oh, no. It's the double glomp of doom. They'll never get out of that.
-Sparkle quickly gets the magical keyboard and remedies the problem-
Tempest: Wha? They disappeared. I was just making them fall for me. *cries* I HATE YOU! *runs away*
Sparkle: Oh God, random characters, obsessed fangurls, can this fic get anymore insane?
Averman: Hey, wanna go out? ^_~
Sparkle:… *runs after Tempest*
*
Will the duo stop being a'scared and save Ken? XD What the hell are these girls smoking? This can't be natural. Blame it on caffeine and too many late night conversations! ^_^