Title: So You Wanna Date A Duck?
Author(s): RnbwRvrGrl (Sparkle) and Digital Tempest
Rating: PG-13, we guess
Summary: Two very bored authors bring you an odd fic that came from an MSN messenger conversation. It's odd, extremely odd. You have been properly warned. ^_^
Authors' Notes: Don't kill us we were just having fun. Flame if you must but Flames toast s'mores!
To Tempest: NYAH! I UPDATED BEFORE YOU DID! NANANANANANANA!
Additional Author's notes from Sparkle: Maybe I should mention that it's mostly me (Sparkle) working on this. Tempest is adamantly working on an outline to a story we're going to write together soonish. I got this from out MSN conversations, and I've made them into this just to give me something to do while she works on that. I said that both of us authored it cause well it comes from our conversations. Hehehe. Yes, it's scary to know we act like this. Okay, that's all. Read on. -- Sparkle
-x
-Sparkle enters the room alone. She starts to search around the empty room frantically hoping to find what it is she's looking for. She looked under the couches, praying to find the object.-
Sparkle: *mutters to self* Good Gawd, I've got to find it. I've got to make everything right in the world before Tempest kills me. *continues to look under the couches* First Delia, now this. What else can go wrong in this fic?
-Sparkle turns around slowly as she hears the door open. She braces herself for the blow that never comes. She turns around and faces a tall, handsome boy with a backwards cap on.-
Sparkle: o_O;; Nick? Is that really you? In the flesh? I didn't expect you here until later. Aren't afraid of Tempest at all? I mean she isn't going to be the happiest girl alive when she gets here, ya know. She might just go postal if she sees you here. May I suggest hiding?
Nick: *shrugs and says nonchalantly* I've come to collect my booty.
Sparkle: *snorts disapprovingly* Oh God, Nick, will you not say stuff like that. I swear you're a pervert, and if she hears you talking like that you're liable to make the evening news. Not that we're both aren't already. Oi…
Nick: *rolls eyes* I meant my booty like my plunder, my pillage, my loot, MY PRIZE.
Sparkle: Well, that's even worse calling poor Tempest a prize. *sniffles*
-Loud stomps of anger can be heard outside, followed by a string of swear words too harsh to place in this fic. The door is flung open and in walks Tempest.-
Nick: O_O She looks really angry. *backs away from Tempest who's eyeing them both dangerously*
Sparkle: *whispers* She is really angry.
-Tempest doesn't say anything as she continues to eye Nick and Sparkle angrily.*
Nick: Are you ready to go home? *snickers*
Tempest: SILENCE.
Nick: *gulps*
Tempest: You think you're going to take me without a fight. Well, let me tell you two something. THE TEMPEST NEVER GOES DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT.
-Tempest pulls the magic keyboard out of her backpack.-
Sparkle: Hey, I WAS LOOKING FOR THAT. *cowers in fear as she realizes that Tempest is going to use it!*
Nick: *pulls Jawbreakers out of his pants pockets* Oh no you don't!
–Nick throws three well-aimed jawbreakers. One hits Tempest in the forehead, the other hits Tempest in the neck, and the last one hits Tempest in the eye. Tempest drops the magical keyboard while exclaiming, "Ow! My Eye! You bloody bastard! I'll GET you for this!"-
Nick: Hurry quick grab the keyboard before the recovers!
-Sparkle runs and scoops up the keyboard while Tempest continues to yell about her eye.-
Tempest: *charges Nick, knocking him over* You hit me in the eye with a JAWBREAKER! HOW DARE YOU! WHERE IS MY KEYBOARD.
Nick: Oh, I like a woman who can take charge. ~_^ You can be on top I won't complain.
Tempest: *starts to choke Nick while banging his head on the floor. *bangs Nick's head on floor* This *bangs Nick's head on floor* is *bangs Nick's head on floor* a *bang* PG-13 *bangs Nick's head on floor* fic! You got that buster! *bangs Nick's head on floor*
-Drake and CakeEater walk into the room as Tempest continues to bang Nick's head.-
Drake: *_* What did we miss? What's going on here?
Cake Eater: Hello, Mr. Chimpanzee. *tries to hand a furious Tempest a banana*
oODrake wonders why CakeEater had a banana in the first place, but decides not to think too hard about it. Oo
Sparkle: Tempest is killing Nick. *clutches the magical keyboard that Drake and CakeEater are now eyeing greedily*
Tempest: *says between bangs of Nick's head* You're next!
CakeEater: I told ya someone was going to die. ^_^ YAY!
Sparkle: *cries* I can't die. I'm the one writing this fic.
Tempest: *hisses* That problem can be remedied. -_-
-Suddenly, Nick pushes Tempest off him and stands up.-
Nick: Stop your [expletive deleted] fighting woman. You're coming with me and that's that. *rubs neck* You hurt my neck. *shakes finger playfully at a growling Tempest* Papa spank! n_n
Drake: You won't take her if we have anything to say about it. Isn't that right CakeEater?
CakeEater: *nods head* PIGWEASEL!
-Nick's hands start to glow and he starts to move them around rapidly.-
Sparkle, CakeEater, Tempest: o_O;;
Drake: *grumbles* Show off. If I had my sword, I'd show you impressive. ¬.¬ *grumbles more*
Nick: Did you forget that I am God in this fic? I HAVE THE POWER TO END CHAPTERS!
-Chapter starts to fade to black.-
Sparkle: OH NO! HE'S FADING THE CHAPTER! HELP US! HELP US!
Tempest: QUICK TOSS ME THE KEYBOARD!
-Sparkle tosses Tempest the keyboard and realizes what a big mistake she had made.-
Tempest: *snickers*
-Tempest begins to type furiously on the keyboard, and suddenly Vin Diesel appears.-
Vin: Where am I?
Sparkle: WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL IS HE SUPPOSE TO DO? *cries* NICK's FADING THE CHAPTERS AND YOU'RE TRYING TO GET SOME –
Drake: Pg-13 fic! *covers Sparkle's mouth*
CakeEater: *says excitedly* Slatfasrstcontine
Vin: *says to CakeEater* You should really go see a doctor about that.
CakeEater: *scowls* table legs…
Tempest: Oopsies, I was supposed to transport you to my bedroom. *winks at Vin*
Vin: I know you! You're the girl who hit me over the head on the street and tried to drag me into an abandoned building. ~_~
Tempest: _ THAT'S IN THE PAST! ANYWAY! *starts typing furiously and Vin disappears in his place appears Kai Sing from Romeo Must Die*
Sparkle: WHAT IS HE SUPPOSE TO DO? *sigh* We're all going to die. Goodbye cruel world.
-Kai bows to Tempest.-
Kai: Mistress, what do you command?
Sparkle: You got him calling you mistress? (_*
Tempest: *ignores Sparkle* I want you to hurt the bad man. *points and Nick who's laughing like a maniac as he slowly fades the fic to black*
Kai: Yes, mistress.
Tempest: And you hurt him good! *nods*
-Tempest watches amused as Kai takes off his sunglasses and walks towards Nick who's lost his fracking mind-
Tempest: YOU KICK HIS ASS! HE TRIED TO KIDNAP ME!
-Kai kicks Nick in the stomach, and the chapter stops fading to black.-
Nick: Hey! That's not fair. This guy could kill me with a snap of his wrists. *pouts* But I'm still God *captures Kai in a bubble, suspended in midair* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
Tempest: KAI! *runs to save Kai. Matrix-style battle between Nick and Tempest ensues. Everyone else sits on the couches.*
Drake: Er… aren't we suppose to be interviewing a Duck?
Sparkle: @_@ This is too weird. Yes we are suppose to be interviewing a duck, and the lucky duck is…
-Everyone holds their breath, even Tempest and Nick stop in mid battle to hear who she says.-
Tempest: Please, say Dean. Please say Dean!
Sparkle: ^_^ JESSE HALL!
Tempest: ~_~
CakeEater: NO GUY? Who's leg do you have to gnaw off to get Guy here? *cries*
Drake: Figures as much.
Sparkle: C'mon you guys. He's the forgotten duck. He needs love too, you know. You know I'm right. Admit it.
-Everyone reluctantly agrees.-
Nick: *lets out contented sigh* Well, I'm happy. I'm surrounded by girls. *sits down by Drake and puts and arm around her shoulders* How YOU doin'?
Drake: *slaps Nick* Now the question is how YOU doin'? *stands up and moves away from Nick who is rubbing his face*
Nick: *still rubbing face* Yep, she wants me. No woman can resist the McNaster!
Tempest: *says sarcastically* You're so smooth with the ladies, baby.
Nick: *moves next to Tempest* Hey, the word of the day is legs, so how about we spread the word. ~_^
CakeEater: Meep! O_O
Drake: Where did you get that one from? Let me guess you stole that line from your little brother. How adorable.
Nick: ^___________^ You know I'm fly.
Tempest: *whispers to Sparkle* You had to write him in didn't you? Don't think this changes anything. You still die.
Sparkle: *swallows* Oh be happy, and let's bring in the Duck!
-Jesse is shoved in the room by Lackey J. Jess is screaming at the lackey and threatening to "take him out."-
Sparkle: Jesse, hello how are you? *holds one hand out, but Jesse just eyes it*
Jesse: Where the hell am I?
Sparkle: In our fic. We're going to introduce you to the women of ffnet.
Jesse: Word?
Tempest: Yeah, we're going to find you the person of your dreams. *rolls eyes*
Drake: *snorts* If she doesn't get him kidnapped.
Jesse: Kidnapped?
Sparkle: How long will you two make me suffer?
Drake: *jumps up* THE PEOPLE DESERVE TO KNOW THE TRUTH! *pulls out incriminating photos from her bag and hands them to Jesse* Sparkle has gotten two of your fellow ducks kidnapped, and I have the photos to prove it.
Sparkle: o_O;; You lie! Don't look at those. *tries to snatch the photos away*
Jesse: Hey isn't that Ken? Ken… in… LEATHER?
Tempest: Ken in leather? *snatches picture away* Let me see that! *drools* Oh my! *shoves picture in her messenger bag* I think I'll keep this safe just in case we have to show the cops this or something…
Drake: Sure ya are. You people don't fool me! Bwahahah! If there is a crime committed, I have pictures! So there!
Jesse: *continues to look at pictures* Is this ADAM in a… ew… God… that's gross. *drops picture*
Nick: *picks up pictures.* I'd say this is Sparkle's work. ^_^ Who else would dress a boy up in a cheetah thong with a tiara on his head and stilettos on his feet?
Jesse: *says to Sparkle* You kidnapped Adam?
Sparkle: *blushes* YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG! I DIDN'T KIDNAP ADAM!
-cut scene to Adam in Sparkle's house trying to walk around with the stilettos on. He looks like he's enjoying it too much.-
Tempest: Sure, Sparkle. Tell it to people who are stupid and gullible. Anyhow, it's getting awful late and we haven't even questioned you yet.
Jesse: *winks at Tempest* You can ask me anything you want.
Tempest: *facefault*
Nick: *says defensively* Hey pal! Back off! That one's mine.
Jesse: *points at CakeEater* What about that one?
Nick: That one's mine too.
CakeEater: Hey! I'm nobody's! I belong to Guy!
Jesse: *points at Sparkle* That one?
Nick: Property of the McNaster.
Sparkle: You wish, Nicholas!
Jesse: *points at Drake* Her?
Nick: *frowns* MINE MINE MINE MINE! They're ALL mine! So stop looking at them.
Drake: You really want to die don't you!
Jesse: So who do I get?
Nick: These girls here are Nick's Angels. *points out to the women in ffnet land* You can have one of those girls. They're ready, willing, and able. You look like a real lady's man.
Sparkle: Nick's Angels? Have you gone mad? Don't answer that. It's time for the first question. What kind of girls do you like, Jesse?
Jesse: Well, you know. I'm a smooth man, so I have to have a smooth lady. She's got to look good, have a brain, and she's got to be down to earth likes sports.
Sparkle: I can't believe how well that just went. Do you know that's one of the best answers we've gotten since Ken.
Tempest: Well, I'm impressed.
Jesse: *takes Tempest's hand* I'm here to electrify the female population.
Tempest: *giggles*
Nick: *slaps Jesse's hand away from Tempest's* MINE! Remember! MINE!
Sparkle: Next question!
Nick: *says excitedly* Oh Can I ask? Can I? Can I?
Sparkle: Aw, alright, but that's only because I know you won't ask the gay question.
Nick: Did you know that I use to think you were a girl? Seriously, you looked like a little girl. Betcha didn't know that? Did anyone every tell you that would make a cute transsexual?
Jesse: What are you trying to say man?
Nick: Oh nothing, just musing on how girly you seem.
Jesse: *glares*
Sparkle: -__- I can't believe you just said that. That's what I get for thinking I could trust you to say something semi-intelligent. *says to Jesse* What physical characteristics do you look for in a woman?
Jesse: It just all depends on the girl. Women are like ice cream you can't just choose one flavor. There's only requirement.
Sparkle: What's that?
-All the girls wait anxiously for him to say boobs…-
Jesse: She has to have a personality.
-All the girls let out a sigh of relief.-
Tempest: I'm doubly impressed. He didn't mention the dreaded 'b' word. *stares at Jesse dreamy-eyed*
Sparkle: Wow, alright then… where would you take a girl on a date?
Jesse: Somewhere fun like to a hockey game or the skating rink or something…
Sparkle: I can't believe how well this chapter is going. I feel accomplished…
-Her words trail off as she sees Tempest use a dart gun to free Kai from the suspended bubble that has been holding him.-
Tempest: *says to Nick* DIE SUCKA!
Nick: I AM GOD.
Drake: And this fic is going to hell in exactly 5…4…3…2…
-Nick screams as Kai chases him.-
Sparkle: Oh no!
Tempest: Oh yes, that means you shall die now too! Mwahahaha!
Sparkle: Life's not fair. *runs away*
-Jesse sits next to Tempest.-
Tempest: *giggles*
Jesse: Did anyone ever tell you you're beautiful?
Tempest: Yeah, but it won't hurt to hear it again. *giggles while Nick and Sparkle scream in terror in the background and once again Drake and CakeEater are fighting over who gets to play with the keyboard*
Jesse: And you have big ole breasteseseses…
Tempest: *stops giggling abruptly* Now you've done it. You've gone and said the b word! *whaps Jesse*
-Suddenly the room becomes filled with ice cream and we hear Drake and CakeEater still arguing.-
CakeEater: See I told you snow was made out of ice cream!
Drake: You lie! Everyone knows it's made out of frosting. Geez!
CakeEater: Oh yeah, then why is it snowing ice cream.
Drake: *rolls eyes* Correction, it's RAINING ice cream.
CakeEater: LIES! *she lunges at Drake and they begin to fight in the ice cream.*
-All the boys stop in their tracks because seeing girls wrestle in ice cream is better than watching them wrestle in mud.-
Nick: Girls fighting in ice cream. There is a God. Oh, wait I am God. So there is a ME!
Jesse: *drools*
Tempest: *glomps Kai while he's watching the fighting girls*
Sparkle: *mutters to herself* Gotta save Ken, gotta get this fic back on track, first of all I've got to get rid of this ice cream.
-Sparkle tips over to the fighting girls and steals the keyboard. The ice cream disappears and Kai disappears causing Tempest to cry.*
CakeEater: Hey, Joy wasn't here! *pouts*
-Everyone glares at Sparkle cause she didn't write Joy in but she did send her an email why.-
Drake: She didn't write my Alan in either. *sniffles*
Tempest: Don't cry. I'll make her write Alan in.
Nick: Does this mean this is the end of this chapter?
Sparkle: I'm afraid so.
Nick: You know this sucked right?
Sparkle: I hate you.
Nick: Well, it did. Write something funnier!
Sparkle: *sticks tongue out*
Nick: I'm going to be in next chapter right?
Sparkle: Uh…
Nick: Of course I am. I'm God, and we're saving Ken next chapter.
Sparkle: Uh…
Nick: Goodbye ladies! ;) Don't miss me too much.
*
Nick made me say he was handsome. *snickers* Okay, no really, Nick is cute, but he made me put that in the fic. I've also sent out a couple of emails to some of the people who have been featured already. Namely Drake and Joyful. Next chapter soon, ne? It will be better hopefully. I've been slacking. =D