Title: So You Wanna Date A Duck?
Author(s): RnbwRvrGrl (Sparkle) and Digital Tempest
Rating: PG-13, we guess
Summary: Two very bored authors bring you an odd fic that came from an MSN messenger conversation. It's odd, extremely odd. You have been properly warned. ^_^
Authors' Notes: Don't kill us we were just having fun. Flame if you must but Flames toast s'mores!
Additional Author's notes from Sparkle: Maybe I should mention that it's mostly me (Sparkle) working on this. Tempest is adamantly working on an outline to a story we're going to write together soonish, but she does put feedback into it. Most of this is derived from random stuff from our MSN conversations. Hehehe. Yes, it's scary to know we act like this, but trust me this is just the tip of iceberg in our oddness. ^_^ Okay, that's all. Read on. -- Sparkle
-x-
-Sparkle and Tempest enter the room together and sit on the couch-
Tempest: It's about time you updated this damn fic. I'm sure everyone was worried about us. I bet they thought we got burned down in your house by the duck you didn't kidnap. *glares*
Sparkle: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Geez, give me a break already. But on to better news! We have guest today!
Tempest: *cringes in fear* Oh no! Not more guest. You remember what happened last time.
-Cut scene to Ken being kidnapped by Delia.-
Sparkle: You have to keep bringing that up don't you. Don't worry. I've checked all their references. They're halfway sane this time. Well… maybe not, but they won't kidnap anyone… at least I don't think… TRUST ME! ^_^
Tempest: They as in more than one? *gulps* Oh boy, I don't think I'm feeling too well.
Sparkle: ^______^ This will be fun! Where's your sense of camaraderie? They are after all authors here on FFnet.
Tempest: All the more reason for me to fear them, but what can I do? You're the one writing this fic. Bring on the guests.
-Sparkle takes out the magical keyboard and types away. Suddenly the sky opens up and out of the heavens appears Drake (Angelic Dragon) and Cake Eater.-
Tempest: O_O Heeeeeey, that was pretty impressive stuff. You're getting crafty with that keyboard.
Sparkle: Why thank you, Tempest. May I introduce you to Ms. Drake and Ms. Cake Eater?
Tempest: Pleased to make your acquaintance. *bows deeply*
Drake & Cake Eater: Pleased to meet you as well *mimicks Tempest's bow*
Sparkle: Now Drake and Cake Eater meet each other.
-Drake and Cake Eater turn to bow at each other and bump heads.-
Drake & Cake Eater: Ow *rubs head*
Tempest: *snickers*
Sparkle: Oi! It's going to be another one of those chapters.
Tempest: *giggles and says to Cake Eater* Hey, you're little! That's cute! Can I pet you? *turns to Sparkle* She doesn't bite does she? I think I'll pet her. *pets Cake Eater*
-Cake Eater kicks Tempest in the shin for petting her.-
Tempest: OW! ~ _~ You didn't tell me we had a kicker.
Sparkle: Right. Sorry about that. *snickers at Tempest who's rubbing her shin*
-Cake Eater and Drake sit in the chairs provided.-
Tempest: I'll get you for this. *plots*
Sparkle: What was that?
Tempest: OH NOTHING! *says quietly while plotting her revenge* kill… kill… kill… kill… now… now… now… now…
Sparkle: o_O;; Er, maybe we should move away from the diabolical Tempest. I don't think she's too happy right now.
Drake: Do you think we can get something more comfortable than these chairs?
-Sparkle makes the chairs disappear. Drake and Cake Eater fall to the floor. Cake Eater then proceeds to kick Sparkle in the shin for good measure.-
Sparkle: Ouch! I was conjuring up you a couch. *sniff*
Drake: You could have gave us fair warning. *rubs butt*
-Another couch falls out the sky and Cake Eater and Drake sit on it.-
Sparkle: *speaks to the guest* As you know ladies, we're trying to get out fair ducks paired with the loves of their lives. ^_^
Drake: You can't fool us. We've been reading this fic. You've stolen Adam and gotten Ken kidnapped, and I think you better bloody well get him back. So, I'd say you were doing a pretty shitty job in --
Sparkle: HEY! YOU HAVE NO PROOF I KIDNAPPED ADAM! *sweats*
-Cut scene to Adam chained in Sparkle's bedroom with pink tutu and a tiara on.-
Tempest: Hey, she sounded like she was on a roll, and she realizes that YOU got Ken ducknapped and not US. *dances around*
Drake: *sly grin* I might have incriminating photos that prove otherwise. ~_^
Sparkle: *facefault* Photos?
Drake: Does a hotdog suit and yellow feather boa sound familiar? Or how about a Darth Maul costume and foot porn magazines?
Tempest: o_O;; Dude, that's scary. You like FOOT porn? Can we say Porn in a PG fic? Dude, you like FOOT porn? Remind me never to walk barefooted in your presence again.
Cake Eater: Poppiegwashheeto? The sky is burning in the toilet.
-Tempest starts snickering at CakeEater's non word and randomness.-
Sparkle: *deadpan* Y-you've got the wrong girl!! I'm innocent!
Drake: I've got pictures you know. Wrong girl, huh? Well… how about --
Sparkle: *cuts Drake off* NO! … I mean… I wouldn't want you embarrassing some poor soul with any more stories or those pictures. Anyhow, let's bring out the boy. *claps hands and two bulky guys push Luis into the room*
Luis: W-what?
Tempest: THAT'S NOT DEAN!! *pouts* I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR DEAN THIS CHAPTER.
Drake: Dean was supposed to be in the chapter? WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS HE? *looks around frantically*
Cake Eater: Did someone say Guy? I like Guy. #^_^#
Tempest: *sobs* There is no Dean, and there is no Guy. She brought out stinking Luis.
Cake Eater: No… Guy… wha? *eyes start to water* Where's the humanity?
Drake: Guy, who cares about Guy? There's no Dean. *sniffles*
-All three girls burst out into tears.-
Luis: Hey, I'm not so bad. I'm a real ladies man. ^_^
-The girls sob even harder at the mention of Luis' women skills.-
Luis: ~_~ *mutters incoherently*
Sparkle: Don't mind them. They're not crying because you're here.
Drake: Yes, we are. *sobs*
Sparkle: *talks over the crying girls* THEY LOVE YOU.
Tempest: No, we don't. WE LOVE DEAN… *sobs*
Cake Eater: AND GUY! Don't forget Guy!
Tempest: Right you are, and GUY!
Sparkle: Erm… please don't mind them. They love you really. They're just afraid to admit it.
Luis: I know. All the ladies love me. *nods knowingly* I'm so beautiful it hurts.
Drake: *says in English accent* Who in the bloody hell told you that lie you git?
Luis: Yeah, I know. I'm irresistible. That's why you were really crying. *flexes a puny muscle*
Tempest: *says sarcastically* Yeah, we can't resist that Latino Heat. *starts singing goofy wrestling song and doing goofy dance* Latino HEAT! Latino HEAT!
Luis: …
Sparkle: *whispers to Tempest* wrong fandom. Eddie Guerrero is Latino Heat.
Tempest: You think he knows the difference.
Cake Eater: Yeah-yeah. You were great in the Sandlot; can I have your autograph Benny? Yeah-yeah!
Luis: Benny?
Sparkle: *screams* WRONG FANDOM?! *starts to throw tantrum* THAT'S THE WRONG FANDOM!!
Cake Eater: Your mother! I got LET THE GOOD TIMES wheeeeeeeee!
Tempest & Drake: *echoes* wheeeeee!!
Sparkle: ~_~ I can not BELIEVE the stuff I'm willing to go through. Luis, do you know why you're here?
Luis: Er… The answer is 12… no wait… it's Amoeba… WAIT! Is this a trick question?
Drake: Boy, this one isn't too bright is he?
Tempest: My sentiments exactly.
Cake Eater: Meep!
Drake: I'll take that as a meep of agreement.
Sparkle: No, Luis. You're here because we want to help you find the perfect girl
Tempest, Drake, & Cake Eater: OR GUY!!
Luis: O_O Hey, nothing against people like Adam, but I don't do the male on male thing. I'm more of a pudding pie type if you know what I mean. *laughs*
-No one else laughs at Luis' lame joke.-
Luis: Oh COME ON! That was funny.
Sparkle: *pulls hair* ADAM IS NOT GAY!
Luis: Adam is fruitier than a fruitcake. I saw him checking out my --
Tempest: PG-13 FIC ALERT!!
Sparkle: Anyhow. *huffs* I will forgive you for that blunder, and continue to try to offer you our services.
Luis: *cheeky grin* Services? What kind of services?
Sparkle: *whaps Luis* You pervert! It's not what you're thinking. We're going to help you snag a special someone. We're going to introduce you to the women of ff.net.
Luis: HELLLLOOO LADIES! *waves*
Sparkle: Anyway let's move on, first question… I think I should let one of our guests have the honor… *scared*
Drake: So, Luis, you stud muffin *snickers evilly* --
Sparkle: Wait, stop right there. Evil snickering means one of two things. You're either going to imply he's gay or you're going to ask him about Dean. Don't do either!
Drake: Damn. *deadpan* She sure knows how to suck the fun out of a fic.
Tempest: Tell me about it. You haven't had to be in the last three chapters with her. It's fun to get her riled up though.
Sparkle: Tempest, are you trying to get something started?
Tempest: *innocent* Why no… whatever would give you that thought?
Sparkle: *sighs* Okay, ask away Drake…
Drake: So Luis, you like girls huh?
Luis: *nods*
Sparkle: Oy vey! What kind of question was that?
Tempest: Very valid if you ask me. I think Luis is hiding something behind that macho male mechanism. *raises eyebrow*
Luis: YOU LIE!
Drake: Does she Luis? Or are you just hiding behind a mask. Guys like you usually end up --
Sparkle: Don't you say it!
Tempest: GAY!
Sparkle: I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY IT.
Tempest: No, you told HER not to say it, not me. Get it right.
Cake Eater: Twinkle, Twinkle, man I want a yo-yo.
Tempest: I like these people. Can we keep them?
Sparkle: …
Luis: I AM NOT GAY! THAT IS AN INSULT TO MY SMOOTH WOMEN ABILITIES!
Tempest: Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Cake Eater: Yeah-yeah!
Sparkle: Moving on… Anything you want to ask him, Cake Eater?
Cake Eater: *scratches head* Yes, we have no bananas? Yes, WE HAVE NO BANANAS TODAY? Yeah-yeah.
Sparkle & Luis: Eh?
Tempest: It made perfect sense to me.
Luis: The answer is green. Wait, can I change that?
Sparkle: ARG! @$@*$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*(@*#(&$*#(@&
-Tempest, Luis, Drake, and Cake Eater sit in awe of the curse words Sparkle just said.-
Drake: I thought she couldn't say that. o_O;;
Tempest: She can't! They won't see it in ffnet land anyway.
Sparkle: I'm asking the next question. Luis what sort of girl do you like?
Luis: Purple… wait… I like all girls…
Sparkle: Can you be more specific?
Luis: *sweats* I like all girls a lot?
Sparkle: I meant… Nevermind, next question. What physical characteristics do you look for in a girl?
Luis: Tig ole bitties! ^_________________^
Sparkle: Tig ole bitties? Tig ole bitties? Big ole ti-
-All four girls thwack Luis-
Luis: OW! What was that for?
Sparkle: For mentioning boobs…
Drake: At least he was creative…
Tempest: I'm asking the question this time. So, *evil snicker* is Dean drop dead gorgeous when he wakes up?
Luis: (_* ERM!!
Drake: Or better yet, does he look all sexy after he showers? You know give us some mental images DAMN YOU!
Luis: *_* … I don't look at Dean like that you know…
Drake: Well we can't ask Adam because Sparkle's stole him.
Tempest: *nods in agreement* SO YOU TELL US RIGHT NOW! Is Dean MIGH GAWD HAWT all the time?
Luis: …
Sparkle: YOU TWO STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Tempest: B-but this is important stuff!
Drake: Hey where did Cake Eater go? *looks around for Cake Eater*
-Unbeknownst to the group, Cake Eater has discovered the magical keyboard. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle theme song starts playing.-
Tempest: *starts singing* TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES! TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES! HEROS IN A HALF-SHELL! TURTLE POWER!
-Suddenly, the TMNT poof into the room.-
Luis: Heyyyy! I LOVE YOU GUYS! MICHAELANGELO, YOU'RE MY FAVORITE *glomps Michelangelo's leg*
Tempest: HELLS NO BIZATCH! HE'S MINE! *glomps Michelangelo's other leg*
Michelangelo: Dudes, where are we?
Drake: Sparkle's and Tempest's fic. You're no Ducks, but I guess you guys will do.
Sparkle: WHO'S DOING THIS?
Cake Eater: *from behind the couch* SQUEE!! TURTLES! *runs from behind the couch and glomps Leonardo while Luis and Tempest argue over Michelangelo*
Donatello: This is one of Shredder's traps.
Raphael: Let's do it!
Michelangelo: SAVE ME! I CAN'T BREATH.
Leonardo: TURTLE POWER! Wait, I can't move she's sucking my power out with this death grab thing.
Sparkle: It's called a glomp. All the rabid, obsessed fangurls do it… and Luis apparently.
Cake Eater: I CAN SEE UP YOUR SHELL! SQUEEEEEEEEEEE! *glomps harder*
Nick (o.c): GO NINJA GO NINJA GO! GO GO GO GO! NINJA! NINJA! RAP!
Sparkle: *looks around for Nick* I'm going to… WHAT'S GOING ON?
Tempest: MINE! *kicks Luis*
Luis: NO MINE!
Sparkle: This fic is going to hell.
Drake: *says cheerfully* In a hand basket, but hell is much more fun anyway.
Sparkle: How would you know? O_O;;
Drake: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *evil laughter and thunder strikes*
Sparkle: You're Satan, and I'm in hell. Today has to be my lucky day. *cries*
Drake: The POWER. I CAN FEEL IT FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS!
Raphael and Donatello: There is this evil villain!
-The run towards Drake, weapons posed. They run at Drake.-
Drake: YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME? HAHAHAHAHAAAA.
-Sparkle watches afraid as the evil sword of Drakeness tumbles from the sky.-
Drake: THIS IS WHY YOU'RE NO GOOD. *waves sword around impressively* DEMON HORDE SLASH! *stabs the ground and the room starts to shake*
Everybody: o_O;;
-The ground starts to glow red and interesting symbols start etching themselves around the offending Turtles.-
Donatello: What's happening…?
Raphael: I can't move!
Drake: Mwahahahahaha!
Tempest: JEEBUS! THAT IS SO COOL! WILL YOU BE MY NEW HERO?!
Cake Eater: The sky! The sky! It's what for dinner.
Sparkle: I am officially scared. I have to fix this… NOW! *runs to find the magical keyboard*
-Suddenly, everything disappears, and everyone is sitting on the couch again.-
Tempest: Hey! Where'd MUH TURTLE GO!
Luis: YOUR TURTLE! HE WAS MINE!
Tempest: *says to Cake Eater and Drake* You guys should come by more often. *snicker*
Sparkle: *whispers through clenched teeth* Tempest, no what are you doing. You almost went to Hell! Don't!
Drake: Hey, you know. That's not such a bad idea.
Cake Eater: Yeah-yeah!
Luis: *sniffles* This is so sweet.
Tempest: SHUT UP! I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE! YOU SHALL DIE! *stands up and does some Tae Kwon Do stance*
Sparkle: Oh no! She's in the cat stance! I'd run if I were you! She's a black belt you know!
Luis: A black belt in fic-life?
Sparkle: No, she's a black belt in REAL life. She's a black belt in TKD. Yellow Belt in Jeet Kune You have nothing to worry about if she goes with her TKD style. That's hand and foot fighting. You might be a little banged… okay, you'll get a foot planted to your forehead. But if she goes JKD style on you, prepare to get ass handed to you Bruce Lee style. She's just a yellow belt in it, but she's decent. I've seen her whoop booty in the dojo with it.
Tempest: *does a flip (where miraculously her clothes turn into a ninja outfit)*
Sparkle: RUN LUIS! RUN!
- Drake and Cake Eater watch amused as Tempest's starts to run after Luis.-
Luis: *screams* Someone help me!
-Tempest produces ninja disks from empty air as she chases Luis down the hallway. They hear the whiz of objects flying through the air, and Luis screaming.-
Sparkle: Oh God, I'm going to end this now. This was so unproductive. *hears sickening thud noises*
Drake: Don't worry Sparkle. We'll help you.
Cake Eater: The walls in the mall are totally, totally tall!
-Drake and Cake Eater jump on the couch were Sparkle's at, and the couch collapses from all the abuse it's been taking.-
Sparkle: *sobs*
*
Sorry I got terribly odd at the end, and sleep does odd things. I was half-asleep. Drake and Cake Eater, I hope I did okay with you guys. I've had to listen to tempest ramble on and on. Tempest is the resident martial arts buff. She is a student is a former student TKD and a current student JKD. JKD is a style of fighting that literally means Bruce Lee's Gung Fu. She's trained a little in Muy Thai Kickboxing. And as if she wasn't a martial arts nerd enough, she wants to take Taijutsu, which means she's going to take over the world single-handedly. That's why we will never seriously piss her off (even though she's so nice anyway). LOL Say hello to your Martial Arts geek, Tempest, because I don't know crap about it. -- S